# Using words wisely



## ageez (Sep 23, 2012)

Hello,
I was wondering how you parents feel about the use of the term 'Diabetic' to describe your child?

Do you ever say 'He/She is a Diabetic?', or do you prefer to say 'He/She has Diabetes?'.

I feel quite strongly that describing my son as 'a Diabetic' puts the condition before the person and may lead him to see himself as defined by the condition that he has to live with. Who wants that for their child?

We were at the Science Museum yesterday and I noticed that their exhibit about Diabetes refers to 'Diabetics' throughout. I was offended by this on my son's behalf and emailed the museum to ask them to change the display.

Does anyone else have strong feelings about terminolgy? The CWD mailing list recently brought this link to my attention and I heartily agree with it!

http://despitediabetes.com/2012/09/16/using-words-wisely-they-really-do-matter/

What do you think?


----------



## Copepod (Sep 23, 2012)

I assume you meant this exhibition: http://www.sciencemuseum.org.uk/broughttolife/themes/technologies/diabetes.aspx 

In the sentence "In 1955 a diabetic called Charles Palmer invented the Palmer injector to make self-administered injections easier." I wouldn't take offence - in fact, I doubt people with diabetes in 1955 would call themselves anything other than diabetics.

Later in the page, in the section titled "Experts at managing illness" and containing the text "Diabetic patients are often called ?expert patients? because they manage their illness largely by themselves. Being in control of their condition means they need less support from medical practitioners." I'd prefer they said people with diabetes, rather than diabetic patients, but the underlying meaning about people dealing with their own condition, rather than being dealy with by healthcare professionals is good. 

However, it would be good if the exhibition could include some text reflecting the changing language about people with diabetes (and types of diabetes, as division between types 1 and 2, and introduction of oral medication, instead of insulin only came into use in a few decades ago) over the period that technology for injecting insulin has evolved.


----------



## trophywench (Sep 23, 2012)

Me - I couldn't care less frankly.

I have no idea why you should get so upset on this subject on someone else's behalf.  Let him speak for himself when he's old enough!  If he finds it tedious well fair enough.

I think there's already enough PC crap in the world without including people like me and your son in it.

Let's just return to sanity and call a spade a *%$&* shovel, please.

(That one always makes me laugh cos a spade is quite different to a shovel in the first place!)

I'm either a diabetic  or a person with diabetes - why use 3 words when you can get away with one?  Neither defines who I AM.  I'm ME.

Call me what you will.

Diabetic, hypothyroidic, ironic, sarcastic, anti-PC, anti paranoidal, self-opinionated, paralytic.  Sometimes all at the same time .....


----------



## bev (Sep 24, 2012)

Hi Ageez,

I am sure you read my reply on CWD - but not sure I read yours as not certain who you are - he he!

Alex is 14 and couldnt care less whether he is 'a diabetic' or 'someone with diabetes' - it is completely unimportant to him and not relevant - which is in my view a very healthy way of looking at it. I personally feel the best gift you can give your child is a sense of humour - people can be unkind at times - people will judge at times - and not-so-nice things happen in life at times - but my view is 'get on with it' and give them the tools to be able to cope with it. I dont want to wrap Alex in cotton wool and make him feel sad that he is referred to in a particular way - no-one else would even notice the difference in terminology anyway. I dont want Alex to have a hang-up whenever a member of the general public refer to him as 'a diabetic' - it is setting him up to fail as the majority of people will do just that - so why add such a negative and restrictive stance on a description? Alex also 'tests' his blood - because the meter is simply doing the test - it isnt a judgement of him. Alex also feels unhappy when his HBA1C isnt what we expected - which I feel is completely normal as arent we all striving for the best. All that happens then is that we try doing different things - it is not something he takes personally - it is just data that is telling us something needs changing - but calling it 'good' or 'bad' wont adversely affect him - why kid ourselves that a high HBA1C is acceptable anyway - it isnt - and isnt that what we want our children to know? Alex accepts if it is higher than normal that he/we need to change things - he doesnt feel 'punished' for not achieving the preferred number - he just feels more motivated which has to be a positive thing surely.

I do feel that there is a swing towards never letting your children feel hurt/pain/negativeness - but that is so far removed from reality that it is unhealthy in my view. Life isnt a bed of roses - and allowing a child to grow up thinking that it is wont get them very far - it is better (in my view) to teach them how to deal with the hurt/pain/negativeness rather than to pretend it wont happen - because it most certainly will. In a perfect world our children wouldnt have diabetes - but sadly they do - and I feel that the very best gift we can give them is to learn how deal with all aspects of it - whether that be terminology or results - it is what it is - saying it in a flowery way wont change a thing - it just wraps them in a dose of unreality until they are old enough to realise the truth for themselves.

Having said all that - it is absolutely your right to choose how you and your family choose to deal with all this - there really isnt a 'right' or 'wrong' way of parenting - there is just your way.Bev


----------



## Pumper_Sue (Sep 24, 2012)

Agree 100% with Bev's post very well put 

My personal view is that if you feel negative about a perceived label then the child in question will feel the same.

I also think the more fuss and attention made about the childs diabetes makes them feel different and resentfull as well.


----------



## Hanmillmum (Sep 24, 2012)

I have not even thought about this before, but now I have I can't say it bothers me


----------



## fencesitter (Sep 24, 2012)

William (15) sometimes says 'I'm a diabetic' to people if we're out (eg if they offer him a full fat coke and he wants a diet one) so I really don't think he's thought about it/minds about it. But if someone asks him about himself he doesn't say that he has diabetes, so he doesn't define himself in that way. 
This thread gives me food for thought because I am much more likely to mention it in conversation than he is


----------



## Otenba (Sep 24, 2012)

trophywench said:


> Me - I couldn't care less frankly.



Ditto. This has never crossed my mind ever to be honest... I'm very open about my condition and saying either of those options, they're equally correct statements as far as I'm concerned.


----------



## Northerner (Sep 24, 2012)

I do understand what you are saying ageez. I'm not sure I would have liked to have been known as 'the diabetic' at school, and it is a time when you don't necessarily want to stand out as being associated with a particular problem. I would imagine it depends very much on the individual, although no doubt the term will persist for many decades to come - although I'm hoping that before long we can all be known as 'the former diabetic' when they find the cure!


----------



## Fettuciniuse (Sep 24, 2012)

Interesting...

I always feel when I say 'my son is diabetic', that I am stating my son has a disability.  (which it is I suppose, but anyhow, moving on...) But saying 'my son has diabetes' makes it seem a little less worse somehow.  

I have said both in the months since diagnosis, and neither seems to provoke a different reaction, and my son (at 10) doesn't seem that arsed which I say, or he says.  In fact, I usually get the response - 'Oh, OK, has he got something with him if he needs it', and 'Oh, my friend/aunt/long lost cousin/uncle arthur's budgie has got that.'

Seems everyone knows someone who is type 1 these days....


----------



## Northerner (Sep 24, 2012)

Fettuciniuse said:


> ...uncle arthur's budgie has got that.'
> Seems everyone knows someone who is type 1 these days....



Oh no! Not Uncle Arthur's budgie as well!


----------



## HOBIE (Sep 24, 2012)

Thats why we are all different !  When i was younger i would hate for people to look at me in a different light to theres. I would run faster,climb more trees & try to score more goals.     Life !


----------



## Tina63 (Sep 25, 2012)

Many years ago I went on a training course (I am a childminder) entitled 'Disability and Inclusion in Play'.  This was run by a woman who herself had cerebral palsy.  As part of the course she did have a big rant about 'ics' as she called them.  We are not 'ics', we are people who live with a disability or condition.  We are NOT spastICS, asthmatICS, diabetICS, etc.  She did seem to go on and on about it and told us we should never ever use any of those terms.  At the time we couldn't really see why she was making such a big thing of it.  Later on after giving it much thought I did come to the conclusion that the term 'spastic' as we all know was used in an offensive way for many many years.  Maybe there she was right, especially given her condition, maybe it was used offensively at her as a child and that was her reason for such strong feelings.

All that being said, I look after a child with asthma, his mum calls him asthmatic, says she herself is asthmatic, so I have never thought twice about using the term myself.  My sister-in-law also describes herself as asthmatic.

When my son was diagnosed I had no issues with him being described as diabetic.  Actually, silly though it sounds, I am not actually that comfortable using the term diabetes as I am not 100% sure where the emphasis goes at the end of the word.  My Nan had type 2 and they used to pronounce it dia-beat-us.  I have heard others say dia-beat-ees.  I just feel more comfortable saying diabetic.  

Interestingly, my son was asked at the opticians yesterday if he had any medical conditions (they have his diabetes on file) and he answered "I'm on insulin" to which of course the question came "Is that for diabetes?"  Kind of amused me as I didn't think it was used for anything else, but that's another issue!  So almost certainly he is not comfortable with either diabetes or diabetic as a term.

I guess like many things in life it's a very personal thing.  I don't see the word 'thin' as offensive, to me my interpretation is slim, so it's not offensive.  My friend who is very slim though sees the word thin as offensive, a criticisim of being too slim and that it's wrong to be thin!  

Those are just my thoughts.
Tina


----------



## ageez (Oct 13, 2012)

*Not PC crap, thanks. Just my opinion. And Diabetes UK's.*



trophywench said:


> Me - I couldn't care less frankly.
> 
> I have no idea why you should get so upset on this subject on someone else's behalf.  Let him speak for himself when he's old enough!  If he finds it tedious well fair enough.
> 
> ...




I was surprised by your reaction. I wasn't meaning to offend you.  I haven't been back on here since, actually. I don't consider my opinion to be 'PC crap', just my way of helping my son to see that his condition isn't everything. This isn't the sort of thing I expected from a 'support group'. You have been far from supportive. And as far as I am concerned, you can call yourself what you *%$&* like.

I was interested to see that Diabetes UK seem to agree with me and this is why I have decided to follow up on this thread after all this time. They recently published a guide for journalists that includes the following;

"Think about the language you use when reporting on diabetes. There 
are no hard and fast rules but Diabetes*UK?s members prefer us to 
refer to ?people with diabetes? rather than ?diabetics? because calling 
someone a ?diabetic? implies they are defined by their condition. Our 
members also prefer us to describe diabetes as a ?condition? rather than 
an ?illness? or ?disease? and they don?t like people with diabetes to be called 
?sufferers?."

Here is the link, if you want to check it out yourself.

http://www.diabetes.org.uk/About_us/News_Landing_Page/Press_enquiries/

Goodbye.


----------



## trophywench (Oct 13, 2012)

Well don't take the hump Faith!

We are all entitled to our opinion, fact is if I am a person with asthma, then I am asthmatic.  If I have rheumatism, my joints are rheumatic.  It's a fact - just an adjective for Lord's sake, it's like you're ashamed of it, you want to hide it -  instead of declaring it to the world and saying So What?

I own MY diabetes.

It doesn't own ME.

Call me an unhelpful cow - call me an expletive, I know you have LOL - just as long as nobody MAKES me say I'm a person with diabetes and impose THEIR opinion on ME! - cos that makes me angry Faith - and sorry you bore the brunt of it, but it really really hacks me off!

If the majority of DUK members prefer it, that is their prerogative.  I just think it's silly anyone getting hung up over summat so insignificant to me, I spose?  Why don't they use their collective energy to do summat useful, is what I wonder!  Like making a concerted effort  to beat the NHS on the head to make sure T2's all get the education and test strips their condition requires?

Or maybe, making sure their staff get the education first, might be a better place to start?  LOL


----------



## Pumper_Sue (Oct 13, 2012)

trophywench said:


> Well don't take the hump Faith!
> 
> We are all entitled to our opinion, fact is if I am a person with asthma, then I am asthmatic.  If I have rheumatism, my joints are rheumatic.  It's a fact - just an adjective for Lord's sake, it's like you're ashamed of it, you want to hide it -  instead of declaring it to the world and saying So What?
> 
> ...



I agree 100% Jenny.
Just as an example how would you change a gay persons discription of themselves.......
Gay person, sorry mate I'm gay so dating your sister isn't an option for me.

That person is proud they are gay and makes that statement by saying I'm gay.
Personally I can not see anything wrong with it at all.

Bottom line is ageez your son has diabetes thus he is diabetic or even the other way round he is diabetic because he has diabetes 
Having diabetes for nearly 48 years myself ie. diagnosed at a young age it was and never has been an issue as to how I am discribed.

As I understand it very few people who work for diabetes UK are actually diabetic. Have they actually asked the ever how many millions of diabetics if they mind how their condition is discribed?
I know as a fact they haven't asked me 

Hope you change your mind Ageez and come back and post again.


----------



## trophywench (Oct 13, 2012)

Well I think they did ask the members Sue, cos I recall answering very similar to what I've said here LOL

Fact is,  when they do ask 'everybody' - like they did for the 'What is care like in your area' survey - 'everybody' almost invariably agrees with whatever their members tell em.

So I can only assume you and I is in the minority.  Maybe we were born with special brains or summat, or the C-Peptide in the animal insulin made us this way?  I've always said that C-peptide makes a difference, see? I've just proved that now .....


----------



## Northerner (Oct 13, 2012)

Who is this 'Faith of whom you speak? 

I don't think it is something to get heated up about, personally. A parent or anyone with diabetes is free to describe themselves or their child as they wish. We don't live in Stepford so we don't have to all choose the same as everyone else, as we don't with most things in life. Please would everyone bear in mind other people's sensitivities when responding or I might have to come round your house...


----------



## Blythespirit (Oct 13, 2012)

Thanks for asking what I was thinking there Alan. Must admit I thought I was getting 'got at'  in a thread that had nothing to do with me as well as my own....all on my first day back posting for months. Boy, do I feel loved. I even looked at the OP's profile to see if she does share my christian name! Lol

What a shame though if some people's nastiness and lack of tact is putting people off taking advantage of this valuable resource. I know if I had a child with diabetes I would find the support and advice on here a real life line. I hope Ageez reconsiders and hangs around long enough to learn that most of the members are genuinely helpful and supportive, so that she can get the support she needs.

One member has a sig, and Alan and others have often told new members that no question is considered silly. Some people would do well to remember that, and that this is a support forum, not a platform for some people to show of their misplaced superiority over others. XXXX


----------



## Northerner (Oct 13, 2012)

Blythespirit said:


> ...What a shame though if some people's nastiness and lack of tact is putting people off taking advantage of this valuable resource. I know if I had a child with diabetes I would find the support and advice on here a real life line. I hope Ageez reconsiders and hangs around long enough to learn that most of the members are genuinely helpful and supportive, so that she can get the support she needs.
> ...



Not nastiness Faith, but I think it is often difficult when you have strong feelings to express a difference of opinion in a forum when you don't have the usual cues of face-to-face contact. Opinions can be challenged, but always consider the way those challenges are expressed to people who don't 'know you'.


----------



## trophywench (Oct 14, 2012)

Well I have apologised, as I meant no offence to you, even though I got your name wrong! -  just that I don't understand why you consider it to be of importance really.

And Faith, I upset you on another thread entirely, I am sorry about that an' all.

I don't actually make a habit of it, with anyone, just pure coincidence.

Superiority?  No, but qualified to speak AS a diabetic, which Ageez isn't so doesn't understand what it's like to be one. (It's just like being me, with added mental arithmetic LOL)


----------



## Robster65 (Oct 14, 2012)

I've not posted much lately, but thought I'd put my thoughts down too.

I suspect, rather than what we call ourselves, it may be how we say it (or when we say it?) that conveys more. If it's said almost celebratory, everyone will see it as not much of a problem. Say it with a heavy heart and it might as well be a death sentence.

Like some of the other long-termers, I've always said 'diabetic' or 'I have diabetes' and can't recall being treated differently for it. I do try to call others how they wish to be addressed, although it's difficult sometimes to remember.

I can also see that parents may feel more protective and therefore more indignant when someone appears to be using what they see as a derogatory term. 

If I were referred to as 'disabled' I'd feel the need to put them right. But I don't feel 'diabetic' carries that label. It's often just a means of asking for help quickly and without fuss. Something we sometimes have to do and don't have time to consider the niceties.

I hope we don't get too hung up on the words used. 10 years ago (5 years ago?) there was no other term to use.

Rob


----------



## trophywench (Oct 14, 2012)

He hee, I had to fill in a form the other day which asked me if I considered that I was disabled.  Well of course not !

But it does depend on who is asking doesn't it?  If it was concerning eg my employment rights, then Yes I jolly well am.


----------



## Robster65 (Oct 14, 2012)

I've always, always resisted. Even with employment. I declare it but am always afraid that once I say it's a disability, it also becomes a limiting factor.

Not that I ever do anything beyond sit on my bum, but you never know when I might want to be adventurous! 

It's always an interesting debate. 

Rob


----------



## Copepod (Oct 15, 2012)

Plenty of adventure to be had sitting on your bum, Robster - cycling, kayaking & rowing, for example, not canoeing, as you kneel for that.


----------



## trophywench (Oct 15, 2012)

No I meant if they actually do discriminate Robster.  If you are disabled in terms of the Equal Opps Act, then they is breaking the law.  Well they most likely are anyway if they're being orrible, but it should be easier to get take appropriate action against them with an actual lump of legislation, rather than the vague 'constructive dismissal' or whatever.

Also should you need 'reasonable adjustments' or something?


----------



## Robster65 (Oct 16, 2012)

trophywench said:


> No I meant if they actually do discriminate Robster.  If you are disabled in terms of the Equal Opps Act, then they is breaking the law.  Well they most likely are anyway if they're being orrible, but it should be easier to get take appropriate action against them with an actual lump of legislation, rather than the vague 'constructive dismissal' or whatever.
> 
> Also should you need 'reasonable adjustments' or something?



I follow your thinking now. 

I was probably demonstrating my bias against disability, rather than accepting that there are times when we, or others, may need protecting.

Very easy to become blind to one's own discrimination!

Rob


----------



## Robster65 (Oct 16, 2012)

Copepod said:


> Plenty of adventure to be had sitting on your bum, Robster - cycling, kayaking & rowing, for example, not canoeing, as you kneel for that.



Sadly, my bum doesn't venture as far as it should to seek adventure. That may sound wrong. I'll shut up now. 

Rob


----------



## trophywench (Oct 16, 2012)

Thanks Robster - you caused a coffee/keyboard interface just  !

ROFL !


----------



## Copepod (Oct 16, 2012)

Almost the same reaction from me to Robster's comments as from trophywench, except fortunately I'd just finished my mug of tea


----------

