# High anxiety



## Tors (May 10, 2010)

Since my sons diagnosis 2-3 weeks ago I seem to be in a continuous state of high anxiety, and float from one day to the next even quite tearful at times)
and cant get my head round that it wont go away for him.  My daughter 12 feels left out and jealous despite my attempts to include and give her time too. Now feel bad that Im moaning Everyone keeps saying it will get easier and will become the norm for us all?? Does it??x


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## bev (May 10, 2010)

Tors said:


> Since my sons diagnosis 2-3 weeks ago I seem to be in a continuous state of high anxiety, and float from one day to the next even quite tearful at times)
> and cant get my head round that it wont go away for him.  My daughter 12 feels left out and jealous despite my attempts to include and give her time too. Now feel bad that Im moaning Everyone keeps saying it will get easier and will become the norm for us all?? Does it??x



What you are feeling now is perfectly normal! Dont worry about feeling this way, it is like grieving for the child that you *had* and trying to get your head around the idea that things are different. He is the same child you loved before diagnosis - just has another aspect to him.

It is also absolutely fine and healthy to 'hate' diabetes and what it is doing to your family. This really is a life changing event, and anyone who breezes through this phase cannot be normal or facing up to the realities of diabetes (perhaps in denial).

I cannot promise you that you will ever accept diabetes as part of your family, but I can promise you that things do settle down and you will get some of your old life back again. I can remember feeling like you are now for about 6 months after diagnosis - and one day I went cycling with Alex and we both 'forgot' that he had this awful thing hanging over him and I can remember feeling very happy for the first time in 6 months! I am not saying it will take you this long - it may only take a couple of months - but you will get back to feeling happy once again. You will never stop worrying about diabetes - your a mum - thats what we do best! 

Things are still very raw for you all at the moment and your daughter will be feeling left out. Perhaps you can make a 'date' with her to do something special - just her and you - and make sure she knows that you still love her as much as you always did - but at the moment you are in shock and need some time to get your head around things. I am sure she will understand - especially if you both have something nice to look forward to!Bev


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## Tors (May 10, 2010)

Thanks for your kind words Im sure everything we are feeling is very normal and I will make a date with my daughter to do something she likes, she will love that.  My son is back from school came home at lunch time having sat through his first SAT this morning although he has to sit in the "kitchen" to sit all his SATS so he does not disturb anyone if he has a hypo (he did) feel sorry for him now! I do understand why they have to do this but still......


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## Heidi (May 10, 2010)

I feel for you Tors - we're going through the same stuff. 

Last night we got back from a rugby tour - both my boys play for the same under 12s team. This was the first big thing that we've done since diagnosis. As I tend to turn everything over in my head a lot I've written it all down (well, most of it) in my blog (sorry for the advert!) anyway, it's here - it might help...or at least let you know that you're not the only one!

http://heidicolthup.blogspot.com/2010/05/weekend-of-exhaustion-and-exhilaration.html

And I'm still crying off and on.

H
x


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## bev (May 10, 2010)

Tors said:


> Thanks for your kind words Im sure everything we are feeling is very normal and I will make a date with my daughter to do something she likes, she will love that.  My son is back from school came home at lunch time having sat through his first SAT this morning although he has to sit in the "kitchen" to sit all his SATS so he does not disturb anyone if he has a hypo (he did) feel sorry for him now! I do understand why they have to do this but still......



I dont think the school are actually allowed to do this. Under the DDA schools and workplaces have to make 'reasonable adjustments' - having a child treat a hypo during an exam is completely acceptable and the school should accomodate this I am sure. I will txt Adrienne and see if she knows the law on this. It seems dreadful to me to alienate your son from the rest of his classmates for such a ridiculous reason!Bev


I just spoke to Adrienne and she confirms that this is against the law. Also, given that your son is newly diagnosed she thinks he shouldnt really be taking the tests because if his levels are high before or during the tests this alters concentration and the results wont be accurate. Adrienne said she might try to get on here later to help and explain in more detail.


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## Tors (May 10, 2010)

Oh thank you so much for that info my husband is really mad about this and is contacting the school.  I will look out for more info later.  Such a great help thank you sooo much xx


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## bev (May 10, 2010)

Your very welcome!

I also wanted to point out to you that you should make it very clear to the school that when your son is in an exam situation he does need to test himself before the exam, because if he was over about 14mmols he will NOT be able to concentrate and his memory may also be affected. Also, make sure that your son is allowed the testing kit in the room (preferably on his desk) so he can test as and when he feels the need to. If they wont allow him to treat a hypo at his desk (they should do - but some dont) then he will need to have the treatment outside of the room and he cannot be moved for 15 minutes or until his levels are within range. This extra time should be added onto the exam time at the end so that your son gets the same time as everyone else. It may not be worth trying to change things at this school if your son is starting secondary school in september - but when he starts his new school you really do need to lay down the rules for them as I have had my problems with my sons school and his is one of the 'good' ones! Keep saying the phrase 'inclusive' to them at every opportunity so they get the message that your son should not be alienated because he has diabetes - he should always be included and 'reasonable adjustments' should always be made to accommodate him in every aspect of school life.


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## Heidi (May 10, 2010)

Just to add something more to what Bev has said...at the weekend I was talking to a chap who deal with all the 'special needs' in the police force (I didn't even realise they had someone to do that....). He told me about the DDA and also mentioned that if the school doesn't comply we should just mention the word 'tribunal' and apparently that moves things along!


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## bev (May 10, 2010)

Heidi said:


> Just to add something more to what Bev has said...at the weekend I was talking to a chap who deal with all the 'special needs' in the police force (I didn't even realise they had someone to do that....). He told me about the DDA and also mentioned that if the school doesn't comply we should just mention the word 'tribunal' and apparently that moves things along!



Good one Heidi! As if being diagnosed with diabetes isnt bad enough - being made to feel that its a 'dirty little secret' and should be kept away from other non-diabetic children in case you disturb them..... and being made to do a test in the kitchen!!!!!!!!!!! - is just so soul-destroying I could cry!

What on earth do these schools think happens in every other aspect of a diabetic persons life? Do they think it should always be hidden for fear of upsetting someone? How on earth are people meant to accommodate people with different needs if it is kept behind closed doors? What would they do if an asthmatic child needed to use his/her inhaler - make them walk outside and create more problems for them? Let us know what the school say - I hope they see sense. I am hoping that this was an oversight and they thought they were being 'helpful' - which would be more understandable than the alternative!Bev


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## Tors (May 10, 2010)

I am contacting the school tomorrow as the Deputy Head and Head teachers were not in today!? Also seeing DSN and am now in contact with the SENCO at the secondary school my son will be starting in September and will mentioned all of the issues you have pointed out x


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## rspence (May 10, 2010)

*to Tors*



Tors said:


> Since my sons diagnosis 2-3 weeks ago I seem to be in a continuous state of high anxiety, and float from one day to the next even quite tearful at times)
> and cant get my head round that it wont go away for him. My daughter 12 feels left out and jealous despite my attempts to include and give her time too. Now feel bad that Im moaning Everyone keeps saying it will get easier and will become the norm for us all?? Does it??x


 
many of us know that feelng. so sorry ofr you. the anxiety stops everything doesn';t it. my 4 yr old feels jealous too despite our combat efforts. 

we're all looking for our 'new normal post diagnosis' and do you know what until we fnd it we'll keep on moaning and seeking advice for we mums need help and share the load.

rachel


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## Tors (May 11, 2010)

The anxiety does seem to stop everything your right. Son is sitting more SATS this morning just waiting to see if he had to sit in the kitchen again to do them. He is coming home at lunch time so we shall see...............x


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## Gabby (May 11, 2010)

Hi Tors

Just read this post and I feel exactly the same. My son was diagnosed 4 weeks ago just before his second birthday and I just can't believe that this is how it's going to be for the rest of his life. 

I've just written a letter to the nursery that we are planning to send him to in September, hopefully they will be supportive. I just want him to be treated normally and fairly. Hope the SATS go well.

Gabby


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## am64 (May 11, 2010)

i am not a parent of a d child but an asthmatic one,and i have spent every year of his school life explaining why he misses school , why he gets unwell ,why he doesnt need stress ....i have been hauld infront of EWO etc BUT i have a very supportive gp who explained that if the school needed med evidence it was up to them to write to him not me to arrange letter etc do not let them get to you ...be strong for  your kids with defending them against the attendance system they  mainly worried about the stats ...I am horrified about you son having to sit his sats seperately ...totally unacceptable ...
if its any help my son has approx 50% attendance for this his GCSE year and he is predicited A - A* in at least 5 GCSE subjects out of the 12 he is taking ... Proves the school and EWO wrong ....ps what also gets me is if hes off for asthma poblems we get jip...when he broke his hand and off for 10 weeks not a peep xx 
sorry for the rant


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## Sugarbum (May 11, 2010)

bev said:


> Good one Heidi! As if being diagnosed with diabetes isnt bad enough - being made to feel that its a 'dirty little secret' and should be kept away from other non-diabetic children in case you disturb them..... and being made to do a test in the kitchen!!!!!!!!!!! - is just so soul-destroying I could cry!
> 
> What on earth do these schools think happens in every other aspect of a diabetic persons life? Do they think it should always be hidden for fear of upsetting someone? How on earth are people meant to accommodate people with different needs if it is kept behind closed doors? What would they do if an asthmatic child needed to use his/her inhaler - make them walk outside and create more problems for them? Let us know what the school say - I hope they see sense. I am hoping that this was an oversight and they thought they were being 'helpful' - which would be more understandable than the alternative!Bev



Indeed Bev, sometimes it baffles me that there can be such a high level of ignorance about a disease that is reportedly so much on the increase...

I just wanted to add that it seems such a fragile time for your child to sit their SATS and I have my fingers crossed everything is ok xx


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