# Royal Navy News



## David H (Jun 25, 2013)

The Royal Navy is proud to announce it's new fleet of Type 45 destroyers. 

Having initially named the first two ships HMS Daring and HMS Dauntless, the Naming Committee has, under intense pressure from Brussels, renamed them HMS Cautious and HMS Prudence.  The next five ships are to be HMS Empathy, HMS Circumspect, HMS Nervous, HMS Timorous and HMS Apologist, 

Costing ?850 million each, they comply with the very latest employment, equality, health & safety and human rights laws. The Royal Navy fully expects any future enemy to be jolly decent and to comply with the same high standards of behaviour.

The new user-friendly crow's nest has excellent wheelchair access.  Live ammunition has been replaced with paintballs to reduce the risk of anyone getting hurt and to cut down on the number of compensation claims. Stress counsellors and lawyers will be on board, as will a full sympathetic industrial tribunal.

The crew will be 50/50 men and women, and will contain the correct balance of race, gender, sexuality and disability.  Sailors will only work a maximum of 37hrs per week as per Brussels Rules on Working Hours, even in wartime. All the vessels are equipped with a maternity ward, a creche and a Gay Disco. 

Saluting of officers is now considered elitist and has been replaced by "Hello Sailor".  All information on notice boards will be in 37 different languages and Braille. Crew members will now no longer have to ask permission to grow beards and/or moustaches. This applies equally to female crew.

The MoD is inviting suggestions for a "non-specific" flag because the White Ensign may offend minorities.  The Union Jack must never be seen. 

The newly re-named HMS Cautious will be commissioned shortly by Captain Hook from the Finsbury Park Mosque who will break a petrol bomb over the hull. She will gently slide into the sea as the Royal Marines Band plays "In the Navy" by the Village People. Her first deployment will be to escort boatloads of illegal immigrants to ports on England 's south coast.

The Prime Minister said, "Our ships reflect the very latest in modern thinking and they will always be able to comply with any new legislation from Brussels ."

His final words were,
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"Britannia waives the rules."*


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## Redkite (Jun 26, 2013)

Very good!  Not sure whether to laugh or cry though, with how undervalued the armed forces are right now.....


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## StephenM (Jun 26, 2013)

What a load of racist, sexist, etc. rubbish. I imagine half the crew will be on DLA!


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## Copepod (Jun 26, 2013)

Probably more suitable for Rumration forum, where it's been posted many times before - and debunked / ignored etc by Rumration members.


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