# Update on me



## coldclarity

I've not posted for ages, but just in case anyone remembers me  

Our daughter was stillborn at 32 weeks on 10th July. A routine scan at 30 weeks picked up a problem with her brain, and then an MRI a week or so later showed holoprosencephaly, where the hemispheres hadn't separated properly. And then I developed pre-eclampsia and spent four nights on the high dependency unit before she was born. That's the in-a-nutshell version! 

I had my six week GTT last week, and failed, which confirmed what they thought all along about me having undiagnosed diabetes before I even got pregnant. I'm still waiting for a referral to the diabetes clinic. We stopped insulin as soon as I'd delivered, so my sugars are all over the place and I feel pretty crap. I'm not getting blood sugars that are scary high though, so I'm trying to be patient.

We have an appointment next Thursday to see my obstetrician to go over all the test results, so hopefully we'll find out how much of a part diabetes played in everything, or if it was something else entirely. 

I fee bad coming here and posting bad news, but it proves it can happen and makes me take all the stuff about diabetes increasing the risks more seriously... My control was really good too once I'd been diagnosed, though I guess it must have been pretty bad before that.


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## Steff

hi there and firstly id like to offer my condolenses over your baby that is so sad to hear and i wish you all the best It must of been hard sitting typing all that out to us hun , secondly i'd like yo say im not surprised your bloods are all over your brain must feel like its fit to burst with all the stress and strains you have had ,I do hope all goes well with your appointment next week and things become clearer, if you ever need a chat PM me and im sure many others will offer the same to you 

all the best 
xx p.s keep us posted


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## allisonb

So, so sorry to hear your sad news.  I can't begin to imagine what you've been through over the last few weeks.  How very very sad.  Stay strong.  Bigs hugs x


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## Vanessa

I'm so sorry to hear your sad news - my thoughts are with you


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## Northerner

My dear, so sorry to hear that things have not gone well, very sorry to hear about your baby. Thank you for letting us know, and if there is anything we can do to help, please just let us know.


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## coldclarity

Bless you guys, you're so lovely. Thank you for all your kind words.

Things are getting easier, sort of. There are good days as well as bad now anyway.

I'll keep you posted on what they say next week and whether they decide I'm type 2 or something else entirely, assuming I ever get an appointment!


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## Twitchy

I'm so so sorry to hear your news - I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now.  Please, please try not to beat yourself up about this, especially with regards to the diabetes...I have a perfectly healthy, "normal" friend whose baby sadly didn't form kidneys and also was stillborn - a really horrific experience, but one that the docs said was "just" a one in a million chance. She's now expecting another baby, and so far everything seems to have formed well.  The chances are that it was just an awful thing to happen, but there was nothing anyone could have done.  (Not that that takes any of the hurt away, I know).  

I really hope you get good support from your diabetic team in getting stabilised soon - post pregnancy as the hormone levels settle it can be really  hard to achieve good control, so make sure they support you adequately. Please do take care of yourself...you've been through such an awful experience.  I believe that there is a charity called SANDs (Stillbirth And Neonatal Death charity) that might be able to give you some experienced support...  http://www.uk-sands.org/

Finally please don't feel bad about posting - it's really important to be able to tell people, & I am certain everyone would rather know so that we can offer some support - even if it is just a virtual hug (hug!).  We can't change what's happened, but we can listen & be sympathetic.

Please feel free to PM me if you want...   

Best wishes, Twitchy x


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## Mand

I am so sorry to read how you lost your baby. My thoughts are with you.

Please do not worry about posting sad news. That is what we are here for, to support each other. Sometimes we share advice, sometimes we share good news and other times bad news. 

Please stay in touch and let us know how things go. I have found huge support from this forum and now i feel so less alone. I hope you find this too.

Take care.


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## DiabetesPartner

Hi coldclarity,

I am very sorry to hear about your baby. I hope that being able to talk about it in some minor way eases the stress you must be feeling.

Good luck with our appointment


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## sasha1

Hi Coldclarity ...

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your baby.  I cannot begin to imagine how you feel or what you have been through over the past few week.  Sending you big ((((((HUGS)))))) and my thoughts are with you.

Good luck with your appointment and please keep us posted.

Take care and stay strong

Love Heidi xxx


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## bev

I cannot find the right words to say to you. My heart goes out to you - you must be devastated about the loss of your little girl. Of course you can post sad news on here - we are all here to help each other and if it helps you even a tiny amount - then i am sure that is what we would all want for you.

I do hope you can get to the bottom of why that has happened and also find out about the diabetes side of things. I feel truly devastated for you. Please let us all know how things go at your appointment. Take care sweetheart. Bev xxxxx


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## Dizzydi

Hi Coldclarity,

My heart goes out to you - stay strong and think positive - I know it is easier said than done. Time is a healer (i know from experience) and the pain will ease over time. Ensure you get the best care and ask your team when you are ready if they have a pre-conception clinic. 
I'm sending my love to you x


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## Sugarbum

Cold clarity,

I am so extremely sorry to hear this sad and utterly devestating news about your baby. My condolenses and love to you and your partner.

I really wouldnt give a second thought to posting sad news on here. As Bev said, we are here to support you any way we can.

Once again, I am so sorry for you loss. Thinking of you.

Love, 
Louisa


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## Copepod

So sorry for your loss. Please keep posting here whenever you feel like it.


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## Fe 82

Im so sorry to hear about your loss and cannot imagine what you have gone through.  All the best for any results when you get them, and my love goes out to you xxx


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## lynne51

*thinking of you*

hi cold clarity im so very sorry to hear your sad news i do know how you feel as the same happened to me a long time ago 15 yrs to be precise we were shocked and heartbroken but it does get better with time and i also went on the following year to have a baby girl who weiged 11 pound eye watering i can tell you she now drives me to distraction as she is a typical teen but i wouldnt be without her. so good luck to you for the future xx


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## coldclarity

I meant to give you all an update earlier...

Thank you so much for all your support. It is very much appreciated and I'm so grateful...

I'm back under the care of the diabetes team, they gave me back my insulin and are looking after me very well so far (even if it took them a while). I've been back on insulin for two weeks, and now it's all about getting the dose right.

We had an appointment with my obstetrician last week for all the test results. They pretty much confirmed what we already knew. It doesn't seem to have been a genetic problem, which is good news, and it might have been the diabetes but it might not. There's no way to say much for sure with these things, but if/when we try again there's every chance that it won't happen again. She also explained how all the pre-pregnancy clinic stuff works and how they'll watch me as closely as I want next time, which was reassuring.

And I'm doing ok, apart from a wobble here and there. I spoke to my boss (who is also a friend) yesterday and I plan to go back to work properly in the new year and do a few days here and there before Christmas. I'm back doing my Open University course from Saturday. We're having a weekend away at the end of October for our anniversary...There's lots to look forward to.


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## Steff

hey cold ty for the update im pleased to hesr things seem t be alot better for you now x


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## PhoebeC

Glad its starting to look up for you, keep us updated.
xx


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## Northerner

Thanks for the update Catherine, let's hope the New Year brings lots of positives your way


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## williammcd

thnx for updating this thread ,i read it a while ago and my heart went out to you ,hope life is treating you better now and in the future, please keep poping in with news coldclarity 

i will light a candle for your sad loss


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## bev

I am so glad things are starting to look up for you both. You have been through the worst time imaginable and i wish with all my heart that you can find peace and happiness once again. Sounds like you have a good team and knowing that you would be closely monitored in the future must be very reassuring for you. Bev xxx


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## allisonb

Thank you for the update Catherine.  I don't know what to say, you've been to hell and back and I can't begin to imagine how it must have been for you.  Lets hope things start to look up now and you can begin to move on.  xxxx


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## Twitchy

Hi, thanks for the update - I'm so pleased things are getting better for you!   I thought you might find this encouraging - my friend, who I mentioned before...is pregnant again, she's been monitored really closely this time and has just had her 20wk scan - all is well & the consultant is happy not to see her again as he's happy that everything is ok this time.  So after a really awful experience, things are now going well - fingers crossed some day when you're ready we'll be reading here about you having the same positive result!  All the best for the future,

Twitchy x


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