# Worried



## scousemum (May 8, 2014)

Hi this is my first time on here.I have a 15yr old son who was diagnosed in November. He seemed to be coping well albeit quietly but the last few weeks hes hardly testing his bloods saying he's fine.I have just come home from work and he has already gone out with friends without any insulin or testing machine.He says he's fed up with it all and wants a day off. He hasn't tested at all today or had any insulin. One minute I'm screaming and controlling him and the next I think leave him to it. Maybe he will realise when he gets ill. I'm so sad and confused. Does anyone with teenagers have any similar stories?Does it get any easier?Shall I be strict or leave him to work it out? Help! x


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## robert@fm (May 8, 2014)

I'm not a parent but would just like to say, welcome to the forum.  You might like to post a thread to the Newbies section, to introduce yourself and your son (this is not compulsory).

Your son's rebellion is similar to a few stories I have read here over the years, and even I have had times like that (and I was dx aged 46). Doubtless there will be some advice / commiseration posted soon.


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## Redkite (May 8, 2014)

Welcome to the forum scousemum 

Sorry to hear that your son is struggling.  My son is 13 and was diagnosed aged 4, so he has grown up with having to fit diabetes into his life.  It's very tough for a teen who is used to his independence to have to take a temporary step back while he learns how to manage the condition.  I feel for him, and I hope his clinic team are being supportive as opposed to critical.  That said, I'm afraid it needs to be a question of tough love from you - presumably he has boundaries for other areas of his life, for example he has to let you know where he's going out to, and has to be back by a certain time, etc., and if these rules are broken there are consequences?  In the same way, he needs to do an agreed minimum towards his diabetes self care, or there should be sanctions. If he is unwilling to test and inject, or to carry his test kit and hypo treatments out with him, then tell him he can't go out.

I'd advise getting the book "Type 1 Diabetes in Children, Adolescents and Young People" by Ragnar Hanas - a fabulous book, really positive and upbeat - and encourage him to dip into it as well as reading it yourself.  Also, it really helps to meet other teens with type 1 - there are Facebook groups for example.  In time, diabetes care really will just be a tiny part of his life, it won't change who he is or stop him from doing anything he wants.


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## HOBIE (May 8, 2014)

Hi Scousemum. Hope your son sees the light   Good luck from a T1 for more than 48yrs (3)


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## shirleyknott (May 8, 2014)

Hi.
I'm very similar to you.  I've just joined here tonight.  My son is 14 and was diagnosed at 11.  He is a real worry to us at the moment.  He regularly goes from 9am to coming home from school at 4 without testing himself.  We have tried not being strict but that doesn't seem to help.  His levels are consistently on the high side and when his sugar is high his mood is scary!  
We have meetings at school but there isn't anyone there who is willing to physically help.
If he goes out with friends he won't take his testing kit or insulin with him.  I don't believe he's accepted the situation at all. 
We had a clinic appt this week and the consultant said it was fairly normal for teenagers to behave like this and to take things a day at a time. One positive is that he has always injected himself. 
I am interested to find out if this is 'the norm' because I constantly worry about him and his future health.


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## Redkite (May 9, 2014)

Welcome to the forum Shirley 

So sorry to hear your son is having problems.  I am all for taking things a day at a time, but that implies having a schedule for making some improvements!  For example, if at the moment your son doesn't test at all at school, the next target should be one test to be done before lunchtime.  He can either do it voluntarily (and prove it by showing you his meter), or you can make arrangements where he has to report to the school's medical room.  The school have a duty under the Disability Discrimination Act to make necessary adjustments for pupils with diabetes, so they can't just refuse to offer him any support.  For example, if he isn't testing in school because he doesn't want his friends to see, the school must provide him with a private place to do so.

If you feel he has never come to terms with the diagnosis, do ask at your clinic for a referral to their psychologist.  At the same time, as I said to scousemum, you're going to have to practise "tough love", and set him some non-negotiable rules for his diabetes care, with consequences when he doesn't comply.  I know very well that as a parent we feel guilty that our kids have this awful disease to cope with, and it's tempting to be kind and cut them a lot of slack, but at the end of the day this is no different to any other aspect of parenting.  My son is expected to help around the house with chores, get his homework done, clean his shoes, tell me where he's going when he goes out, etc., ....AND look after his diabetes.  For doing this, he gets pocket money and credit on his phone - if he doesn't, there are consequences such as removal of laptop.  Diabetes care is no different - there is a minimum which HAS to be done.  But I do support him with it - when he's home I do all the carb counting, I do the night BG testing, I check his diabetes supplies in his school rucksack each morning - so he doesn't feel it's all on his shoulders.  He forgets to test when he's not in a routine (oddly he's better at it in school) and needs reminding.  Don't expect perfection, but support him in working towards it!


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## Tina63 (May 9, 2014)

Hi Scousemum and Shirleyknott and welcome to the forum.

Nothing but sympathy/empathy from me I'm afraid.  My lad was almost 16 at diagnosis 3.5 years ago and with the greatest of respect to the mums of younger children, I think it's a whole different ball game being diagnosed in their teenage years when they have been afforded total independence and are already in that teenage mindset.  They are given full control of their diabetes from day 1, yet are still so vulnerable and though could do with a lot of help, they also don't want it. To suddenly be held back by this and having to stop and think before going out with their mates is a big deal.  After early anxiety over leaving home, our lad soon got into going out, like yours, refusing to take anything with him.  He still does..........

We have been to hell and back with our son, and still don't have any answers.  All it has served to do is destroy my relationship with my son.  I love him so much, but he just resents, in fact I feel, hates me now.  Yes, looking back, I suppose I drove him insane with my incessant "Have you tested?"  "What is your BG level?" "Have you taken your insulin yet?" etc etc, but in my mind all I was doing was caring for him and wanting the best for him.

I understand his anger and resentment, and that he doesn't want to be different, but the sad fact is he is, and he has no choice but to accept it and get on with it.  I do now leave him completely alone with it, just very occasionally it gets mentioned, but only on his terms.  If I try and give ANY input I get shot down in flames, of course I know nothing!  He goes weeks and weeks without testing, injecting is very hit and miss and complete guesswork, and I am amazed that so far he has managed to avoid an emergency admission with DKA, but I think that's more by luck than judgment.  The mood swings are violent, you just don't know where you are from one minute to the next.  

Oh, and there's another nasty thing on the horizon for you mums of younger teenagers, ALCOHOL!  Hmmmm.  Well there's another spanner to throw in the works.  We're still working through that one!

Another thing I would add is do look after relationships with the rest of your family too.  I put so much energy into worrying about my son that I lost sight of the others I care about so much too.  It drove a massive wedge between all of us and we are only now getting back on track.

So sorry, no tips, just empathy.  If you find any answers, please let me know!


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## Sally71 (May 9, 2014)

Hello and welcome to the forum both of you.

I just wanted to comment on Tina63s comment that it is different for children diagnosed younger - true!  It's still a big shock of course, and we all have days when we get upset and don't want to do it any more, but most of the time we just get on with it without any argument.  My daughter is not quite 8 so I still have full control of her D (she can do some things herself but only under supervision) and although we get the occasional minor strop and "I don't want to prick my fingers any more / have a new cannula put in" she is basically frightened of what will happen to her if she doesn't comply, so we don't have to argue about it very long!  I was told by DSN that the advantage of her being diagnosed so young is that by the time she reaches her teens, D control should be so well ingrained that hopefully that is one thing she won't rebel over.  That remains to be seen but let's hope so! But being diagnosed as a teen must be really hard for them, and also for the parents having to watch them making themselves ill but not being able to do much about it.

I never thought of myself as a control freak until recently but I think I will find it hard as my daughter grows up to give more control to her!  I have also been dreading the teenage years since the day she was born and am worried now that it might be a double whammy... I usually stay away from questions about teenagers because we haven't hit that stage yet and I know nothing about it, but I feel for you, I really do.  (((((HUGS))))). I hope you find some solution, sorry I can't offer any help.


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## scousemum (May 9, 2014)

Thanks for all the replies they make me feel that I'm not alone. I am going to heed the advice about my relationship with other family members as I feel that my husband and I are arguing a lot more about how to manage him. Tough love it is then.x


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## Copepod (May 9, 2014)

One slightly strange thing to say, but I hope it helps. In 1992, aged about 27 years, I was a fire (group) leader of an expedition to South Greenland. The fire included a young man aged about 18 years, who'd had type 1 diabetes for nearly 2 years. How he managed on bimodal diabetes, we both now wonder. About 3 years later, in 1996, then aged 30, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, at a SCUBA diving medical in New Zealand, where I was working as a marine biologist (symptoms often appear more slowly in adults than children or teenagers). I had no means of contacting the young man, but the memory that if he could manage, then so could I, was the most important thing in keeping me going and beginning to work out ways of doing things, in pre internet days.

He is now a medical doctor, and we were both volunteer medical Games Makers at Olympics & Paralympics 2012, although not at same location. He is still a keen sportsperson / aventurer. I'm just back from competing at Great Lakeland 3 Day mountain running race, after marshalling in 2009 and 2012. 

As well as maintaining relationships with other members of your family, it's also important that everyone keeps hold of their dreams. Nearly everything is possible with type 1 diabetes, even if it takes a bit more planning.


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## AJLang (May 9, 2014)

I agree with Copepod that it's about following dreams.  I became diabetic when I was two, 43 years ago - blood testing machines weren't available until I was 13 and they were massive so you didn't take them out with you very much. MDI wasn't available until my mid-20s. I left school after my 'O'-levels but since them I have done so much.  I've spent many nights drinking/nightclubbing, travelled to countries such as Israel and the Lebanon, met some of my idols - including Benny and Bjorn of Abba - gained a PhD, worked as a an academic, presented papers at national and international conferences, had journal and book chapters published, owned my own house for the majority of the time since I was 19 and I've had a heck of a lot of fun - and I still do.  Ironically it was mainly non-D related things which led to me retiring at 43 but even now I look at ways to seize life and enjoy what I've got - it's not always easy there are ups and downs but there are a lot of ups. What I did appreciate was learning to explore how to look after myself and my diabetes during my teens - that helped me to develop my independence. I made mistakes but learnt from them and in turn I've had, and I'm having, a great life.


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## delb t (May 9, 2014)

Hi Scousemum and Shirleyknott- just wanted to welcome you both- Sorry I have no words of wisdom -H was dx at 15 now nearly 18- [I wouldnt say I nag - but may go on alittle!]but maybe now thats why its second nature for H to always have meter/supplies with him.-thing is one day they could get in a situation where they really quite need it .As for the teenage years weve had 2 blips! [both drink related] but lesson learnt hopefully-I do think there have to be some rules- I remember the first house party!- and it was agreed H would text me the last bg's and would be allowed to stay- .As for testing/injecting will do anywhere - but then we made a point of eating out alot in the early days[ well still do] to get used to injecting in public - maybe that helped- anyway welcome to you both-


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