# time to decide - ivf again or decline



## Dizzydi (Oct 28, 2010)

I'm so confused. 

Need to decide if I want to try ivf again or not. Up till yesterday there was no chance I was going to put myself through it again. Now I don't know.

I know it is a wonderful opportunity, but I don't know if I will be able to cope with failure again.

If you had the chance would you go through it ? Or is it time to give up.
Di xxx


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## Steff (Oct 28, 2010)

Di it is such a personal choice hun and id be no freind if i said otherwise, personally im the type of person who wont give up, but you have been through so much hun, can you do it again i mean emtionally as well as physically? you know the scenirioes all to well, what does hubby think? xx


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## margie (Oct 28, 2010)

Di

only you can decide. If you have a faith you could try praying for some clarity (St gerard Majella and St Colette are the 2 saints most associated with motherhood and difficult pregnancies). If you don't have faith in a God you could try and write a list of pros and cons, look at how big a support system you have.  Deep down from what you say you do want to try but are scared.

Is it possible to postpone the cycle to give you more time to prepare - and maybe look into preparing yourself physically and emotionally. Could you say something like its too soon after the first attempt to try again? Would that help ?


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## Sheilagh1958 (Oct 28, 2010)

Dizzydi said:


> I'm so confused.
> 
> Need to decide if I want to try ivf again or not. Up till yesterday there was no chance I was going to put myself through it again. Now I don't know.
> 
> ...



If you are strong enough physically and mentally never give up on your dream. My brother and sister in law didnt and after 3 tries they now have lovely 3 year old twin daughters


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## bev (Oct 28, 2010)

If you dont try - you will never know. If you do try and you dont get what you want - at least you know you tried.Bev


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## Dizzydi (Oct 29, 2010)

Hubby and I have spoken - I think deep down he does want to try aagin, but he saw what it did to me last time, physically and emothionally.

My BS where sky high from the hormone's and at the end of it all I was a reck. I've spoken to my sister whom I'm very close to and she is of the opinion if you don't do it again when you have got the chance I will regret it. She also said there are lots of people around me to help pick up the pieces again if it fails.

My appointment is not for two weeks, it should have been next Tuesday but I moved it as I only got the letter yesterday and to short notice to get my head in the right place.


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## Twitchy (Oct 29, 2010)

Hello Di,

It sounds like you have a very caring, supportive family!  I guess I'd fall in with Bev & your sister on this one - at least you know you've given it a really good go then, and if it doesn't work out then you won't be wondering 'what if...', you might feel more as if you know it's not your path (if that makes sense!).  All you can do is go with your gut instinct - I find it sometimes helps to imagine how I'd feel for both scenarios - that can sometimes clarify for me how I really feel about a given situation.

Whatever you decide, we're all here for you & wish you the best of luck,

Twitchy xxx


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## PhoebeC (Oct 29, 2010)

Di i dont know what id do if i was in your shoes.

If you could cope with another negative then why not.  Sounds like your husband wants to and that you do to. You just need to work out the pros and cons.

Is there any other options you can look into?

Is there anyone you know who has been through this before. I know it took some family friends 3 times, it was there last try and now they have a little boy, and they dont regret it.
But maybe they might if it hadnt happened this time.

We are here for you 
xxx


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## Dizzydi (Oct 29, 2010)

PhoebeC said:


> Di i dont know what id do if i was in your shoes.
> 
> If you could cope with another negative then why not.  Sounds like your husband wants to and that you do to. You just need to work out the pros and cons.
> 
> ...



Thanks for listening Ladies. 

We are trying to weigh up the pros and cons, but it is so difficult. I do think deep down I want another go but the million dollar question is can I cope with failure again.

It's hard for me because I have been pregnant twice before over 3 years ago and nothing since. e have tried various fertility drugs and non worked. So I suppose this is my last change / option.

I'm still going to pursue adoption if I do or don't try IVF again. I have a very strong desire to give something to 1 or 2 little people who are in need. 

I just wish I had a magic wand and I had my brood of children - really saddeneds me that I have been unable to get what my heart desires


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## bigpurpleduck (Oct 29, 2010)

So sorry you're in this situation, Di. I can't imagine how I'd feel if previous attempts hadn't worked.

I don't feel like I'm in a position to offer any advice - I haven't experienced anything like this and it's very personal to you and your husband (who sounds as though he's very supportive ). Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you and send you some hugs!


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## Cate (Oct 29, 2010)

I think it's too personal for us to give an opinion really.  A good friend of mine has 2 IVF children following ovarian cancer in her 20s.  She was incredibly lucky in that she didn't qualify for NHS treatment and could only afford 1 cycle, which resulted in her daughter.  Her brother paid for another cycle for her, which led to her son.  Her treatment was done in Eire (Dublin area I think) though she lives in the SE.

Another acquiantance after being in remission from cervical cancer has been going through the adoption process.  Over 4 years on, they should be approved for placement by March next year or thereabouts.  Once approved, it's a case of waiting for the "right" child/ren to come along.  She says it has been far harder than she ever imagined, they have been interrogated by social workers many times, their families and friends approached for information on them, references required etc.  But she has found it rewarding, if frustrating at times.

So, really, I suppose there aren't any easy options and you just have to follow your heart.

Good luck xx


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## tracey w (Oct 29, 2010)

Di, I cant advise as ive never been in your situation..

Only you and your hubby can make that choice. I wish you well whatever you decide and hope one day your dreams will come true whether  by this route or another, good luck xx


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## Northerner (Oct 29, 2010)

tracey w said:


> Di, I cant advise as ive never been in your situation..
> 
> Only you and your hubby can make that choice. I wish you well whatever you decide and hope one day your dreams will come true whether  by this route or another, good luck xx



I echo what Tracey says, Di, wishing you all the best whatever your decision


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## cazscot (Oct 29, 2010)

Hi Di, as others have said it is your and your hubbies decision.  But if I was in your situation I would go through a second cycle but only if you are physically and emotionally strong enough.  Good luck with whatever you and your hubby decide (((hugs))) x


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## Lizzzie (Oct 29, 2010)

Oh Di - what a horrible decision!

Three things though

1) Everybody's right who says that we can't possibly tell you what to do - that is because there is no 'correct' thing here: both paths have their potential horrors and both paths have their potential enormous joys.

2) However, I was struck when I read through your dilemma that you seemed to think of yourself as not being able to cope, you almost implied the word 'weak.' 

NOBODY who has been through what you have been through and come out still determined to be a Mum, can possibly be called 'weak'. This is not a dilemma that many people could 'COPE WITH' easily, whatever path they decide to take. 

You would have to be extremely strong to come to terms with the decision that you are not going to try for your own children any more, and take on an adoption - actually a completely different, no smaller challenge! - and you would have to be strong to face another round of IVF, too.

You've got it in you. You can do it. Take the path that feels best to you...... easy to say, hard to choose.

All the best.


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## Dizzydi (Oct 30, 2010)

Lizzzie said:


> Oh Di - what a horrible decision!
> 
> Three things though
> 
> ...



Hi Lizzie & Everyone,

Thank you so much for listening, it makes such a difference.

I've decided  today I've got nothing to lose and all being well, I gonna try again and adopt !!

I meet up with a couple of friends for lunch and one admitted today she has tried IVF twice already this year and unfortunately failed and she is gonna give it one more go. She has had to pay for her treatment. If she can do it and still come out pretty intact the other end, so can I.

I wish now I had confided in her and she said the same to me. 

So heres to the future and hopefully getting what I want. Please 

Di xxx


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## Northerner (Oct 30, 2010)

Wishing you success Di!


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## Sheilagh1958 (Oct 30, 2010)

Good Luck Di fingers crossed for you


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## bigpurpleduck (Oct 30, 2010)

All the very best of luck Di, we're all rooting for you!


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## margie (Oct 30, 2010)

Good Luck Di


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## newbs (Oct 31, 2010)

I wish you all the luck in the world, Di.  My best friend is currently going through IVF too, I hope you both get the child you so very much deserve.


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## Twitchy (Oct 31, 2010)

Bless you Di - fingers crossed for you!  I hope this encourages you - my s-i-l & her partner tried for a long while to conceive via IVF without success, then went down the adoption route, adopting their first child. A few years later & their second child was a surprise baby!   It's strange how things work out sometimes.  My hubby is also adopted (as is his sister). Their parents always told them that other parents just had to put up with whatever children they got, but they (hubby & his sis) were special, as they were chosen - a really beautiful way of putting it I think!

Wishing you all the best, thinking of you. xx


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## PhoebeC (Oct 31, 2010)

everything crossed for you 

Keep us updated, we are all here for you xx


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## grahams mum (Nov 1, 2010)

hi i personally would go for ivf  i could not even thinking about trying even though my consultant put me on the list  because i had so much surgery already that the risk for me was too high doctors are not worried about this is your life not theirs so we never tried ivf and graham arrived after 6 years and now bump again after 7 years  if you dont have other health issues a part from diabetes i would try again


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## Lizzzie (Nov 1, 2010)

Di, I have everything crossed for you x x x


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## rachelha (Nov 2, 2010)

Di,  really hope you get what you want, you so deserve it.


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## Dizzydi (Nov 2, 2010)

Thanks everyone for your kind words.

We have decided to keep this between the two of us for the next cycle, because it is so emothional etc and I think the sad reaction from everyone else when we told people it failed is just as painful to see as dealing with the actual failure.


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## bev (Nov 2, 2010)

Good luck to you both.Bev x


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## Bailey2001 (Nov 10, 2010)

Dizzy

Have you and your partner had the immunology tests? If you have had IVF attempts without any success, there may be a chance that your body is producing NK cells.

Regards


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## Dizzydi (Nov 10, 2010)

Hi Bailey, I don't know if we have. I'm assuming not. I will enquire when I go to the hosp next week.

thanks x


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## Bailey2001 (Nov 10, 2010)

Dizzydi said:


> Hi Bailey, I don't know if we have. I'm assuming not. I will enquire when I go to the hosp next week.
> 
> thanks x



you are welcome....you normally have to have a test that is sent to Chicago (blood samples)....you would be surprised how common it is to have two sets of genes that arent compatiable without medical intervention.. x


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