# Sleepover?



## BucksMum (Aug 4, 2013)

Hi,
I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts on their T1 children going for sleepovers?
My daughter is 8 and was diagnosed in March; she has been invited to a birthday party/sleepover at a friend's and is very keen to go. Obviously I am not so keen on the idea! I have tried suggesting to my daughter that she just goes for tea and the movie part of the sleepover, then I'll pick her up at 9pm or so when the others go to bed, but she's determined to stay overnight and go really upset.
I can't decide if this is one of those situations that is manageable if we plan in advance (I'm going to go and do her tea time jab and then go back to do her night time jab & check BG later on), or whether we should just tell her that she has to miss out this time - it's not as if there won't be any other sleepover opportunities in the future!
Any thoughts anyone??
Thanks!


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## Pumper_Sue (Aug 4, 2013)

BucksMum said:


> Hi,
> I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts on their T1 children going for sleepovers?
> My daughter is 8 and was diagnosed in March; she has been invited to a birthday party/sleepover at a friend's and is very keen to go. Obviously I am not so keen on the idea! I have tried suggesting to my daughter that she just goes for tea and the movie part of the sleepover, then I'll pick her up at 9pm or so when the others go to bed, but she's determined to stay overnight and go really upset.
> I can't decide if this is one of those situations that is manageable if we plan in advance (I'm going to go and do her tea time jab and then go back to do her night time jab & check BG later on), or whether we should just tell her that she has to miss out this time - it's not as if there won't be any other sleepover opportunities in the future!
> ...



My personal view is let her go, just make sure the mum in charge is aware of what is needed. There are texts and phones to be used so you can check with the mum in charge. If you don't allow the sleepover then your daughter will feel different and that's what she doesn't need at the moment. 
I know you will worry but bet your daughter wont


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## LeeLee (Aug 4, 2013)

Hi BucksMum, Sue's suggestion is a good one.  If you still don't think that's a workable solution, so be it - but it could be good for both of you!


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## bev (Aug 4, 2013)

Hi Bucksmum,

I would let her go - but with a few conditions.Testing BG before bed and setting an alarm on her phone for 3am and to ring/text you with results so you can help her decide if she needs any hypo treatment or a correction. The problem with sleepovers is levels can go crazy due to excitement and different foods and of course - no sleep! This will be a normal part of growing up but it has to be done safely and the sooner your daughter understands what she needs to do to keep safe and have fun like her peers the better.Bev


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## Pumper_Sue (Aug 4, 2013)

bev said:


> Hi Bucksmum,
> 
> I would let her go - but with a few conditions.Testing BG before bed and setting an alarm on her phone for 3am and to ring/text you with results so you can help her decide if she needs any hypo treatment or a correction. The problem with sleepovers is levels can go crazy due to excitement and different foods and of course - no sleep! This will be a normal part of growing up but it has to be done safely and the sooner your daughter understands what she needs to do to keep safe and have fun like her peers the better.Bev



Bev, the little one is only 8 years old


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## XandersMum (Aug 4, 2013)

I agree, let her go.  My little one is 8 and was diagnosed in December, however, is incredibly independent doing everything himself (except the carb counting !).  As long as you are thorough with the parent in charge and stay in contact, this could give your daughter that little bit of independence and make her feel the same as all the other kids. ( probably wont stop you fretting all night though


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## trophywench (Aug 4, 2013)

Listen, the reason T1 teenagers rebel so awfully in their teens and twenties, when they've been really GOOD diabetics as children - is simply because they DO NOT WANT TO BE DIFFERENT FROM THEIR PEERS.

If you MAKE her feel different, however 'sensible' you may think you are - she will hold it against you for ever.  And blame her D for it, which leads to rebellion.  You need to be best mates with your diabetes.  For ever and ever.

I know I still hold it against my mother (not diabetes related, some things quite different) for not letting me do stuff all the others were doing - and she's been dead for 20 years.

I did not LIKE my mother.  There.  Said it.

Will your daughter say that about you when she's 63 like me?


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## delb t (Aug 5, 2013)

I remember raising this same subject 18 months ago- when H said sleepover   I felt totally sick inside- he was alot older ( Dx AT 15) anyway he went- there was always an agreement he would text the last blood etc.I know your littleone is younger but has to feel she can do the same as the others or as TW said will feel resentful.- now more often than not H will choose to come home- at the time I think he was testing us !


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## bev (Aug 5, 2013)

Pumper_Sue said:


> Bev, the little one is only 8 years old



Hi Sue,

These days it is normal for a child this age to have a mobile phone.Most 8 year olds have them and if the child wants a sleepover then this would be a good compromise. If the child doesnt have a mobile then perhaps asking the friends mother if she would wake her and text with results. Some people are only too willing to help to include a child and others' not so but asking doesnt cost anything.Bev


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## bev (Aug 5, 2013)

trophywench said:


> Listen, the reason T1 teenagers rebel so awfully in their teens and twenties, when they've been really GOOD diabetics as children - is simply because they DO NOT WANT TO BE DIFFERENT FROM THEIR PEERS.
> 
> If you MAKE her feel different, however 'sensible' you may think you are - she will hold it against you for ever.  And blame her D for it, which leads to rebellion.  You need to be best mates with your diabetes.  For ever and ever.
> 
> ...



Hi Trophywench,

I agree with you about storing up trouble for the future - but it doesnt have to be black and white. Children with Type 1 can be included and do the same things as their peers - but there does have be something in place to help keep them safe. The child should go in my opinion - but there have to be plans in place and if the child accepts that then that's half the battle. It wouldnt be fair to send the child without any care plan or without informing the friends parents of the possible scenario's that may happen. Your right to say a child doesnt want to feel different to their peers - but sadly our children are different - they have medical routines to deal with that their friends dont - and this cant just be brushed under the carpet and forgotten about. Obviously diabetes should be in the background but an acceptance that sometimes they cant do that will go a long way to being able to accept and adapt to their condition. A child/person with Type 1 CAN do anything and everything that other people do - it just needs a little bit of planning and adjustment.Bev


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## BucksMum (Aug 5, 2013)

Very helpful replies - thank you! I'm glad you've all said she should go - I couldn't figure out if it would be too much or not.
We have decided that she can go, so she is very happy!! Since her diagnosis we have been determined that we show her that diabetes shouldn't stop her from doing anything (we went ahead with our skiing holiday 5 days after dx!), so we just had to work out how to manage things. She is very grown up about her diabetes and I am keen for her to have some independence (even though I'll be awake all night!)
We've agreed that when we go to check her BG at 9.30/10pm, she will have to come home if they are too high. I have also made sure that the other mum is happy with everything and can get hold of me if anything goes wrong or if she's not sure about anything. It's only 10 minutes away anyway, not the other side of the world!
Wish me luck!
BucksMum.


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## Northerner (Aug 5, 2013)

I hope all goes well, and her levels are fine so she doesn't have to come home


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## fencesitter (Aug 5, 2013)

Dear Bucks mum
Hello from another Bucks mum  I live in Buckingham and am the mum of a T1 boy (16), who was diagnosed at age 13. Don't beat yourself up about this. Sleepovers are a great incentive for children to learn to self-manage - but if your nerves can stand it and the other mum is on board, I'm sure she'll have a great time. If you'd like to chat do send me a PM. 
Good luck with your decision. Catherine


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## fencesitter (Aug 5, 2013)

Willsmum said:


> Dear Bucks mum
> Hello from another Bucks mum  I live in Buckingham and am the mum of a T1 boy (16), who was diagnosed at age 13. Don't beat yourself up about this. Sleepovers are a great incentive for children to learn to self-manage - but if your nerves can stand it and the other mum is on board, I'm sure she'll have a great time. If you'd like to chat do send me a PM.
> Good luck with your decision. Catherine



Ha ha! Messages crossed in the ether. Let us know how it goes


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## trophywench (Aug 5, 2013)

I'm SO pleased you said Yes.

Bev - *of course* 'with the proper arrangements in place' - I didn't mean otherwise.

We've already seen from other posts that Bucksmum is a very sensible mum indeed, and merely by asking the question, she's proved it.  I just wanted to hit the doubts she was having with a sledgehammer, LOL

*Of course* - she will be awake all night worrying too - but hey! - isn't that just part and parcel of being a parent in general at the point where independence kicks in with all kids, D or not ?  Thought it came automatically with the territory meself ......  

Good luck !


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