# Single parent of a 16 year old girl



## Lissi (Jul 15, 2015)

Hi. Not sure if anyone can help but I don't know what else to do. My daughter was diagnosed with type 1, 3 years ago. The first year was fine. 'Honeymoon Period' th doctors called it. Then it all went down hill HbA1c is now off the charts, over 130. Highest the machine measures. She wont test her blood and will only do random amounts of insulin. I find big empty boxes of chocolates and cans of energy drinks in her room. Everytime I try to get her to test her blood and do her insulin, it ends up in a blazing row. She's now started not coming home on time, walking in as late as 5 am. I know not many of her friends know she has diabetes and she really doesn't want anyone else to know, so when she walks in with friends, early hours of the morning, I have to try to keep my mouth shut when getting upset that the hasn't done her lantus as well as being totally p***ed off that I've been sat up waiting for her to get home. I know many teenagers try pushing boundaries but things are getting totally out of hand. Really feel like she is trying to kill herself by not doing her medication properly and eating more high sugar foods than she would do if she wasn't diabetic. Just cant see things getting any better. Her doctor has mentioned he is considering referring her to social services as she is putting her life as risk. When do things start getting better??? Am I the only one going through this???


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## Northerner (Jul 15, 2015)

Hi Lissi, I'm very sorry to hear all this  It's not uncommon, unfortunately, for young people to rebel against their diabetes. It might be worth getting in touch with the Diabetes UK Careline, they might be able to suggest some resources - they can be contacted via the following page:

https://www.diabetes.org.uk/How_we_help/Careline/

Also, there is an excellent group of parents at the Children with Diabetes website, they may be able to offer you some ideas. 

Hopefully, some parents will be along here with some suggestions. I'm not a parent - diabetes came to me much later in life, so I was fortunate in not having to go through my teenage years with it.


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## HOBIE (Jul 15, 2015)

Welcome Lissi. It sounds like you are having right hard time. I can remember giving my parents a hard time & wishing it would go away but she has got to learn that is not the way to go. Is there any help you can get from her diabetic team.  Good luck


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## Redkite (Jul 15, 2015)

Sorry to hear this Lissi.  If you are on Facebook, you could also ask for advice on "CWD - Main Group" and "Parents of Type 1 Teens".  There are no easy answers, however it does sound like your daughter has had a hard time adjusting to her diagnosis, and may benefit from seeing the psychologist at her diabetes clinic.

I would say you might want to start with small steps and non-negotiable minimum standards - and don't make it all about the diabetes.  The attitude and staying out till all hours without your permission is unacceptable - maybe have a real heart-to-heart with her and be prepared to listen and make some concessions, but bottom line is that you dictate the boundaries.  Let her express how she feels about the diabetes and what she hates most about it, and try and make diabetes fit into her life, not the other way around.  It's a massive burden for them......wish I could be the one with type 1, not my son


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## trophywench (Jul 16, 2015)

Lissi - it's the 'being different' she is railing at, not really the diabetes if you see what I mean.  Gosh - I'm 65 now and I remember what being a teenager was like - don't you?  and I wasn't diabetic in my teens.  It's VERY important to be 'in' with your personal In Crowd - your peer group.  It's not even so bad to have a physical disability - you can see that and realise that the person may not be able to - whatever - but still has the same sense of humour, taste in music clothes and make up, whatever - as you so that's kind-of OK.

Whereas D is invisible and silent - which can be more of a disability actually than eg having one less leg or being blind - because nobody will realise that obviously you CAN'T actually do exactly the same as everyone else - it all has to be explained in words of not more than one syllable - and it can be ruddy hard work doing that even for us adults.

She's got to be made to see and understand I agree otherwise she will cause herself  damage which is what you are so scared about - but I am clueless about how to do that.

As has been said - the Paediatric Diabetes teams at hospitals ARE used to dealing with it though - this does happen to teens quite often unfortunately.  So definitely contact them for help and advice - and as soon as possible.


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## HOBIE (Jul 17, 2015)

Let us know how things are


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## Lissi (Jul 20, 2015)

Thank you for all the comments. I guess there's no easy answer. We have discussed the staying out till all hours and hopefully that will change. As for the diabetes, I just don't know how we can improve things. She has another meeting with the diabetes team in a few weeks. She went for some meetings with a psychologist but she didn't talk. She did start getting some good help through her school during her last few months there, but as she's now left, the help they got her has stopped. I really wish someone could tell me how much longer this behaviour is going to last. Id really love to have a normal relationship with my daughter again. Our whole lives seem to revolve around her not doing her medication.


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## Copepod (Jul 20, 2015)

I know that toilets are not the ideal places for injections, but they are private. If your daughter uses 2 insulin cartridges that can both fit in the same own, then carrying Lantus cartridge with her short acting pen might be the most acceptable option. 
Although I was much older when diagnosed, I have always carried both cartridges with a single pen, and occasionally have needed my long acting when out later than expected.


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## HOBIE (Jul 20, 2015)

I have volunteered to do Duk kids holidays again. There is excellent info on these week or weekend trips. They have sessions for kids & different for parents to learn tips etc. Our Duk group paid for 3 families to go last year with some donations.  There is one at the Lakes for teenagers. Good luck


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## KookyCat (Jul 21, 2015)

I'm really sorry you're both having such a rough time of it.  Do you think she is rebelling or do you think she just doesn't have the coping strategies she needs to deal with it?  Sounds to me like she's running away from it, rather than rebelling against it, but obviously you know her best.   Being diagnosed as a 13 year old and then having a honeymoon phase means in reality she's had very little time to come to terms with something really huge and at a time when she's trying to pull away from you and become independent.  

My friend had a similar situation with her daughter (epilepsy not diabetes) and it got very fraught, but in the end she sat her down and negotiated more freedom (an allowance into her bank, door keys, household responsibilities, flexible curfew etc) but on the basis that she agreed to be an adult about her epilepsy.  It wasn't perfect, there were bumps along the way, but it got them out of the constant conflict and paved the way to transition the daughter to managing her own condition.  It also allowed the daughter to confess how utterly terrified she was, and that was the real turning point.  I mention it because the assumption from doctors was that it was teenage rebellion, and the answer to that was to assert more control over her.  It was teenage terror, she was frightened to death, but didn't want to admit it for fear of acknowledging "childish" emotions.  Teenagers often see the adults in their lives as fearless, because that's what we try so hard to let them see, the protectors, teaching them that we're terrified inside is no bad thing sometimes in my humble opinion.


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