# letters to the council



## bev (Apr 1, 2009)

Subject: Letters to the council 

Some of this is nearly English: Sentences in letters written to 
councils in the UK 

1.. It's the dogs' mess that I find hard to swallow 

2.. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has 
Backfired and burnt my knob off. 

3.. I wish to complain that my father burnt his ankle very 
badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.. 

4.. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his 
balls against my fence. 

5.. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet 
roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off. 

6..My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand? 

7.. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away 
From the wall. 

8.. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. 
My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. 

9.. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. 

10.. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, 
and 50% are Plain filthy. 

11.. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers. 

12.. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children 
until it is Cleared. 

13..Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour 
and Not fit to drink. 

14..Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three 
pieces. 

15..I want to complain about the farmer across the road.. 
Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too 
much For me. 

16..The man next door has a large erection in the back 
garden, which is Unsightly and dangerous. 

17..Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a 
third So please send someone round to do something about it. 

18..I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and 
would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top 
of me every night. 

19..Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job 
and satisfy my wife. 

20.. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six 
times but I still have no satisfaction. 

21.. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is 
broke and we can't get BBC2. 

22.. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my 
back passage has fungus growing in it. 

23..He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole 
house and I just can't take it anymore.



_________________
Bev


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## Vanessa (Apr 1, 2009)

Brilliant - led to much very inelegant guffawing!


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## HOBIE (Sep 1, 2017)

Very good


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## Wirrallass (Sep 25, 2017)




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