# How to deal with a 10 yr old who just refuses?



## Lynna (Dec 12, 2012)

HI
My daughter was diagnosed with type 1 back in Feb 2012. Some days are good and some are bad and some are very bad - like tonight! I dont know if it is diabetes related or not - (she wont do a blood test), but she is refusing to do anything including get ready for bed, get her supper, do bloods or her night time insulin. Just blankly refuses. I am at my wits end as I cannot get through to her. 
This is not the first time she downright refused to do something. 
I have already taken use of the Ipad away from her, she is not going to her pals tomorrow after school and now i have run out of bargaining tools.

Any ideas of how to get through to her?


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## bev (Dec 12, 2012)

Hi Lynna,

It is difficult trying to work out what is diabetes-related frustration and just bad behaviour isnt it. I would think your daughter is using her diabetes to 'control' you and sounds to me as if she is frustrated and its her way of showing it. There really is no compromise on this one as you know - but how to deal with it is another matter. If there really is no getting through to your daughter then I am afraid there is no alternative than to a)allow her levels to become so high that she may need a Hospital visit or b) hold her down and inject her. Neither of them  will go down well but you dont have a choice do you. When things are calmer and your daughter is in a chatting mood you could ask why she behaves like this - it could be that she needs to see a phsychologist (normally attached to your team at the Hospital) to help her come to terms with her diabetes and to work out ways of helping her to make good decisions without the need for her behaviour to escalate. I do hope things settle down - it cant be nice for either of you and very upsetting to watch.Bev

p.s. Dont forget that if her levels are high she will feel odd and it will show in her behaviour - so its a vicious circle really!


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## Pumper_Sue (Dec 12, 2012)

Lynna said:


> HI
> My daughter was diagnosed with type 1 back in Feb 2012. Some days are good and some are bad and some are very bad - like tonight! I dont know if it is diabetes related or not - (she wont do a blood test), but she is refusing to do anything including get ready for bed, get her supper, do bloods or her night time insulin. Just blankly refuses. I am at my wits end as I cannot get through to her.
> This is not the first time she downright refused to do something.
> I have already taken use of the Ipad away from her, she is not going to her pals tomorrow after school and now i have run out of bargaining tools.
> ...



Hi,
   is your daughter doing her injections herself? If so a very big well done.
I do wonder if the injections are hurting for some reason. is she using lantus by any chance? As this can sting some people.
If she is doing her own injections then perhaps take over and do them for her.
Also sit down and have a non confrontal talk with her as to what the problem is, then go about trying to fix it.
You need to speak to your diabetes team as well as it needs to be nipped in the bud so to speak.
If on mdi, let her go to bed with no supper, as wont hurt her. Can you wait until she is asleep and then do her night injection?


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## Lynna (Dec 12, 2012)

Pumper_Sue said:


> Hi,
> is your daughter doing her injections herself? If so a very big well done.
> I do wonder if the injections are hurting for some reason. is she using lantus by any chance? As this can sting some people.
> If she is doing her own injections then perhaps take over and do them for her.
> ...



Thanks for your reply. 
No she is not doing her own injections yet. She has tried, but just cant do it. Her injections are hurting - we are on our 4th type of insulin cause the others were causing large red lumps. Hopefully we will get started on a pump in the new year. 
However that will not deal with the behavioural issues. She will be sorry tomorrow morning and will endeavour to be the perfect child - until the next time.


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## Lynna (Dec 12, 2012)

bev said:


> Hi Lynna,
> 
> It is difficult trying to work out what is diabetes-related frustration and just bad behaviour isnt it. I would think your daughter is using her diabetes to 'control' you and sounds to me as if she is frustrated and its her way of showing it. There really is no compromise on this one as you know - but how to deal with it is another matter. If there really is no getting through to your daughter then I am afraid there is no alternative than to a)allow her levels to become so high that she may need a Hospital visit or b) hold her down and inject her. Neither of them  will go down well but you dont have a choice do you. When things are calmer and your daughter is in a chatting mood you could ask why she behaves like this - it could be that she needs to see a phsychologist (normally attached to your team at the Hospital) to help her come to terms with her diabetes and to work out ways of helping her to make good decisions without the need for her behaviour to escalate. I do hope things settle down - it cant be nice for either of you and very upsetting to watch.Bev
> 
> p.s. Dont forget that if her levels are high she will feel odd and it will show in her behaviour - so its a vicious circle really!



Thanks Bev. Once she did a blood, her level was only 5 point something so it wasnt high bloods! she is tired today, but then she should have gone to bed instead of kicking off for 2 hours! 
Tomorrow she will be as good as gold, I bet. Its tricky...


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## trophywench (Dec 12, 2012)

Err, ? puberty hormones kicking in, mummy?


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## Pumper_Sue (Dec 13, 2012)

If at the age of 10 and her injections are huring like that then it's no wonder she is kicking off like that poor kid 
Your team needs the biggest kick up the backside going, this needs sorting.
If she has an allergy against the insulin she is using then a pump wont help as she still infusing the same insulin.

Has animal insulin been tried? Many find themselves better off using that instead.
Or just incase it's not the insulin has anyone looked at the make and type of needle being used to inject with? This could be causing the lumps and bumps.
Best wishes
Sue


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## Lynna (Dec 13, 2012)

Hi Sue
Our team have been very supportive. We are testing an insulin which they use in the pump to see if she reacts to that. She doesnt, but it still nips when it is first injected as do all the others we have tried, but at least she doesnt get the sore red lumps!
We have tried zinc free needles and different manufacturers, but that doesnt seem to make a difference. 
I think we are on the road to getting the best insulin for her - it may be she just has to accept a bit of discomfort for a while (easy for me to say!) but her behaviour needs some attention!  She was still very tired this morning, but no sign of the fuss we had last night. An early night tonight for her I think!


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## Akasha (Dec 13, 2012)

This may seem like a strange question but..
What size needles are you using for her?


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## AlisonF (Dec 13, 2012)

Lynna, I was diagnosed aged 4, and was generally pretty good with diabetes, but I did feel the need to refuse a blood test/injection every now and again just to make it known that while I was doing all this stuff, I wasn't always happy about it. I felt the need to kick against it and make the point every now and again.

Has your daughter met any other kids with diabetes? Diabetes UK run brilliant family weekends and holidays which are a great opportunity to do just that. It really helped me to know I wasn't the only one doing this stuff.


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## Robster65 (Dec 13, 2012)

Hi Lynna. 

Can't argue with what's been said. Has your team offered counselling?

As Allison said, diabetes is something we've all pushed against at some point, and many of us still try to from time to time.

I've never found that injecting is discomfort-free. Sometimes it is, but sometimes it stings like hell. Maybe some people are more sensitive than others, or have a lower pain threshold. It's a lot to cope with at that age and I guess she feels she shouldn't have to. But, of course, that's not an option. Nobody's fault, just how the cards get dealt.

I hope your team can offer that bit extra to help her and you to find coping strategies or it may set a pattern of behaviour. 

Rob


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## Lynna (Dec 13, 2012)

Akasha - she is using 4mm needles - apparently the smallest available.

AlisonF Thanks for your comments. It is always good to hear from others that have experienced what she is going through and that her behaviour is not too out of the ordinary. 
We did go on a family weekend and it was brilliant. She got a lot of support and encouragement from it. But she still has these random melt downs. Just not sure if it is the diabetes, her age, hormones, tiredness or just naughtiness or a combination of all of the above!
But somehow she needs to learn to deal with the moods and we need to learn to cope with them..

Rob thanks too for your comments. You are the first I have heard say that injecting is not 'discomfort free'. Our team are doing what they can to support - I just hope they dont get fed up with my daughter being a 'problem patient'. I cant believe she is the first to ever have these sore injections. Coping strategies is what we need and I will ask about that at clinic next week.


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## Akasha (Dec 14, 2012)

It was just a thought incase she was on say 6mm needles and it was just that little bit too much needle. 

Sorry I can't help much more. I hope everything starts to look up for you. 
 


*Ps. I'm guessing that as Rob said, even the most veteran diabetic will had days were injecting hurts regardless.


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## CGar (Dec 14, 2012)

*Hurting injections*

Have you thought about trying a "buzzie", which is like a tens machine for injections?

My daughter is 9 and was also diagnosed earlier this year.  She has her odd moment but generally pretty good.  She did benefit from going to the diabetes uk day in July at Warwick university as spending a day doing stuff in a sports hall where everyone is diabetic really made her feel not alone.  She since regrets not keeping in touch with one of the girls she met there to have someone to moan with.  She wishes there was a sort of "diabetic pen friend (or e mail friend scheme).


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## bev (Dec 14, 2012)

CGar said:


> Have you thought about trying a "buzzie", which is like a tens machine for injections?
> 
> My daughter is 9 and was also diagnosed earlier this year.  She has her odd moment but generally pretty good.  She did benefit from going to the diabetes uk day in July at Warwick university as spending a day doing stuff in a sports hall where everyone is diabetic really made her feel not alone.  She since regrets not keeping in touch with one of the girls she met there to have someone to moan with.  She wishes there was a sort of "diabetic pen friend (or e mail friend scheme).



Hi CGar,

Have you heard of CWD? It is an email list of 500 parents of a child with Type 1 and we meet up twice a year for a weekend and the children have a brilliant time. Perhaps your daughter would like to be involved? All the children say they feel in the majority for once and its is nice watching them look after each other and test their BG's together - and the siblings will often tell someone to test if they look hypo!Bev


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## HOBIE (Dec 14, 2012)

Hi Lynna.   Kids Whoed hav em !  To answer your first question. Having the big "D" doesnt make you not do things.    Really good luck at sorting & as others have said i also didnt want to blood test & "WOULDNT" at times


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## Twitchy (Dec 14, 2012)

Hiya, just wanted to say I used to get the red, itchy stingy bruises when on an older insulin, think it was humulin soluble? I've used levemir (detemir) & humalog lispro without problems when on injections & I'm now pumping lispro. Sometimes with injections &/or cannula set changes  you can occasionally 'hit a nerve' - I've no idea if that's the medically correct description but ouch!  ...and then of course you're not too keen to jab the next few times.  Don't know if that's a factor or whether she's just fed up with having diabetes. Sounds daft, but did you ask her why she wouldn't have her jab? I wonder if there's anything in the pipeline you could use as a motivator - school trip etc? ie you can't do x if you're not looking after yourself properly? Cwd sounds like a fab idea - I grew up not having any regular contact with other diabetics & feeling a bit of a freak...seeing other kids being ok with their diabetes might help reassure her. 

Take care, hope things get easier. Xxx


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