# Wedding Advice and Opinions



## bigpurpleduck (Sep 26, 2010)

Hi all,

My partner and I got engaged in April this year, and have been to-ing and fro-ing with our wedding plans since. We went to a wedding yesterday, and now my head's completely up my backside, and was hoping you guys could help 

Basically, we have 2 options:

1) Go to the registry office just our two selves, do the deed and jet off for a holiday. It would be no bother to pay for this ourselves. It would be cheap, quiet and minimal stress.

2) Have a proper wedding. This will include lots of guests, a STUNNING dress which I've already picked (a few months ago when we thought we'd decided!), catering, accommodation, photos, etc. However, this will be stressful and very costly. We couldn't pay for it alone, and so would need financial support from our families. We both feel a little too proud to ask for this.

Anyone have experiences they can share? Any advice or suggestions would be much appreciated. I have no clue what to do, and my indecision is driving my man (& our families) up the wall!

Thanks loads in advance


----------



## rossi_mac (Sep 26, 2010)

difficult!

I would say go for the big day, we got married nearly 7 years ago now! I hope I remember next week (is it!?) We got married in wifey's backyard (not literally) putside Edinburgh, there wasn't much choice as to where, well there was but it was an easy decision, the costs soon added up, we couldn't afford it, my dad thought well brides family pay, no question! Brides family were happy to help, we worked out a possible cost and worked out we should be able to cover 50% so asked how much they could help us with, with careful negotiating (not demanding x amount) it was an even 25% split for both "inlaws" A bit stressful but worth it, from what I can remember, well there are photos to help my memory!!

Good luck and go for it (if you want)

Rossi


----------



## Steff (Sep 26, 2010)

Emma it is such a special day and a very personal one to the both of you, of course you want to spend the day with the people closest to your heart, but at the end of the day the 2 people that matter the most are you and your partner, if it was me personally i would go for the first option less of a headache and no worries about have you pleased this person have you thought of that person, id just have a nice day the 2 of you and then maybe down the line have some sort of a celebration with the family involved..

All the best  its a tough one

xx


----------



## harryharry2012 (Sep 26, 2010)

I think this very personal but just to let you know what we did as may give u an idea. We got married 10 years ago in a registary office as my wife did not want a big wedding and wanted it to be about us and not some big affair. I was not so sure but I went along, getting marrried with 6 friends there and going for a meal. It was great. We followed this up a month later up north, where i am from, with a party where everyone could have a good drink and celebrate. 

It cost us only a very small fraction of the cost. After seeing how much friends and family have spent and the stress of the day I know it worked for us as i couldnt have put up with all the messin around!

Amazing dresses come in MANY forms.... get one you can wear more than once!


----------



## Caroline (Sep 27, 2010)

I think deciding how big or small a wedding is  is a very personal think. When hubby and I got married we decided to have a small wedding in a registry office with immediate family and a meal at home.

When a couple of our friends got married, they decided to have a small wedding, it was them, hubby and I (who were the witnesses) and our big boy who was then about 8. Not sure about the church bit but in the registry office, you must have two witnesses, and I think they have to be over 18.

Having been to a couple of big weddings and a couple of small weddings, I think I prefer the small wedding in the registry office. Hubby and I are not church people and would not use the church for our display. It's a personal thing, and only the couple getting married can deicde.


----------



## sas77 (Sep 27, 2010)

My husband is disabled so we got special permission to get married at home (he cannot get about so we had no choice).  It was us, his mother (my family are not in contact with me) and our best friend.  It was lovely, romantic and stress free.  I enjoyed every minute and have never been in a room with so much love.  Whenever anyone asks how I got married, I tell them and they all say the same thing - "I wish I had done it that way, I don't remember any of my wedding day, it was all so stressful and a blur".  

I am not saying that everyone should do it this way, but I know that it worked for me and I have had an extremely happy 4 months since then and have not regretted it once.

I say do whatever makes you and your fiance happy and do the one that you will enjoy the most, whatever that is.

Best of luck and I wish you all the happiness in the world.


----------



## Caroline (Sep 27, 2010)

Just an observation, it strikes me the smaller and simpler the wedding the more stress free it is. My wedding day is certainly memorable, and for all the right reasons.

Good luck with the wedding whatever you decide to do. I hope it is everything you want it to be.


----------



## shiv (Sep 27, 2010)

Could you have a little registry do - still with the big dress, and just have family and close friends - and then have a big evening do for everyone else?


----------



## grahams mum (Sep 27, 2010)

hi i would opt for number 1  me and my partner we have been together now 22years and he does not want to get married  (he was married once before )so i give up now  maybe after the second child i dont know i am happy anyway  that is the most important thing


----------



## Caroline (Sep 27, 2010)

grahams mum said:


> hi i would opt for number 1  me and my partner we have been together now 22years and he does not want to get married  (he was married once before )so i give up now  maybe after the second child i dont know i am happy anyway  that is the most important thing



I only got married because he wanted to. Personal thing here, I don't believe you need a piece of paper to make a commitment, but if it is the only thing the other person will do then go for it. The main thing is you are happy together as a family.


----------



## Steff (Sep 27, 2010)

grahams mum said:


> hi i would opt for number 1  me and my partner we have been together now 22years and he does not want to get married  (he was married once before )so i give up now  maybe after the second child i dont know i am happy anyway  that is the most important thing



Thats the EXACT same as me and my partner Daniela i have the ring but i think that was just to shut me up lol, but it seems his first wife hurt him so bad he dont want to spoil it and get married...so i can live with that .


----------



## AlisonM (Sep 27, 2010)

It's so many centuries ago now since I did this and I had the works, church, flowers, reception, fancy frock (made by my gran who was a tailoress, granddad made the cake as he was a Master Confectioner), I had it all. But this was in the 70s when things were far less commercial and places didn't hike up their prices as soon as they heard the word 'wedding'. The hotel we used was owned by a cousin so we got that free and provided our own band (more cousins and friends). As I recall, we had a rollicking good time and the party was still going strong the next morning when we headed off on our honeymoon.

My beliefs and attitudes have changed a lot since then and my current OH and I are with Caroline, we don't feel we need a bit of paper to validate our commitment to one another. Having said that, if we did decide to do it I reckon we'd probably elope.

It is possible, I'm told, to do it on a budget. In fact a friend of mine had her wedding last month and did almost everything herself, including making the dress, the wedding favours, the invitations and the bouquet. The most expensive thing they did was hire the hotel and the catering for the reception, but even then she made her own cake. All in all I'm told the cost was just over ?2,000, including flights to Spain where they stayed at a friend's house for a couple of weeks.


----------



## traceycat (Sep 27, 2010)

as you may know, my daughter is getting married in 2 weeks time.
they are getting married in the registay office but is still wearing a lovely wedding dress which she bought from a shop that had to much stock and was selling some dresses at less than half there price, all the family and friends are going to be there, then going to a country park to get photos taken which me and her dad are paying for as part of a wedding pressie, we got a photography for ?200 and have seen her work so know shes good. our local bar is putting on the reception for them and is only charging them ?60 towards the buffet, they are providing everthing else including  decorations and music. there then going to stay the night in a fancy hotel which their best man has paid for them. her friend who is a flowest made all the bouqets for ?20, family is doing the cars for them and adding ribbons on them. my daughters partners friend is doing their cake free of charge. they dont have alot of money but still want it to be a memorable day. i think they have did realy well in how they managed to sort everything out.
i hope in whatever you decide you have a lovely day. i dont think it has to cost the earth for a wedding.


----------



## smile4loubie (Sep 27, 2010)

I'm getting married on 3rd June next year and we don't have alot of money so are doing a registry office with just family then our friend owns a marquee (which she will be selling after our wedding if its any use to you) that we are putting up in our local cricket field. Buy loads off ebay (dress cost ?50, invites im doing myself, both rings came in under ?20 etc) and food we are doing a buffet/barbeque. (join www.bigday.co.uk for great advice and money savers) total wedding cost ?1500 or under. price slightly changed now I'm 6 weeks pregnant but not by much lol We are inviting friends and the rest of the family (cousins etc) to the reception in the marquee in the evening (6pm) so that your not paying for two sets for meals etc


----------



## bigpurpleduck (Sep 27, 2010)

shiv said:


> Could you have a little registry do - still with the big dress, and just have family and close friends - and then have a big evening do for everyone else?



This is one of the problems we've encountered. We'd looked at having close family only for the ceremony, but this did not go down well with the in-laws, who are very traditional and have a HUGE family. Also, my parents are divorced and I have no siblings so it would essentially just be the two of them from my side... Don't think this makes for a successful day with no hitches!

So basically for us it's all or nothing. We had almost decided on doing it the cheap & simple way, until we were at the wedding on Saturday. The bride looked amazing and I had a fantastic time. Been a bit emotional since!

I don't want to *not* have the big do and regret it. It's the kind of thing I always dreamed of, but sometimes I think I'd rather have an easy life.

Thanks to all for your help! It looks as though the small do is winning on votes so far... Keep 'em coming and I'll let you know when we decide!


----------



## Caroline (Sep 27, 2010)

Just my thing, but I don't regret having a small wedding. When my wider fmily (uncles, aunties etc...) said they should all be there, I told them it was me getting married and I'd have who hubby and I wanted at the wedding. Hubby has a small family, and we had the same sized immediate family so it was nice and even.

At the end of the day you are marrying your partner, you have the sort of wedding you want. There are plenty of ideas here, so just pick the ones you like best.


----------



## cazscot (Sep 27, 2010)

Hi Emma,

We have been married for 10 years.  We got married in the register office and only had my grandfather, father and step-mother and hubbys father and sister at the wedding with my best friend and his best friend as our witnesses.  We then went to a local resturant and had a lovely meal then had a large party that night with a band and buffet for friends and family.  My dress was bought off the peg from Evans, his suit was a normal one (I wanted to hire a kilt for him but he was having none of it!).  Our honeymoon was a week in Paris.

Yes there were people on both sides that were unhappy at not being invited to the actual ceramony but this is YOUR wedding not theirs!  I understand your parents might be unhappy especially as you are an only child, my fil was unhappys, he wanted us to get married in church even though he hadnt been in one for about 20 years himself!  I calmly sat down and explained to him this was hubbys and my day and it was what we wanted, he was unhappy but came around eventually...

We had the money and could have had a big white wedding but I am glad we now didnt as we put the money down on a deposit for a house to make our mortage less.  

We decided early on to have a small wedding as I didnt want the stress of not sitting this aunty next to that aunty cos they had a fight 30 years ago etc etc...  

In the end only the two of you can decide what to do but I personally would go for a small wedding, or elope and come back and have a large party. 

All the best with whatever you decide x


----------



## Twitchy (Sep 27, 2010)

Hiya,

If the family are being stupid about it (after all, it's about you too, not them!) I'd keep it small & romatic for yourselves! 

That said, we got married about 6 yrs ago, a 'big' wedding (part of my family is Irish lol!) but done a lot 'on the cheap'... or rather, cleverly...

We were very fortunate to be able to get married on station & have the reception in the mess, but aside from that we kept costs down where we could: 
Wedding dress - bought 'pre-owned' from a place I found on the net - had never been worn, the lass who'd ordered it had bought it then seen one she liked better (what?!) so it had never even had the final fitting - but was about half the price...
Cake - from M&S - yummy & still looked fab!  Under ?100 for 4 tiers when the wedding cakes in mags are hundreds...
Car - we hired a 'chauffeur driven limo' to take us from the reception to the hotel - didn't mention the "W" word, just said to transport 2 officers lol! Cost ?60-odd instead of hundreds for a RR limo etc...
Flowers - kept to a really tight budget and didn't bother trying to deck the church out, just the reception table centres & bouquets...
Bridesmaids outfits - from the Monsoon outlet store in Bicester!

Family can be soooo petty when it comes to events like this - we just tried to invite those friends & closest family - but we did experience a degree of pressure from the now in-laws, doh!   It was an utterly brilliant day though, everyone said they'd had a fab time, I know it was a day we'll never forget. It mattered to me to get married 'formally' in a church, but that's just me.  Like I said before, if the faith bit isn't an issue with you, and the family are going to turn it into a massive stress, do what is best for you guys!  Planning everything was quite stressful, we needed the honeymoon to recover, but it was all a wonderful once in a life time experience, and woeth the trouble.


----------



## Pigeon (Sep 27, 2010)

Just to throw in another option, have you considered getting married abroad? I think it can often work out cheaper and then you don't offend people as you don't invite anyone! Some friends got married in Jamaica, just themselves, and then it was their honeymoon too. A month later they had a big informal party in the village hall - we had pie and peas, entertainment from a brass band and then a disco. Definitely the most memorable one I've been too, and very stress-free. I think they were very firm about pleasing themselves and not everyone else, but everyone had a good time in the end.


----------



## margie (Sep 27, 2010)

I think you should sit down and write a list of the pros and cons of the 2 types of wedding. 

For me it was important to be married in Church as I wouldn't have felt married otherwise but if you are not at all religious there is nothing to stop you getting married in a registry office or abroad. One of my sisters friends married abroad then had a blessing and party when she got home - she had been thinking of marrying in church but she was stressing out and losing a lot of weight, once she made the decision a weight was lifted.

There are ways to save money as people have said. One of my Mum's friends made the cake (though we did pay an expert to decorate), another made the favours for the tables and did the flowers for the Church. I typed the order of service booklet myself.  I had initially intended telling anyone who was invited to the evening reception that they were invited to the Church - but my FIL was critically ill, then recovering in the 4 months leading to the wedding, actually you wouldn't believe all the stuff that happened leading up to the wedding and the day itself - someone said it would make a good film.

Sometimes parents are worried about what other relatives or friends will say or expect and lose perspective of the important thing which is that that you are making a commitment to one another, and your family if they truly love you should understand and respect whatever you decide.


----------



## Caroline (Sep 28, 2010)

If I'd let my mother have her way, one of us would have ended up in prison for murder. It is a personal thing, there are lots of good ideas to choose from.

In February hubby and I will celerbrate our 30th anniversary, my mother said she'd organise a big party, but since none of our friends will be invited (she thinks they are not good enough) I've told her go ahead and organise it and enjoy it, we will geta Chinese take away as usual and enjoy it at home.


----------



## Dizzydi (Sep 28, 2010)

The most important thing about getting married is to remember it is all about you and your partner. It is the two of you that matter.

If you want a quiet one at a registry office and then a holiday go for it and have a party afterwards.

I got married September last year. My husband and I decided we wanted an exotic holiday and I said why don't we get spliced while we are at it.

We told no one, booked a holiday to Mauritius and a wedding. The wedding service and legals itself cost ?329.00 - with all our bits, rings, dress etc excluding the holiday we spent about ?2,000.

When we got home and told everyone they where over the moon for us. No one was angrey, we had not told anyone. We had a little party for close family and friends at our house a month after coming home. It was just perfect.


----------



## purpleshadez (Sep 28, 2010)

I've been married for just over 6 years. We had the wedding at the local registry office with close friends and close family.

As others have said, it's you and your partners day so as long as you are both happy with the arrangements then thats all that really matters


----------



## bigpurpleduck (Nov 4, 2010)

Just updating everyone on this!

We've decided to go for the big day 

I've dreamt about being a bride all my life, & I think I'll regret it if I don't do it.

My mum has very generously offered us a helpful sum of money and we're hoping our income is going to increase soon, so affordability shouldn't be an issue.

Now that we've decided, I'm super excited. We're going to a local hotel on Tuesday night to chat to them about having the ceremeony and/or reception there. They seem pretty good value for money - disco & 2 wedding cars included in the price of the menu along with master of ceremonies, cake stand, table decoration, etc.

Hoping to set a date for June 2012, and we're planning on including a "Save the Date" card/magnet with Christmas pressies this year to announce - there were quite a few disappointed people when we said we didn't think we were doing it, & I know they'll be over the moon!

We're going to keep things as simple as possible, so just one best man and one bridesmaid. I'm asking my best friend on Saturday if she'll be my bridesmaid and can't wait!


----------



## SacredHeart (Nov 4, 2010)

If you're looking for fairly cheap ways of doing Save the Date cards without paying 'wedding' prices for things, check out moo.com. They make business cards, but you can basically upload whatever images you want, and customise them to the point where you can use them for anything. I've seen them in real life, and both printing quality and card stock are top notch


----------



## shiv (Nov 4, 2010)

Congratulations on making the decision! How exciting! So you'll have a table at the reception for your favourite d forum, right?!


----------



## Steff (Nov 4, 2010)

Nice Emma good luck hun xx


----------



## novorapidboi26 (Nov 4, 2010)

I think if you can get out of the regictry office it would be good, it really depends on wether you can raise the money....

July next year I am getting married, its in a country house thing (council owned), reception there too, 40 day guests, another 60 at night, photos, meals etc all for no more than ?3000, that was a shock to me..........my advice is to have a look at prices, shop around.......you might be pleasantly suprised......then you will be more confident asking for help........


----------



## Northerner (Nov 4, 2010)

Congratulations to you and your OH Emma!


----------



## Andy HB (Nov 4, 2010)

And congratulations from me too!

I hope that you have a great day (well, actually, I hope that you have a few more than just one!) 

Andy


----------



## Akasha (Nov 4, 2010)

Congrats! 
I have just booked a church wedding for ?150. All inclusive (Flowers ceremony, pre-plans use of cameras in church)
Just trying to book everything else.

My dad and best man are paying for most of suits.
My best friend (Maid of honor) is buying her own dress. 

Dont be afraid to be cheeky and ask for discount / extras thrown in free.


----------



## RWJ (Nov 4, 2010)

And more congrats, from here in Fife. Hope you have a terrific day - from an Englishman abroad (just a missionary really)!!


----------

