# Despair



## Tina63 (Oct 11, 2011)

As I wrote a few weeks ago, my son hasn't been conforming to his regime these past few weeks/months and his last HbA1c (mid September) had risen to 9.1 from 6.1 3 months earlier.  He promised the consultant and DSN faithfully to get back on track and for about a week got back to testing and injecting properly.  It didn't take long for him to stop again though.  

Because he leaves his pens lying around I am able to keep a subtle eye on things and I know for a fact he hasn't used ANY novorapid for the past 3/4 days, though thankfully he is at least using his Lantus as normal.

We are now in the position shortly before diagnosis of watching him obviously becoming unwell from it, coming in from school and going to bed every day, this afternoon his lips were very dry, but every time I try and even loosely mention it, he loses the plot and shouts at me and storms off (he's 16).  I am at a complete loss as to what to do.  My husband says 'Sod him, let him get on with it, and when he's in hospital he needn't think I will visit him' - not the greatest support for me.  I really don't know what to do.  He obviously lied at his last appointment, so even if the DSN comes to do a home visit, he will just lie to her again no doubt. 

HELP!!!!!


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## Northerner (Oct 11, 2011)

I'm very sorry to hear this Tina  He must be feeling pretty rotten if he is missing his novorapid and showing the signs of prolonged high levels. Not being a parent I really don't know what to suggest other than sitting him down and having a calm and frank discussion about the realities of his situation. What he's doing amounts to self-harm, so perhaps there is someone you can talk to who understands the psychology of this and can suggest the best approach. I would talk to the DSN and see if they have anyone qualified in this area, I'm sure it can't be a new situation for them. Good luck.


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## Robster65 (Oct 11, 2011)

Agree with Alan.

He's using his insulin as a weapon against himself. Not sure how you can get through to him.

I would ring the DSN and have a word. If he carries on, he could do damage and he clearly isn't coping. 

You need support. He needs support. That's what the DSN is there for. He may lie to her but she'll have a better idea of how to move forward.

Rob


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## Newtothis (Oct 11, 2011)

I am really sorry to hear about your son; and wish you and him the best of luck. I cannot offer any direct advice because I'm not in your position but I'm sure advice you will get from the guys and other parents on this site will offer some help and comfort....

Good luck. Amanda x


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## Blythespirit (Oct 11, 2011)

Hi Tina. I'm so sorry to hear that things haven't improved with your son and can only imagine how worried you are. I have to agree with Alan and Rob that you need profesional support and your sons DSN is the best place for you to find it. She/he will have dealt with similar situations before and know the best way to help your son. I'm sending you lots of hugs from one mum to another. Please let us know how things go. XXXXX


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## bev (Oct 12, 2011)

Hi Tina,

Does your team have a phsychologist - it sounds like your son needs someone to talk to as he is obviously showing signs of depression/stress with having to deal with all this. As his parents, you are the 'wrong' people to help as he wont listen to you if he is like most teenagers and he needs a third party to offer a different perspective. Is there anyone at School you could confide in to ask for some help - often they have someone who is able to talk to students in private to help them through bad times. I understand your husbands reaction, but it wont help. The more you threaten and try to pursuade your son to do his injections, the more he will dig his heels in - its the nature of being a teenager.

Has your son explored the idea of a pump. I am wondering whether he just doesnt like injecting in front of friends and others. A pump can be more discreet and can be hidden away in a pocket. It is understandable that your son feels the way he does - this is a hard condition to keep on top of, and he is just showing his frustration which is very normal. I know it must be difficult for you all to watch this happening, but do try to get him some third party help.Bev


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## MeanMom (Oct 12, 2011)

O Tina I am so sorry. I cannot add much to what others have said - you need to get help from DSN and/or your sons doctor with this. Just wanted to say that you are not alone and I know what you most be going through (including unhelpful OH)
I think it is a good sign your son is leaving his 'pen ' where you can see that he is not injecting - he wants you to know because he wants your help IMO.
I have found the charity Young Minds a great help - they will chat to you and send you information on how to get help and you can even have a (free) counselling session over the phone. I don't have their number handy but the web site has all the details www.youngminds.org.uk (their forum isn't much good tho')
Good luck and hang in there (((hugs)))


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## Monica (Oct 12, 2011)

So sorry to hear your son isn't coping well. The others have already said it all, tell the DSN.

Hugs (((Tina)))


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## Tina63 (Oct 14, 2011)

Sorry I haven't replied, our internet and phone line went down shortly after posting, and BT have only just been round to fix it!

Shortly after my post I went up to his room to find him asleep again, and when I woke him he was like something possessed - really scary.  He was completely diorientated and stumbled around all over the place with his eyes all stary.  Much as I had vowed to back off, I couldn't help but let rip at him saying he was really scaring me now.  I told him I could see him going exactly the same way as he had been before Christmas and at this rate he would be landing in hospital very quickly and in a very bad way.  I asked him to check his BG levels, of course he refused, and told me to get out.  I just repeated again that I was really scared, and it was only because I love him that I worry so much.  He again shouted at me to get out, so I did.

Anyway.......within 24 hours 30 units of novorapid had gone, and his mood was considerably improved,his lips better and he didn't sleep Wednesday afternoon.  Yesterday I got a brief glimpse of his pen late in the day and another 30u (approx) has gone, so maybe my words got through......

Fingers crossed anyway.  We are due a DSN home visit shortly anyway, and they have just sent us an up to date contact list with an email address, so I will contact her and let her know the up to date situation.  The only days he has tested in the past month his waking levels have been over 10, but then he hasn't tested in over a week again now, so goodness knows where they have been at these past few days.  The next HbA1c is going to be horrendous.

At least I feel better about things now, and hopefully he is realising how much better he feels when using his insulin properly.  Let's hope so anyway.

Thanks for all your support.
Tina


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## Northerner (Oct 14, 2011)

Tina63 said:


> ...At least I feel better about things now, and hopefully he is realising how much better he feels when using his insulin properly.  Let's hope so anyway.
> 
> Thanks for all your support.
> Tina



I do hope so Tina. I imagine seeing you so scared would have registered quite strongly in him and hopefully he won't want to put you through that again. Hope things go well with the DSN visit


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## Monica (Oct 14, 2011)

I agree with Alan, that it could be the way you reacted on Wednesday  that made him pull himself together.

I sincerely hope he will keep up with all that needs doing concerning diabetes. As a mum it must be very scary to witness self destruction like that. 
I get exasperated with Carol at times and she's never done anything like that.

(((Tina)))


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