# It takes all sorts...



## Northerner

...to make a forum! Many people who come here may be using a forum for the first time, and often that can leave them unprepared if they encounter responses to their posts that they may find jarring or unsympathetic. Like any group of people anywhere, members are very diverse in character, and it's often not easy to spot nuances in language and presentation through text-only messages - there are no visual clues, or aural ones, so you just have to go on content and any prior experience of a particular person's writing style to determine if they are 'joking' or not. It's an age-old problem, and the chances of misinterpreting things are generally higher the greater emotional state the person reading may be.

Because of this I would like to ask that members bear these facts in mind, in posting, reading and responding - try and always put yourself in the other person's shoes, and if it conjures up any doubts about what you want to say, and how, then try and think of how you might reword things.

Remember always that this is a support forum and by that very fact people posting may be nervous, frightened, confused - or of course, confident, no-nonsense and brash. As I said, it takes all sorts, but try always to be first and foremost supportive  Above all, no personal insults or inflammatory statements - nothing wrong with rational, passionate debate, but not directed at individuals, such posts will be removed by the moderators. 

If you find that you don't like a particular member's style then I would urge you to use the 'People I ignore' option on your profile settings: you can input member names and then no longer see content from that member.

Hope this helps! 

NB See also:

*General courtesy guidelines when posting*


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## Caroline

I agree this can often be a difficult way to communicate and sometimes people respond in a certain way because they don't have all of the facts. I have found it best to come back to a post later on if I want to reply but am not sure how to immediately.


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## Amigo

It's a difficult area because sometimes people can forget that a rather strident approach in an attempt to give factual information can appear harsh or critical to someone who is feeling vulnerable. And whilst experienced posters may be giving the advice for the hundredth time, the enquirer may be asking it for the very first time.

I didn't know a 'people I ignore' option existed to be honest. I wouldn't use it personally because I'd prefer to respond honestly to anyone who upset me and tell them but it's a good option for those who wouldn't feel able to do that.


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## Redkite

Good advice Northie!

However if Ian Duncan-Smith ever came on here, could we be mean to him please?


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## bigheadmike

I wouldn't be able to help myself in that case Redkite


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## Northerner

Redkite said:


> Good advice Northie!
> 
> However if Ian Duncan-Smith ever came on here, could we be mean to him please?





bigheadmike said:


> I wouldn't be able to help myself in that case Redkite


Hmm...we might have to construct a list of 'Fair Targets'


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## Flutterby

Really good point Alan, I find this applies a lot with text messages, facebook and of course a forum like this.  Good advice.


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## ypauly

It is a good post  Alan, I have often said that what I type can be misunderstood as people can't see that I am smiling or just having a jovial "pub chat" that is just an exchange of opinions. Sometimes too, some people are more sensitive than others and you have no idea which ones those are from behind the screen but I doubt very much indeed that anybody here would deliberately or knowingly upset another member, I know I wouldn't but also accept that sometimes I may have without realising.


Oh and can we add Corbyn to the target list? he is on everybody elses LOL 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





Oh and, of course, Hunt now he has shown himself to be incompetent.


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## Redkite

Politicians should be fair game!


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## trophywench

Politicians should be fair game!


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## Caroline

Can I add Boris Johnson to the list?


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## AlisonM

It's difficult sometimes to remember just how scary and confusing those first few weeks and months are after diagnosis, but I always try to keep that in mind when dealing with new chums or our more fragile members. We have a wealth of experience here to share that can be an invaluable help to new folk joining us but I think it only works if we tread softly and forget the big stick. Things that seem so obvious to us are often puzzling and possibly frightening to new members, and it takes time for them to absorb the huge amount of information being pushed at them. If folk don't take on board what they're reading at once, we need to give them time to absorb and learn, we all learn at a different pace anyway. A slow and gentle approach, allowing folk to proceed at their own pace, and never assuming they know what is obvious to us is the best way, IMO.

As for politicians, especially IDS, they deserve all they get. Can we do what they did in Lewes and burn them in effigy?


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## Caroline

As for politicians, especially IDS, they deserve all they get. Can we do what they did in Lewes and burn them in effigy?[/QUOTE]

isn't that what November 5th is for? I know lots of men who burn mothers in law in effigy form...


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## Highlander

It's the SNP for me, they are using funds from the NHS for other purposes.  So many hospitals are under funded.


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## Mark T

I think a list of "Fair Targets" is always going to be a bit dodgy and some people will get their hackles up.  Personally I'd outlaw all politics and religion throughout the known universe, but apparently they are necessary to society .


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## pottersusan

Its not just our new chums... we all have good days and more fragile ones. Is there a diabetic in creation who has never had a bad day? Some days I can take on the world and others where I just want to hide.
Also I would ask if there is enough paper in the world for a list of fair targets?


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## trophywench

LOL Susan!  Redkite - no idea what happened when I repeated you, except that I agree - obviously!

I'm limiting myself to what I say at the mo since I seem to have upset quite enough people.

But there again - I'd like to say this.

When this forum first started, as it got going there were very few people who actually gave any advice to anyone and it seemed full of people who just said There There dear - I know, OOOOh I know! - which was NOT what most of us need when we come looking for help.  God - your own family and friends colleagues and neighbours give you all the hugs etc they can - but they can't HELP you - they know it and you know it.

So you don't WANT people to just give you more of the same!  You WANT people who not only truly understand how you feel, which we'll take as read if everyone is diabetic or closely associated with it (parents especially as they have to do the same thinking as adult diabetics have to except it's worse cos it's their baby LOL) but more importantly might be able to suggest summat that might/could possibly make you feel better even if it tastes horrible or sounds totally ridiculous to start with!  Does any of that make any sense?


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## Andy HB

trophywench said:


> LOL Susan!  Redkite - no idea what happened when I repeated you, except that I agree - obviously!
> 
> I'm limiting myself to what I say at the mo since I seem to have upset quite enough people.
> 
> But there again - I'd like to say this.
> 
> When this forum first started, as it got going there were very few people who actually gave any advice to anyone and it seemed full of people who just said There There dear - I know, OOOOh I know! - which was NOT what most of us need when we come looking for help.  God - your own family and friends colleagues and neighbours give you all the hugs etc they can - but they can't HELP you - they know it and you know it.
> 
> So you don't WANT people to just give you more of the same!  You WANT people who not only truly understand how you feel, which we'll take as read if everyone is diabetic or closely associated with it (parents especially as they have to do the same thinking as adult diabetics have to except it's worse cos it's their baby LOL) but more importantly might be able to suggest summat that might/could possibly make you feel better even if it tastes horrible or sounds totally ridiculous to start with!  Does any of that make any sense?



I think the point of the thread is not to say that advice, no matter how 'to the point' it is, is not needed. It is more how it is delivered, especially to new members who don't know our styles.

Personally, I think most (if not all) of what you say is good advice and is to the point so I, for one, would encourage you not to limit yourself.

Andy


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## trophywench

'LIke' is inappropriate - I mean 'Thanks!'


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## BobbieH

Amigo said:


> It's a difficult area because sometimes people can forget that a rather strident approach in an attempt to give factual information can appear harsh or critical to someone who is feeling vulnerable. And whilst experienced posters may be giving the advice for the hundredth time, the enquirer may be asking it for the very first time.
> 
> I didn't know a 'people I ignore' option existed to be honest. I wouldn't use it personally because I'd prefer to respond honestly to anyone who upset me and tell them but it's a good option for those who wouldn't feel able to do that.



This post hits the nail on the head for me.  When I was diagnosed I was advised to seek this  online forum for help and advise.
I was very nervous and unsure of the way forward with my diagnosis.  I was given different advise from my nurse as was given here which made me all the more confused.
I found some members very quick to point out what I was doing wrong, using terminology I was totally baffled by and making me feel more inadequate than I already felt.  I now restrict myself to Davids quizzes which I enjoy and I like Northerner's humour. but I would never post now regarding my diabetes.


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## Amigo

I think it's a great shame to feel that way Bobbie but I admire you for coming forward and saying that. 

Hope all is going well with the diabetes presently.


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## Andy HB

BobbieH said:


> This post hits the nail on the head for me.  When I was diagnosed I was advised to seek this  online forum for help and advise.
> I was very nervous and unsure of the way forward with my diagnosis.  I was given different advise from my nurse as was given here which made me all the more confused.
> I found some members very quick to point out what I was doing wrong, using terminology I was totally baffled by and making me feel more inadequate than I already felt.  I now restrict myself to Davids quizzes which I enjoy and I like Northerner's humour. but I would never post now regarding my diabetes.



If any answers baffled you then it is perfectly reasonable to ask for clarification. Another thing to remember is that we are not all the same when it comes to how we are affected by diabetes. What works for one person may be a terrible idea for someone else. The best approach could be to tout for advice, see which advice chimes with how you feel and respond and then act accordingly. Of course, if your relationship with your GP or DSN is a good one (not always the case, unfortunately) then bounce ideas off them too. Eventually, things should come together (especially if your GP or DSN are good ones!).

If you are still struggling then don't deny yourself additional information because someone might have that little gem of advice that makes the difference for you.

On the other hand, if you're not struggling, I'm sure there are some people out there who may benefit from your knowledge as well. This forum is not just a one-way affair. Everyone's experience is important if it is to function well.

Best wishes,

Andy


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## Bloden

BobbieH said:


> This post hits the nail on the head for me.  When I was diagnosed I was advised to seek this  online forum for help and advise.
> I was very nervous and unsure of the way forward with my diagnosis.  I was given different advise from my nurse as was given here which made me all the more confused.
> I found some members very quick to point out what I was doing wrong, using terminology I was totally baffled by and making me feel more inadequate than I already felt.  I now restrict myself to Davids quizzes which I enjoy and I like Northerner's humour. but I would never post now regarding my diabetes.



I felt the same BobbieH (I didn't understand half of what was being said!) but kept reading, reading, reading until I started to understand. It IS difficult at first, especially if high BGs are affecting your emotions. I persevered because I felt the people here were sincere and genuinely trying to help.


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## trophywench

Well I post stuff whenever - and I have absolutely no idea whether people in general understand it or not - how can I know, unless someone either says eg 'That seems to make sense, ta!'  or  eg 'What on earth are you going on about, you daft old bat?'

So if nobody actually says 'I don't understand'  -  I am going to assume everyone does.  Whenever someone queries something someone has said, all that happens  is that someone else has a go at explaining the same thing in a different way, which hopefully will help the person understand it.  Nobody gets offended !!  There is no point in anyone spouting forth info that doesn't help anyone, is there?

Bobbie - do give us another try next time you are stumped - and if you don't understand the replies - then just say so!  Please.


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## Karen McClure

I am new to the forum like many this forum was suggested to me as a guideline on how to cope with the beginning of the diabetic diagnosis.
I am scottish so takes a lot to offend me and personally if I disagree with advice I would generally say thank you and move on and just disregard it x
I havent commented on a lot of the threads but have read a lot and trying to absorb as much information as I can but like someone has already mentioned we all may have diabetes but due to other health issues and different metabolisms the diabetes varies from person to person so we need to just remember that advice is just that advice not a certified way to progress forward x for me this forum is a place to speak to others without the sympathy crap that friends and loved ones dish out as much as I am grateful there is only so much pandering I can take x so I am very grateful to have this forum x


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## Ralph-YK

I think it might be a bad idea to post at 2 in the morning when you're tired, or when your in a mood.  I don't admit to doing either.


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## Lorraine hunt

I agree Karen I'm new to the forum also, I think sometimes we interprete what we are reading wrongly, it's good to leave and go back before commenting, I have recently moved onto insulin pump and have found it a very useful forum, being able to get some advice/information, from people that understand, cause  they have been there, seen it, done it lol, it can be a very frustrating and confusing illness sometimes  but nice to have a friendly place to discuss things and feel supported if you want it.


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## Morph.

Fab thank you.  As a newbie.....well I'm trying to work out which one I am.  I'm scared.....can't swear or would have said something else about doing something in your pants
But i really want to know what is best. I like to be armed with lots of knowledge before setting foot on the front line


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## Ralph-YK

I'd forgotten this thread!  I've been thinking about this.  I've been using some others forums & groups chats where the talk is of anything and everything.  Although religion and polatics seems to be avoided.  These have people from all over the world (a lot in America) and can be somewhat not as ......formal as... us English on here.  Some people have actually become good friends on one.  I've been on one of those a heck of a lot more than here.  It's had some of the same people on all the time.
Because of the more focused content on here, and the less frequent posting, we are not as familiar as that other place.  I developed a style there that I'd use less here.  For example I hesitate to do *hugs*, *fectes cups of tea*, *holds your and sits with up*,  which are actually things I've done a lot in the other place.  (Suck things and more can be common with some poeple.)  Even though I'm still stiff upper lip northern older mail.


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## Ralph-YK

I've just re-read my last post.   I didn't express it right.  I don't like just deleting things. I think we do get on here. I just made a mess of conveying the difference.


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## Amigo

Ralph-YK said:


> I've just re-read my last post.   I didn't express it right.  I don't like just deleting things. I think we do get on here. I just made a mess of conveying the difference.



I understood exactly what you were saying Ralph (even with your quirky spelling! Lol). No problems at all, I think different forums and countries do result in different approaches. Nothing wrong in what you said at all


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## SB2015

I have recently started using this forum a lot more, and  have received a lot of very practical advice, much of which I now understand, and a great deal of encouragement.

However I remember being very confused when I was diagnosed, exactly eight years ago today.  I was desperately trying to get my readings on target and failing VERY miserably.  I was at a loss what to do and I am not sure where I posted on a forum to ask if people were usually on target.  I got a reply to tell me that they were, but with no suggestion about how to do this.  I will never forget how depressed I felt at that time.  Now I know it was that interestingly named 'honeymoon period'.  I avoided any forums for a long while.

Having joined this forum last year, admittedly in a very different position now, I have valued the advice and the encouragement from  so many people.  In trying to help others I always keep I'm mind how I felt in those early days.


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## Ralph-YK

Glad it's working out for you SB.  Happy? aniversary.  Thanks Amigo


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## Northerner

SB2015 said:


> I have recently started using this forum a lot more, and  have received a lot of very practical advice, much of which I now understand, and a great deal of encouragement.
> 
> However I remember being very confused when I was diagnosed, exactly eight years ago today.  I was desperately trying to get my readings on target and failing VERY miserably.  I was at a loss what to do and I am not sure where I posted on a forum to ask if people were usually on target.  I got a reply to tell me that they were, but with no suggestion about how to do this.  I will never forget how depressed I felt at that time.  Now I know it was that interestingly named 'honeymoon period'.  I avoided any forums for a long while.
> 
> Having joined this forum last year, admittedly in a very different position now, I have valued the advice and the encouragement from  so many people.  In trying to help others I always keep I'm mind how I felt in those early days.


Happy Diaversary @SB2015   !  I have my 8 year Diaversary coming up this year


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## KookyCat

Well I always avoided forums for the same reasons I avoid Twitter, I think it can bring out the worst in some people, but I don't find that here.  Yes on occasion I've thought blimey that's blunt, but generally I realise that writing styles are the root of it.  I tend to be quite flowery, and try to avoid being critical but I may well have written something that irritated another person.  In fact I'm sure I irritate some people, but different strokes for different folks.  It is hard when you're new to understand what's going on, and it's hard when people here say something different to what your medical team are saying, but that's fine with me, because that's why I came here.  I didn't come for sympathy and hugs (although that's nice too), I came because I felt isolated, different and unhappy with the medical advice I was given.  On the flip side though, it's hard when you're not new too, because you lose connection to how it felt to be so bewildered and raw, and we all deal with things differently.  I see this place as a haven where I can ask a question and I will get honest answers, I might not agree with the answer, I might not like the answer, but then if I don't like it I can ignore it.   i found this thread useful, because it reminded me to try to remember that newbies in particular can be on their last nerve (a raw, overexposed and very painful nerve at that) so I try to be as gentle as possible, but it's also useful to remind me that we all interpret words through our own personal filter, and sometimes the offence taken is more about the person taking it than the alleged offender, sometimes it's six of one half a dozen of the other, and sometimes it's just someone having a bad day at the end of their fuse.


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## SB2015

Thanks Northerner
It is amazing to think of the changes in Diabetes care over just 8 years, and exciting times with the current research and development going on.


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## SB2015

Thanks to Ralph too. It was a happy diaversary (spell check made that diaper set!!). 
I am gradually learning the facilities on the forum and missed your message.


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## Zoe Amanda

Bobby H ...Love your last sentence , it made me smile ...thank you ...hope all is well with you ...take care out there  Zoe


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## Val999

I have been on a number of forums over the years and there always seems to be a few idiots who I just can't see eye to eye with. However on joining this forum once I was diagnosed it seems a really friendly and helpful place. I won't use Facebook or Twitter on principal. The former has security issues I believe and they have both become so big that they are difficult to manage. I much prefer smaller forums like this one.

Keep up the good work guys


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## robert@fm

The owner of Farcebook has publicly stated that "there's no such thing as privacy" — hence, although I have a Farcebook profile, it is strictly only for use when I can't connect in a more sensible way, and is almost completely blank (the profile picture used to be a cartoon character, but those idiots took it down). It also doesn't make or accept "friend" requests; I've never even heard of most of those people, much less clapped eyes on them, so how could a "friend" relationship have any meaning?


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## Ralph-YK

I'm not big on facebook.  I've got family on it, one who's fare away.


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## Lindarose

I deleted my FB account as using the scroll down on my iPhone I kept accidentally inviting people I didn't know to be my friend! And also sent what I thought was a personal message to my sister and it went on the main stream!  Could have been worse but worried me that I'm not always sure what I'm doing!!!


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## Marsbartoastie

Read, understood and I'll do my best to comply.  Thanks @Northerner


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## Carolg

Me too northerner. Happy if you tell me if I cross any lines. Thanks


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## Carol F

Highlander said:


> It's the SNP for me, they are using funds from the NHS for other purposes.  So many hospitals are under funded.


Couldn't agree more...group of morans...diverting cash for all sorts..gaelic road signs!!..the list goes on..


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## James 048

Northerner said:


> ...to make a forum! Many people who come here may be using a forum for the first time, and often that can leave them unprepared if they encounter responses to their posts that they may find jarring or unsympathetic. Like any group of people anywhere, members are very diverse in character, and it's often not easy to spot nuances in language and presentation through text-only messages - there are no visual clues, or aural ones, so you just have to go on content and any prior experience of a particular person's writing style to determine if they are 'joking' or not. It's an age-old problem, and the chances of misinterpreting things are generally higher the greater emotional state the person reading may be.
> 
> Because of this I would like to ask that members bear these facts in mind, in posting, reading and responding - try and always put yourself in the other person's shoes, and if it conjures up any doubts about what you want to say, and how, then try and think of how you might reword things.
> 
> Remember always that this is a support forum and by that very fact people posting may be nervous, frightened, confused - or of course, confident, no-nonsense and brash. As I said, it takes all sorts, but try always to be first and foremost supportive  Above all, no personal insults or inflammatory statements - nothing wrong with rational, passionate debate, but not directed at individuals, such posts will be removed by the moderators.
> 
> If you find that you don't like a particular member's style then I would urge you to use the 'People I ignore' option on your profile settings: you can input member names and then no longer see content from that member.
> 
> Hope this helps!
> 
> NB See also:
> 
> *General courtesy guidelines when posting*


Hi Northerner 
Could not agree more , its so easy sometimes to be tempted to answer thread ,especially late at night when there ain't many of the gang online to respond right away. I must be honest and say without the wisdom,kindness and time from forum members i would not be were I am today as my gp gave me empty toolbox and the members filled it with the tools I hadn't got . minds me alot of my main hobby in life (Amatuer radio ) .
The secret was to listen and learn and also do your homework before you lifted microphone to talk .
Hope you family and friends are having good weekend


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## mikeyB

Carol F said:


> Couldn't agree more...group of morans...diverting cash for all sorts..gaelic road signs!!..the list goes on..


As the (probably) token SNP member on the forum, I have to say that despite having sampled most of the hospitals in Glasgow and Dunbartonshire, I've nether seen nor experienced any evidence that hospitals are collapsing under the strain in the same way as in England. We just don't have the expensive tiers of management that exist in NHS England. We are lucky to be living in Scotland.

As far as road signs go, I hardly notice it, living on a bilingual island. Don't you like living in Dùn Tòchair? (Just teasing)


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## trophywench

Well a guide to pronunciation would be handy whether it's in Gaelic, Welsh or Catalan.  I mean for years I always thought we went into 'Simroo' until I found out we really went to Cumree as we travelled to eg Abersoch (abber sock in English, dunno in Welsh) or Morfa Dyfryn (More-fa Diffrin - but really More-va Duff-rin) - but there again I have known for ages that Dun Laoghaire is Dunleary but hadn't a clue for years before my mate (Ma from and family in Dublin) told me!

And how do people pronounce Mr Cholmondely-Warner - do they all realise it's Mr Chumley-W?


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## robert@fm

trophywench said:


> Well a guide to pronunciation would be handy whether it's in Gaelic, Welsh or Catalan.  I mean for years I always thought we went into 'Simroo' until I found out we really went to Cumree as we travelled to eg Abersoch (abber sock in English, dunno in Welsh) or Morfa Dyfryn (More-fa Diffrin - but really More-va Duff-rin) - but there again I have known for ages that Dun Laoghaire is Dunleary but hadn't a clue for years before my mate (Ma from and family in Dublin) told me!
> 
> And how do people pronounce Mr Cholmondely-Warner - do they all realise it's Mr Chumley-W?


For my part, I have been wondering how @SadhbhFiadh pronounces her user name; I know that the Gaelic "bh" is equivalent to the English "v" (hence our no-longer-posting member @shiv whose real name is Siobhan; I wonder what became of her), but beyond that I haven't a clue.  (The English are notoriously poor linguists, our @Northerner being one exception; possibly because our language is so difficult to learn, most of us don't bother with any other.)


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## SadhbhFiadh

Sounds like SIGH-VE but most people spell it Siabh. It used to be b with a little dot over it, then they changed those accent marks to the H. That's more than you wanted to know! EVER! LOL
Anglicized is Sally or Sarah. 
PS - Fiadh is just Fia


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## DeusXM

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/irish-name-pronounced-how-its-written-2014071888688


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## SadhbhFiadh

DeusXM said:


> http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/irish-name-pronounced-how-its-written-2014071888688


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## trophywench

I never knew shiv's name was Siobhan - I worked with a girl years ago who had a friend called that and she was always saying her name so one day I said, what an unusual name (I'd not heard it before not personally mixing in Irish circles - only by chance and surroundings, not from any desire not to LOL) how does she spell that? and was gobsmacked when told!

I hadn't the slightest idea where Sadhbh hailed from - thought it must be a LOT further away than Erin !  LOL


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## SadhbhFiadh

When I was very young, I wanted to be called Sarah, because the name means princess. But then I discovered Sidhbh was a goddess! So I was no longer interested in "Sarah!"


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## Nomad

Northerner said:


> ...to make a forum! Many people who come here may be using a forum for the first time, and often that can leave them unprepared if they encounter responses to their posts that they may find jarring or unsympathetic. Like any group of people anywhere, members are very diverse in character, and it's often not easy to spot nuances in language and presentation through text-only messages - there are no visual clues, or aural ones, so you just have to go on content and any prior experience of a particular person's writing style to determine if they are 'joking' or not. It's an age-old problem, and the chances of misinterpreting things are generally higher the greater emotional state the person reading may be.
> 
> Because of this I would like to ask that members bear these facts in mind, in posting, reading and responding - try and always put yourself in the other person's shoes, and if it conjures up any doubts about what you want to say, and how, then try and think of how you might reword things.
> 
> Remember always that this is a support forum and by that very fact people posting may be nervous, frightened, confused - or of course, confident, no-nonsense and brash. As I said, it takes all sorts, but try always to be first and foremost supportive  Above all, no personal insults or inflammatory statements - nothing wrong with rational, passionate debate, but not directed at individuals, such posts will be removed by the moderators.
> 
> If you find that you don't like a particular member's style then I would urge you to use the 'People I ignore' option on your profile settings: you can input member names and then no longer see content from that member.
> Hope this helps!
> 
> NB See also:
> 
> *General courtesy guidelines when posting*


From what I have seen so far (and that isn't a lot), the majority of people here are well mannered, sympathetic and helpful towards a new member, particularly somebody who has been newly diagnosed.  My experience so far has been a real education and diabetes for many is an extremely frightening time, such is reflected in  a  post I read only today.  Unfortunately there will always be wind-ups and ignorant oafs who have no idea of the consequences of their actions. So to any newbie (those needing help and advice)  who might happen to read this, have a good look at the member's avatar, well known or well liked will give you an idea of whether or not you are likely to get helpful advice.


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## trophywench

Sometimes one or another member will disagree with what someone else has said.  Unfortunately some people express their difference by attacking whoever said it - perhaps not this strong but 'You must be an idiot if you believe that!' type of nuance in their words - rather than 'Oh Nomad, I don't think you've interpreted that quite right, if I understand the circumstances you've outlined properly - my understanding was that 2 plus 2 makes four, not 5 as you have said - what do others think?'  LOL

It should always be possible to agree to disagree, if persuasion doesn't do it - and not fall out !   However that always supposes that both people want to stay on 'speaking' terms LOL


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## MikeW59

Hello,

I'm a new member trying to get to grips with my recent type-2 diagnosis and at the same time navigate around this site and my thoughts on this are to treat everyone with the same respect that you wish to receive yourself.

Many of you have a wealth of experience that I the new member can learn from, that's why I registered on the site in the first place. 
Some of my own concerns may seem petty given the magnitude of the issues at hand but to me they are real.
I for one appreciate the reply's, look to learn from them and adjust my management of my type-2 to suit.

In every walk of life a tosser will come along occasionally, often they can be ignored but sometimes you just have to tell them. But do it gently because everyone hurts sometimes.

Mike


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## Ljc

MikeW59 said:


> Hello,
> 
> I'm a new member trying to get to grips with my recent type-2 diagnosis and at the same time navigate around this site and my thoughts on this are to treat everyone with the same respect that you wish to receive yourself.
> 
> Many of you have a wealth of experience that I the new member can learn from, that's why I registered on the site in the first place.
> Some of my own concerns may seem petty given the magnitude of the issues at hand but to me they are real.
> I for one appreciate the reply's, look to learn from them and adjust my management of my type-2 to suit.
> 
> In every walk of life a tosser will come along occasionally, often they can be ignored but sometimes you just have to tell them. But do it gently because everyone hurts sometimes.
> 
> Mike


Well said.


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## MikeTurin

trophywench said:


> Sometimes one or another member will disagree with what someone else has said.  Unfortunately some people express their difference by attacking whoever said it


I suppose that one of the problems is that a lot of people experiences on "telematics" is only wia their Facebook or Whatsapp on their smartphone.
Using Prestel or BBS systems was a completely different experience, setting up a a PC to connect was a difficult task and because of this the communities were smaller and more closed. 
Even using internet with USENET or mailing list was different, all was more compact. (Hey the home page of diabetes.co.uk is 1.1MB, more than the 8088 address space) 
Trolls and wacky people were always present, but due the more compact status of the BBS and early Internet world, was way more easy technically deal with them, and even socially,
I hope to still be able to manage rude people... but for a telematics newbie could be harder, and RFC 1855 sounds awfully outdated.
https://www.ietf.org/rfc/rfc1855.txt


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## trophywench

Good grief Mike - well predates my use of puters - apart from 'dumb' terminals to access info stored on the company's IBM mainframe ( that starred in one of the Bond movies, showing the disks spinning at speeds unknown to real computer engineers ROFLMAO - took em ages to program it to do that - apparently, nudging forward c.5mm every c. 9 minutes which was it's normal rate of progress wasn't considered exciting enough for Dr No's laboratory or wherever it was sposed to be!) and my boss built himself a Sinclair Spectrum when they came out and later a friend bought a BBC one - mainly for its WP abilities for Newsletters and the like - since she was an IT teacher in a senior school, where she also organised school skiing trips etc and schools used BBC ones.

Ages before I had one though, a while before they invented the internet - again for WP and spreadsheet capabilities more than anything as I was treasurer of a Club and needed to keep accounts plus send out annual subscription demands etc.

Most people using the internet today wouldn't even know the word Netiquette had ever been coined - let alone the advice it contains!!


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## Maryanne29

I totally agree with Northeners original post. Several times I had responses that were inappropriately harsh, sarcastic or written in a way that could make a person feel stupid - luckily I’m not easily upset. So I decided not to use the forum for quite a while. I’ve come back now and will see what happens. Having said that most people are lovely, polite, helpful, funny but it just took a few to make me decide to,move on.


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## trophywench

The difficulty is of course - if I write something which someone could take 'wrong' that just isn't going to occur to me, because when I wrote it and read it, then to me it will still sound right and not offensive!  But at times some have taken the hump merely because I upset them (accidentally) a year last Wednesday so they'd take the hump with me even if I brought em a ruddy cure!  LOL

However - that is exactly what the 'Report' button is for - and Yes - I have used it myself sometimes!


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## Carolg

Hello maryanne29. Good to see you on forum


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## everydayupsanddowns

Maryanne29 said:


> I totally agree with Northeners original post. Several times I had responses that were inappropriately harsh, sarcastic or written in a way that could make a person feel stupid - luckily I’m not easily upset. So I decided not to use the forum for quite a while. I’ve come back now and will see what happens. Having said that most people are lovely, polite, helpful, funny but it just took a few to make me decide to,move on.



Lovely to see you back Maryanne 

Don’t forget you can also use the ‘ignore’ function if you want to use the forum but not see posts by a particular user.


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## chaoticcar

It is hard to recognize how people :"read" a post I have a wacky sense of humour or so I have been told ,so perhaps I am in danger of upsetting someone purely innocently .If I do please tell me !
  CAROL


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## Ralph-YK

Maryanne29 said:


> could make a person feel stupid


Calling someone stupid is definitely out of line.  Other forums I'm on moderate for such things, and admin will give warnings and ban people for personal attacks.  I believe it is here too.
This forum seems a lot better than other places I've been. Although we do have the odd bump. It's also very easy to miss where there's been admin work done.  Sometimes I've not known when something has happened.  (Nor do I read all threads, I check the titles.). So I'm not aware of everything on this forum.
I'm sorry you had problems Mary Anne. Welcome back.


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## Vince_UK

Maryanne29 said:


> I totally agree with Northeners original post. Several times I had responses that were inappropriately harsh, sarcastic or written in a way that could make a person feel stupid - luckily I’m not easily upset. So I decided not to use the forum for quite a while. I’ve come back now and will see what happens. Having said that most people are lovely, polite, helpful, funny but it just took a few to make me decide to,move on.


Agree wholeheartedly with your sentiments and statement @Maryanne29
99.9% of the people who use this forum are generous in thought and word, polite, extremely helpful and willing to share the benefits of their experience and knowledge and are open and welcoming. Very supportive indeed.
There is a very small minority and I mean very small I can count of the fingers of one hand, whose can be caustic, intent on self promotion and have a "know it all" attitude and need to engage brains before putting fingers to keyboard. I don't use the ignore button because I like to watch this play out and on more than one occasion have chuckled to myself as I have thought "is this person real?"
Just ignore them and treat it for what it is.
The benefits of using the forum by far outway any irritation that minority may cause.
That is the decision I made a while back.


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## Cookieones

My sentiments entirely Vince, very well put.
Allan.


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## Ingressus

Northerner said:


> ...to make a forum! Many people who come here may be using a forum for the first time, and often that can leave them unprepared if they encounter responses to their posts that they may find jarring or unsympathetic. Like any group of people anywhere, members are very diverse in character, and it's often not easy to spot nuances in language and presentation through text-only messages - there are no visual clues, or aural ones, so you just have to go on content and any prior experience of a particular person's writing style to determine if they are 'joking' or not. It's an age-old problem, and the chances of misinterpreting things are generally higher the greater emotional state the person reading may be.
> 
> Because of this I would like to ask that members bear these facts in mind, in posting, reading and responding - try and always put yourself in the other person's shoes, and if it conjures up any doubts about what you want to say, and how, then try and think of how you might reword things.
> 
> Remember always that this is a support forum and by that very fact people posting may be nervous, frightened, confused - or of course, confident, no-nonsense and brash. As I said, it takes all sorts, but try always to be first and foremost supportive  Above all, no personal insults or inflammatory statements - nothing wrong with rational, passionate debate, but not directed at individuals, such posts will be removed by the moderators.
> 
> If you find that you don't like a particular member's style then I would urge you to use the 'People I ignore' option on your profile settings: you can input member names and then no longer see content from that member.
> 
> Hope this helps!
> 
> NB See also:
> 
> *General courtesy guidelines when posting*


Northerner what did you tell them you could ignore people for lol when i post there will just be an echo, Hello anyone there!


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## Northerner

Ingressus said:


> Northerner what did you tell them you could ignore people for lol when i post there will just be an echo, Hello anyone there!


Hehe! Don't worry Simon, I can hear you!


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## khskel

Ingressus said:


> Northerner what did you tell them you could ignore people for lol when i post there will just be an echo, Hello anyone there!


Who said that?


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## Wirrallass

Wasn't me!


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## Cassie

I was told by one poster on here, quite a long while back, in answer to a query of mine and a quite innocent statement/reply by me...that I was a "drama queen" - I came off for a long while as it really upset me. I'm not a wilting wallflower by any means, but to be told so blatantly something like that, made me never want to post or reply again on here. I never understood why whoever it was thought they had the right to call me a "drama queen". I've been type 1 for 46 years this year and never, ever made any drama out of any crisis. Even now I'm back on here, I much more wary of what I write or comment. Even though I would never write anything controversial. Or rude! I remember telling one of my DSNs and she was horrified but as she said or words to the effect as it was a while ago, keyboard warriors are everywhere.


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## Ralph-YK

I'm sorry to hear this Cassie. And I'm glad you're posting again. It's a pity to loose people.


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## Northerner

Cassie said:


> I was told by one poster on here, quite a long while back, in answer to a query of mine and a quite innocent statement/reply by me...that I was a "drama queen" - I came off for a long while as it really upset me. I'm not a wilting wallflower by any means, but to be told so blatantly something like that, made me never want to post or reply again on here. I never understood why whoever it was thought they had the right to call me a "drama queen". I've been type 1 for 46 years this year and never, ever made any drama out of any crisis. Even now I'm back on here, I much more wary of what I write or comment. Even though I would never write anything controversial. Or rude! I remember telling one of my DSNs and she was horrified but as she said or words to the effect as it was a while ago, keyboard warriors are everywhere.


I'm very sorry to hear this @Cassie  It's certainly not acceptable, people should always be treated with respect. It must have been something I missed at the time, so I apologise


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## Annemarie

trophywench said:


> Politicians should be fair game!


Can I add Trump!


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## Annemarie

I joined recently, I have significant areas of ignorance both with diabetes and technology so I have been a bit nervous when asking stupid questions, however, responses have been very kind so thank you. It’s the only way I’m filling in gaps in my knowledge which is like a colander. My only concern is the security for example if I want to check/complain or query information given to me by the diabetic Nurse at the GP surgery (I truly don’t she’s been as helpful as she can) how can I be sure that person wouldn’t access my concerns and take offence?


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## Annemarie

trophywench said:


> LOL Susan!  Redkite - no idea what happened when I repeated you, except that I agree - obviously!
> 
> I'm limiting myself to what I say at the mo since I seem to have upset quite enough people.
> 
> But there again - I'd like to say this.
> 
> When this forum first started, as it got going there were very few people who actually gave any advice to anyone and it seemed full of people who just said There There dear - I know, OOOOh I know! - which was NOT what most of us need when we come looking for help.  God - your own family and friends colleagues and neighbours give you all the hugs etc they can - but they can't HELP you - they know it and you know it.
> 
> So you don't WANT people to just give you more of the same!  You WANT people who not only truly understand how you feel, which we'll take as read if everyone is diabetic or closely associated with it (parents especially as they have to do the same thinking as adult diabetics have to except it's worse cos it's their baby LOL) but more importantly might be able to suggest summat that might/could possibly make you feel better even if it tastes horrible or sounds totally ridiculous to start with!  Does any of that make any sense?


You seem to have a good clear vision, I like your posts, straight and to the point, you say it as it is.


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## Ralph-YK

Annemarie said:


> how can I be sure that person wouldn’t access my concerns and take offence?


Do you mean read your posts on the forum? Well, anyone can read what's posted. (They don't even need to sigh up.) That's a reason to use a nickname, instead of your real life (RL) name (particularly full RL name). I think the bulk of HCP aren't on here though, so wouldn't know what you posted.
I believe there's a rule about naming people. Most people use generic terms, like "my diabetic nurse" or "my GP".
[Edited]


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## Annemarie

Ok I think caution is the best way. On the subject of tracing family my husband traced his father’s family as far as 1628 when they were living in Cheltenham, very wealthy (we visited Cheltenham but only came away with a parking ticket!) When he traced his Mother’s line he discovered that in the early 1700 they lived close to his father’s ancestors


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## Ralph-YK

Annemarie said:


> for example if I want to check/complain or query information given to me by the diabetic Nurse at the GP surgery


If they take offence at you checking information, or becoming an informed patient ... I'm trying to think of a socially acceptable way of saying offend away.


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## trophywench

@Annemarie - not much point in beating around the bush - we're all dealing with a condition which is factual, the trick being identifying between how we absolutely have to treat it and where we each have options.  Diabetes can actually be a reasonably comfortable companion to share your life with - once you've accepted that you are obliged to play by its rules ...... mostly. 
(Then you can occasionally afford to enjoy time off for good behaviour )

5 of us all at school together so roughly the same age as you and I - are quite likely to call each other 'You daft old bat!' - but beware anyone else calling any of us it.


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## Annemarie

@trophywench I like your humour, you remind me of when I lived in Yorkshire (Sheffield) so easy to communicate but don’t ask for an opinion unless you’re prepared for an honest answer!


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## trophywench

Exactly !  

Neither I nor my 4 schoolmates hail from oop north - all firmly rooted in West Bromwich originally (so Staffordshire then) though one escaped firstly to Gloucester and later to nearer Bristol; 4 of us became more countrified to Worcestershire and I then moved just into Warwickshire.   (Don't even think about ever calling us Brummies, either!)


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## Annemarie

@trophywench I’m off to Broadway tomorrow for a few days, not quite Gloucestershire but near. Lovely part of the country


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## everydayupsanddowns

Annemarie said:


> how can I be sure that person wouldn’t access my concerns and take offence?





Ralph-YK said:


> I believe there's a rule about naming people. Most people use generic terms, like "my diabetic nurse" or "my GP".



Indeed we do. You are not permitted to name specific HCPs in the Forum Guidelines - even if you wanted to post glowing praise... because there’s always the chance someone may come along later who felt they had a very different experience, and as moderators we would have no way of knowing what happened, or unpicking the story.

I think the best bet in posting any comments about another individual online is always to only ever post what you would happily say to their face, or write in an email to them.

You don’t have to agree with everyone, and there will be clashes or personality, but you can still respect each other and treat each other with kindness.


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## Annemarie

everydayupsanddowns said:


> Indeed we do. You are not permitted to name specific HCPs in the Forum Guidelines - even if you wanted to post glowing praise... because there’s always the chance someone may come along later who felt they had a very different experience, and as moderators we would have no way of knowing what happened, or unpicking the story.
> 
> I think the best bet in posting any comments about another individual online is always to only ever post what you would happily say to their face, or write in an email to them.
> 
> You don’t have to agree with everyone, and there will be clashes or personality, but you can still respect each other and treat each other with kindness.


Very true, thank you


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