# Issues with Ex's care of son desperately need advice



## MummySteph (Nov 21, 2011)

Hi,

Basically my ex husband has continuously made mistakes with my 7 year old son's care since we split up. He never bothered to involve himself in what to do when I was there, and now he has him on his own since we broke up over a year ago he has made sooo many mistakes.

He has corrected at night with his levemir instead of his novorapid, he has completely failed to grasp carb counting no matter how easy I make it for him, he never fills in his food diary accurately, he works out insulin amounts wrongly, has failed several times to correct highs, and the worse one is last week my son was 2.8 at 1am his dad didn't check him again after treating until 7am the next morning....I'm scared as if he hadn't come back up eeek. He also took him to an evening party let his non diabetic brother eat and told my diabetic son he wasn't allowed anything whilst everyone else ate...fuming about that too, so unfair especially when carb counting means he CAN eat extra if we allow for it.

Am I over reacting??? I'm not really happy for him to continue having him and his non diabetic brother when I can't trust him, and I don't know where I can go for help as the diabetes nurse claims she has to stay neutral and supposedly retrained him a while ago, he's been to the dietician for carb counting training too but it doesnt seem to help. 

Thanks for any advice i'm at my wits end xx

Mummy to 2 boys one non D (age 5) one Type one since 2009 aged 7 now x


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## Steff (Nov 21, 2011)

Hi There Steff and a warm welcome to the forum, your concerned for your sons welfare so of course your not over reacting how long ago did you split with your husband if you dont mind me asking? Is it the fact he cant be bothered or that now he is on his own he feells scared, he really cant afford to keep making these mistakes as its your and his sons life after all.The parents in here will be along soon and offer some more help then I can so dont panic your in the right place for some sound help and advice.


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## Northerner (Nov 21, 2011)

Hi MummySteph, welcome to the forum. Very sorry to hear all this  I can't personally help as I'm not a parent, but you might like to join the Children with Diabetes website - a very supportive and active site with an email list for exchange of support, information and advice and they might be able to help:

http://www.childrenwithdiabetesuk.org/

Hopefully, some of our members here can help too and point you at the correct authorities who can take action to protect your son's health.


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## MeanMom (Nov 21, 2011)

O I'm so sorry you are in such a difficult situation  and of course you aren't over reacting.

I'm afraid I don't know what agencies ( if any) to involve - I hope someone will be along soon who knows more than me. I don't know what custody arrangements you have but could you try talking to your ex and explaining that you do not feel happy with the current situation and letting you ex look after your son unless you can be sure he will do it properly. Perhaps if he realises you mean business and he might loose contact he might take it more seriously. Because of course he isntT the moment. 

I expect you have already tried this, in which case it is going to take the involvement of the correct agency to male him see sense. I am so so sorry x


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## Hanmillmum (Nov 21, 2011)

Hi and welcome 

I don't think you are over-reacting, to put it bluntly he is putting your son at risk by not following the advice re: carb counting and hypo's!

You can get impartial advice from nspcc regarding any concerns about children as a first step, they could help decide what might be needed and if it should go further.

I think a long and serious chat with ex, highlighting the risks and the very seriousness of it all plus what you might be prepared to do should it continue (?withdraw contact?), would be my first approach. Ask him again if he needs more info/education as you can ask DSN to visit, put ball back in his court - he can then prove how committed he is to your sons health. If he continues to fail it leaves you with little choice.

Just to add the DSN should take it seriously too, yes she can remain neutral between you and ex, but needs to be involved where you are highlighting discrepencies in his care, any HCP involved with any child where there are concerns ought to be stepping up!

Take care x


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## Robster65 (Nov 21, 2011)

Hi Mummysteph. Welcome 

It does sound like you need the advice of a solicitor, assuming there's a court arrangement for your ex to have access.

In which case, I would imagine they could fairly quickly set up some sort of hearing to change things and then take it from there. Obviously, your ex would need to have a chance to put his side across and hopefully you can iron out the problems.

Rob


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## Copepod (Nov 21, 2011)

Welcome, Mummysteph

All healthcare professionals have responsibilities for "safeguarding children", so DSN should be seeking advice about how to deal with your son's situation.


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## Monica (Nov 22, 2011)

Northerner said:


> http://www.childrenwithdiabetesuk.org/



Yes, do join us, we're a friendly bunch. I do know there will be someone there who can help you.


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