# Living with a type 1



## Dow (Nov 27, 2014)

Hi,
This is the first time I've ever joined one of these forums or posted a message but I'm interested in hearing others experiences and views of living with a type 1 diabetic. My partner was diagnosed at the age of 8 and is now is his mid-30s. We met and got together about 18 months and I moved in with him about 4 months ago.

Before we met I knew very little about type 1 diabetes and had only ever met one other person with the condition (a colleague in an old job) so most of what I know I've learnt from my partner and the odd Facebook post from one the diabetes charities. Therefore I don't really have a benchmark but I don't think he's very well controlled. He only got a blood testing kit a month or so ago after not having one for several years. He found out his levels were quite high and since then has been trying to get them down. I'd consider his diet quite poor as it involves a lot junk food and processed foods (he's also addicted to diet energy drinks and can get through several cans a day).

As time's gone on I've got better at recognising the signs of him going low and try to get him to have some sugar. Quite often he refuses though and says he's fine. A few weeks ago he was working from home and I was at work and couldn't get hold of him all day. It's unusual for him to not respond to messages/phone calls so by about 4pm I was really worried and left work early to go home. To cut a long story short he'd got back from dropping me off at the station around 8am and had done an injection but then got back to bed before eating and so had been in bed low all day.

Last night he text to say he was on the train home and I called him when he got to the station and realised he'd gone low. I was trying to get him to buy something to eat before he got a taxi but he was in that confused state and refused. We ended up rowing when he got home and he said that me calling him/asking him questions when he's low annoys him and makes it more difficult for him to sort himself out. His reasoning is he's been able to look after himself and his diabetes for around 28 years and that I worry unnecessarily. This may well be true but I was wondering how other partners/family members cope when they realise their loved one is going low? What do you do when they insist they're fine but their blood sugar is 2 or lower? How do you cope when you're not there and you know the need sugar? How do you decide when to leave them and let them sort themselves out, realising it's part of the condition which they've been living with for years, and when does the worrying get too much and you feel you have to intervene? 

Any comments/advice/experience most welcome.


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## HOBIE (Nov 27, 2014)

Hi Dow. & welcome. LIFE !  I can only talk from the way I end up being but can you imagine being "low" & someone telling/talking to what to do. You are in survival mode & I know I am quite stubborn & have been known not to do the right thing   I am not defending your better half but be gentle with him . & tell him from someone who has been T1 for more than 48yrs to get the best control he can. Well done for caring for him


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## Dow (Nov 27, 2014)

Thanks Hobie, I know I need to stop worrying so much as I end up getting upset and then we row. As someone who doesn't have the condition I just get frustrated when I think I can see ways he could be better controlled. e.g. the other day he went to the gym in the morning. I told him to have some proper food before otherwise he'd go low. He came back and was really low so had some sugar but not a proper meal. A couple of hours later he went out to run some errands. Again, I said he should eat as it was mid-afternoon and he hadn't had lunch but he went out and a couple of hours later, after he'd been back about half an hour, he was at 1.7 and out of it. I could see it coming all day but couldn't do anything to stop it.


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## KookyCat (Nov 27, 2014)

Hiya
Sounds tricky!  Clearly he prefers to ignore it and hope it goes away and you'd like a more active approach.  The latter is my approach to my diabetes but then ive only been at it 12 months so who knows how I'll feel in 20 years 

The thing is, this will become a bigger issue than it needs to if you don't address it.  You love him and want him to take care of himself, and it sounds like he isn't quite so keen on active management.  I'd sit him down and talk about it, and tell him you don't want to control the diabetes for him you just want to know that he's doing everything he can to make sure he's still around for that retirement cruise . You can't force him to manage it but you can tell him how much it means to you and why it makes you anxious.  Good luck


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## Bloden (Nov 27, 2014)

Hi Dow and welcome.  Sorry to hear your partner's diabetes is making you anxious. 
I agree wth Kookycat. Let him know how you feel. He is the person that has to take responsibility for his diabetes. My husband is very supportive and sympathetic, but doesn't get involved with my day to day diabetes care. As for hypos, he knows just to let me get on with it - juice, and a sit down for 10 minutes! He knows not to stick his hand in the cage! 

Good luck getting your feelings across. It's obvious you really care for him.


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## trophywench (Nov 27, 2014)

My husband who should know about these things says that having T1 automatically makes a person into a liar.  He bases this hypothesis on the fact (and it is a fact) that whenever a non-diabetic thinks 'their' diabetic is low so asks 'Are you OK?' the diabetic will always automatically answer (or indeed, snap) 'I'm fine!' with varying degrees of 'stop fussing over me' afterwards.

Of course, he says it jokily but actually - it's deadly serious.

It certainly made a difference to me, the first time he said it to the husband of another T1.  Perhaps you should say you've been talking to Pete, and what he said.

The thing is, when hypo - brains don't work properly.  Nobody can argue with that - it's a FACT proven by neuro-scientists ages ago.  At 3.3 or below - brains are ALWAYS affected.

Point is, we know you are only trying to help - but unless you are there and can hand us the bottle of Lucozade, you can't, can you?  And no amount of nagging will change that.

Most importantly - why is he having so many hypos?  Something isn't right if he is.  Either user error (miscalculating a dose  of fast-acting for his last food or mis-calculation of carbs in it - has he done a carb counting course? most hospital D clinics run them these days, if he hasn't done one he should - I'd been D for over 30 years when I did mine and it was not only very educational - but FUN !  Tell him to ask to go on one asap if not) or his basal dose is out somewhere.

Doses do not stay the same, because bodies don't stay the same for ever.  It's NATURAL and applies to every human on this planet.  There is a way of 'testing' it we can point you at - but HE will have to do it, which means HE will have to WANT to.

Does he want to?    


Food for thought ........


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## MCH (Nov 27, 2014)

trophywench said:


> My husband who should know about these things says that having T1 automatically makes a person into a liar.  He bases this hypothesis on the fact (and it is a fact) that whenever a non-diabetic thinks 'their' diabetic is low so asks 'Are you OK?' the diabetic will always automatically answer (or indeed, snap) 'I'm fine!' with varying degrees of 'stop fussing over me' afterwards.
> 
> ..



I can agree with this (I don't think he has ever called me a liar - but if he had he would have been correct!).

He now says "I think you need to do a blood test." and for some reason this usually makes me do one. I think my brain says he's wrong and I'll prove it. Mind you usually he is right and I slink off to get some glucose etc. - He is good though, he then leaves it half an hour or so to ask what the blood test showed.

In our case, the advantage is that whatever the result, we tend not to fall out over it.


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## grainger (Nov 27, 2014)

MCH said:


> I can agree with this (I don't think he has ever called me a liar - but if he had he would have been correct!).
> 
> He now says "I think you need to do a blood test." and for some reason this usually makes me do one. I think my brain says he's wrong and I'll prove it. Mind you usually he is right and I slink off to get some glucose etc. - He is good though, he then leaves it half an hour or so to ask what the blood test showed.
> 
> In our case, the advantage is that whatever the result, we tend not to fall out over it.



Agreed! My favourite hubby line to date has been - "check your sugars hun, you are acting like a crazy person"... sometimes I'm just that which ends in me and him have a laugh about the fact he married a crazy person and others i'm actually low and I sort it without too much 'mothering'. It's lovely that you care but unfortunately I do think sometimes you'll get a reaction that isn't great to hear, but personally I don't think any of us mean to be mean when low. 
I hope he's able to sort things out and get his hypo's/lows under control.


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## Dow (Nov 27, 2014)

Thanks everyone for your advice and suggestions. I'm feeling much better now than I did this morning


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## trophywench (Nov 27, 2014)

If you - or preferably he! - wants to take control of D himself - rather than IT controlling him at times - we - or other forums (well, one of them at least) can help, we're non-judgmental - cos WE know we make plenty of mistakes ourselves - so how can we criticise anyone else for doing the same?

None of us is infallible or perfect - but however good we think we are - there are most CERTAINLY things we will never have known before because we've not asked, so we're not told!  and when you're apparently an old hand at it - the NHS thinks we DO know !


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