# My Journey in Poetry



## Michael7 (Dec 3, 2014)

An open road called diabetes lays in front
Many signs are there of the does and don'ts
My first week in and I'm trying to come to terms
There are so many lessons that have to be learned

The nurse advised me of the basic needs
My wife was there to ensure I take heed
Now she monitors my medication too
As she tries to check the foods I consume

As the days progress snippets come back
Of the things she said whilst I was under duress
Now I take them one at a time
And try to embed them in this brain of mine

Come January another blood test for me
An insight of the life before me
The level of stabilisation can be seen
Then the work begins as I will no doubt see

So until then medication I will take
My diet will be modified for my own sake
Four more weeks to learn as much as I can
So then I'll understand and life will be grand​


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## Northerner (Dec 3, 2014)

Great poem Michael  Nice to see another poet on the forum!


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## Michael7 (Dec 4, 2014)

*One week in*

Each day that passes and the medication increases
Subtle changes in my body I am feeling
No longer going to sleep at inopportune times
And my legs now want to walk and I'm beginning to feel 'fine'?

My eyes no longer focus with my short vision glasses
My vision becoming clearer what is it that’s happening
So many changes my goal should become clearer
But right now I'm concerned at the speed of the changes

I still can't take in the amount of information
Of dietary needs that my body should be craving
If I was a 'foodie' I would be having a great time
But I'm not, it’s just fuel, I just don't understand

Balance this food with that, then go for a walk
Measure your glucose this you should not baulk
Keep a chart and a diary for reference later on
To see which foods for you are clearly wrong

I'm 60 now and have had a good life
Never been one to chart or write a diary
Just taken each day the way my work would let me
And now I've to change and concentrate on singularity

It's only been a week and I can feel the changes 
The information keeps coming in and it is quite dazing
So I may be wrong but there is something I just have to do
Is to put it all-aside, now where is my brew!​


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## Northerner (Dec 4, 2014)

Enjoy your brew Michael!


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## Michael7 (Dec 9, 2014)

*A start of realisation*

Nearly two weeks now down this diabetic road
The shock worn off I can now come to terms
Some things that were said I now recall
Unfortunately not much makes any sense at all

One thing I remember and that was to call
If I had any worries at all
Well yes I am worried but I don't know why
So I don't call, I just sit and 'stew' a while

It feels like I'm in a room all on my own
Waiting for something to get me to move
To tell and show me what to do
Then I remember to wait until the next 'bloods' come through

So another wait until the New Year
When my 'bloods' will tell if I have adhered
To a review of my diet to achieve a goal of balance
That includes sugars which no more can be added

Maybe then more will become clear
And I'll wake up from this living nightmare
It’s no big deal in the scheme of things
Unless I ignore the advice and do my own thing

So many things going around in my head
How to react to that what’s been said
My wife keeps hovering monitoring all I eat
Until I accept and take responsibility for the condition I'm in​


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## Northerner (Dec 9, 2014)

Remember Michael, if you have any questions we are here for you


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## Michael7 (Dec 16, 2014)

*Thrid week in*

Type 2 diabetes is what I've got
Right now it doesn't mean an awful lot
More tablets to take each and every day
And change my diet right away

Another blood check in a few weeks
Then they will decide the regime I must take
I can understand the problems some perceive
Trying to come to terms with something they can't see

Depression and under active Thyroid now Diabetes as well
Blood Pressure, Cholesterol are starting to tell
That many tablets I can forgo a meal
And I've nothing to show that I'm feeling unwell

Any questions I have the internet can answer
Support forums exist if I feel I'm going under
But isolation is still there hanging around
Now waiting for me to finally go down

Isolation is real and it pervades my entire being
The internet forums sometimes just don't feel real
For the level of despondency cannot be gauged
By reading a few lines of a heartfelt plea

My mind is so full but I have no questions to ask
For I don't really know the place that I'm at
I don't understand what is happening to me
I'm probably scared of the answers I may hear

Now I've got this off my chest I shall try to go forward
For doing nothing but moaning will continue me to feel unwell
Surely I'm not on my own in feeling this way
When you come out from the doctors with just a piece of paper to wave​


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## Northerner (Dec 17, 2014)

Things WILL get better for you Michael, and you will start to feel better than you have in a long while. A diabetes diagnosis is a horrible thing to get, but it is a condition that you can do something about and take positive steps. It takes understanding and time, but it is more than possible


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## Flutterby (Dec 18, 2014)

Great that you are writing poetry about your journey - very therapeutic.


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## Michael7 (Jan 5, 2015)

*One month down*

Just over a month now down this road
Still not believing this truth I'm told
Taking the tablets religiously
Not feeling different from that I have been

Another blood test at the doctors done
Wait until tomorrow for the results - so much fun!
Will they now tell me what to do?
Or will it be just take the tablets and we'll watch you

Trying to carry on is not easy for me
Picking up bits of detail as I stumble along
And now the start of another New Year
New plans I make don't gel with this unknown I fear

My depression now has something real to grip
And I can feel it enveloping with every step
Just to carry on feels the right thing to do
And mask any feelings and not let them through​


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## Michael7 (Jan 7, 2015)

*Whats happening and lesson learnt*

I've been battered now from many sides
Bits of me not working now making me tired
So many pills to take I sometimes lose track
And now my confidence is going and I'm taken aback

Comfort food now can't be considered
A few pints of ale will cause attrition
I've got to be sensible in all I eat and drink
Or the payment I'll have to make is not worth considering

I'm sat at work my head in a whirl
Just back from a meeting it seemed absurd
But hopefully it will focus my mind on something not me
Then my confidence will return and I'll not want to flee

I sometimes live in fairy land as maybe you can see
This slippery slope has now entangled me
In isolation I know I will never get through
I have to come out and tell all of you

I am worried and scared and now out of control
Too many things happening I don't know which to go
My heads full of work and what personally I have to do
I think it will be my writing that will finally get me through

Reading this through I feel much better than before
Maybe I need something to bring my feelings to the fore
For keeping them in is like encasing a demon
And never knowing when that demon will gain freedom

So my advice to myself is to accept what I've got
Don't be afraid when your feelings feel fraught
Let them go and let others be aware
It’s like a weight being removed when you learn to share​


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## Northerner (Jan 7, 2015)

It's good to see you are not bottling it up Michael - you will get there!


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## Laura davies (Jan 8, 2015)

It's a beautiful poem Michael and your wife is such a wonderful support. We are all here to support one another should you ever need it


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## Michael7 (Jan 9, 2015)

*The Weekend is Nigh*

The end of the week and the storm clouds are brewing
Will this mean within my house I'll remain just stewing
Or shall I brave the weather and get out and about
And have the cobwebs of my mind blown inside out

Therapeutic living is what i need
A combination of needs that i have to fulfil
Medication in isolation cannot possibly work
I have to force my body and mind to carry on living

So tonight I'll start with a beer and a curry
In pleasant surroundings where children aren’t near
Then tomorrow some work for an hour or two
Before again going out and relish some living

As yet no details have come to my head
But they will as soon as i get out of my bed
My wife and I have to cherish what we have
Our grown up children can sort themselves out, now isn’t that sad (sic)​


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## Michael7 (Jan 14, 2015)

*Frustration setting in*

Now 6 weeks in from that fateful day
When I was advised to change my ways
Tablets given and religiously taken
Weight coming down and my high sugar level abating

I'm due to see the nurse in two weeks’ time
And I will tell her that I am feeling fine
Irrelevant is the actual state of me
As I just have a need to be set free

Right now I feel as though I have no control
as I don't know if I am high or low
So I will ask again about the self-monitoring device
Maybe then the information given will be good advice

By seeing the levels on a daily basis
Will help me to acknowledge that I still have to face it
Being honest now it will be so easy to let go
And 'forget' this regime that is aiming me low.

I am in such a quandary about what to do
And not having a plan to see it through
I have no control and therefore no data
Now it’s preying on my mind making me feel unstable

This now written down I feel a way forward
To buy a device, they don't cost a fortune
Maybe then by seeing I can what is happening
And freeing from this that I feel is entrapment.​


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## Michael7 (Jan 21, 2015)

*Nearly two months now*

The weeks are now rolling past
Since diagnosed with diabetes and told to fast
I know, I know I have weight to loose
And it'll probably help other problems to ease

A few times now I have felt 'off colour'
Still at work and busy with others
Telling myself to 'buck up' there is nothing wrong
But underlying thinking I'm trying to hang on

A couple of questions on this forum I'm with
Pointed out reasons for the condition I'm in
So maybe it a sign telling me what to do
And check or reappraise the fuel I put in

The end of next week I see the nurse
And I shall try and write down these things I've learnt
Maybe she'll advise the time to start
With a glucose meter I can make a new start

I need something positive that I can do
And see results that I can monitor too
Maybe then my motivation will get the boost it needs
And cure myself of my moaning whinge​


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## Michael7 (Jan 27, 2015)

*A learning curve with many lessons to be learnt*

It’s good to talk so many say
And it’s fortunate if you are made that way
Some though prefer to write
Then they can hide if it does not come out right

In small groups I don't mind to be
But larger crowds intimidate me
So I keep myself to myself 
Then the outside world cannot hurt me

Diabetes though is making me think
Doing this alone does make me ill
I must somehow break out of this shell
To be a 'part' will no longer make it feel hell

Habits of a lifetime are hard to break
But to move on I surely must face
To get out more or join a group
And do those things and move on up

Medications I am up to date
My diet I (reluctantly) continue to take
Listening and talking I will learn a way
By using that word 'together' how to stay​


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## Michael7 (Jan 28, 2015)

*Today is a different day*

A diabetic angel swooped down on me
And showed me just what I can eat
Anything I want as long as I take care
For over indulging now I will surely pay

So take a taste and make it last
Savour the moment your taste buds have
But be aware that you now have to help
With the things your body used to do so well

To go out and enjoy yourself
Does not mean to drink to excess as well
Be more active don't just sit and moan
Being happy is better than being forlorn

So now I have been placed upon a road
To follow its course but not on my own
Avoiding obstacles that have been put in my way
By asking for help will share your pain​


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## Michael7 (Jan 28, 2015)

*I'm fed up with my melancholy*

A cold and bitter wind, driving rain, sleet and snow.
Leaden skies cover overhead, no hope as yet it will go.
No birds flying in the sky, no rabbits in the field.
Just people in cars rushing past, insulated behind their wheel

The forecast is for snow to come, disruption surely will then follow.
For the animals in nature as well as us makes the beauty a little hollow.
My bird feeders are full with grain and fat, water is in good supply.
For breaks in the weather the birds will come and that sight will make me happy.

As the days roll by Spring becomes nearer.
And the extreme of the weather will go.
Once again we shall see the wonders in Nature.
In the plentiful things that grow.

Shoots of green emerge to greet the light.
And then spread out with colours so bright.
Canopies in trees and a sea of green.
Puts closure to those winter's nights.​


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## Michael7 (Feb 2, 2015)

*Spring is coming which lightens my mind*

The deepest blue colour signals the dawn
As from the East the sun begins to adorn
Each day that passes in this New Year
Heralds that spring is becoming ever near

Each day a little longer the sun does shine
Waking the flowers from within the ground
Breaking the blandness on the forest floor
With pockets of colour to which I'm drawn

This is still a memory yet for me
But soon it will turn back into reality
For as the sun begins to warm the ground
It warms my heart, my soul and mind.​


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## Michael7 (Feb 3, 2015)

*Motivation to calm my mind and help me through the more difficult times*

What is it that motivates me
And keeps me smiling so all can see
A walk in the woods or a stroll by the river
For with the company of nature, problems disappear

I regain peace of mind, body and soul
Energise my being and let problems go
Filled with sounds from on the wing
Smelling the fragrance only nature can bring

From this I have a need to write and draw
And show interested others what makes my soul glow
I take photographs aplenty to aid my recall
Whilst sitting at night before sleep takes my all

After this my mind is refreshed
I can look at problems and tackle with zest
For with a walk I disentangle an accumulation of things
And problems unravel for solutions can then be seen​


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## Michael7 (Feb 4, 2015)

*This morning*

I look into my lunch box with despair
Bergen bread and yoghurt lies there
Two apples to snack on during the day
And some diabetic biscuits in case I stray

Underneath I sneak some cup-o-soups
In case I get cold and need warming through
But still I know the catering van
Is there and tempting me all day

Bacon and eggs on a large barm cake
Pots of coffee with sugar to keep awake
That’s some people as into the office they stray
I have not to let my resolve go astray

Soon they finish but the smell does linger
So I have a coffee but with sweeteners 
Tummy rumbling with the smell
So I eat a biscuit (and dunk as well)

Just one of the drawbacks of diabetes
When for so long you have been eating
Comfort food and loved every bite
And now I'll be paying for the rest of my life

But being a Yorkshire-man has its benefits
As now my pocket has started swelling
At all the money I am now saving
This does help to reduce my craving​


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## pippaandben (Feb 4, 2015)

Bacon  and eggs could always go on your burgen bread


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## Michael7 (Feb 5, 2015)

*Just a thought or two*

Reading forums can be quite daunting
The experiences of others are very informing
Then listening to the nurse I see
Saying be careful of all the information you read

So I read the problems others have
Relate sometimes when I'm feeling bad
But keep to the regime that was given to me
For consistency and stability remains a key

If it works for you why not for me
Why is it that my body disagrees
The problem is I'm an individual
And as my mum said, there isn’t two just like me

So I indulge myself every now and then
The periods in-between I try to be strong
Except now I savour each and every bite
And then wash it down with just one pint

My blood sugar is coming down
I keep hoping soon I will be fine
The nurse says to stop burying my head
Keep on track and remember what I said

I am beginning to accept what I've got
And not let despondency reach my heart
I will partake in a sin or two
A piece of cake and glass of ruin​


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## Michael7 (Feb 9, 2015)

*For me to test or not?*

A non-testing Diabetic that’s me right now
Conflicting advice is making me think twice
The forum advocates regular testing for all
Yet my diabetic Nurse thinks I'd be heading for a fall

Depression is a subject that is raised to the fore
As poor results would facilitate a patient to fall
But those with this condition could make it worse
Maybe I should let the professionals take their course

Anxiety and overthinking is a problem for me
Therefore would testing be a benefit I could see
Would I expect results to show me the way
Or would it just confuse and hinder any progress I'd made

Stop in depth thinking on subjects I'm not clear
Let the paid professionals take the burden away
Just concentrate on the advice they have given to me
And concentrate on enjoying life is the way for me

Maybe this shows to me that not all are the same
Information given to be tailored that’s all
Without being patronising but sufficient to control 
From the ways of the mind tormenting the soul​


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## Northerner (Feb 9, 2015)

Michael, I do understand the conflict you feel. Not all healthcare professionals say TYpe 2 don't need to test, many advocate it and support their patients through the process. It is true that if the tests reveal poor numbers then it can be disheartening, but the flipside is when you start to see the improvements you make as you make adjustments based on what you have learned - that can be enormously encouraging. You DO need support when you are new to it, but you can rest assured that we would always be here to explain and encourage whenever there is confusion or doubt. I have been here long enough to see the transformation it can make in people, as they begin to feel in control, rather than in the dark. Clearly though, it is a personal decision and you know yourself best, and how you might cope with things - I certainly wouldn't want to make you feel you are doing anything wrong if you choose a different path, just trying to explain the logic and potential benefits 

Keep writing the poems!


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## Lindarose (Feb 9, 2015)

Hi Michael I really understand how you feel about testing It's very hard to go against the advice of your GP when they say don't test - as
mine does! It's really a personal decision as Northerner says For some people it helps a lot to keep you on track and know what effects foods have so you can adjust diet and improve numbers But yes it's also an additional worry when the inevitable high readings occur and often make no sense! You could always try both ways maybe don't test yourself for a time and see how your GP tests come back and start testing if you're not happy with results? Good luck with whichever way you decide to approach things


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## Michael7 (Feb 10, 2015)

*A mindless day to come*

My minds a blank, nothing is there
I stare at the screen whilst sat in my chair
My work up to date and no-one's about
Even my poetry seems to have taken a day out

I can't think of nature and a gurgling brook
The spring time flowers can't even get a look
Just a blank piece of paper lies between my eyes
No inspiration to write down some lines

This time I'm not worried about what others think
I'll just continue until the moment breaks
Writing down words describing me now
Even this won't take me a great deal of time​


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## Michael7 (Feb 11, 2015)

*Diabetes is not on my mind today*

The winter is still fighting back
Nipping buds right in their tracks
But a snippet of sun and the buds return
Showing the winter season is on the turn

I look around the woodland floor
Hoping to see some snowdrops grow
Then the Crocii will follow on
Maybe then daffodils the flower of the sun

Still the mornings are cold for me
But the frost can now be removed with ease
The days become lighter, brighter too
And elevates my mood as more sun breaks through

I hear more birds as I walk on through
Soon the woodpecker will herald 'I've come too'
More birds will flock in from their winter haunts
And close the season of winter with no more taunts​


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## Michael7 (Feb 12, 2015)

*Oops oh dear a backward step!*

I succumbed last night and I went out
Sausage, egg, beans and chips was my delight
Topped off with a pint of glorious beer
I slept like a log now I feel full of good cheer

Maybe it was not a diabetic choice
But boy it was good and felt just right
Now I'll relent and watch again
And try to make up the loss on my gains

A treat for me was just what i needed
The stress of the day was completely alleviated
Okay I know I can’t do this everyday
But every now and again keeps the demons away​


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## Northerner (Feb 12, 2015)

That's excellent Michael, so pleased you enjoyed your treat! We are only human, and sometimes need to be a bit indulgent - I think you appreciate more


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## Michael7 (Feb 13, 2015)

*My imagination taking a break from the real world of Diabetes*

See the whale breaching from the sea
Watch the waves parting with ease
Then the splash as it re-enters its world
To disappear into the cold waters below

Scanning the surface you wait for a sign
That this enormous whale will come up from below
A darkened bulge over the crest of a wave
Or a spurt of water as once again it inhales

A scent comes over in the wind to you
From a whale that is upwind that surfaced and blew
Distinctly 'fishy' you know it’s from her
To complement the package making all your senses aware

A mighty roar it’s almost a shout
As the water and air erupts from her spout
A sensual experience you'll never forget
You stand in awe at the scene nature projects

And then she goes without further sound
You wait and wait but there is nothing around
As you stand and look you try and recall
The spectacle that you witnessed from the whale down below​


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## Michael7 (Feb 16, 2015)

*Reading and learning and being able to put into perspective*

Reading about the loss of toes was quite a shock
And made me think more on this diabetic lot
For I have toes that my mind says are cold
But when I feel them they are not at all

The mind can play some horrendous tricks
Making you think things that are not
If you went to the doctors with just the fear
If you’re not very careful it will all end in tears

Maybe for me reading these things is not too good
And that I just keep to the strategy of watch my food
Aren’t aches and pains just one aspect of life
When does that change for you to give the doctors strife?

For those that can talk and express themselves well
The doctors is probably the route for them
But for me who will write but not talk
Going to the doctors is something I just baulk

Now I've got it going round in my head
My wife knows there something that I will not tell
I feel hypochondria beginning to take hold
So probably it'll be best for me to say nothing at all​


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## Michael7 (Feb 17, 2015)

*Another day once settled down*

I've taken my pills and still watching my diet
I've also calmed down from the initial fright
Still not testing my nurse says not yet
Saying to concentrate on diet and not the rest

I've learnt to look at what I'm consuming
Just the sugars to stop it being confusing
So many things with high levels of sugar
No wonder the state that I'm in I am now 'sugared'

Trying to cut out the sugar by replacing with sweeteners
Just a small step for me the consumer
Not sure on the taste but struggle I will
And then continue in climbing this hill

Fruit I've always thought is our best friend
But the natural sugar within is a surprise
I suppose I've just buried my head in the sand
It’s a wonder sometime how I've ever survived

Three steps forward and sometimes one back
in aggregate I'm still going forward on someone’s plan
The end goal is not there but the sun is shining
That means diabetes will be controlled and not confining​


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## Northerner (Feb 17, 2015)

Sounding positive Michael


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## Michael7 (Feb 18, 2015)

*A tester coming up for my resolve*

Another week I shall be going away
Two weeks on a boat what more can I say
The Norwegian fjords and northern lights
I'm sure I'll be in for some fantastic sights

Slight problem I hear some say
The food on board may get in your way
But I shall try and limit what I partake
Whilst remembering tomorrow is another day

Plenty of walks in those northern climes
Being wrapped up most of the time
So a slight increase in calories should be okay
As long as exercise gets in the way

My camera, pen, paints and paper
To record what I see whenever I'm able
Two weeks without the 'gogglebox'
But also my internet friends I'll miss a lot

so now my imagination begins to go into overdrive
Trying to predict those wondrous sights
Prepare my mind to be blown away
Then transfer onto paper for in my memory to stay​


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## Northerner (Feb 18, 2015)

You will love Norway Michael, if you haven't been before  I spent two weeks there a few years back - so beautiful and peaceful and the people are amongst the best in the world!


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## Michael7 (Feb 18, 2015)

My anticipation is VERY wetted, especially with those photographs!


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## Northerner (Feb 18, 2015)

Michael7 said:


> My anticipation is VERY wetted, especially with those photographs!



The first was taken during the train journey from Bergen to Flam, the 'Roof of the World' trip. The train stops and lets people off to see the waterfall up close  The second one was taken from the top of the mountains high above the Sognefjord - the village that you can just about make out down at the water's edge is Balestrand  You are in for a treat!


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## Michael7 (Feb 19, 2015)

*Poem for the non-testers*

I know I have diabetes
The doctors told me so
So to restrict my diet
To reduce the sugar flow

Keep taking the pills and be aware
Of what you consume and beware
Hidden sugar will do you harm
So read the labels and keep calm

3 monthly testing of your blood sugar
The doctors will monitor how you do
But wouldn’t it be good to check each day
How your body reacts along the way?

For sometimes I do forget
And consume some things which later regret
And then some days when you’re not feeling well
Is it blood sugar? Who can tell!

Just at the moment it doesn’t make sense
I have no control and it can make me tense
Should I accept patience is thing for me?
And leave it for the doctors to monitor me

This quandary I know will remain
Until I have control and data to save
Maybe then I'll know which way to go
And I will see that which troubles me most​


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## Michael7 (Feb 23, 2015)

*Excitement is getting in the way of my day to day things*

One more week to go and the excitements building
This time next week I'll be sailing
Two weeks cruising in Norway’s Fjords
Before the Northern Lights we'll be off exploring

Two weeks of beautiful food
Copious drinks that can be consumed
So will this be the hardest part
Restricting my diet and still enjoy it

I'm taking lots of things to do
To stop me thinking of all that glorious food
The drink well I can give that a miss
But after all the chefs’ hard work would I not be remiss?

No No I say, I will be good
I can partake by not eating too much food
I shall monitor my weight with each day that passes
And trust in my pants that have no elastic!

Once I'm there and seeing the sights
I'm sure my head will be filled with delight
So much so I shall want to photograph and write
And spend all of my days absorbing those sights

My poor wife will get fed up with me
As I get absorbed in all the things I want to do and see
So plenty of reminders I shall put in the diary
To remind me that Its a cruise together and we need to party​


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## Michael7 (Feb 24, 2015)

*Something to take my mind away from Diabetes*

A miserable day which looks like it’s here to stay
More cold winds, sleet and rain are heading our way
The very thought of which makes me want to go out walking
Then I'm in an office where people don’t stop talking

A day on the moors with the wind howling round
Sleet and rain horizontal not hitting the ground
Whilst sitting here in an office shielded from the weather
My mind wanders the hills and where I feel untethered

An office is a restrictive place
It channels your thoughts away from your distinctive traits
For where your mind wants to be challenged and grow
The office stifles your mind and stipulates where to go

As I get older my body feels the cold
The wind and rain no longer has its hold
But within my mind I can't resist its power
To cleanse my soul in natures shower

So within the office I now stay
Listening to the moans of people on the way
Yes I'm warm and comfortable too
But my mind wants yesteryears body to come through 

Walking through the hills, the wind blowing through my hair
Talking to my dog as she ran about everywhere
Now she's gone along with my hair
Walking alone doesn’t seem to be as much fun out there

So I take some pictures and sit a lot
Trying to picture the path the wind has got
Then put into words that 'x' factor I feel
So others can see what I see is real​


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## Michael7 (Feb 25, 2015)

*I'm learning a lot about myself from this site*

The more I read the more I learn
Diabetes is something not to be ignored
Different things happen to different people
Then the state of mind can become unstable

Why me! Some think as the problems come out
Some-time from within and sometime from those about
Personal decisions then have to be made
For the path you've to follow is already being laid

A positive outlook is a wonderful thing
Support from a forum for me is what I need
For sometimes I feel like saying 'mind your own business'
Whilst inside I'm saying 'just give me some guidance'

Guidance is different than telling what to do
And certainly not pressurising something on you
Hence why I like this forum with its myriad of people
Where a cross-census of opinion will help lead you through

I don't feel in control, and this I don't like
But at least I'm not pressured with others advise
I can pick and choose and then ask once again
Before making up my mind without being under duress

One thing that I wish that I could do
Is to verbally express myself face to face with you
Instead of hiding behind a pen and paper
I would love to be able to actually talk to you​


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## Michael7 (Feb 27, 2015)

*For now - I'll si thi*

Right now my friends I bid adieu
I won’t be back for a week - NO TWO
I will miss you all during my time away
But like a bad penny I shall return one day​


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## Lindarose (Feb 27, 2015)

Wishing you a lovely holiday Michael


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## Michael7 (Mar 17, 2015)

Two weeks I've lived aboard a ship
Eaten gourmet food and drank quite a bit
Seen many Fjords and the Northern Lights
My mind is still running at a hundred miles an hour

Snow-capped mountains plunging into the sea
Tiny hamlets with large ships berthed in
Minimal conditions it first looked
After a few days I changed my outlook

Very little rush and push
Cars waited for you in there morning rush
The cities though were much like ours
I prefer the much quieter climes

The Northern Lights a sight to behold
But only one of the colours your eyes could unfold
Long exposures of those darkened skies
Brought out colours you would not believe your eyes

Gently tracking over the skies
Folding back under creating a colourful blind
Many forms came and went
And then a blackened sky as their energy was spent

Brilliant greens forming amazing patterns
Other colours remained in another guise
Showing the limits that our eyes can see
Yet another wonder it brought to me

Ice hotels bed you down with reindeer skins
Freezing cold you would not believe
Yet some people are happy to spend £350 each
To spend a night in conditions like these

Unfortunately I began to lose control
And my diabetes came back to the for
Though knowing now some of the symptoms
I still partook in things I should have refrained from

Right now I am paying the price
And reducing everything to get myself back
Although its not be going to be easy to do
I have my memories these will see me through​


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## Lindarose (Mar 17, 2015)

Sounds like you had a wonderful holiday Michael Lots of memories to look back on Hope you can get back on track now .


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## Michael7 (Apr 2, 2015)

*Just a day*

My problems are real and are mine to repel
By following advice, medication as well
Absorbing information to understand and agree
Is something that does not come easy for people like me

My HB value reduced from 107 to 53
Not far to go before I'll be where I should be
Then what will happen? Will I be free?
No, I fear it'll still be the merry-go-round for me

Reading this forum it makes me aware
Of the things that could happen if I don't beware
So many things that play on my mind
That could lead me to have a terrible time

Some days it’s too much and I want to hide
Then the others when I fight with fortitude in mind
And then like now I can't make up my mind
I keep looking at the clock asking what ‘is the time’

So that’s me now a mixed up man
Who is tired of everything that looks like a plan
Oh for the days when these problems didn’t exist
And pills were for an hangover the previous night did bring

Now that’s been said and got off my chest
It’s time to shut up and get right in your head
These problems are here and will not go away
So now stop your moaning and go out and just enjoy the day!!​


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## Michael7 (Apr 7, 2015)

*Mmmh Spring*

This life I live moves so fast
So many things I try to track
To prevent my body from falling back
And remain well, neutral, it's an uphill track

I naively thought it would get easier
And life would again be a little breezier
Then once again I can savour the nectar which life brings
And not continue to pay for my sins

Spring is here and brings new hope
For a dose of sun and air will cleanse like soap
Wash away the darkest of thoughts
Which winter hoards and feeds some folk

so as my seedling of optimism grows
My motivation grows with those seeds now sown
So once again my bodies needs will become second nature
And my vista expands to a wonderful future​


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## Northerner (Apr 7, 2015)

Good to hear the positivity Michael!


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## Michael7 (Apr 9, 2015)

*Spring is waving its magic wand*

This life we lead meanders along
Like a river sometimes turbulent and strong
Others are quiet where we can relax and wait
Just to see which way the current does take

Some days our sugar plays tricks on us
Making our bodies react which is not much fun
And then there are days when all goes right
And we can relax and recover before the next fight

Lest not forget though there are plenty of days
Where mediocrity has its place to play
We forget those days as they ramble along
And only remember when we got it wrong

Right now I seem to be in one of those days
Where mediocrity leads my way
Maybe it’s the sun that leading me astray
As I continue to think and remember some halcyon days​


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## Michael7 (Apr 15, 2015)

*Nearly six months*

My medication is high and symptoms now clearing
Nearly six months now since this diagnosis I was hearing
Still I have doubts and bury my head
Whilst still listening to what others have said

My diet I have got used to
Although I admit to lapses
For a condition I cannot see
Makes it really hard to believe

This is my way I am learning to control
For its hard to fight something I cannot see at all
So whilst not ignoring I'm going to have a ball
Instead of just sitting here waiting for my next fall​


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## Michael7 (Apr 20, 2015)

*I wonder how close this is the truth to most people (like me!)*

Two tablets of Metformin in the morning then two at night
Enough to keep the feeling of wind throughout
Watch the diet, (but cheat as well)
Soon the clock puts another day under my belt

On and on the days pass by
The diabetic nurse time soon is nigh
Memories of indiscretions come back
A passing thought of where I'm at

I do care about this condition of mine
But not enough to worry about that
Yet I do worry about the complications I read
But perspective still is a hard place to be

So I shall carry on as I do right now
Wait for the Nurse to come down on me from high
If that happens and right now it doesn’t seem real
So I'll stay an ostrich in my own little world.​


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## Michael7 (Apr 21, 2015)

*Just a poem of the springs I used to have*

So I sit and think of days gone by
Of morning walks watching a Spring sky
Seeing all around begin their rebirth
And listening to the calls of laughter and mirth

Different coloured birds flying on high
In and out of trees my how they can fly
Stillness of the pond before a ripple appears
As a fish breaks the top and an insect disappears

A Heron sits atop a tree watching down
Sees the ripple and swoops on down
Its head pierces the still water
Before emerging with the fish who dared to appear

So many things I loved to watch
Writing this I recall more of my loss
Maybe this is a call for me to emerge
From my sense of mourning and my own rebirth​


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## Michael7 (Apr 24, 2015)

*Just a thought*

This life we lead is full with rain or shine
Ne'er it seems a constant sublime
Some days we feel on top of the world
Before a cloud draws in and shutters then close

Some days we struggle with the conditions we own
On others it seems they are no trouble at all
Still it seems one day is just like the rest
But still something keeps us under duress

Keep taking the meds and doing as we are told
A sensible lifestyle and your life will be your own
Have some fun and indulge if you must
And remember the tally you bill will run up

For we all have to pay in one way or another
Therefore we have to ensure that the bill is covered
For the tally man will come when the least you expect
This is one way we can ensure we are not left in debt.​


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## Michael7 (Apr 27, 2015)

*Should events in life can change your outlook?*

Looking around at where we are
Wondering how we have travelled so far
Thinking what should I have or have not done
But then would not be that (we) have become

So right now I raise a glass just for me
To say well done I'm proud as you can see
I am not perfect but then who is
But I still think I am as good as I want to be

Regrets, yes I have a few
Though it’s by experience I now can see
So as I enter my middle age (lol)
I can still carry on with my little tirades

I go out dancing and play in a band
I have a few drinks and try and have a good time
I retreat to my caravan which is my little haven
For there I can do things that grandchildren disable

A bit of modelling (the wooden kind)
Take pictures of birds (the feathered kind)
Listen to music which only I like
Whilst relaxing on my decking with a beer or a brew

Plans will then formulate of what next I shall do
Maybe visiting a brother or two
Sod the work it'll be there when I get back
Maybe it’s time to  recollect and have a good laugh

So there that’s it I now have a plan
This weekend I'll resolve and actions be revamped
Maybe it’s time to spend some of that earnt
And experience that fashion. (nah it will hurt)

But I shall resolve and then make my own way
And do some of the things my 'bucket list' does say
For right now I've emptied it by doing some things that I want
But now it’s time to refill and get out for some more fun.​


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## Michael7 (Apr 28, 2015)

*Not all my thoughts revolve around Diabetes*

Yesterday was nice and bright
This morning came with snow and ice
Right now it’s stopped and the sun's come out
But an icy wind keeps on our coats

The weather keeps trying with all its fury
Hold back the season from what it should be
The spring flowers though continue to glow
Nature’s way to give confidence that it'll go

So whilst my face gets freezing cold
My back is warmed by the sun's glow
Natures combatants in full flow
The winner will be - well we all know

Summer delights for all to see
So much blossom and full canopied trees
Trickling brooks with insects flying
Whilst birds swoop down and gorge in feasting

Fish break the water to join the birds
The insects have nowhere to turn
For whilst I sit and watch the scene
I feel myself going even more serene

These are just a few thoughts that content me
And help me to just wait and see
For the weather is fickle and likes to sulk
When Mother Nature enforces her rule.​


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## Michael7 (Apr 29, 2015)

*Brrrrr its cold up North*

It's freezing cold, right down to my toes
Makes me think about the problem it bodes
So many instances of problems with feet
Where is the line that defines time to treat

Wrapping up warm to beat the chill
Two hours later sunbathing (its brill)
Wrap up, strip off, whatever next
Is all this just another little test

I used to eat dependant on the weather
Not thinking about, well, it was not clever
So now I try and restrict and eat what I need
So many people in the office with bacon butties tease

But I'm cheerful enough with what I've got
I can't change the past and be what I'm not
So I can drool and wish as the butties go by
And restrict not change this diet of mine​


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## Michael7 (May 5, 2015)

*The weekend where I can forget has gone*

Back at work and the weathers grim
Time to pay for the weekends sins
All week now I shall remorselessly be good
Although I can't really know why I should

I don't remember much it went that fast
But I nibbled and drank a little of this and that
So now in a controlled environment I can monitor better
Especially when my wife packs my lunch, snacks are a never!

Still I don't know my sugar level
Am doing ok or should I be better   
Still ignorance is bliss I think to myself
Until I read this forum and think oh no Bloody Hell

My Doctors appear to be fine with this
Probably knowing hypochondria is on my list
So I'll just keep going thinking I am doing right
Until a symptom comes along and give me a fright​


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## Michael7 (May 11, 2015)

*Over 6 months gone*

Diabetes symptoms in themselves
Now rarely raises its ugly head
Complacency has started to infiltrate
And querying in my head what is this state

So easy now to stray a bit
A pint of beer and pork pie hit
Yes I admit I have succumbed
Now feeling guilty but not in my tum

Metformin tablets are my only reminder
Of this condition that I am under
The sickly feeling is still there
Reminding me of the condition I bear

The Doctors advice of not to check
I feel does now undermine a bit
For how I feel is now the norm
Do I really have this sugar ‘abnorm’

I give myself a talking too (hope nobody’s looking)
To tell myself what my body is going through
But do i really understand and accept
Diabetes to me is an actual threat.

So there you are an anomaly I see
Just another hurdle for me to breach
So yet again sit down I must 
And contemplate if I have understood​


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## Michael7 (May 12, 2015)

*A light hearted look at the next bit of me to 'fail'*

Many aches and pains I am getting now
At 61 it is expected somehow
No longer in the prime of life
But it feels good to put behind you all of that strife

Then something new stops working or decides enough
Back to the doctors for further medicinal brews
Decides well no you will have to be referred
And an audiologist is next for you to call

Husband's disease I've decided it to call
Were clarity of sound is lost in the female voice
I could blissfully carry on, honestly, without being aware
That I was being summoned for a chore somewhere

Alas now that will come to an end
For I will be able to hear everything said
But by some I'm told the advantage is still mine
As the on/off switch is something when I choose the time

Another occasion that I will no longer skive off
Where large groups were something shied from
For the multitude of sounds that hit my ears
Was just a jumbled mess so I became alone.

These aids being proposed I'm assured will change my life
For everything will be heard and that will be a delight
But I suppose the real benefit I'm sure I will hear
Is when I take them off and silence is all I can hear​


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## Northerner (May 12, 2015)

Good one Michael!  Hope all goes well with the appointment.


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## Michael7 (May 18, 2015)

*A decsion now made and acted upon*

Information for Diabetes is never lacking
Just maybe our idea of the understanding
For opposites in information is everywhere
And dependant on your mind-set makes it very unclear

Seven months now and information fading
Still no idea how my blood sugar is fairing
So enough is enough and I have changed my mind
A blood testing kit I have ordered to try

I need to know exactly what’s happening within
And then I can decide where I am aiming
The effect sugar has on how I feel
So then I know the extent of sugar for real

But I don't feel that I am not taking the Doctors advise
For surely empowerment cannot be considered unwise
For I am following the medication and diet (well nearly)
But then I'll now know what I am achieving

Another few days I have to wait
And then I can track all that I eat
How I react both positive and negative
With knowledge I then can cut out or moderate.

Over the next few days I will think of a regime
When I should test and record the information I glean
How to interpret the data I obtain
And then regain some control once again​


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## Northerner (May 18, 2015)

If you have any questions Michael, please ask away. You might find Test,Review, Adjust  a useful guide to efficient testing


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## Michael7 (May 20, 2015)

*So easy to stray away from the path*

Trying to explain to someone who
Does not really understand you
Is not easy for they automatically think
That you are overstating your case a bit

So do I overstate hoping that they will level it out
Or should just be honest and stop any mucking about
A dilemma that I have every time
I pass into the doctor’s domain

Right now I am hanging onto the edge
Where that slippery slope ends in an abyss
I almost pull myself out
Before another kick in side turns me about

An argument just now with an augmentative person
Raised me to a level that maybe I shouldn’t have ought to
So now I have to check myself to prevent a further slip
Into that awful pit of abyss

Stability for me in now an issue
With determination I must return
To that level field where I trust in myself
And follow my instincts and not others folly

So Guardian Angel please watch over me
As I travel this route of animosity
For I know I have to ignore those who tempt
And just follow the path where in my heart will lead me to be content.​


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## Northerner (May 20, 2015)

Keep the faith Michael! Remember we understand and are all here for you


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## Michael7 (May 26, 2015)

*Got my blood monitor and all I can say is 'blumming eck'*

A BG monitor I now have got
This weekend I have been reading and playing a lot
Frightening what food can do
But have a drink and it goes through the roof too

So this week I shall continue to eat
All the things I previously ate
Check my blood sugar 3 times a day
And see how it goes along the way

With this information I will be able to make a start
And see where those sugars are tearing me apart
Make those changes I now know I have to make
Then monitor the progress that my body does take

Minimum blood sugar was 7.4
The maximum was 24.9
As you can see I have plenty of scope to make
But now I can see I no longer can have my cake​


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## Northerner (May 26, 2015)

Much better to be aware Michael, in my opinion - only with the information at hand can you know if and where changes might be made  Hope all goes well, and do let us know if you have any questions


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## Michael7 (May 27, 2015)

*My thoughts for today*

Have I really any way of knowing
The direction in which my life is going
But then again do I want to know
For whether good or bad I have to go

Some days it will be like walking on air
Others will be like - well - let’s leave it right there
So just be happy with what you've got
Believe me when I say you've got a lot

Sometimes it’s good to stand and stare
Even think back to yesteryear
Relish in the things that you've done
Forget those that cannot be undone

With memories of your past
You can compare to make things last
If you can then write them down
For other to see into your mind

So let me start right here and now
And explain the things that got me down
It was because I would not talk
That is why I write this little book

By learning to write about how I feel
Not let it build up to become unreal
By this I begin to feel the tension go
And I can face the world once more

With all its sarcasm and retorts
All the meanness in men’s souls
Couldn’t care less I’ll do what I want
And I'll not share in what I've got

That is not the life for me
So I'll continue and in my heart be free
To live and to share in harmony
This is what life is meant to be​


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## Michael7 (May 28, 2015)

*A typical day my mind undergoes*

Somehow you have to keep diabetes at the forefront of your mind
To be aware of all the foods around
How stress can upset your food regime
And cause more problems that you cannot see

From those around you have to ensure
That it is important that you stay secure
That monitoring is the only way forward
To keep control of what is happening to you

It is not a visible condition
For people to see and then see reason
That you have a problem that you're trying to contain
And that you are not hypochondriac crying false tears

It is a fine line I now am told
From being obsessive and not just under control
For testing to some looks like a lot of work
With the results being something that you should already know

I am finding though this is far from the truth
For similar foods do not give the same results
Other factors you have to take into account
On your physicality and mental health

So still I take one step at a time
Get a routine sorted within my mind
With results that even I can understand
But I'll do it quietly now one day at a time

Download the results at the end of the week
Look for trends or where I've been weak
Maybe then my lifestyle will gain a boost
Showing me a route that I can complete

Maybe or maybe not
I'll show the nurse the results I've got
But if a hint of hassle I feel is there
I'll keep my results in their own little lair.​


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## Michael7 (Jun 1, 2015)

*Beginning of another month on this journey fo mine*

Another week has passed on this diabetic road
I'm still here being a pain in the 'ass'
With no further news from my doctor about me
I do my BG checks so that I can see

I am still above the goal stats set
For my Blood sugar to be in check
But the spikes appear to be levelling out
So I must be doing something right

During the week I try to be good
And only eat and drink what should be good
I admit the weekend I do indulge
But not as before for I then drank a lot more

Right now I have changed my diet
To one that I can maintain without crying
Another week or two I then may see
If another change would be best for me

It is slow going, not what I’m used to
But sustainability is the goal showing achievability
Then I trust that I will find
That further changes will not just blow my mind

I begin to feel some semblance of control
Where I can then monitor all on my own
Make any changes in a sustainable way
For surely sustainability is the only real goal​


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## Northerner (Jun 1, 2015)

Michael7 said:


> ...I begin to feel some semblance of control
> Where I can then monitor all on my own
> Make any changes in a sustainable way
> For surely sustainability is the only real goal​



Absolutely, Michael. It can seem a slow process, but all the time you are gaining knowledge and experience which will benefit you for years to come


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## Michael7 (Jun 2, 2015)

*What a difference having something corrected can make to your Diabetes*

Two hearing aids fitted to clarify the sound
Now I notice more going on around
Doors once closing now seem to be slammed
But the birds are the best of all the sounds

It’s early yet I'm told the sounds will soften
As my hearing gets used to the apparent volume
But whilst the sounds are loud there is something else
A clarity in range that brings back sounds forgotten

The inserts tickle and I want to scratch
I'm beginning to wish it possible to cancel some sounds out
Background noise I could always hear muffled sounds
Now it feels like I am in a crowd

So every now and then a walk I take
To hear the birds and the songs they make
It’s like listening to birdsong for the very first time
This is worth all that 'mucking' around

A side issue from this I seem to be smiling
As new sounds I hear are making me happy
Depression itself has taken a backseat
As now I can listen as people speak

This sounds daft for I could always hear
But not the clarity that now reaches my ears
It’s like a weight has been lifted from me
Maybe it is the start of a new life, I'll see

So much I can hear I find it hard to write
And explain the sensation which I am talking about
But with all this I know I'm in control
For with two little switches I can still ignore​


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## pippaandben (Jun 2, 2015)

Great to hear you sounding so positive. Hopefully your diabetes path will now also seem easier for you. Your journey is inspirational.


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## Michael7 (Jun 3, 2015)

*I'm in an unusual mood today*

Something to give me a motivational high
That today is going to be my drive
Not be worried about the conditions I have
But in knowledge be able to live my life

What is it that I like to do
Express in writing my point of view
Whether its feelings or likes it still feels good
When I acknowledge and accept this life I have

I begin with a myriad of tablets a day
Not let it carry on with a period of dismay
Just look outside at the beauty of the day
Now with hearing aids I can hear the birds display

No alcohol to blur my senses
No sugary food to fatten my belly
But clean fresh air in which to breathe
And then believe some things I do not need

I want to express my world in colour
The fragrances and the sounds make me wonder
Combine all three to enrich the mind
Oh what beauty there is in this land

By the way I think you can see
My mood today has infected me with glee
I trust and hope that it infects you
Together we can share a world renewed.​


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## Michael7 (Jun 4, 2015)

*Maybe I shouldnt 'think' too much?*

Sometimes perspective is hard to achieve
At the percentage of problems our society receives
How well is Diabetes controlled by the affected
Therefore how many of us have add on diseases

Its not be-littling anyone’s condition
I'd just like to know the extent of the problem
Maybe then as a group we can campaign for
A targeted service that Diabetics need more

From reading the forum I tend to assume
That the basic of services is not equal to use
From BG monitoring to peripheral testing of all
Should this not be standard and not the luck of the draw

Opposing advice I have within my region
Of what you can or not eat within reason
Don't bother testing for it will do you no good
For lifestyle is something that we have to choose

I read of tests to check this and that
I read of surgery’s not knowing how to act
Leaving the patient with even less knowledge
Of how to achieve the care that’s promised

All I have learnt I have by myself
By taking ownership of the problems I have
Now I find that my knowledge is not enough
Trying to access the services that I think I should have

I am not confrontational nor wish that to be
I expect a Doctor to say what is best for me
I don't expect to be 'fobbed' off (or so it seems)
But to have visible the care available to me​


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## Michael7 (Jun 8, 2015)

*Taking my mind away from Diabetes*

Looking over a meadow green
Rippling like the sea in the breeze
Colours of green highlighted with silver
Gives the feeling of motion with its shiver

Birds skimming low over the 'waves'
Picking up insects as they make their way
Still the field 'moves' as in play
Before the cutters come and spoil the day

But no, whilst the field is still, the birds still come
Now it's the larger ones looking for some grub
Earthworms or kills that the cutters did make
Give a feast for some birds to take

Then they turn the grass to dry some more
Before they 'hoover' the grass like a mower
Into large trailers then moves away
Preparing then for an organic spray

The stench for some is too much to bare
For the birds it’s a fragrance as they come from everywhere
Insects and earthworms appear like in a plague
For the birds to feast on on a sunny day

Soon the grass begins to grow again
For the cycle to renew itself
4 to 6 weeks is all it takes
To see this wondrous cycle taking place​


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## Michael7 (Jun 11, 2015)

*Nice feeling today*

This is a good feeling today
Feeling, well, neutral I hope it lasts all day
I have no worries or people nattering
But from the office I can't hear the birds chattering

My morning BG is levelling out
Although its 8 it’s nothing to shout about
Still it’s another step nearer that diabetic goal
Where medication may be reduced to nothing at all

Hearing aids in and I can hear all round
Too much noise and not enough quality sound
But still that little switch is available to me
And then I go back to that muffled me.

Even depression can't raise its head
For when in neutral, well enough said
Still it’s a nice place to be
When I can handle all that is thrown at me

Well what now, what shall I do
How shall I celebrate this 'new' you
For feeling like this has been long coming
Surely its time for a little celebration?​


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## Michael7 (Jun 15, 2015)

*Build up of thoughts*

Not every day can be a 'good' day
Especially when things are not going your way
Little things that are being said and done
Build up and up, and then another mountain has to be won

Then determination has to come to the fore
And not let the demons come knock on your door
I know it's easier just to curl up and sleep
And hope that soon it will be next week

A plan has then to be made and put into action
That will enable these 'things' to not latch on
So then in more manageable chunks of tasks
Will aid that mountain to be climbed at last

So no matter what is happening to you
You cannot let those demons win through
Whether its Diabetes or Depression or something else
You will take control and let those demons go back to hell​


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## Michael7 (Jun 17, 2015)

*This week is hard*

This week is being a continual trial
My blood sugar levels have been on the rise
Food intake and exercise is the same as normal
Stress is the component that is currently abnormal

Such is work that people love duress
And wait and wait until they can give more stress
Unable to project the work they want
For others to cover what they don't understand

Head kept down and weigh into the work
Normal hours but intensity to soak
Mentally shattered at the end of the day
So I use poetry when I need a break

Clear my head of useless rubbish
Concentrate what I can contribute
Don't let them get into your head
For they have the problem, you are their credit​


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## Northerner (Jun 17, 2015)

Hope the pressure eases off soon Michael


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