# Flight Maintenance



## RWJ (Sep 29, 2009)

Flight Maintenance
After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which
 conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during
 the flight that need repair or correction.
 The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing
 on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the
 pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
 Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
 humour.
 Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as
 submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance
 engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has NEVER
 had an accident.
 (P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
 (S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)
 P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
 S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
 P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
 S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
 P: Something loose in cockpit.
 S: Something tightened in cockpit.
 P: Dead bugs on windshield.
 S: Live bugs ordered.
 P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
 S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
 P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
 S: Evidence removed.
 P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
 S: DME volume set to more believable level.
 P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
 S: That's what they're there for.
 P: IFF inoperative.
 S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
 P: Suspected crack in windshield.
 S: Suspect you're right.
 P: Number 3 engine missing.
 S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
 P: Aircraft handles funny.
 S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
 P: Target radar hums.
 S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
 P: Mouse in cockpit.
 S: Cat installed.
 P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
 S: Took hammer away from midget.


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## Steff (Sep 29, 2009)

goodness me


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## Caroline (Oct 1, 2009)

Now I have to send this to the whole office, they are wondering why I'm laughing hysterically when I'm not drunk....


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## am64 (Oct 1, 2009)

Caroline said:


> Now I have to send this to the whole office, they are wondering why I'm laughing hysterically when I'm not drunk....



this is precisely why i dont fly + used to live on main flight path into heathrow...the number of planes that come in on fire!


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## MCH (Oct 1, 2009)

Wonderful stuff! 

I let my husband see this one and he thought it was superb as well. 

(Now that I've recovered enough from the laughing, I am able to write this.    )


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## Twitchy (Oct 8, 2009)

Cool - IFF & Target acquiring Radar...no wonder no-one messes with Qantas!


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