# Witty captions needed



## Tina63 (Oct 9, 2014)

I have a friend with a wicked sense of humour, who turns 50 tomorrow. So to help her gracefully into 'old age' I have bought her a selection of items. I am wrapping them individually then putting them in a big box. I need witty captions/comments to go on each one so any ideas gratefully received. Thanks. 

The items are:
Anti-wrinkle cream
Tena lady
Steradent
Denture bath
Sanatogen 50+ vitamins
People's Friend magazine
Lavender shower creme
Indigestion tablets
Bottle of bubbly

If anyone thinks of anything else I could get to add to it I am open to suggestions. I thought about sweets old folk eat but couldn't find any barley sugar (we live in a small market town with limited shops and only a small Tesco and Sainsburys). Thank you.

Tina


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## Northerner (Oct 9, 2014)

Subscription to Saga magazine? Werther's Originals? It's a bit too early in the morning for me to think of anything witty, but I will think on it  Great idea


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## Tina63 (Oct 9, 2014)

I have saved a few Saga type leaflets to add to the box, plus 50+ insurance plans etc. I have thought about laminating some newspaper adverts for walk-in baths and that sort of thing too. It's just a shame I don't suppose she'll open it until after the party, I'd love to see her face!


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## Northerner (Oct 9, 2014)

Tina63 said:


> I have saved a few Saga type leaflets to add to the box, plus 50+ insurance plans etc. I have thought about laminating some newspaper adverts for walk-in baths and that sort of thing too. It's just a shame I don't suppose she'll open it until after the party, I'd love to see her face!



Ooh yes - see if you can find a 'Big Slipper' advert - classic


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## Bloden (Oct 9, 2014)

Hahaha. Looks like the perfect over 50 survival kit. I'd like to see your friend's face too.


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## Tina63 (Oct 9, 2014)

Just found advert for The Ultimate Folding Scooter


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## am64 (Oct 9, 2014)

Mint imperials, dried prunes


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## David H (Oct 9, 2014)

*pink or blue hair rinse.*

*A leaflet for over 50's life insurance* (you know the one - no medical required)

*Membership for the 50plus club* (a seniors dating site)


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## Tina63 (Oct 9, 2014)

Ooo yes, dried prunes! Hadn't thought of those! Have got an insurance leaflet thanks. Just been through the weekend papers. No 'big slipper' but a walk in bath, chairs to make sitting and rising easier and more scooter ads. Laminater at the ready!


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## Sally71 (Oct 9, 2014)

For the lady who has everything....  Except her own teeth

How about adverts for hearing aids too!

My inlaws are members of a boat club, and one year at their Christmas party they did a pass the parcel full of this sort of thing.  I don't suppose you could offer to organise that for your friend's party? 

Oh they had haemorrhoid cream too!


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## Northerner (Oct 9, 2014)

Sally71 said:


> Oh they had haemorrhoid cream too!



Ooh yes! For the 'Farmer Giles'/'Nobby Stiles'


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## gail1 (Oct 9, 2014)

what a clever idea i would love to see your friends face as she opens it


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## Sally71 (Oct 9, 2014)

Chicken soup - nice and tasteless and easy to eat (through a straw if necessary)

We're not doing very well on your request for witty captions are we? Ummmm...


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## Pumper_Sue (Oct 9, 2014)

Tina63 said:


> Ooo yes, dried prunes! Hadn't thought of those! Have got an insurance leaflet thanks. Just been through the weekend papers. No 'big slipper' but a walk in bath, chairs to make sitting and rising easier and more scooter ads. Laminater at the ready!



If you include prunes you could put on the label eat prunes and go faster


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## cherrypie (Oct 9, 2014)

I'm glad to see that ageism is alive and well on the forum.


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## Tina63 (Oct 9, 2014)

Hahahahaha!!!  I love it all! Please keep on with the captions. I had thought about haemorrhoid cream.......! I love the pass the parcel idea but it's too late now sadly. I'll store that in my memory bank for someone else!
Just going to pop to town for some card and wrappings - oh and prunes and cream!
Thank you


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## Northerner (Oct 9, 2014)

cherrypie said:


> I'm glad to see that ageism is alive and well on the forum.



Well, as I am rapidly approaching my 56th birthday I can honestly say that age, for me, is just a number - I suspect the same applies to you Maisie


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## cherrypie (Oct 9, 2014)

It's the stereotyping that gets to me.
We are not all incontinent, do not have false teeth, do not need mobility aids or feel the need to drink soup through a straw.  We also don't need prunes to make our bowels work.
When diabetics are stereotyped most people get mad and post their comments here.  Racism and sexism are both abhorrent as is fatism but the same response does not seem to be afforded to ageism.

Remember there is only one alternative to getting old.


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## HOBIE (Oct 9, 2014)

Hope it went well !  One of the good things is cheap car & Motorbike ins


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## HelenHanfe (Oct 9, 2014)

This is probably too late....but I had fun anyway......  Love the idea - hope she has a great day !

(Don't know if best on the outside, or the inside of the package...)

*Anti-wrinkle cream - for use up top or down bottom....*

Tena lady - for when a gusset just won't do...

*Steradent - because your teeth shouldn't be beige as well....*

Denture bath - the only type without a seat in it....

*Sanatogen 50+ vitamins - because there's more to life than kippers...

People's Friend magazine - a natural laxitive with no side effects....

Lavender shower creme - because no one likes the smell of wee...

Indigestion tablets - for when a Werther's just won't do...

Bottle of bubbly - if you're not full of one type of gas.... 



Well, it amused me - but I happily go and hang my head in shame, if I've over stepped the mark Tina...  

HelanHanfe*


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## Redkite (Oct 9, 2014)

cherrypie said:


> It's the stereotyping that gets to me.
> We are not all incontinent, do not have false teeth, do not need mobility aids or feel the need to drink soup through a straw.  We also don't need prunes to make our bowels work.
> When diabetics are stereotyped most people get mad and post their comments here.  Racism and sexism are both abhorrent as is fatism but the same response does not seem to be afforded to ageism.
> 
> Remember there is only one alternative to getting old.



I agree Cherrypie.  I know it's meant to be lighthearted and just a bit of fun, but it's not my idea of funny either.  In fact it makes me a little sad how society views older people . And I speak as a 47yo!


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