# Upset after antenatal class - beware selfpity & ranting



## rachelha (Aug 7, 2010)

I have just been for my first NCT antenatal class and have come away feeling quite upset.  I feel as though the medical nature of my pregnancy and forthcoming birth has been highlighted. There was lots of discussion of choices in labour and having as natural a birth as possible which I still dont feel are options for me.

I think this is not helped as I have not seen the community midwife team at all, they forgot about me when sorting out NHS lessons and then could only offer me classes on Monday afternoons which is when the diabetic/obstetrics clinic is.  Every discussion I have had about my pregnancy has been at the hospital. I have just had a quick look at my notes and it would appear that there are things the midwifes should have talked to me about (birth plans/neonatal check ups) but they have not. All they do is take my blood pressure, hba1c, measure me, and listen to the heartbeat.  So far there has been almost no discussion of what will actually happen.

I feel as though I am almost grieving for the natural birth experience I will not get - that sounds very melodramatic, maybe I have been amongst the hippyish NCT people for too long today.

I am actually considering not going back to tomorrows class, as I felt so abnormal there.

SOrry needed to try and rant about how I feel to those who may understand a bit more


----------



## tracey w (Aug 7, 2010)

Sorry to hear you feel so bad, 

I hope some preggie ladies will be along shortly to console you better. I dont know your circumstances or why you cant have a natural birth. But I genuinely hope you feel better tomorrow and are able to talk to someone professional or on here to help you. Take care


----------



## am64 (Aug 7, 2010)

dont go rachel ...i went to one and got hubby to come and it was a nightmare ...we eneded up calling them the naz* child birth trust... as regardeing their holier than thou attitude to child birth pm me if you wish hunny xxx


----------



## Twitchy (Aug 7, 2010)

am64 LOVE your new name for them!!!   We just called them the "fascist union of breastfeeding mothers"...bit of a theme emerging there! (& I'm pro-breastfeeding if you want / are able to!)

Rachel - please DON'T let them get you down!  I've already commented in your other thread, but we did NCT lessons first time round & found a lot of the other mums to be quite judgemental & not understanding at all of our situation.  I know exactly how you feel about grieving for a natural birth - I felt the same way, & still have to remind myself from time to time that a healthy baby is what this is all about, not how you get it out!   I must have been the NCT's worst student: C section, didn't really manage to breast feed first time (or much 2nd time either!), used disposables both times.... so what?  Ok, so I'm filling in more landfill, but it's something that makes life a little bit easier at the mo (however selfish that might be) and means I can try & get some grip on my diabetes control & therefore be less snappish & a better mum... as for a natural birth, from chatting to a couple of non-diabetic friends, it doesn't sound like a barrel of fun anyway!   (Or that natural, come to that!)

When I mentioned the NCT to my health visitor, they positively scowled - & commented about the numbers of mums (not necessarily diabetic) who get upset (even pnd) post birth because they feel that they can't live up to what is expected of them.  It just seems a bit officious to me that they should try & dictate what is the 'right' way to give birth, when surely what matters is healthy baby & mum?!  Being diabetic you get less choice in how you give birth - but the birth is such a small portion of all the time you will be a mum!

Don't let them get you down - someone who has a 'natural birth' is not a  better mum, hasn't done it the 'right way', they are just a bit luckier!  If they successfully breastfeed afterwards, it's because they had less challenges to overcome.  It is possible to give birth naturally & breastfeed as a diabetic, but it probably is less likely & definitely does not reflect on you if it doesn't happen that way.  

We chose not to do NCT (or any) refresher courses this time round, as we didn't feel we gained anything last time round - corner your docs at diabetic clinic, armed with a list of questions & make them help you - ask to see your 'infant feeding co-ordinator' for breastfeeding info asap too & contact the la leche league - they do some good leaflets, one specifically for diabetics, others about feeding post c section, expressing before birth (in case baby is seperated from you) etc.  But whatever you do, don't let judgemental people steal the joy of your pregnancy - you are going to be a wonderful mum!!


----------



## bev (Aug 7, 2010)

rachelha said:


> I have just been for my first NCT antenatal class and have come away feeling quite upset.  I feel as though the medical nature of my pregnancy and forthcoming birth has been highlighted. There was lots of discussion of choices in labour and having as natural a birth as possible which I still dont feel are options for me.
> 
> I think this is not helped as I have not seen the community midwife team at all, they forgot about me when sorting out NHS lessons and then could only offer me classes on Monday afternoons which is when the diabetic/obstetrics clinic is.  Every discussion I have had about my pregnancy has been at the hospital. I have just had a quick look at my notes and it would appear that there are things the midwifes should have talked to me about (birth plans/neonatal check ups) but they have not. All they do is take my blood pressure, hba1c, measure me, and listen to the heartbeat.  So far there has been almost no discussion of what will actually happen.
> 
> ...




Rachel,
I completely understand how you must be feeling. I am not trying to dismiss your worries at all when I say this - but the most important thing is that you will get to hold your little baby - and it doesnt really matter in the big scheme of things how this happens. If you dont get a natural birth - its not that big a deal - and if you do - then it will be painful and you will forget all about it within seconds. Focus on the end result - holding a healthy happy baby is all that matters - no matter how they arrived into the world.Bev


----------



## am64 (Aug 7, 2010)

Twitchy said:


> am64 LOVE your new name for them!!!   We just called them the "fascist union of breastfeeding mothers"...bit of a theme emerging there! (& I'm pro-breastfeeding if you want / are able to!)



hahhaa twitchy.... but g*d i felt so guilty....with my first because of what they said ....
 Rachel with my second the midwife said just after the birth you going to breast feed? ..i said whilst i hospital but when home hubby would share with me me ...she said ok hunny dont worry about it ....daddy which milk d'ya want.. ...here you are ....and my hubby gave him the first feed.... it was soooo wonderful for me to watch ...so hun the best advice i can give is go with your flow what ever it is at the time ...what ever you do its very natural xxx

p s i had i nightmare feeding my first ...it HURT and i felt was denying her food ...started with the bottle and it was such a JOY so just go with what ever feels right for you xxx


----------



## rachelha (Aug 7, 2010)

bev said:


> Rachel,
> I completely understand how you must be feeling. I am not trying to dismiss your worries at all when I say this - but the most important thing is that you will get to hold your little baby - and it doesnt really matter in the big scheme of things how this happens. If you dont get a natural birth - its not that big a deal - and if you do - then it will be painful and you will forget all about it within seconds. Focus on the end result - holding a healthy happy baby is all that matters - no matter how they arrived into the world.Bev



Bev no offence taken.  I know logically I am v lucky to be pregnant and so far without complications.  They have made me lose track of that.  
I think being or trying to get pregnant brings diabetes back into your mind a lot.  It feels a bit like having to come to terms with it all over again, and the realisation that although you can still do things, it sometimes takes a lot more planning and effort.


----------



## am64 (Aug 7, 2010)

Rachel im just going to send you BIG HUGGGSSSSS ...not long now hunny xxxx


----------



## bev (Aug 7, 2010)

rachelha said:


> Bev no offence taken.  I know logically I am v lucky to be pregnant and so far without complications.  They have made me lose track of that.
> I think being or trying to get pregnant brings diabetes back into your mind a lot.  It feels a bit like having to come to terms with it all over again, and the realisation that although you can still do things, it sometimes takes a lot more planning and effort.
> 
> 
> ...


----------



## Twitchy (Aug 8, 2010)

"but g*d i felt so guilty....with my first because of what they said ...."

I know what you mean!  I really think I hate the NCT now - they might think they mean well (& in fairness our instructor was pragmatical & reasonable, it was the mums...!!) but I get so blooming cross that just because someone happens to have got lucky with their body / dna / etc etc they feel they can look down their flipping noses at us & sneer because we didn't / couldn't have the same 'natural' birth / feeding experience! Like we had all the choices they did?!!  Makes me so mad!!  They really should have a great big reality check, realise how fortunate they are & stop being such judgemental cows....quite an apt term for them really, given how they brag about milking so much!  I know one mum who whilst giving her baby a bottle kept being told by another "I fed my baby myself" - ooh, the urge to turn around & say something like "what, no nanny?!" or "good for you, Daisy!" Grrrrr! 

Sorry, just this one always gets me on my soapbox... diabetes is a bugger at the best of times & makes being a mum even harder - I'd always recommend that diabetic mums try & find other diabetic mums to meet up with - at least they will be understanding (hopefully!) if you need to whip up your shirt & do an injection!   Right, no more rants....


----------



## PhoebeC (Aug 8, 2010)

Twitchy said:


> "but g*d i felt so guilty....with my first because of what they said ...."
> 
> I know what you mean!  I really think I hate the NCT now - they might think they mean well (& in fairness our instructor was pragmatical & reasonable, it was the mums...!!) but I get so blooming cross that just because someone happens to have got lucky with their body / dna / etc etc they feel they can look down their flipping noses at us & sneer because we didn't / couldn't have the same 'natural' birth / feeding experience! Like we had all the choices they did?!!  Makes me so mad!!  They really should have a great big reality check, realise how fortunate they are & stop being such judgemental cows....quite an apt term for them really, given how they brag about milking so much!  I know one mum who whilst giving her baby a bottle kept being told by another "I fed my baby myself" - ooh, the urge to turn around & say something like "what, no nanny?!" or "good for you, Daisy!" Grrrrr!
> 
> Sorry, just this one always gets me on my soapbox... diabetes is a bugger at the best of times & makes being a mum even harder - I'd always recommend that diabetic mums try & find other diabetic mums to meet up with - at least they will be understanding (hopefully!) if you need to whip up your shirt & do an injection!   Right, no more rants....



Thtas it we need more pregnant diabetics, have babies in groups  .I met my bump buddy on here we are close in weeks too, so thats really helpful, we can share things and help each other out. 

So far i am not hapy with how i have been treated by anyone 'professional' and other non diabetic mums seem to think its the same as gestinal diabetes which it really isnt, and its not fair to be compared to them, when my diabetes has been here before during and will be here when i am a mum trying to look after a baby.

xx


----------



## newbs (Aug 8, 2010)

Sorry to hear how you feel but is seems this is common for us diabetics!  I attended an antenatal class the first time around and felt exactly like you.  Most of the class was of no use to me as a natural home birth was not an option or even a natural hospital birth as in relaxed or a water birth etc.  I felt very disappointed.  We then were taken around the hospital and shown all of the "normal" labour rooms then I was told to wait.  After the others had gone the midwife then showed me the "medical" labour room and took me to SCBU to show me where my baby would "probably have to go". 

At the end of the day, being in the "medical" room made me feel safe and I knew that all equipment was on hand if needed - which it was.  Neither of my babies had to go to SCBU though, thankfully. 

Talk to your midwife and ask the questions you need to but don't go back to the antenatal class tomorrow if you think it is going to be much the same as today.  Do what feels right for you.


----------



## rachelha (Aug 8, 2010)

Thank you all for your responses.  I had a good cry last night and went to the class again this morning. It was actually much better, I think as there was more post-birth discussions and I guess I did not have high expectations for it at all. 

I have found out there is a specialised midwife at my hospital who will see people with high-risk pregnancies to discuss what options are available to them to make things easier.  I am annoyed that no-one at the joint diabetic/ante natal clinic had mentioned her to me. 

I know have a long list of questions for the midwife and consultants tomorrow about what is and isnt possible.  

Just the breast feeding class to go tomorrow evening now


----------



## tabbicles (Aug 8, 2010)

Oo-er... I can completely relate to the part about 'being forgotten' when it comes to antenatal classes so can see why you ended up doing NCT though I am determined not to (plus the only one available doesn't work for me!)
I havent been on for a while but am now 29 weeks and all going well but its all new so keen for any antenatal classes going.  
I had to ring round between the hospital and my GP loads as no one seemed to know how I can book a class, at my last hospital appt I had no luck either.  Had to make an appointment with my GP to refer me as I dont see the community midwife! AGH!!! luckily tehre is a class held at my GP surgery.  Hope all this is worth it......


----------

