# Finding Private Carers



## TheClockworkDodo (Aug 8, 2017)

Does anyone have any tips about how to find private carers, eg websites with reviews of carers or care providers?  I need to find carers for my parents as a matter of urgency - my Dad's dementia has suddenly started deteriorating rapidly and my Mum can't cope.  Mum doesn't want to move him into a care home and doesn't want a social services care agency who will send random people at inappropriate times - she wants to employ private carers so she gets the same people every time and they come at times of day which suit her and Dad.

I'm 3 hours drive away, I don't drive, and I'm disabled, so the amount of help I can give is limited, but Mum would like me to help her find carers (or at least eliminate unsuitable ones) by looking at websites etc and sending preliminary enquiries - my parents don't have a computer.

If anyone can make any recommendations or suggestions of how to go about finding private carers please could you send me a pm?  Thanks.


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## mikeyB (Aug 8, 2017)

What geographical area does your mum live in, Juliet?


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## TheClockworkDodo (Aug 8, 2017)

Postally they're in Kent, but for social services it's the London Borough of Bromley.  I know some care providers will be area-specific, but ideally I want to find things like review websites, which are likely to cover all areas.  I  found a review website for care homes, but I've not found one for care in people's own homes yet.


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## mikeyB (Aug 9, 2017)

I have good friends in The Bromley area. I'll ask them. Word of mouth is always better than other means.


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## Copepod (Aug 9, 2017)

Agree - word of mouth is best.
A few years ago, a friend who works in a research lab forwarded an email to me from a couple who worked there - the woman is disabled and husband has to travel for conferences, courses etc, so they were asking for female carers, and my friend knew I had some experience working with disabled people. So, for several years, I cycled round morning and bedtime when husband was away. When I knew I needed to leave the town, I asked my friend if she'd like me to ask someone else I thought might be able to help. She was keen, so I introduced them to each other, and that worked well. After I left the area, they asked me to come back to stay at house to provide care for longer periods, when other friend wasn't available. I've gained two very good friends, although only see husband briefly before he goes away / after he gets back.
I would also suggest asking local branches of dementia charities if they have any recommendations.


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## TheClockworkDodo (Aug 9, 2017)

Thank you both 

We have found one possibility - a charity which does care at home - but don't know yet whether they'll have carers available, or whether they'll be suitable if they do.  Also, I'm still looking for general review websites, though personal recommendations would be good too.


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## pav (Aug 9, 2017)

Hope you manage to find some good people, so many of the care firms are only interested in money and the carers are in and out in minutes not spending the time with the people they are looking after.

I was lucky with the care agency I had, but the S/S were a different matter, some of which got told to go forth and multiply unpolitical.

What I found important was can the place that is providing the care have a low staff turn over rate and whenever possible keep to a core and stable group of carers that would come to mom who had dementia. What also helped was one of moms carers had a small dog and asked if they could bring it with her on one occasion due to a reason I can't remember why, this worked out great between us all, one could see the difference on moms face. Other friends have had other care agencies arranged through the S/S and complaints galore were being put in due to lack of care.


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## Ditto (Aug 9, 2017)

I've promised Mum never to put her in a home, I'm going to have to rely on SS in the future I can see that coming. Not looking forward to it. Sorry to hear about your Dad.


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## Amigo (Aug 10, 2017)

Ditto said:


> I've promised Mum never to put her in a home, I'm going to have to rely on SS in the future I can see that coming. Not looking forward to it. Sorry to hear about your Dad.



That's not a promise my mum ever asked of me Ditto. She now has dementia and lives in a wonderful Care Home and is very happy. Years ago she made me promise never to 'sacrifice' my life in trying to care for her. One hell of a woman my mum and totally unselfish!

Juliet, the Care Quality Commission have responsibility for inspecting domestic care services. They'll have local reports of home care agencies;

http://www.cqc.org.uk/what-we-do/services-we-regulate/services-we-regulate

In reality though, word of mouth or a recommendation is always better. Depending on financial circumstances, ask Social Services to assess for a Direct Payment so they can pay for someone in their home. You can employ someone and your parents may qualify for money in lieu of services. Good luck!


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## Lilian (Aug 10, 2017)

Contact the Alzheimer's Society, as they may know of independent carers who are more familiar with the care of people with this condition.    It can be very daunting if you are not aware of the various stages and not trained to deal with it in the right way.


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## TheClockworkDodo (Aug 11, 2017)

Sorry not replied yet, but thanks all for the ideas.  Dad has got worse again and is now in hospital so I'm not really up to forums at the moment.


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## Ditto (Aug 11, 2017)

I know more about dementia than I ever wanted to know, I have a book on the go at all times.


TheClockworkDodo said:


> Sorry not replied yet, but thanks all for the ideas.  Dad has got worse again and is now in hospital so I'm not really up to forums at the moment.



(((hugs)))


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## Northerner (Aug 12, 2017)

TheClockworkDodo said:


> Sorry not replied yet, but thanks all for the ideas.  Dad has got worse again and is now in hospital so I'm not really up to forums at the moment.


Sorry to hear this  You keep your strength for where it is most needed, supporting your parents {{{HUGS}}}


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## TheClockworkDodo (Aug 20, 2017)

Thanks for the hugs, much needed.  Dad is still in hospital - physically he's very much better, but the dementia has got worse because he hates hospitals so much and wants to go home.  We're still trying to sort out care so he can go home asap, but hospital is not helping much (in that they're not communicating with us very well, they are trying to take care out of our hands and not listening to our concerns - very frustrating and upsetting).


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## Ljc (Aug 20, 2017)

Sorry to hear about your Dad Julia.  I hope you can have Dad home soon.
Sorry I can't help with care agencies in you'r area.  Their were a few charities that helped us when my Mum had mixed dementia.
Age UK.
Admiral nurses , these are not hands on nurses but are specialist in all things related to dementia, they may be able to advise in getting Dad home. 
Talking point,  a peer support forum much like this one , run by the Alzheimer's society. 
Crossroads care,  sadly not many of these around now. Its a charity dedicated to provide a few hours a Week/month respite for the main carer by trained staff. M was a godsend to us. 
If you need links let me know.


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## TheClockworkDodo (Aug 20, 2017)

Thank you, Lin - I've sent info. from Age UK and Alzheimers Society to Mum in the past, and also the phone number for Admiral Nurses, but she always just says she has too much information and not enough time to read it all   With Dad there, she can't make phonecalls about him without him overhearing; and while he's in hospital she is spending all her time visiting him.
I'll look up Crossroads care, not come across them - thank you.  If we could get something in place, even if temporarily, which would mean the hospital would let Dad go home, it would be really good.


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## Ljc (Aug 20, 2017)

TheClockworkDodo said:


> Thank you, Lin - I've sent info. from Age UK and Alzheimers Society to Mum in the past, and also the phone number for Admiral Nurses, but she always just says she has too much information and not enough time to read it all   With Dad there, she can't make phonecalls about him without him overhearing; and while he's in hospital she is spending all her time visiting him.
> I'll look up Crossroads care, not come across them - thank you.  If we could get something in place, even if temporarily, which would mean the hospital would let Dad go home, it would be really good.


Age uk should know what's available in Mums  area and contact numbers .  It was them that put me in contact with Crossroads and Admiral nurses.


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## Amigo (Aug 20, 2017)

Juliet, I'm not sure if your father has had a social work assessment in hospital or you're aware that he should have a named person co-ordinating the discharge arrangements but this may help; - your mother is also entitled to a Carers Assessment in her own right and a plan spelling out how she will be supported to care for your father at home.

http://www.which.co.uk/elderly-care...640-the-procedure-for-discharge-from-hospital

Best wishes. Amigo


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## Seabreeze (Aug 20, 2017)

See if there is a Carers Resource Centre there, they are trained in what help there is and will help with what can be applied for etc 
I have seen it happen to a neighbour and to friends relatives, there will, sadly, come a point where a home is the only option for safe 24/7 care by professionals trained to deal with dementia as it will be too much for one person to manage on their own.


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## Seabreeze (Aug 20, 2017)

When I was looking for carers for my mum (general basic care) these were my basic criteria:-
CQC ratings
word of mouth
staffing levels - a good complement of staff in the area for sick leave/emergency cover and in case of any personality clashes.
Can they provide the same person(s) for stability or mix them to avoid familiarity - whichever required. 
Competencies - does their training cover the care needs eg blood sugar testing, know the signs of stroke
Can they provide the times and days you need
cancellation policies - our contract has no charge if you cancel within x hours and no charge if hospital admission


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## Seabreeze (Aug 20, 2017)

Maybe you need a mix, carers and other services. 

I've had carers for my mum for a few years now, but it is just general care. I was living a couple of hundred miles away and appointed a company for my mum, first by searching, then phoning and then I went home for a few days and had them round to see them. (I went through about a dozen companies on the phone, whittled it down to 3 but saw about half of them, cutting my teeth on the first 3 to get my bearings for what's what with the more applicable companies).

But your parents needs are more specialised.

Always remember you are the customer (your mum)
it is better to have a company with a larger staff base for changing of staff that don't click/your dad is uneasy with.


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## Seabreeze (Aug 21, 2017)

Do ask what their extra charges are for Saturday, Sunday, bank holidays and if they provide services on Easter Sunday, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, New Years Eve, New Years Day and what their charges are.

Also ask if their prices include mileage and if not what is the mileage charge.  

If you are prone to roadworks and diversions they will increase the mileage charge for the carers fuel costs, which, when you think about what they are paid, is fair enough.


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## TheClockworkDodo (Aug 25, 2017)

Thanks @Amigo for that very interesting link, and @Seabreeze for all the useful advice.

Sorry I haven't been replying, my ME is playing up and I don't seem to have any time.

Dad is still in hospital - he won't eat the food and they won't let him go home until he starts eating and drinking again.  When Mum goes to visit him he keeps crying and saying he wants to go home, but he can't understand that if he eats he'll be able to go home.  Mum's tried taking him in food but he only eats a mouthful or two and then pushes it aside.  She is exhausted and distraught.  I'm not well enough to visit again at the moment - haven't recovered yet from my first trip - so she is managing with taxis.  I tried to find her a volunteer to take her in and stay with her, but she's so independant she won't let me organise anything for her, so I've wasted my time.

She has also told me to stop looking for carers, because she doesn't think Dad will be going to be going home for a while - she can't see that it's a slow process anyway, so if I look now we might have carers ready for later, but if I leave it until later he might not be able to go home because there's no care in place ... .  So I'm continuing to look.

My blood sugar is suffering - was 18.8 this evening, and took about an hour before I got it low enough to be safe to eat my dinner.

Sorry for rant, not having a good week ...


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## Ditto (Aug 25, 2017)

So sorry Juliet. Can't your Mum get something like Ring&Ride to and fro from hospital? She'd be with other people too which is always good I think. Aged parents are a nightmare and to think we're next.


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## Lucy Honeychurch (Aug 25, 2017)

How awful for you all  as @Ditto is there a ring and ride or community transport option for your mum?
Not surprised your numbers are high with all this stress.


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## Seabreeze (Aug 26, 2017)

It's just natural that emotions are running high there.
As you say, no harm in checking out the carers and then when you are ready for them, they can start. 
It will be a catch 22 because the hospital might say that no release until got some care.   
Good luck.


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## TheClockworkDodo (Sep 5, 2017)

The hospital have indeed said no release until we have care - in fact, we have found out that while we have been waiting for them to tell us he's well enough to go home, they have been ready to discharge him and waiting for us to tell them we had found care for him.  We are furious that they didn't tell us this - we had no information from them at all for over a week.  They made no effort to find care for him themselves, or to assess him for care, or to send an OT round to assess my parents' home, or any of the things they should have done - all they did was keep him in there while he was getting steadily worse and worse (he is still not taking food, drink, or medicine from any of the medical professionals so he is slowly starving himself to death).

It's no-one in particular's fault - individually they are trying their best to care for him, but they seem to know nothing about dementia, and information is not passed from one department to another, let alone to Mum and me.  The fact that Mum is deaf and that I am ill can't have helped, but really we think it was their responsibility to make sure we were informed, and it should be basic practice for them to keep notes of information we give them - things we say to one member of staff (eg stop bringing overwhelmingly huge great trays of hospital food to someone who can barely swallow one mouthful of banana and will in any case only take this from family) are not passed on to the others - they just keep making the same mistakes over and over again.  I got PALS involved last week and finally started getting some answers, but it may now be too late for Dad, we don't know how many more days he can survive in there.

We _might_ have a place in a nursing home for him, but it would only be for a few days and they may say it's not suitable for him as it's not in their dementia unit.  The home has good ratings so it has a waiting list and very few places so it might be years before a room in their dementia unit did become available (they only happened to have a room at all because it's being redecorated and the person moving into it isn't arriving for a few more days).  We _might_ have a home care agency who could help, either instead of or after the respite care (their manager is going into the hospital to assess Dad tomorrow), but they might feel his needs are beyond what they can offer as they provide carers rather than trained nurses.  If neither of these options works out we don't know what will happen:  we think we will probably lose him as he can't survive hospital much longer.


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## Northerner (Sep 5, 2017)

Very sorry to hear this Juliet  Even more important to keep you and your Mum informed when your Dad is unable to communicate things to you himself. I hope that one of your options for his care comes to fruition soon {{{HUGS}}}


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## TheClockworkDodo (Oct 22, 2017)

I haven't been able to update this thread before, just wanted to let you know my Dad was finally able to get care to go home from hospital on 12 September, and although he knew he was going home and was pleased about it, by the time he got there it was too late for him to appreciate it.  He died on 15 September from a mixture of dementia, self-starvation/dehydration, and a bump on the head from a fall he had in hospital.  Mum and I were both with him and are glad he's no longer suffering, though we think he could have lived several more months (if not longer) if the hospital had allowed us to take him home after the first few days instead of keeping him there against his will for nearly 5 weeks.

@Northerner, is it possible to close or lock this thread? - I'd like it to quietly disappear, don't want the possibility of it reappearing in the future.  Thanks.


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## Robin (Oct 23, 2017)

Before it goes, it'd like to say how sorry I am to hear this, Juliet.


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## Greyhound Gal (Oct 23, 2017)

So sorry about your Dad Juliet. Loads of {{{ hugs}}} being sent your way x


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## mikeyB (Oct 23, 2017)

Sorry to hear that, Juliet. You have my deepest sympathy. 

Don’t torture yourself, he did get home. I've seen this so many times, it’s as though folk feel safer dying at home. And I’m sure he was.


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## Amigo (Oct 23, 2017)

Juliet, he had a lifetime of wonderful memories and precious times and did get to die in his own home with the people he loved most. That’s what matters though I understand your frustrations about the hospital. In reality it may just have been too much for your mum to care for him at home for much longer.
Sending massive supportive thoughts to you, somehow we are never old enough to lose our parents even when it’s expected x


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## Lilian (Oct 23, 2017)

Deepest sympathy to you and your family.


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## Ditto (Oct 23, 2017)

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## TheClockworkDodo (Oct 23, 2017)

Thanks, everyone.



mikeyB said:


> I've seen this so many times, it’s as though folk feel safer dying at home. And I’m sure he was.



Mum thinks he actually waited until we were both there together - I'd come back here on 12th after we got him home, and then I went there again on 15th, so it was the first time we'd both been there with him.  He wasn't responsive at the end so we can never know, but he did seem to be calmer when he heard our voices.

Frustration about the hospital is mainly about lack of communication, @Amigo - we all knew Mum couldn't cope alone, but we'd found potential carers by the end of the first week and had them on hold, so if the hospital had told us we could take him home we could have done so within a couple of days, while he was still walking about and eating & drinking, and able to appreciate being there.  It's no-one's fault, but it's a failure of the hospital system which really shouldn't have happened (the ward manager was on holiday and no-one did her job in her absence).


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## Amigo (Oct 23, 2017)

TheClockworkDodo said:


> Thanks, everyone.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I understand totally Juliet and so often the hospital system fails people at this time which isn’t acceptable. End of life care should be so much better and not dependent on the leave of one person. Sending best wishes to you and your mum at this time x


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## Lucy Honeychurch (Oct 23, 2017)

I'm sorry to hear this, deepest sympathies to you and your family xx


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## Northerner (Oct 23, 2017)

I'm very sorry to hear about your father, Juliet  I will close the thread as you have requested.


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