# Do you get good family support?



## megga (Jan 21, 2015)

Is it just me or are you totally alone when it comes to anything to do with diabetes.


----------



## Michael7 (Jan 21, 2015)

*Family Support*

Hi Megga
I do get family support, but it is tempered as I do not like being mollycoddled.
It is I think a tight rope for them to follow but over the years they have got used to me and know when to leave me alone.

Michael


----------



## Catsmother (Jan 21, 2015)

I think my family THINK they are supportive but, in reality, none of them really understands. They think my low-carb food choices are just a fad and can't really understand why I am 'still' testing my blood sugar when surely I must know by now how different foods affect me.
They seem pleased with my weight loss, although I think my daughter takes it as a bit of insult to her weight issues (!) and my husband has an attitude of "Well, I've always told you to lose weight". Perhaps he was right. Could I have avoided the diabetes altogether if I had done? I don't really think so, given my family history, but in any case it doesn't change the facts.
I'm really grateful for this forum. I know I usually only 'lurk', but the information and positive attitude of people here are my main source of support. Thanks all!


----------



## BobbieH (Jan 21, 2015)

I think given the long history of diabetes in our family we have got used to it always being there.  Hubby is great. He looks at food packaging much more than I would.  He started to refuse desserts when we would go out for a meal but given that is his favourite part I told him to go ahead and enjoy. Of course it helps that I do not have a sweet tooth.


----------



## J.Y.Kelly (Jan 21, 2015)

I don't think anyone who hasn't got diabetes has any real idea how to support someone with the condition. There is a history of diabetes in my family, grandparents, uncles, father, brother and sister. My brother thinks he is the only person in the world to suffer with diabetes, and uses it as an excuse to explain his laziness and paranoia. My sister refuses to accept she has it, and has gone blind as a result. So even other diabetics are sometimes no help. My wife however, who isn't diabetic, is brilliant.


----------



## BobbieH (Jan 21, 2015)

Unfortunately my two sisters for the most part ignored it and continued to smoke. Both now unfortunately deceased 49 and 54. I wasn't diagnosed then so couldn't understand why they would continue to put there health at risk to the extent where one sister lost a leg.  Different when it is nearer home. Why do I crave potato crisps and all the carbs of the day.  Its easy to live somebody elses life.


----------



## J.Y.Kelly (Jan 21, 2015)

BobbieH said:


> Unfortunately my two sisters for the most part ignored it and continued to smoke. Both now unfortunately deceased 49 and 54. I wasn't diagnosed then so couldn't understand why they would continue to put there health at risk to the extent where one sister lost a leg.  Different when it is nearer home. Why do I crave potato crisps and all the carbs of the day.  Its easy to live somebody elses life.



Wow, that's a tough life lesson! To lose 2 sisters at those ages is really sad. My sister and brother both still smoke, even though my brother had a heart attack at 38. He now has acute pulmonary disease as a further complication. To be honest, I'm surprised he has lived to be 55 so far, especially as he was diagnosed at the age of 2. My sister was diagnosed at 17 and is now 61.


----------



## Pumper_Sue (Jan 21, 2015)

The day I was diagnosed my father ignored me and my diabetes until the day he died. (He couldn't cope with the fact that in his eyes he gave it to me  ) I'm the 4th generation to have diabetes all on Dad's side of the family.
My Mum though always made sure I had the correct diet and insulin and was as independent as the next child. Neither Brother ever mentioned the subject or have any inkling what diabetes involves.
So yes I had the support I needed. Mum bless her still worries about me now even though I've been type 1 for 50 years.


----------



## megga (Jan 21, 2015)

Oh Sue, your giving your age away lol.
I'm just having a whine and a moan. i have got a fantastic wife, and she makes an effort to cook nice things, she just dont have to think about carbs and fats, so she dont, its just hard when your struggling to get the BS under control.


----------



## Pumper_Sue (Jan 21, 2015)

megga said:


> Oh Sue, your giving your age away lol.
> I'm just having a whine and a moan. i have got a fantastic wife, and she makes an effort to cook nice things, she just dont have to think about carbs and fats, so she dont, its just hard when your struggling to get the BS under control.



It's ok I own up I'm over 21 (Just)


----------



## John D M (Jan 21, 2015)

Occasionally get asked how my diabetes is but don't get any real interest as to how I'm managing it. Sometimes think family members are a bit scared and think they'll upset me if the show an interest - keep it swept under the carpet


----------



## Andy HB (Jan 21, 2015)

At the beginning, I'm sure that I bored my family to death telling them all about it and what I was doing. So they don't really bother me with anything about it now. They don't need to and they are also intelligent enough to know that I know what I'm doing (either that or they know I'd ignore them!). 

But if I ever needed any of them, they'd be there in a flash.


----------



## trophywench (Jan 21, 2015)

Well I don't have hardly any family and was glad I wasn't diagnosed as a child, as my mother was a martyr to her own ailments let alone anyone else's LOL (Someone said one day 'Jenny - does your mother enjoy poor health perchance?'  I looked up, surprised and burst out laughing - True! - she most certainly does !!)

My first husband was always there for me, but entirely clueless.

My second husband is supportive emotionally and physically, clued up and helpful.  I appreciate him no end.

So are HIS family - No 1 daughter is a chef and one of the others is T1 - we go to the same clinic, same DSN - and she has been instrumental in making him - and the others - treat any hypos properly.  Not by handing him a pint of freezing cold coke and wandering off.  I told her to tell him to ask DSN for a spare meter just for work - and she did - and it's accessible for staff to get, give him and stand there - or use it on him, cos daughter showed them how and what to do if.  

That's because she's INTERESTED and WANTS to be supportive though, as is her dad - otherwise you are wasting your time wanting them to be.  If THEY want it, they should be asking you. Why not ask your own family members if they want to be supportive and know more rather than answering with an offhand - Oh my D is OK thanks!


----------



## Flower (Jan 21, 2015)

When I was diagnosed age 12 my Mum and Dad told me I couldn't tell anyone and used to hide my insulin in a neighbours fridge if family or friends came to stay. I used to be told off for having hypos and was brought up to think it was entirely my own fault. To the day my Dad died I never spoke to him about it despite losing my sight and other complications. His Mum died young from TI so maybe it was too painful to deal with. I do get support from my family now but I was brought up to keep it to myself and find it too uncomfortable to discuss it with them.

It is so good to read of the parents on here doing everything they can for their children. I blamed myself and it was a real eye opener when I realised others struggled just like me. It's no wonder I went off the rails for a time


----------



## Lindarose (Jan 21, 2015)

Interesting reading. I'm lucky that hubby is extremely supportive and encourages me to stick with the low carb eating However. he knows when to keep schtum. There are times I just NEED something I shouldn't have and he's learnt not to say a word then! Lol


----------



## HOBIE (Jan 21, 2015)

Being diagnosed T1 at the age of 3 my Mam & Dad were very very supportive. My sister is also. My wife now is also on my side. We are a close family group & care for each other. My dad 82 & Son 12 did a cycle ride for Duk (Virgin Money Cyclone) inc 6 Tyne bridges doing 12miles. Our Team name. "3 Generations"


----------



## banjo (Jan 21, 2015)

My wife has been supportive on the whole but she does seem to think its a mild condition and that some things dont matter. 1 thing at the minute is the cold weather and i work outside - never been too worried about my feet getting cold in the past but i am aware it isnt great for me - now i know about the diabetes, but she isnt very sympathetic when i tell her how cold my feet are/ have been.
So like most people are saying in the tread - yes family are supportive - but to a point of their understanding.


----------



## KookyCat (Jan 21, 2015)

My family are mostly great except my brother who is just useless but then he's alsways been useless and I wouldn't expect to be able to rely on him for support of any kind ever, so no change there.  I think it's extremely difficult for people to understand how difficult it is when food becomes the enemy, I certainly didn't understand why it had such an impact on my Dad, which is why I feel the irony of me being diagnosed with type 1 months after my Dad died so keenly.


----------



## Amberzak (Jan 21, 2015)

Autoimmune diseases run in my family, but the only one to be type one diabetic was a distant great uncle. My mum doesn't understand that hypos aren't my fault and my step dad thinks I'm making a bigger deal out of it and that I test too often. 

My dad is type two, so has a bit more of an understanding. But even before he got diagnosed he seemed to understand the most. He used to be the one to come to all the appointments with me and would stand up for me when others said I wasn't trying hard enough. 

My husband is a god send. So supportive. His dad (who I live with) keeps trying to feed me up and can't understand that i don't want big meals.


----------



## Maryanne29 (Jan 21, 2015)

Well, I just get on with it and don't really want or need support. You don't with something you've had since age 4 which was many decades ago. If I need help I ask my partner but this is very rare. I'm not really sure what I would need support with anyway.


----------



## Bloden (Jan 21, 2015)

It's a difficult question to answer. I was diagnosed in Spain aged 41 and my parents are in Wales, and I tell them as little as possible because I don't want them to worry unnecessarily. My husband has recently decided he wants to know more, so I gave him Diabetes for Dummies to read. He said he didn't realise there were so many things to consider, and worry about, and stress about......which hasn't really helped (him!). He's now really worried about getting T2 like his parents!! Hmm.

I suppose help isn't what I (we) need, just a little understanding.


----------



## HOBIE (Jan 21, 2015)

Interesting reading  We are all different


----------



## Copepod (Jan 21, 2015)

I had my retinal screening appointment at a city centre hospital this evening, which suits me as they have a Wednesday evening clinic and last year and this I was able to book an appointment on a day when I was working in town. 
I arrived a bit early, as it was easier to walk from work, then sit down and read, as there was no time to go home or anywhere else. I was the only one there, then a group of 3 women arrived, who looked like a mother and 2 daughters. I said hi and offered to move my bag off seat, but the chairs were in rows of 3, so I said I thought they'd want to sit together. They smiled, but mother sat in one row and 2 daughters behind. Mother was called through, and stuck her head out of door a few minutes later to beckon her daughters. Then I was called in, initially to the eye test and drops administration room, then to another waiting room to wait for drops to work, where were met again. They asked me if I had diabetes, then about types etc. After mum was called in photography room, the daughters continued to ask me - as they said, I looked different to their mum, but you can't tell who has diabetes by looking. I should explain that mother was probably in her 50s, quite round and average height for a woman, and African Caribbean, whereas I'm in my 40s, taller than average for women, not overweight, with pink coloured skin. I explained that my family all live in Birmingham, so that's why I was attending alone. Mother didn't know what type she had, but knew she was diet controlled and that kept condition in check. I mentioned that exercise / activity would help, too. Both girls were slim, but admitted they weren't active, and would drive to shop at end of road. They seemed to think that my habit of usually cycling 3.5 miles to work and running occasionally was unusual. Today I got the bus, as I reckoned it's wiser than cycling home with dilated pupils, although that's what I did last year.


----------



## trophywench (Jan 21, 2015)

Maryanne29 said:


> Well, I just get on with it and don't really want or need support. You don't with something you've had since age 4 which was many decades ago. If I need help I ask my partner but this is very rare. I'm not really sure what I would need support with anyway.



I thought that until I needed help Maryanne  !!

Then I was VERY glad I had Pete who already understood and could explain things to other people when I was struggling but didn't seem to be able to get my POV across to anybody medical.

I REALLY appreciate him after that.


----------



## stephknits (Jan 21, 2015)

My husband is great.  Just last night I woke up boiling hot, switched on the light to test and was shaking so much I had trouble getting the lid off testing strips pot.  Husband sorted me out and stayed awake to remind me to test twice more til I got back to just under 4.  
He did the swimming challenge, although did the channel every month for 3 months and raised lots of money.  He cooks me low carb meals.


----------



## Northerner (Jan 22, 2015)

Flower said:


> When I was diagnosed age 12 my Mum and Dad told me I couldn't tell anyone and used to hide my insulin in a neighbours fridge if family or friends came to stay. I used to be told off for having hypos and was brought up to think it was entirely my own fault. To the day my Dad died I never spoke to him about it despite losing my sight and other complications. His Mum died young from TI so maybe it was too painful to deal with. I do get support from my family now but I was brought up to keep it to myself and find it too uncomfortable to discuss it with them.
> 
> It is so good to read of the parents on here doing everything they can for their children. I blamed myself and it was a real eye opener when I realised others struggled just like me. It's no wonder I went off the rails for a time



Oh Flower, that is such a shame, particularly as you have really suffered the consequences  I believe TinTin was in a similar position as she was growing up and has also had to pay a terrible price.

I was fortunate enough to be diagnosed at 49, and also an avid reader, so I read everything I could get my hands on - even did an OU course! I also joined forums as I had used them in the past and found the support on them generally very good. My parents haven't been involved, and are now both deceased. Dad never really understood what was appropriate for me to eat, although my stepmother did and tried her best when we went on holiday. My Mum had dementia before I was diagnosed, so was never aware of it. My sister and her family have an idea and are supportive, but really know that I am capable of taking care of myself (on the whole!), so there's not a lot of discussion about it.

I think there are a couple of reasons why family support might be missing. The overwhelming message being given out is 'you did this to yourself, how could you be so stupid?' - regardless of Type, the general public don't really understand the differences or complexities, because all they ever get is the over-simplistic 'fat and lazy' message  This can lead to people feeling guilty and ashamed and unwilling to share their worries and concerns.

I also think it can be very difficult for parents to support their teenaged children if they are going through a rebellious stage, as they regard it as nagging and of course feel invincible


----------



## Copepod (Jan 22, 2015)

Northerner, you're not the only one whose family thinks you're capable to look after yourself, so leave you to get on with things. 

I didn't live anywhere near my family since diagnosis [as a 30 year old, nearly 2 decades ago], apart from first 6 months, as I'd been overseas. The situation which would have been difficult / frustrating even without diabetes, which affected job options, so took a while to work out where to go / what to do. I had a partner for 14 of those years, who was great precisely because he didn't fuss, and understood that if I said I needed to eat, I really meant it. 

Being selfish, I want the right level of support, and too much interference would be as bad as too little. But it's tough for family members to know what to do in general terms or specifically for their relatives with diabetes. And logistics play a part, too, as in my example of the eye screening appointment yesterday.


----------



## jusme (Jan 22, 2015)

I was a teenager when I was diagnosed T1 and the only one in my family to have it, my parents didn't understand it and I was left to get on with it.  I never told anyone at work because I didn't want anyone to know I was different to them, I had a hypo at work once and the manager asked me if he could register me as disabled as they had to employ so many disabled persons, I said no that I wasn't disabled and left my job and got another in a small office.  I have coped and I have a wonderful husband who has cared and shared and supported me for the last 44 years and without him I would have been dead a long time ago.

Jusme


----------



## megga (Jan 22, 2015)

Some terrible stories, and it makes me thankful for forms like this, because without it, I for one would have no one to talk to about this condition.
Like most of you, I take care of myself, and the rest of my family, I'm the bread winner, the handyman for all my siblings and my grown up children. and I have to be the strong one of the whole family. I don't mind this, its just sometimes you wish there was, a how you doing, or I made this for dinner because I know your trying to get your blood sugars under control ect.

So sorry you lot, cause this is where I moan, try to be a clown sometimes, pester for advice.


----------



## HOBIE (Jan 22, 2015)

Copepod said:


> I had my retinal screening appointment at a city centre hospital this evening, which suits me as they have a Wednesday evening clinic and last year and this I was able to book an appointment on a day when I was working in town.
> I arrived a bit early, as it was easier to walk from work, then sit down and read, as there was no time to go home or anywhere else. I was the only one there, then a group of 3 women arrived, who looked like a mother and 2 daughters. I said hi and offered to move my bag off seat, but the chairs were in rows of 3, so I said I thought they'd want to sit together. They smiled, but mother sat in one row and 2 daughters behind. Mother was called through, and stuck her head out of door a few minutes later to beckon her daughters. Then I was called in, initially to the eye test and drops administration room, then to another waiting room to wait for drops to work, where were met again. They asked me if I had diabetes, then about types etc. After mum was called in photography room, the daughters continued to ask me - as they said, I looked different to their mum, but you can't tell who has diabetes by looking. I should explain that mother was probably in her 50s, quite round and average height for a woman, and African Caribbean, whereas I'm in my 40s, taller than average for women, not overweight, with pink coloured skin. I explained that my family all live in Birmingham, so that's why I was attending alone. Mother didn't know what type she had, but knew she was diet controlled and that kept condition in check. I mentioned that exercise / activity would help, too. Both girls were slim, but admitted they weren't active, and would drive to shop at end of road. They seemed to think that my habit of usually cycling 3.5 miles to work and running occasionally was unusual. Today I got the bus, as I reckoned it's wiser than cycling home with dilated pupils, although that's what I did last year.



Well done Copepod ! Activity is good for you.


----------



## Pinktoes (Jan 22, 2015)

Its really interesting reading everyone experiences, I am pretty lucky, my family are helpfull, diabetics both sides T1, T2 and me, my husband is understanding and always checks if I need to eat, even though he could go all day without food. I like to talk about it, information is power, and having 3 daughters I think they need to be aware, so I try to give everyone information, who will listen, without nagging too much....and I have changed my eating habbits and what I cook with, so they all have too, whether they liked it or not!!!


----------



## HOBIE (Jan 22, 2015)

megga said:


> Some terrible stories, and it makes me thankful for forms like this, because without it, I for one would have no one to talk to about this condition.
> Like most of you, I take care of myself, and the rest of my family, I'm the bread winner, the handyman for all my siblings and my grown up children. and I have to be the strong one of the whole family. I don't mind this, its just sometimes you wish there was, a how you doing, or I made this for dinner because I know your trying to get your blood sugars under control ect.
> 
> So sorry you lot, cause this is where I moan, try to be a clown sometimes, pester for advice, this is our online family (I know that's gay, but I'm in the middle of one of my low periods at the moment)



Hi Megga. That's what is good about forum. We can talk to people in the same boat ! I know that feeling about being the bread winner. Life ! I would not have it any other way  Some folk think they have problems


----------



## Copepod (Jan 22, 2015)

HOBIE said:


> Well done Copepod ! Activity is good for you.



Yes, but I mainly exercise because it's fun / convenient / cheap eg started cycling for transport as a teenager, as it gave more independence than waiting for lifts / buses.


----------



## newbs (Jan 22, 2015)

I do get good family support, although I didn't when initially diagnosed as my brother was diagnosed 16 years before me so it was assumed that I knew everything about it anyway and would just get on with it.  I do just get on with it, but have a very different approach to my brother and like to know everything I can about it.  He is much more like me now though, he was only 10 when diagnosed so went through the rebellion stage so I feel lucky I was diagnosed much older at 24.  It is nice to have my brother to talk to when problems arise though - and I like it when he calls me for advice too, brings us closer as only we 'understand' what it feels like etc.  

My husband is really good and will always get things for me if I'm hypo and need him to - and my daughters are very interested and I have always taught them what they need to know in case I did need help when alone with them (which thankfully I never have).  

My Mum is supportive but I don't talk to her too much about any of it as she is a worrier!


----------



## HOBIE (Jan 22, 2015)

stephknits said:


> My husband is great.  Just last night I woke up boiling hot, switched on the light to test and was shaking so much I had trouble getting the lid off testing strips pot.  Husband sorted me out and stayed awake to remind me to test twice more til I got back to just under 4.
> He did the swimming challenge, although did the channel every month for 3 months and raised lots of money.  He cooks me low carb meals.



Did you read the post about "Night Sweats" Low Bg ?


----------



## stephknits (Jan 22, 2015)

Thanks Hobie, very interesting.


----------



## HOBIE (Jan 22, 2015)

Gold star to your Hubby !


----------



## stephknits (Jan 22, 2015)

On the other hand, after 17 years together throughout which he showed no inclination to baking, he now makes a cake at least once a week....


----------



## HOBIE (Jan 24, 2015)

May be a Bronze badge then Steph


----------



## megga (Jan 25, 2015)

I had a good chat with the wife about it all and she admitted she knows nothing at all about the condition or anything about food. Now she wants to do meal plans.
Think what i need her for more is to smack me round the head when i let thinks slip, and she knows how to slap me round the head lol.


----------



## Northerner (Jan 25, 2015)

megga said:


> I had a good chat with the wife about it all and she admitted she knows nothing at all about the condition or anything about food. Now she wants to do meal plans.
> Think what i need her for more is to smack me round the head when i let thinks slip, and she knows how to slap me round the head lol.



Good to hear you've talked it through megga  Let's hope you don't need slapping too often!


----------



## HOBIE (Jan 25, 2015)

Talk is good Megga  Hope you don't get a hard time  !


----------



## Laura davies (Jan 26, 2015)

Sue your mum sounds lovely. My dad gets used that diabetes is on is side of the family and gets distressed sometimes because he knows its a very serious condition. My 12 year old son is very supportive and is a blessing


----------

