# Limerick



## Northerner (Feb 17, 2009)

There once was a young diabetic
Whose lifestyle was rather frenetic
He went hyper and low
And confessed it was so,
That his sugar control was pathetic!



Any more?


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## Northerner (Feb 17, 2009)

Here's another:

A person who had diabetes
Said it made all her fingers and feet freeze!
She said of her nose,
That it also froze,
So roll on the summer for me please!


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## Caroline Wilson (Feb 17, 2009)

Norhtener, you made me smile after a rather stressfulll few days, thanks for cheering me up!


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## Northerner (Feb 17, 2009)

Can't stop myself!

A man went for retinal screening
Without really knowing its meaning,
'You'll have drops, then you'll wait
Till your pupils dilate,
Then we'll know if you need laser healing!'


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## gerryberry (Feb 17, 2009)

Northerner said:


> Can't stop myself!
> 
> A man went for retinal screening
> Without really knowing its meaning,
> ...


very good, keep them coming!! putting a smile on my face


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## Ikklemo (Feb 17, 2009)

Hi Northerner

Keep em coming - I need all the cheer I can get at the moment, had a very personal traumatic 2 weeks.


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## Caroline Wilson (Feb 18, 2009)

Northener, have you ever thought of getting published? I'm sure there would be space for you in Balance Magazine or how about an anthology? You cheer us up with your wit and wisdom!


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## Northerner (Feb 18, 2009)

Caroline Wilson said:


> Northener, have you ever thought of getting published? I'm sure there would be space for you in Balance Magazine or how about an anthology? You cheer us up with your wit and wisdom!



That's very kind of you to say - perhaps I could be the Stanley Holloway of diabetes! Not that I think I'm anywhere near as good as him. I'd love to write something along the lines of Albert and the Lion - perhaps I'll give it a go...!

Here's another limerick:

A man who went low in the night
Told his GP and nurse of his plight.
They said 'We agree
What your lantus should be!'
And now his blood sugar's just right!


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## Caroline Wilson (Feb 18, 2009)

Who's Stanley Holloway? Just joking. We have a very funny album of comic and curious monologues with The Lion & Albert on it recited by Stanley Holloway!

As for not being in the same league, I think you're in a league of your own, second to none


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## Corrine (Feb 18, 2009)

How do you do it Northerner?  They are great!


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## Northerner (Feb 18, 2009)

Somebody stop me!

There was a young man who was vexed at all
This talk about lowering cholesterol.
He packed animal fat in
And took simvastatin,
Now he has a fine level of HDL!

I'm still looking for a rhyme for Sulphonylureas...


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## Lizzie (Feb 18, 2009)

We should have a thread with all Northerner's poems in, or maybe a whole section of the messageboard. 

I think it's great when people are inspired by their diabetes. I once met a woman who makes art about her diabetes, her site is at http://www.type1diabetesart.com/Type1/type1-home.html.


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## Northerner (Feb 18, 2009)

Lizzie said:


> We should have a thread with all Northerner's poems in, or maybe a whole section of the messageboard.
> 
> I think it's great when people are inspired by their diabetes. I once met a woman who makes art about her diabetes, her site is at http://www.type1diabetesart.com/Type1/type1-home.html.



How wonderful Lizzie - thank you for posting that, there's some really remarkable stuff on there


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## Corrine (Feb 18, 2009)

How about serious as a rhyme for sulphony whatever it was you said?  I'm not sure how you pronounce it....the sulphony word that is, not serious!)


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## Northerner (Feb 18, 2009)

Northerner said:


> ...I'm still looking for a rhyme for Sulphonylureas...



There once was a man who was furious
That he'd been prescribed sulphonylureas!
He took gliclazide,
Saw his blood sugar subside,
And concluded it wasn't injurious!


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## gerryberry (Feb 18, 2009)

well done you brilliant


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## Northerner (Feb 18, 2009)

Corrine said:


> How about serious as a rhyme for sulphony whatever it was you said?  I'm not sure how you pronounce it....the sulphony word that is, not serious!)



Good idea Corrine - not this time, but you've given me an idea for another!


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## Northerner (Feb 18, 2009)

Northerner said:


> ...I'm still looking for a rhyme for Sulphonylureas...



That was relatively easy, I'm afraid that thiazolidinediones has defeated me...


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## HelenM (Feb 18, 2009)

Hi Northerner,  I hope you don't mind you insipired me 
 to a personal limerick,

Madame, we think you have LADA
For you test strongly positive for  GADA
 Your C peptide is nil
So you can't take a pill
It's injections each day for your lif-e


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## Northerner (Feb 18, 2009)

HelenM said:


> Hi Northerner,  I hope you don't mind you insipired me
> to a personal limerick,
> 
> Madame, we think you have LADA
> ...



Terrific Helen! C'est magnifique!


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## Corrine (Feb 19, 2009)

Northerner said:


> That was relatively easy, I'm afraid that thiazolidinediones has defeated me...



I've tried about 5 times and each time I say it I sound like I've had a few too many


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## nicky_too (Feb 19, 2009)

I have to say I enjoy the limericks, but I don't understand any of them. Where do you get all these weird words from?


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## HelenM (Feb 19, 2009)

Corrine said:


> I've tried about 5 times and each time I say it I sound like I've had a few too many





Northerner said:


> That was relatively easy, I'm afraid that thiazolidinediones has defeated me...


This is a timewaster!
take  Thia zo lidin  edione
 'fore eating  hot cannellioni
It may lessen the spike
But if you eat all you like

Your figure will never be bony!


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## Northerner (Feb 19, 2009)

HelenM said:


> This is a timewaster!
> take  Thia zo lidin  edione
> 'fore eating  hot cannellioni
> It may lessen the spike
> ...



Impressive! Give that woman a pineapple!


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## Northerner (Feb 19, 2009)

nicky_too said:


> I have to say I enjoy the limericks, but I don't understand any of them. Where do you get all these weird words from?



lol - perhaps I should include a glossary! I've been doing an Open University course on Diabetes Care, and it has all sorts of wonderful words in it!


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## Andy HB (Oct 5, 2010)

I decided to look at old threads,
Of limericks about different meds,
Northey's been at it for ages,
Over several pages,
It's surprising he doesn't have multiple heads!

I thought it was worth a bump! 

Andy


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## AlisonM (Oct 5, 2010)

Lady, we insist you're Type 2,
It's your fault cos of all that you do,
You drink to much sweet stuff,
and your diet's not up to snuff,
So stop it you silly old moo

---

There's LADA and MODY and two,
There's one and gestational too,
And then there's the bods,
with the weird odds and sods,
that we can't classify anyhoo.


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## KayC (Oct 5, 2010)

I'm coming to understand the rules of limerick... the 1st and 2nd line have to rhyme, the 3rd and 4th have to rhyme, but what about the 5th?  Does it have to rhyme with the 1st, or don't have to rhyme at all? (Do you understand my question??)


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## Northerner (Oct 5, 2010)

KayC said:


> I'm coming to understand the rules of limerick... the 1st and 2nd line have to rhyme, the 3rd and 4th have to rhyme, but what about the 5th?  Does it have to rhyme with the 1st, or don't have to rhyme at all? (Do you understand my question??)



The last line should rhyme with the first two lines


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## AlisonM (Oct 5, 2010)

You've got it. Lines 1, 2 and 5 rhyme with each other, and so do 3 and 4, and... There's often a set number of syllables as well, lines 1, 2 and 5 should have eight syllables while lines 3 and 4 should have 5. Which means of course, I failed miserably.

I'm better at haiku which don't rhyme at all.


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## Northerner (Oct 5, 2010)

I'd highly recommend The Ode Less Travelled by Stephen Fry to anyone interested in poetry and how the various forms are built up - very interesting and entertaining


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## KayC (Oct 5, 2010)

Here is my very first limerick....so you're allowed to laugh at it!

There is a med called Metformin
Works well for resistance to insulin
But side effects are vicious
Makes my bowel movement hedious
Doctors should try it before giving this medicine!


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## Northerner (Oct 5, 2010)

Excellent Kay! Well done!


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## ypauly (Oct 5, 2010)

he offered his sweets to the room
the people cheered up very soon
but as he got to my table
I said "sir i'm not able"
I have to be careful with what I consume.


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## KayC (Oct 5, 2010)

Northerner said:


> Excellent Kay! Well done!


Thank you, Northerner, I'm feeling creative!

I was type 1, so they said
I wanted to hide somewhere like a shed
Then I was told type 2
I hated this diagnosis, too
Now they are unsure of type again and I'm fed....(up)

hahahahahaha


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## cazscot (Oct 5, 2010)

All fantastic, folks.   I have had a rubbish day and these have cheered me up no end  x


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## am64 (Oct 5, 2010)

me too made me laugh !! had a good day tho !


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## Flutterby (Oct 5, 2010)

A lady in church went quite low
she was glad she had not far to go
the communion bread
with hypo-stop spread
meant the problem was solved in a mo!


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## Northerner (Oct 5, 2010)

Flutterby said:


> A lady in church went quite low
> she was glad she had not far to go
> the communion bread
> with hypo-stop spread
> meant the problem was solved in a mo!



Nice one Karen!  There's clearly a link between the gene for diabetes and the creative, poetic one! Well done everyone!


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## shirl (Oct 5, 2010)

What a creative lot you are!! really made me smile


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## Andy HB (Oct 5, 2010)

Whilst over eating, I grew and I grew,
Till eventually I was diagnosed Type 2,
"Sort out your diet",
Said the doc, on the quiet,
And for test strips form an orderly queue.


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## Steff (Oct 5, 2010)

Im fed up of needles and pins,
Of blood tests and big yellow bins,
But it really don’t matter
I’ve got even fatter,
And I’m still a T2 for my sins!


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## KayC (Oct 5, 2010)

HelenM said:


> This is a timewaster!
> take  Thia zo lidin  edione
> 'fore eating  hot cannellioni
> It may lessen the spike
> ...



I'll have a go at the med..

Nobody wants Thiazolidinedion
Unless you are Celine Dion
It tastes bitter
Though works better
Causes side effects to one in million


Took me 45 mins to create this masterpiece...


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## Northerner (Oct 6, 2010)

KayC said:


> I'll have a go at the med..
> 
> Nobody wants Thiazolidinedion
> Unless you are Celine Dion
> ...



A very brave attempt Kay, well done!


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## Andy HB (Oct 6, 2010)

KayC said:


> I'll have a go at the med..
> 
> Nobody wants Thiazolidinedion
> Unless you are Celine Dion
> ...



In the words of the great Richie Bernaud, "Good effort that, I thought!"

Andy


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## Andy HB (Oct 6, 2010)

Steffie said:


> Im fed up of needles and pins,
> Of blood tests and big yellow bins,
> But it really don?t matter
> I?ve got even fatter,
> And I?m still a T2 for my sins!



I thought that this was a good try,
But tell me (I don't want to pry),
Did it take you that long?
Can you set it to song?
It's so good that I'm wanting to cry.

Andy


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## AlisonM (Oct 6, 2010)

Andy HB said:


> I thought that this was a good try,
> But tell me (I don't want to pry),
> Did it take you that long?
> Can you set it to song?
> ...



I'm a fan of the Beatles and Stones
Not everyone's taste, but no moans
Perhaps you could try
To make one up by
Picking your tune from their drones?


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## lucy123 (Oct 6, 2010)

I asked the GP for strips to test,
He said 'you have to be joking at best
I'll give you diastix,
No need for painful pricks
Now off you go you T2 you're becoming a pest'!


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## HelenP (Oct 6, 2010)

There once was a woman from Cheam .................. (that's me!)
Who was partial to cakes and ice cream
But now she's Type 2
All those things are taboo
But she's still just as broad in the beam!!

xx


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## Andy HB (Oct 6, 2010)

There once was a chap from Appley Bridge,
Who continually visited his fridge,
His diet was so poor,
His body said "no more",
And now he spends his life eating porridge.

(but does still keep an eye on the total quantity of starchy and other types of carb in his diet because it just wouldn't do to be overdoing it as we all know) ;o)


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## KayC (Oct 7, 2010)

There once was a woman from Newcastle
Who really liked fruits like an apple
Thought her diet was OK
btw she was called Kay
Until dx-ed with horrible D to wrestle

NOW YOU LAUGH


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## Andy HB (Oct 7, 2010)

It's really lovely and sunny today
Makes me feel like I'm happy and gay
Not that I'm quite like that
I'm as straight as a bat
Well perhaps just a little bit fey.


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## KayC (Oct 7, 2010)

Andy HB said:


> It's really lovely and sunny today
> Makes me feel like I'm happy and gay
> Not that I'm quite like that
> I'm as straight as a bat
> Well perhaps just a little bit fey.



Have to borrow the 1st line as I don't know where to start:

It's really lovey and sunny today
A little bit chilly and cold, but hey
My sugar is good
So is my foot
Nothing to worry about, as I say


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## AlisonM (Oct 7, 2010)

It's really lovely and sunny today
Warm and gentle breezes play
I'm getting my work done
And having a little fun
Long may it last I say


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## HelenP (Oct 7, 2010)

It's really lovely and sunny today,
And I'm just back from Canada eh?!
My washing's hung out
And blowing about
So I'm hoping the rain stays away!

xx


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## KayC (Oct 7, 2010)

HelenP said:


> from Canada eh?!



I love it! 
Got a sister in law in Canada.  Talked to her on phone and realised they actually say eh after every sentence...


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## Andy HB (Oct 7, 2010)

KayC said:


> I love it!
> Got a sister in law in Canada.  Talked to her on phone and realised they actually say eh after every sentence...



That's a really rubbish limerick,
Off with you, your sort make me sick,
If you can't follow the rule,
You'll have to sit on the stool,
Reserved for dunces and no tick.

(I don't mean it, honest!)


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## KayC (Oct 7, 2010)

Andy HB said:


> That's a really rubbish limerick,
> Off with you, your sort make me sick,
> If you can't follow the rule,
> You'll have to sit on the stool,
> ...



Another rubbish limerick from Andy HB
Taking mickey out of a person like me
It's called freestyle
No need to rhyme
You can put whatever, you see?


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## Andy HB (Oct 7, 2010)

Andy HB holds his head in shame
For finding that 'limerick' tame
In future he'll do better
And be a trend setter
I think that he's warming to this game?


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## KayC (Oct 8, 2010)

Andy HB said:


> Andy HB holds his head in shame
> For finding that 'limerick' tame
> In future he'll do better
> And be a trend setter
> I think that he's warming to this game?



Andy HB holds his head in shame
Raising BS level wasn't his aim
Is that the choc he ate?
Or the lack of exercise he hates?
Can't have any more treats, and it's his fate

_This is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance to real person, living or dead, is purely coincidental._


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## Andy HB (Oct 8, 2010)

'El Presidente' steps up to the plate
"I'll take over now, I think this is great"
To sit here and rhyme
Is a fine waster of time
Especially as I'm now a pirate.

(Refer to the St Bedeia thread for background to this!)


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## KayC (Oct 8, 2010)

Good morning El Presidente
Pasta should be al dente
I know this is nonsence
But it's a rocket science
to find a rhyme, "Not my forte!!"


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## Andy HB (Oct 8, 2010)

Oh why, oh why, oh why
Oh why, oh why, oh why
I dunno, it's not fair
I dunno, it's not fair
Oh why, oh why, oh why.

(courtesy of Private Baldric's Compendious Book Of War Poetry, circa 1914-18).


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## KayC (Oct 8, 2010)

Give me the 1st line please...then I will work from there.
Creating the 1st line is hard (So is 2nd, 3rd..)


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## Andy HB (Oct 8, 2010)

Just choose one from the following
But it isn't a difficult thing
Just think of a line
And you will be fine
And from it a limerick will spring.

1) I once knew a bloke called Henry
2) I wonder why elephants are pink
3) My mind is all of a flutter
4) October is a funny old month
5) Steffie, please come back here soon

Andy


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## KayC (Oct 8, 2010)

Andy HB said:


> Just choose one from the following
> But it isn't a difficult thing
> Just think of a line
> And you will be fine
> ...



Steffie, please come back here
We all worry about you, dear
You don't have to say much
Just get in touch
We'll be the happiest when you appear


I had to omit 'soon' from the original because of rhyme...


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## KayC (Oct 8, 2010)

Andy HB said:


> Just choose one from the following
> But it isn't a difficult thing
> Just think of a line
> And you will be fine
> ...



Join the club and be creative, everybody???


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## KayC (Oct 8, 2010)

I wonder why elephants are pink
So pink and shiny, it makes you blink
What did you say?
Say it again, OK?
'They aren't pink'?, well, you should rethink!


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## KayC (Oct 8, 2010)

I once knew a bloke called Henry
He wore the crown and lots of jewelry
He loved his women
But acted like a demon
His favourite pastime was chopping heads to bury


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## Northerner (Oct 8, 2010)

My mind is all of a flutter
Since I guzzled a whole slab of butter!
You may be revolted
As it was slightly salted
And now I've been labelled a nutter!


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## am64 (Oct 8, 2010)

Steffie, please come back here soon
without you i feel like am a goon
your posts are so in need
we all miss you indeed
but wonder if its cos of the moon ?


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## HelenP (Oct 8, 2010)

Okay, I'll take the one everyone's avoided, lol.


October's a funny old time
(I changed it from 'month' for the rhyme!)
Leaves no longer green,
It's soon Hallowe'en,
And Christmas so near, it's a crime!!

xx


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## KayC (Oct 8, 2010)

HelenP said:


> (I changed it from 'month' for the rhyme!)
> 
> xx


'Month' is what I've been struggling with.
You change the word and this line is a part of limerick, great!


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## Northerner (Oct 8, 2010)

KayC said:


> 'Month' is what I've been struggling with.
> You change the word and this line is a part of limerick, great!



Month is notorious for lacking rhymes in English, a bit like 'orange'.


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## KayC (Oct 8, 2010)

Northerner said:


> Month is notorious for lacking rhymes in English, a bit like 'orange'.


That's why El Presidente put the word at the end of the sentence....
Northerner, can you give us another 5 of 1st lines? Just easy ones, please!


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## Northerner (Oct 8, 2010)

KayC said:


> That's why El Presidente put the word at the end of the sentence....
> Northerner, can you give us another 5 of 1st lines? Just easy ones, please!



Yes, he was naughty! How about these:

1. There was a young woman from Hull
2. I once knew a man who could whistle
3. You might think I'm young and athletic
4. A beautiful woman called Kate Bush
5. A lady with lovely short hair


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## KayC (Oct 8, 2010)

Northerner said:


> Yes, he was naughty! How about these:
> 
> 1. There was a young woman from Hull
> 2. I once knew a man who could whistle
> ...



Thank you, this will entertain me for 15 hours! (3 hours for each)


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## HelenP (Oct 8, 2010)

You might think I'm young and athletic
But really I'm old and pathetic!
I sit myself here
With 10 crates of beer
And slowly become paraletic.

xx


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## KayC (Oct 8, 2010)

HelenP said:


> You might think I'm young and athletic
> But really I'm old and pathetic!
> I sit myself here
> With 10 crates of beer
> ...



Took you only 15 mins??


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## HelenP (Oct 8, 2010)

I once knew a man who could whistle
But one day he sat on a thistle
He jumped up with a scream
Then rubbed on some cream
Saying "If anything'll cure it then this'll"

xx


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## Andy HB (Oct 8, 2010)

Cannot rhyme something with month?
"I'm so offended" he said "hurrumph'
But I can't help thinking
And my heart is a sinking
I've no way to finish it off.

'El Presidente' slinks off with great shame
It is no longer a wonderful game
Life can be so cruel
With a kick like a mule
Will he ever regain his lost fame.


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## Andy HB (Oct 8, 2010)

A beautiful woman called Kate Bush
Decided to open her mush
Only shrieks came out
And she tended to pout
So her agent, he gave her the push.


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## KayC (Oct 8, 2010)

Andy HB said:


> Cannot rhyme something with month?
> "I'm so offended" he said "hurrumph'
> But I can't help thinking
> And my heart is a sinking
> ...



Now you make a limerick from this 1st line.  No change of words allowed:

There once was a man with a big nostril


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## HelenP (Oct 8, 2010)

There was a young woman from Hull
Whose love-life was terribly dull;
She never got dates
Or went out with her mates
For a girls-only night on the pull.

xx


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## Northerner (Oct 8, 2010)

KayC said:


> Now you make a limerick from this 1st line.  No change of words allowed:
> 
> There once was a man with a big nostril



There once was a man with a big nostril
Who liked to poke his finger up until
He started to fear
It would emerge from his ear
So decided it wasn't a good skill!


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## Andy HB (Oct 8, 2010)

KayC said:


> Now you make a limerick from this 1st line.  No change of words allowed:
> 
> There once was a man with a big nostril



I will have to think about that one, hun
Because my brain is just about done
For tonight anyway
Sleep is just on its way
Answering that challenge will be fun.


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## Andy HB (Oct 8, 2010)

Northerner said:


> There once was a man with a big nostril
> Who liked to poke his finger up until
> He started to fear
> It would emerge from his ear
> So decided it wasn't a good skill!



Love it!


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## Andy HB (Oct 8, 2010)

Northerner's already done it I see
I fear he's better at it than me
Perhaps he's better read
Or perhaps better fed
Vocabulary is probably the key.


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## Andy HB (Oct 8, 2010)

HelenP said:


> There was a young woman from Hull
> Whose love-life was terribly dull;
> She never got dates
> Or went out with her mates
> ...



Full marks for that one, I think!


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## KayC (Oct 8, 2010)

Google said there is no rhyme with nostril....


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## Northerner (Oct 8, 2010)

KayC said:


> Google said there is no rhyme with nostril....



They obviously don't know about the power of the Northerner!  You weren't trying to trick us were you Kay?


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## Andy HB (Oct 8, 2010)

I'm not sure about the full literary meaning of rhyme, but wonder whether nostril doesn't rhyme with until or skill in the same way that orange doesn't rhyme with 'door hinge'?


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## Andy HB (Oct 8, 2010)

Northerner said:


> They obviously don't know about the power of the Northerner!  You weren't trying to trick us were you Kay?



And there is always THAT explanation!


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## KayC (Oct 8, 2010)

Northerner said:


> They obviously don't know about the power of the Northerner!  You weren't trying to trick us were you Kay?



I just thought EP needed a little punishment...
I surrender to your power!


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## Northerner (Oct 8, 2010)

Andy HB said:


> I'm not sure about the literary meaning of rhyme, but wonder whether nostril doesn't rhyme with until or skill in the same way that orange doesn't rhyme with 'door hinge'?



It's all to do with the stressing of the syllables


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## Andy HB (Oct 8, 2010)

Northerner said:


> It's all to do with the stressing of the syllables



Does Mr Fry cover that in his book?


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## Northerner (Oct 8, 2010)

Andy HB said:


> Does Mr Fry cover that in his book?



Chapter 3!


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## bev (Oct 8, 2010)

A beautiful woman called Kate Bush
the ugliest thing you ever did see
Decided one day to open her mush
she howled like a cat stuck in a tree

She used her 'feminine' wiles
and without even a little blush
she drew in men from miles
who, for some reason, thought she was lush

A hapless young fool named Northey
who chanced upon dumbo one day
decided she looked rather 'phworee'
and set about trying to make hay

He tried his best to woo her
not noticing her huge big ears
he didnt think this was really fair
so decided to down a few beers

A little bit tipsy he became
whist listening to some old love song
he realised she looked a bit lame
and her trunk had begun to pong 

Bev


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## Andy HB (Oct 8, 2010)

Northerner said:


> Chapter 3!



I think I may actually give it a read! It'll look good on the book shelf at the very least.


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## Andy HB (Oct 8, 2010)

bev said:


> A beautiful woman called Kate Bush
> the ugliest thing you ever did see
> Decided one day to open her mush
> she howled like a cat stuck in a tree
> ...



I'm torn between outrage at it not being a limerick (unless it is some form that I wasn't previously aware of) and gaffaws of laughter.


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## HelenP (Oct 8, 2010)

A lady with lovely short hair
Loved travelling all over by air
But one day over Malta
The engines did falter
And they came in on a wing and a prayer

xx


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## HelenP (Oct 8, 2010)

A beautiful woman called Kate Bush
Tripped, and fell down with a whoooosh!!
The reports say that she's
Got cuts on both knees
And an awfully big bruise on her tush.


Okay, I've used all Northey's first lines now - AND I tried not to insult your darling Kate, lol. (extra Brownie points please!!  )

xx


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## Northerner (Oct 8, 2010)

A lady with lovely short hair
Was blessed with a magnificent pair
Of fine knobbly knees
That she rubbed with soft cheese
Although it made some people stare!



I refuse to be drawn on bev's vicious assassination of the lovely Kate!  Although, I might have to put something into the forum guidelines to deter any future infractions of that nature!


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## KayC (Oct 8, 2010)

Hmmmmm I'm suffering from writer's block....


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## Northerner (Oct 8, 2010)

HelenP said:


> A beautiful woman called Kate Bush
> Tripped, and fell down with a whoooosh!!
> The reports say that she's
> Got cuts on both knees
> ...



Marvellous! Gold stars Helen! And a wet fish for bev!


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## Andy HB (Oct 9, 2010)

I sat up all night like a twit
In the darkness, candle light lit
I came up with this
From the deep dark abyss
I do so hope you like it .......

There once was a man with a big nostril
Who decided to take a blue pill
"It is what you think"
I say, with a wink
He's going to give his loving partner a thrill.


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## Andy HB (Oct 9, 2010)

Have we come to the end of this fest?
Are we giving the limericks a rest?
There was some fine work 
And some raised a smirk
Overall I think HelenP's were the best!


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## Northerner (Oct 9, 2010)

We need some more 5 first lines for inspiration!


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## KayC (Oct 9, 2010)

Northerner said:


> We need some more 5 first lines for inspiration!


Yes, please, I've got a writer's block so I need new materials to work on!


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## Andy HB (Oct 9, 2010)

And you're trusting me to give them?

I'm touched!


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## KayC (Oct 9, 2010)

Andy HB said:


> And you're trusting me to give them?
> 
> I'm touched!



Go on then


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## Andy HB (Oct 9, 2010)

KayC said:


> Go on then



Hold on to your boots then (that isn't one of them, necessarily!)


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## Andy HB (Oct 9, 2010)

1) The doctor said "I've got some bad news"
2) Just why do I feel this way?
3) If giraffes' heads were nearer the ground
4) Whilst travelling to London by train
5) Formula One is not just about cars

Andy


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## KayC (Oct 9, 2010)

Andy HB said:


> 1) The doctor said "I've got some bad news"
> 2) Just why do I feel this way?
> 3) If giraffes' heads were nearer the ground
> 4) Whilst travelling to London by train
> ...



The doctor said 'I've got some bad news'
'Having BS like this is hanging yourself in a noose'
'Stop eating immediately!'
'You mustn't stuff your belly!'
OK doctor, now please stop your abuse


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## HelenP (Oct 10, 2010)

Andy HB said:


> Have we come to the end of this fest?
> Are we giving the limericks a rest?
> There was some fine work
> And some raised a smirk
> Overall I think HelenP's were the best!



Wow, thank you to Andy HB
For saying nice things about me!
I've never come first
Even when I've rehearsed
But I love writing poems, you see.

xx


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## HelenP (Oct 10, 2010)

Whilst travelling to London by train
I suddenly felt a sharp pain
Right through my left cheek,
I jumped up with a shriek -
Oops, I'd sat on my knitting again !!

xx


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## HelenP (Oct 10, 2010)

If giraffes' heads were nearer the ground
You could see if they smiled or they frowned,
If they kept their teeth clean
Or had gunk in between,
And how many the dentist had crowned.

xx


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## KayC (Oct 10, 2010)

Andy HB said:


> Have we come to the end of this fest?
> Are we giving the limericks a rest?
> There was some fine work
> And some raised a smirk
> Overall I think HelenP's were the best!



I agree that Helen's were the best
But one fact has to be addressed
One of us is not a native
HER contribution to English poem massive
Admiration to HER shouldn't be suppressed


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## HelenP (Oct 10, 2010)

The doctor said "I've got some bad news"
You've got to lay off of the booze,
Or you'll go to your grave.
But with all that you save
You can take your dear wife on a cruise.

xx


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## Andy HB (Oct 10, 2010)

HelenP's off and running, I see
She's got limericks off to a tee
There's no-one to top her
And it's really no bother
Unless she charges a whopping big fee


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## HelenP (Oct 10, 2010)

Andy HB said:


> HelenP's off and running, I see
> She's got limericks off to a tee
> There's no-one to top her
> And it's really no bother
> Unless she charges a whopping big fee



Oh, don't worry Andy HB
I won't charge you any money
My professional status
Can take a hiatus
You can read all my poems for free.

xx


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## Andy HB (Oct 10, 2010)

KayC said:


> I agree that Helen's were the best
> But one fact has to be addressed
> One of us is not a native
> HER contribution to English poem massive
> Admiration to HER shouldn't be suppressed



I humbly apologise, dear KayC
I simply had no idea, you see
I assume it is you?
Tell me, please do
And put me out of my poor misery.


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## HelenP (Oct 10, 2010)

Oh, KayC, are you not a Brit?
I never would have guessed it.
Your English is grand
We should give you a hand
For writing it down with such wit.

xx


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## KayC (Oct 10, 2010)

HelenP said:


> Oh, KayC, are you not a Brit?
> 
> xx



I thought it was pretty obvious....


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## KayC (Oct 10, 2010)

The poet's block again....Now I'm going to bed.
Good night, fellow limerick enthusiasts!


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## HelenP (Oct 10, 2010)

Goodnight KayC - don't let those rhymes keep you awake, lol.

xx


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## KayC (Oct 10, 2010)

Just why do I feel this way?
While people are cheerful with hurrah
My heart sinks
This feeling stinks
I'd be enjoing this beautiful day


Well, it's not how I really feel!


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## KayC (Oct 10, 2010)

Whilst travelling to London by train
I saw an old lady with a cain
She must be a witch
who loves spinatch
A green stain on coat will explain


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## lucy123 (Oct 10, 2010)

Here's one for Cazscot who wasn't too happy yesterday...

There is a lovely lady called Cazscot
Who has lost weight and by this I mean a lot,
She shares her stories and tales,
and steps on the scales,
and will achieve her long term goal cos she's.......a Scot!


Keep going Caz, you are allowed the little blips after losing so much!!!


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## Andy HB (Oct 10, 2010)

Limericks are looking good, everyone
They are being produced like a bomb
They are all very clever
And I hope that they never
Stop being produced with aplomb.


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## HelenP (Oct 10, 2010)

X Factor's a double edged sword
I'm a big fan, but right now I'm bored
Cos they're dragging it out
And they're telling us nowt
About whose exit we should applaud!

xx


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