# extremely scared!!!!!!!!! and feel so alone!



## emma~Alfiesmummy (Jan 1, 2010)

Hi all

I was diagnosed as being a type 2 diabetic in October 2009. Prior to this I had gestational diabetes in my second pregnancy that sadly ended in my beautiful baby boy being stillborn (although it was never actually said it was the diabetes that caused it) then in july 2009 I found out I was pregnant again (very scary) to sadly find out at my first scan I'd had a missed miscarriage. They were treating me as gestational diabetes although I didn't see anyone until I was (at least I thought I was) 8wks. Went on insulin a week later as my blood sugars were consitantly higher than they wanted (11.2 at one point) this stressed me out lots. 
The diabetic nurse said the unstable blood sugars were probably the cause of the miscarriage. So I had to have HBA1C which came back at 6% and thats when they decided I was fully diabetic.

Now I am pregnant again (about 5-6wks) and am so so frightened its all gonna go wrong again! My BS levels are all over the place and I feel no one cares. I couldn't contact anyone on wednesday when it first happend. I actually sat sobbing over it. Yesterday they went from am 5.9, after breakfast 6.8 (which is fine) to 9.4 after lunch (even with insulin) to 5.9 prior to leaving work then it dropped to 2.4 on my way home from work so I had to stop and correct it. It came up to 4.0 prior to evening meal. Then bizarrly it dropped to 2.6 after my meal (no idea why) 
This morning it was 6.0 before breakfast then it went to 8.4 post breakfast and I had exactly the same as I did yesterday! 
Its a bank holiday so can contact no one! I am stressing big style as I am approaching the time when they think I lost my last baby! I cannot cope if I lost another baby it would literally kill me I am sure. 

I spoke to the berevement midwife yesterday who said she had spoken to the diabetic nurse who said she was available anytime! funny every time I phone I get her answer phone! 

Just need some reassurrance! and a shoulder!

Thanks and sorry for rambling! 

Emma


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## Steff (Jan 1, 2010)

Hi there Emma, firstly id like to say im so sorry for what you have gone through and the strenght and will it must have taken you to try again only shows what sort of a person you are hun, I know things are easily said on a pc but all you can do is think positive , is your partner supportive?.Sounds familier with many of us i think you can call DSN whenever always free but you end up getting the answerphone, always makes me sign that one does .All i can say is be as strong as you have been and i really do hope things turn out well for you , you deserve a break hun, someone will be along who can offer loads more help and advice for you and maybe have been through similier and can relate alot more then me , but if you ever want a chat or a freind mail me.xx


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## emma~Alfiesmummy (Jan 1, 2010)

steff09 said:


> Hi there Emma, firstly id like to say im so sorry for what you have gone through and the strenght and will it must have taken you to try again only shows what sort of a person you are hun, I know things are easily said on a pc but all you can do is think positive , is your partner supportive?.Sounds familier with many of us i think you can call DSN whenever always free but you end up getting the answerphone, always makes me sign that one does .All i can say is be as strong as you have been and i really do hope things turn out well for you , you deserve a break hun, someone will be along who can offer loads more help and advice for you and maybe have been through similier and can relate alot more then me , but if you ever want a chat or a freind mail me.xx



Thanks for the reply! at the moment I do not feel strong. I try to be positive but finding it so hard. I am really hoping and praying this time we get the "happy" ending we so want. 

My partner is relatively supportive! he think that maybe I am not eating enough? not sure how that can make my BS levels go high. 
I am too worried to eat more. 
Stressing about it all is not doing any good either I know but cannot help it!


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## Steff (Jan 1, 2010)

emma~Alfiesmummy said:


> Thanks for the reply! at the moment I do not feel strong. I try to be positive but finding it so hard. I am really hoping and praying this time we get the "happy" ending we so want.
> 
> My partner is relatively supportive! he think that maybe I am not eating enough? not sure how that can make my BS levels go high.
> I am too worried to eat more.
> Stressing about it all is not doing any good either I know but cannot help it!



Its only natural your going to stress its impossible for you not to, it is alot to deal with the diabetes and the fact the tragedy you have been through with pregnancy its a hell of a lot for one person to cope with. Maybe you or your partner could keep a diary of what you do eat then you will be able to see if it looks like your not eating, I know you say your too worried to eat but you know you must for both of you xxxhugs


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## emma~Alfiesmummy (Jan 1, 2010)

I did that last time! need to find a diary to start and do that again so I can show the dietician, diabetic nurses etc that I am not eating silly things. Trying to see if eating a cooked meal at lunch time helps as I usually only have a sandwich and never seem to be able to eat at set times. Can eat lunch at 2pm some days due to work. 

I am hoping its just hormones and the baby developing rapidly that is causing my BS levels to go a bit mad not what happend last time.


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## Steff (Jan 1, 2010)

emma~Alfiesmummy said:


> I did that last time! need to find a diary to start and do that again so I can show the dietician, diabetic nurses etc that I am not eating silly things. Trying to see if eating a cooked meal at lunch time helps as I usually only have a sandwich and never seem to be able to eat at set times. Can eat lunch at 2pm some days due to work.
> 
> I am hoping its just hormones and the baby developing rapidly that is causing my BS levels to go a bit mad not what happend last time.



Yes sounds like a good idea or maybe have a hot panini and some salad to  bulk it up, i often have  2 bread rolls and warmed up soup (i guess some cant get to a microwave at work to warm stuff up though), i tend to make a bulk of broth and things like that i can just freeze and rely on at later times.I never tend to stick to meals same time every day and I did used to eat at 6.30 for evening meal but after some advice off some one on here we now eat at 5.I keep diary for everything i do lol drives me mad at times but its always a good way of showing nurses your being good so to speak x


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## emma~Alfiesmummy (Jan 1, 2010)

On weekdays I usually eat at 5.30pm when I get in from work. 

I am also going to try taking my insulin 15mins before I eat instead of immediately before eating that way it has chance to start acting. 

I need to buy my self a new book to keep a note of things in it!


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## Steff (Jan 1, 2010)

emma~Alfiesmummy said:


> On weekdays I usually eat at 5.30pm when I get in from work.
> 
> I am also going to try taking my insulin 15mins before I eat instead of immediately before eating that way it has chance to start acting.
> 
> I need to buy my self a new book to keep a note of things in it!



Make it your first purchase of 2010 lol, cant say alot on the insulin side as im meds only , but you do what is best for YOU  hun x


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## emma~Alfiesmummy (Jan 1, 2010)

I will keep on trying and see what helps! and yes will be making a new diary my 1st purchase of the year!


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## Steff (Jan 1, 2010)

emma~Alfiesmummy said:


> I will keep on trying and see what helps! and yes will be making a new diary my 1st purchase of the year!



thats all you can do keep on trying , 
i have to go now please keep in touch on here as much as you can .


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## Gemma444 (Jan 1, 2010)

Hi Emma

I just wanted to say how brave you are being and strong. I can't give any advice but I just wanted to send you my best wished. I hope you can get some advise from your diabetes nurse soon. Have you tried ring her today, some nurses will and I hope they would for you esp with what you are going through. Good luck and if you ever need a chat there are always lovely people on here to give advice. I agree with steph about keeping a diary of the food you eat, Ive started to do this with my lad. 

Gem xx


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## emma~Alfiesmummy (Jan 1, 2010)

My BS levels after lunch were 5.6 so that is good. Guess I may need insulin at breakfast time too. Will just keep an eye on things over the weekend and call the diabetic nurse monday. Not tried calling today. 

Trying my best to remain calm and not worry about everything but its so hard.


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## Emmal31 (Jan 1, 2010)

Hi Emma,

I just wanted to say how sorry I am for what you've been through lately I can't imagine how hard it must have been. I wasn't seen until after my 12 week scan and was told that they don't like to see you before that time even though diabetic pregnancy's are considered high risk so to speak but if i'd been in your position I would have wanted to be seen sooner than that. I would ask the diabetic nurse when you speak to her that you want to be seen as soon as possible so your mind is put at rest a little. What was your last hba1c if you don't mind me asking? I'm further along than you are (35 weeks) but within the last two months i've had a lot of high's the highest I've had lately was 20.1 after breakfast the reason why i'm telling you that is to put your mind at rest with the 8.4 after breakfast which isn't ideal but it's still below 10 which i would consider quite good. I'm not sure if any of this is helping you but if you worry too much it won't do either of you any good. I really hope that you get the care you deserve from your team and things go well during this pregnancy, let us know how things go.

Emma xxx


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## emma~Alfiesmummy (Jan 1, 2010)

Hi Emma 

Thanks for your reply. I was seen early on by the diabetic midwife and nurse in my last pregnancy (the one that ended in a missed miscarriage) but didn't get antenatal until 10wks (or thats what I thought I was) 

I have been told by 1 diabetic nurse I should get an early scan considering what happened last time. 

I will be making a lot of noise in order to get the care I deserve even if they think I am pain in the butt. I am going to be looked after properly this time. 

My last HBA1C was 6%. Although in my previous pregnancy that I lost at 37wks+6days they were lower than that. 
My obs consultant wants it to be 5.5% so am going to go and get blood done for that in next week or so. 

Today my bs levels have been 6.0 before breakfast, 8.4 after breakfast (breakfast was a slice of toast and a drink of water) 5.6 after lunch (lunch was chicken and mushrooms wrapped in bacon with carrots and potatoes with an apple for desert and a drink) just now it is 7.9 after evening meal (which was a chicken and bacon wrap) 

I think that maybe I need to eat more than I am doing? will speak to diabetic nurse and hopefully dietician! hoping I can get sorted with a nice early scan too.


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## rachelha (Jan 1, 2010)

Hi Emma, I'm afraid I can not offer you any advice as I am trying to conceive at the moment.  Keep on at the hospital until they see you.  Try and stay as positive as you can (although I realise that must be v hard).


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## Admin (Jan 2, 2010)

Hi Emma - I would ask your DSN about a quick lesson in carb counting - Are you taking insulin with every meal? Are you adjusting your dose according to what you eat? (This is carb counting!) It sound terribly complicated - but it isn't and is the recommended way for those on insulin to control their blood sugar levels. Also keep an eye on your carb intake - remember good carbs such as wholemeal products and low GI foods (Sorry Steff - panini's not recommended - and personally they make my bs rocket!). This is just my personal opinion. 
I had a miscarriage a year before I had my lil one - I don't know why it happened but never blamed my diabetes. I am so sorry about your stillborn and cannot imagine anything so awful - I hope this bump progresses well and that they take extra care of you in the later stages. 
I have researched the reason why women with diabetes have a higher risk of still birth after 38 weeks and unfortunately there is no reason to date, which I find terribly frustrating, but would recommend any pregnant lady with diabetes to get monitored as much as possible in the last few weeks - I know my son was not thriving on the day he was born, and for no reason.


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## emma~Alfiesmummy (Jan 3, 2010)

I managed to contact my DSN and she has told me to increase my insulin doses by 4units. My BS went to 12.8 on saturday morning. 

I now have to take insulin with all meals and at bedtime too.

I am seeing my DSN on wednesday so hoping to get my regime sorted out to help.

Carb counting is that where you have a unit of insulin per 10g of carbs you are having? I work with other diabetics and this is what they do. 

I am hoping to get a regime that keeps my BS levels stable and not like they currently are.


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## Twitchy (Jan 3, 2010)

Hi Emma,

I'm sorry it's taken a while to reply - I've not been on for a few days & have only just seen this.  Firstly, I am so cross that your diabetic care team have said what they did about the sugar levels causing the miscarriage - there is (as far as I am aware) no way they can be certain of this, and it is (in my opinion) a grossly unfair & unhelpful thing to say to you (I know how much that would upset me) - especially as it quite understandably has left you feeling very stressed.  I am currently 28 weeks pregnant, it's my second pregnancy & started horribly - sugar levels in the early weeks were insane to the point where anything below 11 consistently would have been good - I even had ketones for the first time since teenage years & was absolutely terrified that my being unable to get to grips with the changing hormone levels would at best result in harm to the baby.  So far, though, all looks ok - so please take some encouragement from that .  (Because of the difficult start, they did do an early "viability" scan, and my diabetic team's policy is that they see you regularly as soon as they know you are pregnant.)

Last time my control was so good the consultant said words to the effect that he couldn't offer me any advice to improve things - I still ended up with excess fluid & severe pre eclampsia, delivering (thankfully a healthy baby) at 34 weeks, so it just goes to show that some things happen pregnancy-wise despite good/bad diabetes control & may not be causally linked to it.  I'm really really sorry to hear how unsupportive your team have been - not, I might add surprised though. 

Please, do try to be gentle on yourself - please try & look on this pregnancy as a clean slate - your levels don't sound that bad to me (your HbA1c is enviable!).  Personally I have found that the care is a bit slack until you get a bit assertive - in my case it took an email to the diabetic specialist midwife explaining exactly what problems I'd come up against, to get better support (I did make a point of asking what I should do if I felt I needed to complain about lack of care...!!!).  If your GP is supportive get them on side too - maybe they can open some doors for you.

Wishing you all the best - hang on in there, you're not alone!  

Best wishes,

Twitchy x


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## Twitchy (Jan 3, 2010)

emma~Alfiesmummy said:


> I managed to contact my DSN and she has told me to increase my insulin doses by 4units. My BS went to 12.8 on saturday morning.
> 
> I now have to take insulin with all meals and at bedtime too.
> 
> ...



Hi again - just one more thing - not sure how this translates to T2, but as a T1 I have found my ratios change, my doses change etc from time to time throughout pregnancy - so don't be disheartened if it feels like you get it right for a few days & everything changes again!  Quite early on this time I needed loads more background insulin than previously & my breakfast ratio went from 1 1/2 units insulin / 10g carbs to 3 units insulin per 10gs, which felt like ahuge leap initially!  Do check your dose changes through with your dsn though.  Good luck for wednesday!


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## allisonb (Jan 4, 2010)

Hi Emma.  Sorry to hear about all the problems you've had in the past.  I can't begin to imagine what it was like to lose your baby boy, so sorry.  I've had a missed miscarriage too and am upset and cross that someone has indicated to you that it was the high BS that may have caused it.  My BS was controlled really well when I had mine and I was told that my diabetes was highly unlikely to have caused the miscarriage.

So, I know it's hard, but try not to worry too much about changes it your BS.  Pregnancy does very strange things.  I'm currently 30 weeks pregnant and still occasionally get the odd high that I can't explain, along with the very frequent low!  Yesterday morning for example, same breakfast as normal, same amount of insulin, 14.3 one hour after eating!  Then right down to 1.9 another hour later!

Steff is right, it's a good idea to write down what you're eating and how much insulin you're having with each meal but this doesn't mean that things will stay the same, your insulin requirements will vary considerably in pregnancy and it's a constant battle keeping on top of things.  Have you done DAFNE?  Or as admin says, a quick lesson in carb counting may help.

Keep in touch with us all on the forum, there's a few of us that are pregnant at the moment and we'll all have a go at answering any queries or questions that you have.  Keep strong!

Allison x


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## emma~Alfiesmummy (Jan 5, 2010)

spoke to DSN yesterday. hoping to be seen in clinic on thursday. yesterday evening and this morning my BS levels were not above 5 over night they were below 3! (ranging from 2.1 to 2.9) even with correction (having lucozade to help it come up) then today they have gone to 7.2 and 7.3 even not eating a huge amount due to feeling poop thanks to a bug! 

I am hopefully having a scan tomorrow if I can get in due to the weather I am really scared and just want things to be ok.


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## Northerner (Jan 5, 2010)

Hope everything goes well tomorrow Emma - I think all that snow is heading down here now! I remember winter of 78 in Sheffield, had a big snowfall that year.


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## Emmal31 (Jan 5, 2010)

Hi Emma,

Just wanted to say good luck for tomorrow hope things go well and let us know how you get on x


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## Twitchy (Jan 5, 2010)

Hi Emma - fingers crossed for tomorrow & thursday - hope all goes really well & you are reassured!   (BIG HUG!!!)

All the best,

Twitchy x


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## Steff (Jan 5, 2010)

hey there Emma 

just wanted to say good luck for tomorrow xx


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## Admin (Jan 6, 2010)

Hope you make it in today and all goes well...fingers crossed xx


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