# Posts, responses and cliques



## Northerner (Dec 11, 2010)

I was sorry to see the recent departure of a member due to a lack of response to their posts, so I thought I'd start a discussion thread about it. I know this may be a contentious issue, so can I please ask people to respect forum guidelines if you respond. 

I know myself the disappointment when people don't get much response to their posts - I have been on many other forums and often get no response for days, sometimes none at all. I think that, on the whole, our forum is pretty good at responding, with the average number of responses being around 10-15 posts per thread. Obviously, there will be extremes at either end of that. Some forums get an average of 2-3 responses per thread despite having much larger memberships.

I think that maybe part of the problem is that we are a fairly active forum, so new threads can move down the page very quickly sometimes, so it can be missed by people who might have responded but weren't online. Also, don't necessarily be misled into thinking that lots of people are reading your post and ignoring it - the number of views contains a number of search engine 'bots' who continually crawl the web indexing new material. The posts will also be read by a number of 'guests' who either aren't registered and therefore can't respond, or people who are members but unable/unwilling to log in if they are at work etc. or using a phone that makes it difficult to reply. Many people also tell me that they read regularly but don't feel they have anything to add, or they are shy, or a number of other reasons.

We do have a number of regular posters, many of whom have formed personal friendships, but I think that it's also true that regular posters often post things that get few responses - it's just that the overall impression is they get lots of responses due to the number of threads they start.

I don't know what the answer is. I certainly wouldn't want the place to become some sort of 'club'. Everyone is welcome to post or read according to their inclination, and I want people to feel that this is a place they can come for help and support in managing their diabetes. My aim has always been to respond to the posts I can and try and encourage a friendly and supportive atmosphere, but clearly this is failing for some people. If anyone has any suggestions for how things might be improved, I'd be happy to hear them!


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## Steff (Dec 11, 2010)

I also hate the fact we have lost a perfectly great member for this reason, As for as im aware theres no known clicks on here, maybe they are some more active members who do seem to get alot of replies etc etc, but i certainly personally dont ignore peoples post, at times if i feel i cant add anything or answer a persons question  then i wont for example if someone posted something in the pumping section then i would not reply unless it was to say good luck when there starting on a pump.


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## ukjohn (Dec 11, 2010)

Alan. I do'nt think any changes are needed, I believe that you and the mods run a very good forum, whatever happens it is not possible to satisfy everyone 100% but in my experience over the years of running and managing groups, this one is amongst the best.

I must admit that I was one of those that felt on times that I was not getting a response to my threads. I also felt that on responding to threads, it brought an end to that thread and I started to believe it was because of me.
But then I sat back and thought about things and realised that I have been here 2 years from the day the group started, but I have posted less than 500 times, so maybe the fault is mine and not anyone elses. I add no pressure to myself now to respond, but just to share and enjoy the posts of others and respond when I feel the need.

One other very important thing I will mention is that on the two occasions I decided to take a break from this forum, within a couple of days, I have recieved a PM from Steffie checking that I am OK. Thats the strength of this forum, people that care and show it.

Now I'm afraid to leave, because Steffie will hunt me down 

Thanks Steffie, in spite of going through problems of your own, you are a true friend to us all.

John


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## Northerner (Dec 11, 2010)

Thanks for your input guys, much appreciated


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## mimms2 (Dec 11, 2010)

Im fairly new to all this , but hope , the little i do contribute does  help .
I ve added a couple posts but dont really expect much in reply , sometimes just putting it down in text helps .
We all need a shoulder to cry on , lol ,
Our diabetic problems differ from person to person , so I cant relate to some posts , but I do try to read most of them , 
#WELL DONE TO ALL THOSE WHO MANAGE AND MOD THESE BOARDS ,


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## Steff (Dec 11, 2010)

ukjohn said:


> Alan. I do'nt think any changes are needed, I believe that you and the mods run a very good forum, whatever happens it is not possible to satisfy everyone 100% but in my experience over the years of running and managing groups, this one is amongst the best.
> 
> I must admit that I was one of those that felt on times that I was not getting a response to my threads. I also felt that on responding to threads, it brought an end to that thread and I started to believe it was because of me.
> But then I sat back and thought about things and realised that I have been here 2 years from the day the group started, but I have posted less than 500 times, so maybe the fault is mine and not anyone elses. I add no pressure to myself now to respond, but just to share and enjoy the posts of others and respond when I feel the need.
> ...



John thank you means alot, just the type of person i am if i dont see a member on for abit i like to check there doing ok.Dont go saying I will hunt you down on my rep will plummet


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## bigpurpleduck (Dec 11, 2010)

Alan, I don't think there's very much you or the moderators can do about this issue. If people feel they can't contribute to a thread, then they won't. It would be sad if people felt "guilted" into replying to something they felt they had nothing to comment on.

That said, I completely understand the frustration felt by those who feel they're not receiving many responses. I have felt this on this forum before, too. But I have noticed that I only ever feel this way when I'm feeling down about my diabetes anyway. Lack of responses doesn't come into my head if I'm feeling positive. I wonder whether this is the case for others, too. If so, I certainly feel like I could make more effort to help when someone is feeling below par. I sometimes avoid angry, frustrated threads because I don't want to get involved - but if someone's struggling, this is really not fair, and I actually think quite cowardly of me. I am vowing to myself now that I will try to help more if someone's having a down day, week, month or year.

I think it is worth bearing in mind that everyone's diabetes is different. If someone has posted about something very specific related to their own diabetes, for example an issue with a pump, then this will inevitably mean fewer replies from those on MDI or those with Type 2. Or, if there is a post about metformin, very few Type 1s will be able to comment. When you're having a down day, it's difficult to remember that not everyone can help - but remember this we must. Nobody on the forum means it as a personal snub when they don't reply - it's just that there are so many posts, and so many things that can be discussed, it's difficult to reply to every one. I know it's difficult when you're feeling low, but I think a lack of replies needs to be kept within context. If I'm a bit miffed about not having many replies, I try to focus instead on the replies I *did* get, & the support I've had in the past, and what it means to me that those people are helping and supporting me at a difficult time.

I hope I haven't ruffled any feathers. I do completely sympathise with the frustration of few replies, and I am always very sad to see a member leave for any reason.


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## bev (Dec 11, 2010)

I personally dont *know* of any cliques and would hate to think someone feels left out. I doubt there is an answer to this because people will only answer a thread if they feel they want to - and if they feel they have something relevant to add. I dont often reply to threads to people with type 2 - mainly because I dont know enough about type 2 to be able to advise - unless it is about carbs or insulin doses. I dont often reply to sport threads either - but that doesnt mean I dont like the people who post on there.

There was a comment made recently (cant remember who made it now) where someone said that they felt annoyed that people responded to threads with 'sorry to hear this' or 'hope you feel better tomorrow' as they said that this wasnt helpful at all and all it did was to add to the number of hits on here - so I think that some people do feel that if they arent even allowed to say things like this then they just wont bother. I often read threads and dont reply - not because I dislike the person - simply because I dont know the answer or someone else has already answered the question. I think it should also be remembered that we are all under pressure and stress and have our own worries and troubles in the 'real world' and if we spent every waking hour answering all the threads then we just wouldnt have enough time.

It is sad if someone feels like this - and it would be better if someone could PM a moderator if they did and then people could be made aware of it. I think it is healthy to talk about it though - so well done for starting the thread and well done to the person who initially brought the subject up - it takes courage to make a stand on a forum this big and hopefully there will be a way around this issue and no-one else will feel left out in future.Bev


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## HelenM (Dec 11, 2010)

I think that this is one of the most supportive diabetes forums on the net.  I have read it from the start, though I didn't join until later. There has been an incredible growth in experience and knowledge since those early days. 
 Some people have 'grown up' together so it's inevitable that they've become friends but I haven't noticed that other people are ignored. 
Maybe people have become too helpful and expectations have risen too high ! The question that precipitated this was someone asking a question that needed an immediate response and not getting it after 25min. I don't think that expecting that sort of response is reasonable for all the reasons other people have stated in the thread. ( and pragmatically, I am many miles away from being able to buy the product mentioned so it's not in my cupboard  but I was able to find the  answer  in less than  a couple of minutes)

We are all different. I  read it a lot, don't post that much (member for the same length of time as Steffie, she has over 20,000 posts, I have 275, my PM box has 3 pms but then again I don't send them either) . 
I tend to give very factual responses, partly because my experiences being in a different country are different, but also because incidents on forums in the past have caused me to become  very cautious of revealing too much about myself. The support I receive  through reading is  far more subtle, perhaps vicarious. However, it's good to know that you are there if I ever need it.    If I needed more help, (who knows what the future holds for any of us?) this is the forum I would go to for support.

Edited to add, There is one thing that is annoying me  at the moment is waiting for the next move in the chess game. grrrrrrr!!!!


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## lucy123 (Dec 11, 2010)

Alan - I think you and the mods do a great job and don't think anything needs changing. We have all experienced times when we have felt there has been little response, but surely thats the same as when emailing a group or texting outside of the forum- it is life not the forum. 

I also think there is some people who because of their circumstances are able to post all day and this is good for them, but others can;t due to work etc, and so have to pop in and make the posts that catch their eye. Now if this is wrong and we have to reply or acknowledge all posts then the forum will not be the same.

However, I too hate to see people unhappy and can only say to those people why not pm one or two of us and let us know how you are feeling - if we are aware someone is down, we can step in and support which is exactly what we do on here. 

I have to say and i am probably going to be shot down for this, but I am starting to get concerned at the number of people who are 'leaving the forum and never coming back'. One recent case of this was quite unpleasant for a lot of people who tried to help and was aggressive and very argumentative - this made me feel uneasy. Also, I repeat again I was trudging out in the snow to Tesco where I got the information for the person, but feel this has been totally ignored and feel why should I bother in future.

Any way that is my rant - I love the forum, I think it is fair, I don't make it on here every day but when I do there is always something good or helpful to read. If ever I feel really down there are a few people I can turn to - and this is just people I have met through the forum through common interest. I don't think the forum can do anymore - its the bees knees as far as I am concerned.


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## twinnie (Dec 11, 2010)

this forum is like a lifeline for me i learned more on here in a year and a half about diabetes than 10 years from dsn i do read most posts but feel that i cant answer or comment as it not a subject i know a lot about eg carb counting


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## tracey w (Dec 11, 2010)

I agree with all thats been said so far, so cant really add anything else.

Its sad to think someone has left because they feel left out, but you really cant please everyone all the time. I think this forum is great and the mods do a fantastic job.


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## lucy123 (Dec 11, 2010)

*Just another thought!*

Sorry for jumping in on this thread twice but I just had another thought. 
Often in pm a post gets mentioned that i haven;t even seen.
Each day I log on and click new posts, but for some reason it misses a lot of posts I haven;t read and jumps forward to a later time than when I logged on last, so I only get the later posts.

Could this be happening to others and be a reason some posts get missed. I only find them when I have a lot of time to go back over the forums individually?


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## Robster65 (Dec 11, 2010)

Interesting thread. I agree with some of the comments, in that forums will always have friendship and common interest groups, which is normal because we are all humans (I apologise if there's any non-humans reading ).

As Bigpurpleduck said, there can be a feeling of being ignored or not in the clique if you are feeling down in the first place. I know Northerner and a few others always try to respond in some way to any threads that are not replied to. 

There are certain circumstances where a forum can't help and hopefully the members will seek more suitable help from elsewhere. It's got to be kept in perspective that everyone on here has their own life and own problems and can't spend 24/7 being a shoulder to lean on. But it does what it does pretty well.

Rob


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## gail1 (Dec 11, 2010)

I think this site is one of the most surportive and wellcoming sites i have ever been on. I must admit that when i first joined i was very carefull about wot i posted mental health wise mainly because i didt want to burden people at all, but the support and love i get from here is amasing. People have always been kind and replyed to my posts. I really feel like the people on this site are my online family and lets face it some of my posts have been really triggering when im ill. Even more amasing was my first meet up with you all and thats the first time i have ever meet people off the internet like that and everyone was just as kind and caring as they are online. It felt like i was meeting friends not strangers.
I think if someone leaves because they dont get any replys/or not enough replys in their view is very sad indeed but lets face it they make the choice to leave its notforched on them. As far as Im aware nowhere when you join up does it say you must respond to other peoples posts, indeed sometimes you dont know wot to say to help and sometimes to show that you care you maybe can only post i feel for you/im sorry this has happened. I dont think there are any clicks on here and anyone who says so is talking a load of cods wallop. Sure some people may post more than others but some people can be online more than other people.
Alan you cant improve things hunnie i think we are a very supporting caring site and i would hate to see any chances to the site as we are imho great how we are
Well done to all admin and mods for running a great site and long may it continue


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## Donald (Dec 11, 2010)

As Others have said No changes required. This is a great forum with good people that said no matter how we try or went to we can not be here 24/7 life just gets in the way.

As a type 2 it is difficult to answer type 1 or pump Questions or about carbs hope they decide to come back.


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## Hazel (Dec 11, 2010)

Alan, I think everyone knows how much I appreciate this Forum and the members.

I totally agree with everything that has been said.

I know you can't please ALL the people ALL the time, but I would ask anyone who chooses to 'leave', that they offer suggestions to change, what they see as an imperfect Forum.    I am sure we all would welcome any suggestions that would benefit everyone.

However, please keep on doing what you and your team do, you are are helping heaps of people, and long may that continue.


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## MIsmail (Dec 11, 2010)

I believe you cannot dictate the responses to threads on any forum. 

Less responses do not mean no "appreciation" or "value" to a thread and there are many reasons for why the number of responses may be low or high.

As far as I can see, the mods are doing a fantastic job. The numbers on this forum epitomise this. Your ability to keep going as you are in addition to keeping an "open" forum is fantastic. 

Perhaps after a long day of posting, many discussions drop down and are not seen. This may be why individuals may feel ignored. Having said this though....I don't know how you can accommodate it so that every topic can be seen by everyone at anytime they log in.


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## Monica (Dec 11, 2010)

Have just read all the comments in this thread and I have to say that I can't add anything else to it. "I can't add anything else to it" happens to me a lot on here. So when that happens, I don't!! It doesn't mean I haven't bothered reading the posts. I read most posts in the General Message Board, Parents, Off the subject.. and the jokes. I don't post a new thread very often and I don't reply often. As others have already said, that's either because I don't know what to say or it has already been said.

So far, all my "important" (to me) threads have had lots of responses, for which I'm always grateful. If I had an urgent question, I know not to ask it here for reasons everyone is aware of.

I'm really glad I've found this forum. The only downside is that I spend too much time on it


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## squidge63 (Dec 11, 2010)

Sometimes I prefer just to read threads/post and not reply because I am not in the mood to write a reply, or it's the case that I don't feel I can contribute anything new or useful to the thread, or what I would have written has already been posted several times.. if I post a thread I don't automatically think that everyone will reply to it, it may not be of any interest to anyone, I wouldn't get in a huff about it.. this is a fantastic site and I like it just the way it is.

Just a thought, another site I belong to has a like and dislike button on posts which I quite like as you may not want to write anything but you can click on like if you like/agree with the post.. have nevr seen the dislike button used yet.


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## margie (Dec 11, 2010)

I think there are a number of reasons that threads get few replies.

a) People don't have anything that they feel they can add, and don't want to clutter the thread with lots of posts saying sorry can't help and are hoping that someone else may come along and answer. Possibly they could come back later and add a comment if several hours have passed - so the person knows they are not being ignored.

b) The longer you have been posting the more likely that your posts will be read and responded to - if people are busy they may only look at posts from people they have had an interaction with. Possibly this could be negated by people taking part in the off topic discussion area - as people will get to learn a bit about you there - not always what you would think of when you first join though.

c) People may see you as knowledgable and feel they can't help add to you knowledge, sometimes reinforcing what people know can be helpful - though I have seen occaisions when this hasn't been appreciated. Saying that the longer you are here the more likely people are to know whether you would appreciate a reassurance post or not.

I agree that when you are down, a lack of responses sticks with you and you feel unwanted - its all part of depressed thinking. I know when I was really down - if people didn't reply to my e-mails I felt the lowest of the low - where the reality was people have busy lives and would get back to me when they had something to say.

I don't know how many people use new posts but it is useful to see if anything you may have input on has slipped to another page.

I think I will end here as I sound like I am writing a dissertation.


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## grandma (Dec 11, 2010)

Well I dont know what I would have done without the help you all have given me on hear.
I was haveing a ruff time, and I have never spoken about it before just said Yes I am OK when anybody asked.
But I know I can come hear now and you all understand.
I have been telling everbody I know about it keep up the good work.........


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## Catwoman76 (Dec 11, 2010)

I logged on today to write something about the recent ' not feeling welcome' post, but I see someone has already done that.  I am going to say that yes some people post a lot more than others, some posts are more interesting than others and some topics are more in the mainstream.  I was going to call my thread A message to everyone.
There are people out there, myself included, that do find that more people get a greater response than others.  Someone could be looking for an item of clothing, or broken a nail, woken up with a headache ( not low blood sugar level) or reorganised there front room!  These people get lots and lots of responses and other people who are more vunerable, unhappy, lack confidence and maybe feeling out of touch with others need a bit more understanding and response from all of us.  I very rarely log on in the morning because that's my busiest time. Someone started a thread about feeling unwell with a cough and a cold and he only  got a few responses.  This is what I'm talking about, this forum is not and should not be used as a popularity forum. I don't know how people are going to take this post, but if you don't say something, other people don't know who you really feel. I hope this thread has a really good and positive outcome.  best wishes to EVERYONE Sheena x


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## Northerner (Dec 11, 2010)

Catwoman76 said:


> ...There are people out there, myself included, that do find that more people get a greater response than others.  Someone could be looking for an item of clothing, or broken a nail, woken up with a headache ( not low blood sugar level) or reorganised there front room!  These people get lots and lots of responses and other people who are more vunerable, unhappy, lack confidence and maybe feeling out of touch with others need a bit more understanding and response from all of us....Sheena x



Hi Sheena, I do see what you mean. I know that, for some people, they don't like to see all the xfactor-type posts or general chat, but again that is part of the reason people do come here as well, to be among friends and maybe feel a little less isolated. I think that, sometimes, people find it much easier to just respond to posts with a lighter element because it makes them feel more involved and takes their mind away from whatever problems or worries they may be having. Often, as you quite rightly say, the posts that really need a lot of support or advice seem neglected in comparison, but I think that is also because they are sometimes much more diffcult or require more emotional strength to respond to appropriately and people may not be able to find the right words.

Support for lonely, vulnerable and worried people can take so many forms - as I said earlier, some people have joined and never posted, but just get comfort or information from reading others posts. This isn't uncommon on forums - I know another diabetes forum with over 25,000 members, but 19,000 of them have never posted. Just over half of our members have never posted and I often wonder why - is it because the forum seems too busy and intimidating? If you never really learn anything about people it's hard to respond sometimes except in very general terms.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts on this subject


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## Lizzzie (Dec 11, 2010)

Come to this one rather late, but just wanted to add: I always assumed that there are plenty of regular posters, like me, who might come to recognise people's user-names, but haven't met anyone else and don't even tend to have off-board interactions online very much.

If I've ever had low reply-levels, I've always assumed it was more because the people who happened to be reading at the time didn't have much to say on the subject I'd chosen.

But if there are people who get replied to more because people recognise their names and stories (this happens naturally on the pregnancy board for obvious reasons), the some element of this is surely a natural part of people building relationships: 'ooh look I remember that person lets see how they're getting on'.

That is a positive thing for those people, who are also posting because they need support, not a negative thing for new or less active people, surely?  I'm sorry if people feel completely ignored though because in general I always had the feeling that this was a very friendly, happy board. Will watch out for it in future.


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## Steff (Dec 11, 2010)

I do have to say being one of the more regular posters that in the past I have had issues with certain threads in off the subject getting more attention then say a diabetes related thread in the main messageboard, after all this place is called diabetessupport, but sometimes the more light hearted threads are a way of getting away from the serious  and having a laugh, say for instance the x factor thread as an example ive been a regular in there every week and i look forward to saturday coming around cause i like to spend the evening with other light minded people chatting about the x factor and leaving the serious side of things at the back door for a while, thats not to say i wont reply to a thread related to something more serious at another time...


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## martindt1606 (Dec 11, 2010)

I have been a member for 2 - 3 months and to add my comments:

I try to read new threads but work & family make it difficult to read / understand and comment on everything. When I can then I like to comment based on my experience. 
I do think there are many threads where there just seems to be a long list of hello's well dones.  These I tend to skip out of.  Whilst I appreciate its good to praise / build confidence if 5 people have provided well dones does everyone else need to do so? Only if you are adding something new?
There are good threads - I got involved with the pancreas - anyone like me thread this week.  This thread worked and 3 of us are sharing quality information.
There are threads providing good information / links to other sites.
There are threads easily identifiable as there to amuse - eg northeners advent calendar.

To date where I've started or participated I can only praise the responses received.  Thanks to all.


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## Robster65 (Dec 11, 2010)

Like some others, I have started threads that have got a limited response. I may have felt ignored but equally I have to accept that people may be busy, not interested in what I'm saying or just don't like me. When I'm feeling positive, it's not a problem but if I'm a bit down it can sting slightly. Unless I say how I'm feeling and what my expectations are, I can't really expect everyone to rally round and support me, which I'm certain you all would if I needed it.

I suppose it's hard, maybe impossible to read the true meaning behind some seemingly ordinary posts that may be set as a test of popularity or some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy of depressed self-loathing. Especially at this time of year when some people feel lonelier than they otherwise might and want a bit more attention and support but feel that asking for it is too embarassing.

I'm rambling again, so I'll leave it there 

Rob


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## sofaraway (Dec 11, 2010)

I have been here virtually since the beginning. My posting here has changed and I don't feel as part of the forum as much as I did in the past. I think it's since I stopped being a moderator. I don't read everything posted nowadays and some days don't log in, so feel less up to date with what's happening. 

My frequency of posting and what i tend to post has changed, i don't feel like I can offer advice in the way that I used to. But thats down to me and my circumstances rather than anyone on the forum.

I do tend to reply more and look out for threads from people I know well and have met in real life. So i would assume thats the same for most people, those that they have built relationships with they are more likely to respond to their threads. 

Can't really comment too much on getting replies to my threads as I don't think I have started many threads at all, just looked and it's 29 in total and only 5 this year.


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## Catwoman76 (Dec 11, 2010)

Catwoman76 said:


> I logged on today to write something about the recent ' not feeling welcome' post, but I see someone has already done that.  I am going to say that yes some people post a lot more than others, some posts are more interesting than others and some topics are more in the mainstream.  I was going to call my thread A message to everyone.
> There are people out there, myself included, that do find that more people get a greater response than others.  Someone could be looking for an item of clothing, or broken a nail, woken up with a headache ( not low blood sugar level) or reorganised there front room!  These people get lots and lots of responses and other people who are more vunerable, unhappy, lack confidence and maybe feeling out of touch with others need a bit more understanding and response from all of us.  I very rarely log on in the morning because that's my busiest time. Someone started a thread about feeling unwell with a cough and a cold and he only  got a few responses.  This is what I'm talking about, this forum is not and should not be used as a popularity forum. I don't know how people are going to take this post, but if you don't say something, other people don't know who you really feel. I hope this thread has a really good and positive outcome.  best wishes to EVERYONE Sheena x



I am just writting about a thread I did yesterday called Oh dear what can the matter be, I had 2 replies , steffie and flutterby.  It was about me being sick and then locking poor Pebbles in the loo!  only 2 replies, people could of replied today, if they were busy yesterday, but they didn't, need I say anymore. Sheena


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## FM001 (Dec 11, 2010)

It's inevitable that some posts will have less or more responses depending upon the question asked or the readers ability to respond, but as Northerner says topics of general interest like food, reality tv and family life will undoubtedly receive the highest percentage of replies, but  a type 1 cannot offer experience of type 2 medication just as much as a type 2 may never have experienced using insulin, so a query or question asked will only be answered by those who have something useful to offer.

Overall I find the place a friendly forum, but there has been occasions in the past where people have misinterpreted my response and been quite nasty as a result, but that's fine as I no longer bother to read their threads let alone take the time to reply, people who are disrespective and unappreciative do not deserve to have multiple responses.

One reason why I do see that some posters have pages and pages of replies is due to friendships formed since the site was set-up, these more than likely began at forum get-together's and such, nothing wrong with that and if time was allowing I would like to meet up with a few members some time, but as my work schedule is tight and with family commitments I fear this may be a long time off, but never mind here's hoping!


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## Robster65 (Dec 11, 2010)

Catwoman76 said:


> I am just writting about a thread I did yesterday called Oh dear what can the matter be, I had 2 replies , steffie and flutterby.  It was about me being sick and then locking poor Pebbles in the loo!  only 2 replies, people could of replied today, if they were busy yesterday, but they didn't, need I say anymore. Sheena



I'm afraid I'm one of the guilty parties who raised a smile at your post but didn't respond. I'm not sure why but I didn't really feel I could add to what had been said, but maybe a simple thanks for cheering me up type comment would have been good manners. I'll bear this in mind for the future. 

Rob


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## Catwoman76 (Dec 11, 2010)

Robster65 said:


> I'm afraid I'm one of the guilty parties who raised a smile at your post but didn't respond. I'm not sure why but I didn't really feel I could add to what had been said, but maybe a simple thanks for cheering me up type comment would have been good manners. I'll bear this in mind for the future.
> 
> Rob



Thanks Rob, that's a very kind gesture Sheena


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## Jennywren (Dec 11, 2010)

bev said:


> There was a comment made recently (cant remember who made it now) where someone said that they felt annoyed that people responded to threads with 'sorry to hear this' or 'hope you feel better tomorrow' as they said that this wasnt helpful at all and all it did was to add to the number of hits on here - so I think that some people do feel that if they arent even allowed to say things like this then they just wont bother. I often read threads and dont reply - not because I dislike the person - simply because I dont know the answer or someone else has already answered the question. I think it should also be remembered that we are all under pressure and stress and have our own worries and troubles in the 'real world' and if we spent every waking hour answering all the threads then we just wouldnt have enough time.



I find this a hard subject to reply to , to be honest because i think people will be even more worried about whether they should reply in case they say something they shouldnt . I agree with what Bev has said above and didnt know about someone complained of being annoyed about the'sorry to hear this' or 'hope you feel better tomorrow' posts , i hold my hand up to doing these sort of replies but i can assure you its not to bump up my posts its to let people know that i am thinking of them and to reply to how they are feeling and surely this is where this whole post has come from that people think that they are not being thought of and not being replied too. I think they will make lots of people wary of leaving posts now sadly .


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## Northerner (Dec 11, 2010)

Thanks again people for your thoughts. I liked Squidge's idea of the 'Like' button but unfortunately it's not available in the forum software configuration.

By the way, I certainly wasn't meaning to criticise anyone's perception of the forum, just wanted to know if there were any areas that needed improvement. I think it's good to have the discussion too as it means people can see what others think. People shouldn't feel that they shouldn't wish people well if that's how they want to respond - nothing wrong with that in my book. Hopefully we will continue to grow and with greater numbers there will be the right mix of experience, knowledge and empathy so that no-one feels excluded and get the answers they are hoping for.


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## rachelha (Dec 11, 2010)

I completely missed the post about thinking of you posts. 
I put one recently in reply to a post on the ptregnancy board, it wad not to boost ratings etc. but because the person posting was obviously worriedvabout her pregnancy/baby which I completely empathise with, but it was about a v specific thing which I know nothing about.

I have been posting less recently as I am no longer sat at a computer all day but I do read postsvregularly on my phone.  I personally do not use the forum when information is needed quickly.  You can not guarantee anyone is logged in and able to reply in time.  Also if people see the post a while after it was written they will assume the info will have already been found so won't reply.  

I have felt upset by getting v few posts before, and that maybe some people are overly dramatic to get more posts but I think this just people using language in different ways.

I think the forum is a fantastic place, my recent pregnancy would have been far harder without it.  I don't think anything needs changing and applaud the moderators, oarticularly Alan, for all their work.


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## Steff (Dec 11, 2010)

Jenny you make a good point there, after reading this some may now feel mroe inclined to reply to every thread as the threat of somebody leaving if there post is ignored will play on all our minds, we certainly dont want people dropping like flies 

This has/is a great thread as its nice when we all get our thoughts and opinions across in a nice way.


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## Catwoman76 (Dec 11, 2010)

Hi again just wanted to say that Bex was and still is very upset.  I think people are missing the point of Bex's thread.  The moderators do a great job monitoring the forum, so it's not about the moderators changing things, it's about us changing things.  I think Bex, and maybe some other people, if I am being honest, me as well, would like a bigger share of the pie.  Some people get a big share of the pie and other people just get a small slice or the crumbs. That's the only way I can think of putting it.  As for people leaving the forum, there is always a reason for people leaving.  When I worked as Receptionist at a well known car dealership, I was forever changing the names of the staff because people were constantly leaving! If your face fits, you're well in.  One girl who worked in sales would not use the toilet when she needed to go(not a wee) and the manager just let her go home to go!  If it was me I would of probably been given a warning. I don't want to annoy people, but it's best to get things out in the open. Best wishes Sheena x


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## shirl (Dec 11, 2010)

I must admit there have been times when I have posted and not received many replies and have felt quite hurt and upset by this, some of which was attributable to my state of mind at the time  

I have felt that sometimes there is a bit of 'them' and 'us' type of thing going on, we all have Diabetes whether it be type 1 or 2 (and yes I know there are differences) but again that may have been down to how I was feeling at the time. I have felt that on occassion when I have offered some advice I have been 'shot' down by others, maybe justified maybe not!

I think it is a good thing that we take a look at ouselves and try to improve if we need to, there must be something going on otherwise I wonder why we need to be doing this and why people are leaving us?

Just my thoughts tho

Shirl


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## Steff (Dec 11, 2010)

Catwoman76 said:


> Hi again just wanted to say that Bex was and still is very upset.  I think people are missing the point of Bex's thread.  The moderators do a great job monitoring the forum, so it's not about the moderators changing things, it's about us changing things.  I think Bex, and maybe some other people, if I am being honest, me as well, would like a bigger share of the pie.  Some people get a big share of the pie and other people just get a small slice or the crumbs. That's the only way I can think of putting it.  As for people leaving the forum, there is always a reason for people leaving.  When I worked as Receptionist at a well known car dealership, I was forever changing the names of the staff because people were constantly leaving! If your face fits, you're well in.  One girl who worked in sales would not use the toilet when she needed to go(not a wee) and the manager just let her go home to go!  If it was me I would of probably been given a warning. I don't want to annoy people, but it's best to get things out in the open. Best wishes Sheena x



I get what your saying Sheena but what can people do, we cant force a person to come on the forum more often then they already do, how would you like more of the pie? its a forum at the end of the day and it created by the people that use it, in effect you only get out of it what you put in.Im life if your a shy person your not going to have a large group of mates you socliase with thats your personality though and your social network will be small but if your out going you will get a bigger field of mates which is what its kind of like in here, a forum gives every one an equal opportunity to express there fear, thoughts etc and means you can say what you feel, the place is only as good as what goes into it x


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## MargB (Dec 11, 2010)

Not 100% sure what all this is about but one of the things I like about this forum is that I don't feel compelled to reply to everything and I have never felt shunned if my threads are not the most popular.  I feel there is such a wide range of knowledge and experience that no one person can possibly know all the answers.  

Every now and then i go on the Newbies board and try and write a quick welcome but am often wary about saying the wrong thing.  It is so easy to write something in what I think is a light hearted manner but for it to be mis-interpretated.  That has not happened on this forum but has definitely happened elsewhere.

I am sorry someone has left but being totally honest, I am not going to change the way I post on this forum.


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## sue63 (Dec 11, 2010)

This forum has been so helpful to me and it really really helped me in the early days with J's diagnosis. 

My first post was at about 2.50AM as I could not sleep and somebody responded within 30 mins...I was so impressed. The parents on this forum have been wonderful...they understand what it is like to have a diabetic child and the diabetics on this forum have helped me see things from a different perspective which has been so so  useful.

I honestly don't know what I would have done without it, especially in those horrible first weeks. 

Alan you do a wonderful job...thank you

Sue


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## bev (Dec 11, 2010)

Catwoman76 said:


> Hi again just wanted to say that Bex was and still is very upset.  I think people are missing the point of Bex's thread.  The moderators do a great job monitoring the forum, so it's not about the moderators changing things, it's about us changing things.  I think Bex, and maybe some other people, if I am being honest, me as well, would like a bigger share of the pie.  Some people get a big share of the pie and other people just get a small slice or the crumbs. That's the only way I can think of putting it.  As for people leaving the forum, there is always a reason for people leaving.  When I worked as Receptionist at a well known car dealership, I was forever changing the names of the staff because people were constantly leaving! If your face fits, you're well in.  One girl who worked in sales would not use the toilet when she needed to go(not a wee) and the manager just let her go home to go!  If it was me I would of probably been given a warning. I don't want to annoy people, but it's best to get things out in the open. Best wishes Sheena x



Hi Sheena,
I am really sad that some people feel this way - and I do understand how these things happen - but I really dont think that there is any kind of conspiracy going on and people being deliberately left out or not having a share of the pie - its just life - and if someone is more vocal or have formed a friendship with someone then thats only to be expected on a forum - some people will get on with others and you all find you have something in common with other people. If you feel this way - are there any suggestions you think might help people in this situation - I personally wouldnt like the 'like' or 'not like' button - I think it would make people feel even worse to be honest. I also want to reiterate that I dont think there is a clique at all - and if there is - then its news to me - unless I am so unobservant that I am just not one of the clique - he he. Bex if your reading this and I am one of the culprits - then I apologise - I do like reading your posts and I have never thought you dont fit in - you have made me laugh in the past and you always have interesting things to say - so please dont leave the forum - we need you.Bev


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## SilentAssassin1642 (Dec 11, 2010)

I have to admit, lack of replies and "cliques" are part of the reason I very rarely post here now. It is very upsetting when you post something trying to get some help or just trying to get out how you feel and no one bothers replying. It's why I've stopped posting. Not only that but I have to say there have been times where I have felt ganged up on and made to feel very upset by a lot of responses here. But that's a different story for a different day.

When I first joined this forum, it was a source of great help. Without your guys help I would still be in rebellion, nor would I have had the courage to go for a pump. However in recent months I have felt alienated quite a lot, and it does hurt when you post something and no one can be bothered to reply. 

I still read, it's just the majority of the time, because of the way this forum has made me feel in the past, I don't bother to log in and post anything. Its gotten to the stage where I just think "what's the point?"


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## Steff (Dec 11, 2010)

SilentAssassin1642 said:


> I have to admit, lack of replies and "cliques" are part of the reason I very rarely post here now. It is very upsetting when you post something trying to get some help or just trying to get out how you feel and no one bothers replying. It's why I've stopped posting. Not only that but I have to say there have been times where I have felt ganged up on and made to feel very upset by a lot of responses here. But that's a different story for a different day.
> 
> When I first joined this forum, it was a source of great help. Without your guys help I would still be in rebellion, nor would I have had the courage to go for a pump. However in recent months I have felt alienated quite a lot, and it does hurt when you post something and no one can be bothered to reply.
> 
> I still read, it's just the majority of the time, because of the way this forum has made me feel in the past, I don't bother to log in and post anything. Its gotten to the stage where I just think "what's the point?"



Sam from what i have seen in the pumping section your posts were always replied to well and in general messageboard.


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## SilentAssassin1642 (Dec 11, 2010)

Steffie said:


> Sam from what i have seen in the pumping section your posts were always replied to well and in general messageboard.



not all the time steff, for instance a couple of days ago i posted an update explaining how things were going and how "bummed out" i was feeling. i got one reply. It happened more since the whole issue that promted me to spend less time here. 

i was just airing my views


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## Steff (Dec 11, 2010)

SilentAssassin1642 said:


> not all the time steff, for instance a couple of days ago i posted an update explaining how things were going and how "bummed out" i was feeling. i got one reply. It happened more since the whole issue that promted me to spend less time here.
> 
> i was just airing my views



I dont want to comment to be honest but i remember your thread about an update which was 3 weeks ago but not the one you mention.p.s and by the i dont want to comment remark i dont mean to the thread your talkin about or any other posts you write up


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## SilentAssassin1642 (Dec 11, 2010)

*shrug* ... it really does feel that way sometimes and I can totally empathise with how bex is feeling.

Steff, when i first read the don't want to comment thing, I did take it the wrong way. And that is half the problem on here, because words don't come across right on the screen sometimes. And that is how people can get alienated. Myself included. A lot of my posts probably don't apply to alot of people but when people don't reply it gets you down. Same with when people get nasty and then refuse to even acknowledge how upsetting they have been and can't be bothered to apologise. That's why I don't post here any more and after reading Bex's thread, I have to say I fully agree with her. 

But there we go, opinions and all that. I thought I would just say my two penneth before dissolving back into the shadows.


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## Catwoman76 (Dec 11, 2010)

bev said:


> Hi Sheena,
> I am really sad that some people feel this way - and I do understand how these things happen - but I really dont think that there is any kind of conspiracy going on and people being deliberately left out or not having a share of the pie - its just life - and if someone is more vocal or have formed a friendship with someone then thats only to be expected on a forum - some people will get on with others and you all find you have something in common with other people. If you feel this way - are there any suggestions you think might help people in this situation - I personally wouldnt like the 'like' or 'not like' button - I think it would make people feel even worse to be honest. I also want to reiterate that I dont think there is a clique at all - and if there is - then its news to me - unless I am so unobservant that I am just not one of the clique - he he. Bex if your reading this and I am one of the culprits - then I apologise - I do like reading your posts and I have never thought you dont fit in - you have made me laugh in the past and you always have interesting things to say - so please dont leave the forum - we need you.Bev


I agree with you bev about the like and dislike button, I think it would cause too many problems. I haven't said anything about a conspiracy or people deliberately being left out, I don't know where that has come from, I have not used those words, so it's not from me.  Maybe Bex, in time, will come back to the forum, I would love to see her return. Best wishes Sheena


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## Twitchy (Dec 11, 2010)

Oh guys...what's been going on?!... 

I have totally missed the thread that presumably kicked this all off, but recently I have been conscious of the following:

1. I am totally erratic in my forum 'consistency' if you like - some weeks I'm on here daily, checking a lot, others I hardly get the chance to check once a week...partly because I've recently returned to work from maternity leave, partly because life with 2 kids (& pump wrangling!) is hectic, and partly because some weeks my bad eye has a bleed & frankly it's hard enough looking at a computer screen at work, without looking at one at home too 
2. Sometimes I just don't know what to say in response to a thread - I either don't have the knowledge, or am feeling emotionally backrupt myself & just simply haven't the emotional resources to support anyone, much as I'd love to...
3. Sometimes when I'm feeling low I get a kind of 'diabetes fatigue' - I might feel up to reading the odd post, but not necessarily feeling positive enough to offer any advice etc...if that makes sense?! It can be a sense of 'who am i to help, i can't get it right myself!' It can also present in a kind of feeling of helplessness - there are so many people feeling sad, in need of encouragement etc & I get almost kind of panicky that if i start to help someone I might not be able to get back online for a while & be able to reply to their reply, and I worry I'll somehow let them down, if that makes sense?!
4. I too have at times worried that i have the knack of killing a thread stone dead, or maybe even worse, in trying to be empathetic I might offer my personal experience of an issue, only to realise hours later that it might have looked like I was one-upping the original postee, competing for who'd had the worst/ most extreme experience!  I have certainly never set out to do that - the only thing I'd been trying to do was empathise, but sometimes I am just rubbish with words... 

On the whole I have found this to be a massively supportive forum, extremely well moderated & supported & I recommend it to every diabetic I meet!  The only time I have had any kind of niggle was when I was (admittedly very gently) tweaked for using what I hadn't realised might be considered a swear word...not a problem in itself, but for seeing that someone else had 'got away with' what I thought would be pretty universally considered a swear word, so if I'm honest, I felt a little hard done by... but i was having an awful week, feeling very low & hypersensitive to begin with, so probably took it far more to heart than I should have.  I suppose the thing to remember is we don't always know what burdens people are dealing with in their 'offline' lives, whether poster or replier, as it were... I for one am very, sincerely sorry if I have missed posts I should/could have offered support on, or ever left anyone feeling let down. I wouldn't ever consciously ignore or hurt someone, and I'm just really sad that anyone has felt left out to the extent that they have left the forum.  I just wish I had an easy answer to make it all better, but I don't.


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## margie (Dec 11, 2010)

I didn't see Bex's thread - but I am sorry that she felt left out or unsupported.

I have seen sites which are cliquey and this side is not like that - but it can be hard if a lot of people disagree with you - it can feel like bullying even if its not meant. I try to stay out of threads if my feelings have been over represented so as to not make the person with the opposing view feel put upon.


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## squidge63 (Dec 11, 2010)

Catwoman76 said:


> I am just writting about a thread I did yesterday called Oh dear what can the matter be, I had 2 replies , steffie and flutterby.  It was about me being sick and then locking poor Pebbles in the loo!  only 2 replies, people could of replied today, if they were busy yesterday, but they didn't, need I say anymore. Sheena



Why should everyone reply to every thread done, to be honest I didn't even see the thread mentioned.. we don't walk down the street and say hello to every person on the street or in the shopping mall, if you see someone you know then of course you are going to say hello.. but even then you can walk past someone you know and not even see them. I think this is a good thread for getting out how people feel about the board, but I do think people are taking the replying to a thread or not too much to heart.. 

I suffer from depression and get very low days, and on those days I often don't respond to threads, but even when low I take it with a pinch of salt if someone didn't reply to something I had posted. Some members here do post a lot and it may seem like a clique but I don't see it as that, I see it as members who have formed friendships and see that a friend has posted so they reply to it.. I am a member of several forums and the same happens on there, but I haven't seen anyone get in a huff because a thread of theirs didn't have many replies.. and yes over the years there have been cliques formed but after a while they break up and life goes on until the next clique comes along.. I just enjoy reading and posting when I WANT to post, when something I read stirs me to reply.. I didn't even know there was an "off the topic" section, since I have been here I just went straight into the diabetes topics, and many times I have found that there are threads that have nothing that I want to post in.. today is the first time that I clicked on New Posts and found the other threads, IE: the X Factor which I have taken a part in because it is light hearted and as others have said you don't always want to be fixated on diabetes, we live with it 24/7 it is not supposed to take over our life, there is other stuff going on and at the end of the day there are people out there in the world who are much worse off than we are.

As for the not like sorry to hear that etc... I won't be doing that again for fear of upsetting someone.. it seems you can't win, you write something and it's not liked, you don't write anything and you still get kicked in the butt..


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## Emmal31 (Dec 11, 2010)

I also remember those comments by someone that Bev said about and I felt that I often can't offer much help but like to say 'I hope you feel better' but since that comment was made I've felt like maybe I shouldn't say anything if I can't really help more than that. I would say I've still got a lot to learn about diabetes and don't always feel like the best person to answer questions with my lack of knowledge. 

When I first joined I didn't really post a lot and didn't log in often and felt quite isolated but once I got involved I felt very welcome. Since having had Jessica I haven't had much time on my hands and as a result I haven't been able to be around as much as I'd like and have felt isolated again but that is completely my own fault. I don't think that the forum should change in anyway though. 

If I didn't have this forum I don't honestly know how I would have gotten through Jessica's pregnancy and I still love to read the pregnancy threads when I can. I don't like to think that people leave the forum because of something that has happened here but they are entitled to their opinion.


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## Catwoman76 (Dec 11, 2010)

squidge63 said:


> Why should everyone reply to every thread done, to be honest I didn't even see the thread mentioned.. we don't walk down the street and say hello to every person on the street or in the shopping mall, if you see someone you know then of course you are going to say hello.. but even then you can walk past someone you know and not even see them. I think this is a good thread for getting out how people feel about the board, but I do think people are taking the replying to a thread or not too much to heart..
> 
> I suffer from depression and get very low days, and on those days I often don't respond to threads, but even when low I take it with a pinch of salt if someone didn't reply to something I had posted. Some members here do post a lot and it may seem like a clique but I don't see it as that, I see it as members who have formed friendships and see that a friend has posted so they reply to it.. I am a member of several forums and the same happens on there, but I haven't seen anyone get in a huff because a thread of theirs didn't have many replies.. and yes over the years there have been cliques formed but after a while they break up and life goes on until the next clique comes along.. I just enjoy reading and posting when I WANT to post, when something I read stirs me to reply.. I didn't even know there was an "off the topic" section, since I have been here I just went straight into the diabetes topics, and many times I have found that there are threads that have nothing that I want to post in.. today is the first time that I clicked on New Posts and found the other threads, IE: the X Factor which I have taken a part in because it is light hearted and as others have said you don't always want to be fixated on diabetes, we live with it 24/7 it is not supposed to take over our life, there is other stuff going on and at the end of the day there are people out there in the world who are much worse off than we are.
> 
> As for the not like sorry to hear that etc... I won't be doing that again for fear of upsetting someone.. it seems you can't win, you write something and it's not liked, you don't write anything and you still get kicked in the butt..



Hi squidge my thread was not about Diabetes, it was a lighthearted thread about me being ill and then locking my poor cat in the loo. I know there are alot of people out there are who are seriously worse off than us with Diabetes, but it's not about Diabetes.  No one is asking you or anyone else on the forum to reply to EVERY thread. Have you read Bex's thread, if not, it's on the food message board.  Other people feel exactly the way she does.  best wishes Sheena


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## Northerner (Dec 11, 2010)

Once again, thank you for all your thoughts, it's very helpful for me. For those who are now worried about posting good wishes, please continue to do so - my experience has been that those who prefer not to get them are very few and far between, and I think they most definitely constitute 'support' because it means people are wanting to let a person know that they have read and want to empathise with them. I will certainly continue to post them.

I don't think it's possible to be all things to all men/women, but I hope people have found this discussion an interesting insight into what a varied bunch of people we are. On a personal note, I'd also like to say that I have felt most of what you have written at various times over the past couple of years and just want the place to provide a positive experience when you come here.


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## Flutterby (Dec 11, 2010)

I wasn't going to say anything here because there are some very strong feelings expressed and many people feeling hurt, rejected and angry.  Please people, let's not fall out, we are all in this together and you all support me so much.  I'm sorry if I don't respond to every post, I don't deliberately respond or not respond to anyone in particular, it's just whether a certain thread grabs my attention or is of special interest.  Many of the posts are very specific in their enquiry or theme and sometimes I don't have the expertise or experience to really help, sometimes I will say something vague such as, "hope things improve, sending hugs" and I mean that.  I don't say it just to appease or keep people happy.  One thing I am guilty of is not checking the newbie threads and I will try to do that more from now on.  If I have hurt anybody's feelings then I am very sorry, it certainly wasn't intentional and to any and all who are proposing to leave this forum - please don't, we all need each other and your expertise might be just what the next person here is desperately needing.  Feelings are running high, we are all stressed with Christmas and many of us are suffering with depression.  Let's make allowances and if perhaps we feel we are being ignored we could always "bump" our thread to the top of the page again.  Come on people lets make a new start?  Love you all.xx


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## Twitchy (Dec 11, 2010)

Flutterby said:


> I wasn't going to say anything here because there are some very strong feelings expressed and many people feeling hurt, rejected and angry.  ...we all need each other and your expertise might be just what the next person here is desperately needing.  Feelings are running high, we are all stressed with Christmas and many of us are suffering with depression.  Let's make allowances and if perhaps we feel we are being ignored we could always "bump" our thread to the top of the page again.  Come on people lets make a new start?  Love you all.xx



Well said Flutterby!! It's a RUBBISH time of year, we're all at different points of our path of life (with different stresses, perspectives, capabilities, maturity etc?!) so please can we make allowances & just be kind to each other? I really really hope everyone has a good night's sleep & things look better in the morning. Best wishes to everyone, I hope we can all be friends (sorry if that sounds childish, but I mean it!  )


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## Andy HB (Dec 11, 2010)

I have decided to just say this ...

Today, I cycled all the way to Gerrards Cross to donate some nick nacks and things to the Shaw Trust where am64 works.

This was a direct consequence of talking to am64 here on this forum and now I have met the lovely lady. If friendship can be called a clique, then I strongly hope that she and I have formed a clique today.

This forum is about giving and receiving. Some give more than others and some expect to receive more than others. That is the nature of things.

For me, today has been a good day. 

If it wasn't a good day for you today, then I hope it will be a good one tomorrow.

Andy (first and foremost a forum member and not a moderator)


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## Flutterby (Dec 11, 2010)

Andy HB said:


> I have decided to just say this ...
> 
> Today, I cycled all the way to Gerrards Cross to donate some nick nacks and things to the Shaw Trust where am64 works.
> 
> ...



Aww what a lovely post


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## Sheilagh1958 (Dec 11, 2010)

Its sad to think someone has left because they feel left out, but you really cant please everyone all the time. I think this forum is very friendly, helpful and supportive.


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## hotchop (Dec 11, 2010)

To add my bit.... 

yes I think this community is very clicky, yes it drives me bonkers that this community is very huggy and lovey when some ppl just need to get on and deal with stuff rather than inticing virtual bloomin hugs and yes i think this community occassionally has double standards in terms of looking after their own.

on the other hand....

yes i feel this is a very well organised place to come for information, the layout of the site is easy to read and navigate and I always read every couple of days.


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## Dizzydi (Dec 11, 2010)

Just read this post and I really can't take in what's been going on.

I love this forum and think it is valuable, I will continue to read and post when I can.

Best wishes to all x


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## Northerner (Dec 12, 2010)

I think I will close this thread as it has caused upset, not my intention.


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## cherrypie (Dec 12, 2010)

*Observations.*

Seldom log on here now but have some observations about the recent unrest here.
I joined in the hope that with good control of my Type 2 that I could help others.
What a waste of time that was as I was usually ignored when I posted and there were times that I felt invisible. I would make a post, someone else would say the same thing after me and their post would be taken on board.  I did PM my concerns and it was suggested that I post more to be accepted.
I now log on as a guest and see what is being said and some of it really gets to me.
There was a thread about helping younger diabetics changing their lifestyle so that they would not face complications further down the line and what amazed me was that some of the people who seemed concerned about binge drinking did not have their own alcohol problems under control.  
We should all be eating healthily as part of our management and yet pot noodles, pizza, crisps and the like are regularly mentioned and promoted and some food choices here make me cringe.  I would be concerned if my dogs ate some of them. Most Type 2's do not have the flexibility of injecting insulin to compensate if they choose these unhealthy things and that rarely comes across here.
There are those who throw their toys out of the pram when they do not get a response that they like and then there are further posts trying to placate them, seems a waste of time to me.  
Before retirement, I was an SRN/RMN and have counselling skills and |I thought that these would come in handy here but unless you are part of the clique then your posts don't seem to mean much.  I would have expanded on these skills at a later date but felt I was not welcome or needed here.
I am quite disillusioned and fail to see that all the touchy feely comments help other than the original poster being able to wallow in the pity expressed and having very little resolution offered.
These are my personal observations and opinions and some may dispute them.That is their right as is mine to express them.


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## Steff (Dec 12, 2010)

Hi Cherry sorry you feel this way about the forum, one thing i will agree with is your comment "Most Type 2's do not have the flexibility of injecting insulin to compensate if they choose these unhealthy things and that rarely comes across here".I have found that in the past myself, your more then welcome to your opinions as we all are,i certainly dont purposely ignore anyones thread but what came across yesterday was if you feel you cant add to it then most usually dont its not that we are being rude...


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## Sugarbum (Dec 12, 2010)

Sorry to see that you feel this way. However, this board has been a lifesaver for some, including myself. 

I cant comment on your thoughts on the Type 2's- as you say, you are entitiled to your opinion.

Please so dont pass judgement on the board so early on. Its a shame you feel ignored. But you get out what you put in. You are only on 32 posts which either you have 'just' joined, or over a certain period of time you have chosen not to participate much. Please give it time. 

I think people are coming here expecting answers- we are offering support and community and your contribution is as important as everyones.


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## Northerner (Dec 12, 2010)

As this forms part of yesterday's discussion, I'll add it to the (now closed) thread.


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## Northerner (Dec 12, 2010)

On behalf of margie:



> Hi Cherry
> 
> sorry that you feel your posts are being ignored. I too have sometimes felt that my posts have been ignored and someone else saying the same thing has been answered. I know realise that sometimes its just a question of people reading the whole thread and quoting the response last in the thread.
> 
> ...


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