# Church Bulletins



## Einstein (Mar 18, 2009)

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. 

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus." 

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of 
those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. 

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at 
someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you. 

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. 

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving 
obvious pleasure to the congregation. 

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery 
downstairs. 

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the 
help they can get. 

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the 
church. 
So ends a friendship that began in their school days. 

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music 
will follow. 

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is 
Hell?" 
Come early and listen to our choir practice. 

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of 
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. 

Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be 
recycled. 
Proceeds will be used to cripple children. 

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased 
person you want remembered. 

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and 
gracious hostility. 

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. 

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may 
be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. 

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across 
from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. 

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies 
are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done. 

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would 
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. 

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. 

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church 
basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. 

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. 
Please use large double door at the side entrance. 

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last 
Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."


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## nicky_too (Mar 19, 2009)

ROFL!!!
These are fantastic!


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## Northerner (Mar 19, 2009)

Thanks David - some real pearls there!


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## Einstein (Mar 19, 2009)

I aim where possible to please


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## Northerner (Mar 19, 2009)

Einstein said:


> I aim where possible to please



Should the day ever arrive when I am disappointed on reading one of your jokes, I will know immediately that my immune system has turned on my chuckle muscle! Keep up the good work!


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## Vanessa (Mar 19, 2009)

Northerner, my first read of your post had me raising an eyebrow as I thought " turned on" meant "switched on" then I realised that I'd lost the plot and re-read as "attacked".  Einstein's jokes set my chuckle, giggle and groan muscles off all too frequently.  I'm learning not to read them just as I take a drink of tea - the indignity of choking with laughter is a little too much for me!


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