# Can anyone help us?



## stig5882 (Aug 23, 2009)

Hello, I am a newbie here and I joined the forum in the hope that someone can please help us as we are at our wit's end.  My partners father who is 82 yrs old has had the worst few months imaginable and it is breaking all our hearts to watch a once very active and friendly man turn into a veritable monster in front of our eye's, sorry....... let me try to explain the events of the last while.....
(1)...March /09  Dad had an eye test that showed 2 cataracts.
(2)...April /09   Operation to remove cataracts
(3)...4 days after operation Dad was sent to Canterbury Hospital for tests and found out that the remaining kidney was only performing at 8% he will have to have dialysis 3 times a week for rest of his life. (sorry, he already had 1 kidney removed due to a tumour 8 yrs ago).
(4)May /09   Dad feels giddy, confused and has trouble making sense of everything so again taken to Canterbury hospital.  After further tests they find a brain tumour and refere him to King's Collage Hospital. They decide tumour is non malignant but due to his health they feel unable to perform surgery and prescribe steriods to reduce swelling etc. and say he has to take medication to prevent epyleptic fits.
    So after a couple of weeks in hospital Dad is again released and we all are trying hard to get to grips with all that has happened but poor Dad is totally confussed, has lost all his confidence in himself, understandably very depressed and suicidal......
Now along with all his problems is....Mum. (what do I mean by a problem?)
Well, Mum is 82 yrs old and has had Parkinson's Disease since she was 37, she has had 3-4 strokes in the past few yrs and is totally dependant on Dad for everything as the only movement she has is the slight movement in her right arm, she cannot stand, walk, wash or dress herself, on a good day she can manage to feed herself but her mind is a clear as a bell and still manages her banking etc. herself (with Dad's help) Dad has taken her everywhere from Land'send to Jonogroats, they used to have at least 2 holidays a year, belonged to the local Bowl's club and went on long country walks (Dad would push Mum in her wheelchair when she became to ill to manage it with her walking aid's etc.) Now you can understand why he feels so useless?
(5) June /09 ...After all this Dad feels very panicky and confussed one evening and the warden of the flats where they live rang us to say she had phoned for an ambulance as she was very worried.  After another hospital admittence we find he has diabetes and needs to be injected with insulin twice a day............Now we have had a diet sheet pertaining to his kidney failure and a diet sheet for his diabeties but Dad is having real problems understanding about the amounts of food etc. and we keep finding him stuffing any food he can find down his throat as he is so hungry all the time.
PLEASE can anyone tell us what he should & shouldn't be eating, also the approx ammounts he is allowed as he is eating enough cereal for 3 men every morning and because they are so called *allowed foods* he can't understand why he cant have 3 weetabix, a bowl of shreddies & a bowl of porridge for his breakfast.....we are at our wit's end.......


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## Northerner (Aug 23, 2009)

Hi Stig, very sorry to hear of all that your partner's parents are going through. It should be possible to get him an appointment with a dietician, rather than just trying to cope from a diet sheet. He needs to have a diet tailored to his particular requirements - especially since he has the dual problems of kidney failure and diabetes. Some foods may be OK for one condition but not the other, so it needs and expert assessment. You may have to battle to get him the attention he needs - but don't take no for an answer! My dad is 81 so I can appreciate how you feel.

Wishing you all the best


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## sasha1 (Aug 23, 2009)

Hi Stig ..

Welcome to the forum .... 

I can only really suggest what Northerner has ... 

Heidi
xx


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## insulinaddict09 (Aug 23, 2009)

Hello and Welcome to the forum , as above r:e advice . I hope things get sorted out for you all soon .


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## stig5882 (Aug 23, 2009)

Thankyou Northerner I will pass this advice on and hopefully it won't take too long to sort out? So glad to have found this site at least we don't feel so alone in our plight and it's great to know there are others out there who are willing to help and listen...........regards Stig5882


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## stig5882 (Aug 23, 2009)

sasha1 said:


> Hi Stig ..
> 
> Welcome to the forum ....
> 
> ...



Thanks for the welcome sash1 & thankyou for your help.....regards Stig5882


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## stig5882 (Aug 23, 2009)

insulinaddict09 said:


> Hello and Welcome to the forum , as above r:e advice . I hope things get sorted out for you all soon .


Insulinaddict09 thanks for the welcome & I thankyou for your help, my partner did ask for help when he took his father for his dialysis last friday but the nurse there said it wasn't their problem it was the diabetic departments, and the diabetic department say it's the renal dept... 

I guess it's back to the renal dept tomorrow and I'll tell the other half to kick up a storm........lol...(he'll enjoy that )


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## Steff (Aug 23, 2009)

hi and a warm welcome stig, cant add much really , but pleased you have found this forum it is full of great people x


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## insulinaddict09 (Aug 23, 2009)

stig5882 said:


> Insulinaddict09 thanks for the welcome & I thankyou for your help, my partner did ask for help when he took his father for his dialysis last friday but the nurse there said it wasn't their problem it was the diabetic departments, and the diabetic department say it's the renal dept...
> 
> I guess it's back to the renal dept tomorrow and I'll tell the other half to kick up a storm........lol...(he'll enjoy that )



It sounds like the same old story of passing the buck , you sometimes have to fight and insist to get anywhere ! Let us know how it goes and how things are


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## Sugarbum (Aug 23, 2009)

Hi Stig,

Im very sorry to read the above story about the deteriorating health of your father and the aditional circumstances of your mothers health that make the whole situation so difficult for you all. 

I know myself how frustrating and difficult it is when you find the role reversal finally comes in life and we find ourselves almost "parenting" our parents. I was in a similar situation myself last year and this year with my father who, like yours, had several problems that were all very serious. I found a serious lack of communication between the different teams as we were managed by 3 hospitals beleive it or not. I found some of our experiences overwhelming and I really do feel for you.

Its hard to identify solutions to something so complex, but a possibility I would explore first off is what support there is out there charity based and it ca be really good. Similar to you, my father eventually developed a tumour in the brain and his behaviour became slightly altered, very similar to how he was after his stroke and again his ability to learn and understand had gone. For us to deal with this it was really important for us to understand to the type of brain tumour he had, have someone explain what part of the brain was affected and why he consequently behaved that way. On google I found this as starting point for you http://www.braintumouruk.org.uk/support.htm with some guidance you may find out that it might not be possible for your dad to have understanding of the food like you have tried to explain to him. How he processes information might now be different. Some expert advice (perhaps through this charity helpline) may assist you. There could be a few reasons he might not be able to understand and change his food habits. Maybe when this has been addressed and his high blood sugars become more managed with the insulin he may be able to concentrate more (this is often very difficult when your blood sugars contnually run high as you may or may not already know).

Regarding diabetes I have always found the rock in my care to be my DSN (diabetes specialist nurse). As mentioned by the people before me- a dietician appointment is also worth its weight in gold. It really helps to get him 'on the radar' (so to speak). I have always found my DSN to be the most resourceful and proactive in making things happen for me. The clinic he attends should provide an appointment if you request one.

Its extremely sad to read that he feels suicidal but I can completely understand such feelings being this low. His GP can assess that and might decide anti-depressants are waranted, well worth a visit for an assessment. Anit-depressants do take their time to take effect so be warned. There may also be some services that your GP can make you aware of in terms of support (sounds like I live in a dreamland if your GP isnt good, it just turned out that my dads was really, really nice). Getting a GP appointment is also good at getting some explanations and help. If there is such thing as 'respite' in your area, the GP should know about it and hopefully open these doors for you. 

I am starting to waffle now Im sorry! My sympathy goes to you in this situation and I hope there is some help out there for you all. I also hope your dad starts to feel more well. 

Oh, and a warm welcome to the forum!
Lou


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## Sugarbum (Aug 24, 2009)

Thanks for your PM Lorraine, keep us posted on you go xx


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## Twitchy (Aug 25, 2009)

Hi Stig,

Really sorry to hear about your troubles...you've got a lot on your plate at the moment! 

Re getting someone at the hospital to get off their bum & give you the support you need & deserve...not sure I should say this, but I think I would start getting a bit "stroppy"...not aggressive or anything, but I would make it clear that he is being fobbed off at both ends and if someone doesn't step up & help, you will be going to your PCT / MP / the papers etc...I suspect that might rattle a few cages & maybe wake someone up??  I know no one likes complaining, but you really need some help, & if stamping & shouting is the only way... (I'm a quiet thing normally, honest!!)

All the very best, & good luck getting some medical support!

Twitchy


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## DiabetesPartner (Aug 27, 2009)

Hi and a very warm welcome to the forum 

I am so sorry to hear about everything your partner's parents have gone through of late. My thoughts are with you all.

Definitly agree that a Dietician's appointment is the way to go but of course it needs to be tailored to this individual case, try not to let yourself get bounced around the hospital.

Take care and let us know how you get on.


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## Mand (Aug 28, 2009)

Hi and welcome. Sorry to hear how difficult things are for you and your family at the moment. It is very sad. I do so hope you get the support that you need.

Please let us know how things are progressing.


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