# Limericks



## Andy HB (Nov 30, 2011)

I thought it was about time we had another group session. Chip in whenever you feel the urge!

My muse today was Gorringes Auction house in Lewes.

There was a young man with some door hinges,
Who wanted to sell them at Gorringes,
"It's not that sort of place",
They said with set face,
"Because our forte is most definitely oranges".

(I know, I know!)


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## Steff (Nov 30, 2011)

There once was a lady named Perkins
Who simply doted on Gherkins
They were so nice
She ate too much spice
and pickled her internal workin's


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## Andy HB (Nov 30, 2011)

Steff said:


> There once was a lady named Perkins
> Who simply doted on Gherkins
> They were so nice
> She ate too much spice
> and pickled her internal workin's



You're safe!


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## Steff (Nov 30, 2011)

Andy HB said:


> You're safe!



ROFL dons her cheerleading gear and runs around


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## runner (Nov 30, 2011)

There was a young lady from Norwich
Who was very fond of her porridge
It was low in GIs
So there was no surprise
When her BGs were
Her best, to her knowledge!


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## Northerner (Nov 30, 2011)

I once saw a man push a goat
In a river to see if it would float,
The goat didn?t float
And nor did his boat
So he never got to push in the stoat!


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## KateR (Nov 30, 2011)

There was a young lady from Bude
Who basked on the beach in the nude.
A man came along
And if I'm not wrong
You're expecting this line to be rude!


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## Northerner (Nov 30, 2011)

KateR said:


> There was a young lady from Bude
> Who basked on the beach in the nude.
> A man came along
> And if I'm not wrong
> You're expecting this line to be rude!



Wonderful!


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## mcdonagh47 (Nov 30, 2011)

Andy HB said:


> I thought it was about time we had another group session. Chip in whenever you feel the urge!
> (I know, I know!)



There was a young man from Calcutta
Who had a terrible stutter
p-p-p-p please
He could manage with ease
pass the b-b-b-b-b butter.


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## David H (Dec 1, 2011)

A certain young lady named Rowell
Had a musical vent to her bowel.
With a good plate of beans
Tucked under her jeans,
She could play "To a Wild Rose" by MacDowell.


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## David H (Dec 1, 2011)

There was a young girl from Uganda,
Renowned for her coolness and candour.
When, during abuse,
Someone shouted, "You goose!"
She quickly retorted, "Uganda!"


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## David H (Dec 1, 2011)

A transvestite from Lyford-By-Tyme
Who was in court for a terrible crime,
Said, "Your honour, oh no!
It cannot be so,
For I was a broad at the time."


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## David H (Dec 1, 2011)

A maiden at college named Breeze,
Weighed down by B.A.'s and Litt. D.'s,
Collapsed from the strain.
Alas, it was plain
She was killing herself by degrees.


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## David H (Dec 1, 2011)

Victoria said, "We've no quarrel
With Shakespeare, but this is immoral!
His Measure for Measure
Incurs our displeasure;
We don't do such things at Balmoral."


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## Robster65 (Dec 1, 2011)

There was a young man from south bucks
Who had a strange penchant for ducks
His avatar showed
A mallard, web-toed
Which quacks, cos it's chickens what clucks !

Bet you wondered where it was headed 

Rob


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## caffeine_demon (Dec 1, 2011)

There was a young woman from kent
who gives off a peculiar scent
wherever she goes
people turn up their nose
so she hides herself in a tent


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## KateR (Dec 1, 2011)

There was a young lady from Ryde
Who ate poisoned green apples and died.
The apples fermented
Inside the lamented
Making cider inside her inside.


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## lucy123 (Dec 2, 2011)

There was a young woman called suzie
who one night got terribly boozy,
She slipped over her bottle
and then went full throttle
head first into the jacuzzi!


Well ,,,I had a go.


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## Northerner (Dec 2, 2011)

Don't mean to be a prude, but can we avoid posting limericks of a sexual nature please - remember this is a family forum


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## Andy HB (Dec 2, 2011)

Northerner said:


> Don't mean to be a prude, but can we avoid posting limericks of a sexual nature please - remember this is a family forum



I don't remember seeing one of those,
Did it perchance mention pantyhose?,
If it did, I'm quite shocked!,
I'm not surprised it was blocked,
Goodness this limerick is verbose!

Andy


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## caffeine_demon (Dec 2, 2011)

There was a young man from dumfries
who made all his clothes out of cheese
asked why, he said "well,
I just like the smell!
And I do love to snack on my knees!"


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## David H (Dec 2, 2011)

There once was a lady named bright
Whose speed was much faster than light
She set out one day
in a relative way
and returned on the previous night


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## David H (Dec 2, 2011)

There once was an artist named Saint, 
Who swallowed some samples of paint. 
All shades of the spectrum 
Flowed out of his rectum 
With a colourful lack of restraint.


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## David H (Dec 2, 2011)

This Limerick packs laughs anatomical,
into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen,
so seldom are clean.
And the clean ones, so seldom are comical.


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## caffeine_demon (Dec 3, 2011)

A city dweller called Frank
Worked as a broker in a bank
He just found it funny
to lose people's money
But with his bonus, he could still buy a tank!


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## caffeine_demon (Dec 3, 2011)

A naive young teacher called lou
took 20 kids to the zoo
They did not act their ages
and climbed in the cages
and so she returned with just two


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## caffeine_demon (Dec 3, 2011)

there was a young girl called Suzie
who liked a relaxing jacuzzi
she'd lie in the bubbles
be washed of her troubles
and end up feeling rather woozie!


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## David H (Dec 5, 2011)

David H takes your mind off your illness
With a varied assortment of quizzes
Monday's musics a blast
then TV from the Past
And his jokes, are really the business.


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## Steff (Dec 5, 2011)

David H said:


> David H takes your mind off your illness
> With a varied assortment of quizzes
> Monday's musics a blast
> then TV from the Past
> And his jokes, are really the business.



Bravo well done !

now get on wit my quiz LOL


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## David H (Dec 5, 2011)

Steff said:


> Bravo well done !
> 
> now get on wit my quiz LOL



Coming right up sweetheart!


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## mcdonagh47 (Dec 5, 2011)

Andy HB said:


> I thought it was about time we had another group session. Chip in whenever you feel the urge!
> 
> 
> (I know, I know!)



One for Ypauly ....

There was a dour Scot called Brown
who had a terrible frown
he borrowed too much
the result was such
that the English all voted him down.


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