# Pet Lovers



## Donald (Sep 27, 2009)

got this from anouther forum It is so true.


The following was found posted very low on a
refrigerator door.



Dear Dogs and Cats: 
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and
contain your food. 
The other dishes are mine and contain my food. 
Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate
and food does not stake a claim for it becoming
your food and dish, nor do I find that
aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.


The stairway was not designed by NASCAR
and is not a racetrack. 
Racing me to the bottom is not the object. 
Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster
than you can run.


I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. 
I am very sorry about this. 
Do not think I will continue sleeping on the
couch to ensure your comfort, however. 
Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball
when they sleep.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to
each other, stretched out to the fullest extent
possible.
I also know that sticking tails straight out and
having tongues hanging out on the other end
to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.


For the last time, there is no secret exit from
the bathroom! 
If, by some miracle, I beat you there and
manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary
to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or
get your paw under the edge in an attempt to
open the door. 
I must exit through the same door I entered.. 
Also, I have been using the bathroom for years
canine/feline attendance is not required.


The proper order for kissing is: 
Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or
cat's butt.
I cannot stress this enough.


Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted
the following message on the front door:


TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND
LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:


(1) They live here. You don't. 
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes,
stay off the furniture. 
That's why they call it 'fur'-niture. 
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. 
To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short,
hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.


Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they 
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
(7) don't smoke or drink,
(8) don't want to wear your clothes,
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ..


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## am64 (Sep 27, 2009)

heheee i have 2 dogs.... solly who is 15years and looks like a x doberman whippet and fender who is 4 and is a xjackrussellshitzu  ...hes known as a jack shit !


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## Northerner (Sep 27, 2009)

am64 said:


> heheee i have 2 dogs.... solly who is 15years and looks like a x doberman whippet and fender who is 4 and is a xjackrussellshitzu  ...hes known as a jack shit !



Haha! What a great name!

Excellent stuff Donald, thank you for positng it!


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## Donald (Sep 27, 2009)

am64 said:


> heheee i have 2 dogs.... solly who is 15years and looks like a x doberman whippet and fender who is 4 and is a xjackrussellshitzu  ...hes known as a jack shit !



Great name indeed must be a handful with plenty of long walks and running around.


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## Donald (Sep 27, 2009)

Northerner said:


> Haha! What a great name!
> 
> Excellent stuff Donald, thank you for positng it!



great you enjoyed it I had a laugh when I first read it


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## Copepod (Sep 27, 2009)

*not just cats and ducks*

We always warn potential lodgers about our cat and 3 ducks (who aren't allowed indoors, but try hard to get in!) Most have met / lived with cat(s) before, but ducks are new to them - most like them, once they learn to hang clothing on the washing line out of muddy beak reach! Our long term lodger's children visit a weekend or two each month, and for them, seeing the cat and ducks is a bonus to their visit, so we sometimes post photos on a social networking site. Actually, the ducks aren't pets, they're livestock, don't have names, eat slugs & snails to protect garden plants and the females lay eggs, which is much appreciated by us.


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## am64 (Sep 27, 2009)

Copepod said:


> We always warn potential lodgers about our cat and 3 ducks (who aren't allowed indoors, but try hard to get in!) Most have met / lived with cat(s) before, but ducks are new to them - most like them, once they learn to hang clothing on the washing line out of muddy beak reach! Our long term lodger's children visit a weekend or two each month, and for them, seeing the cat and ducks is a bonus to their visit, so we sometimes post photos on a social networking site. Actually, the ducks aren't pets, they're livestock, don't have names, eat slugs & snails to protect garden plants and the females lay eggs, which is much appreciated by us.



many years ago when in the park a lone duckling wondered onto our picnic rug..very sweet so we took it back to the pond to join its family...but horror the other ducks tried to drown it...so we took it home and put it on our little balcony and rang the rspca... they told us to give it weetabix....we had him for about a week and used to bring him in for a swim on our 5ftx3ft fishtank...which contained a couple of very large koi carp. The duck eventually went to my mother in-laws who have a large garden and a pond. Nanny was getting up at 5am everyday to dug him worms and he used to follow her around the garden. It eventually went to a local duck santury but every so often would turn up at nannys with his mate and sit on her roof!


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## insulinaddict09 (Sep 27, 2009)

Excellent !!! Thankyou for posting , I'm still laughing now !


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## Caroline Wilson (Sep 27, 2009)

One manager I had always sited the list numbered 1-11 as the reasons she never had children. I'm kind of inclined to agree with her...


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## Donald (Sep 27, 2009)

Caroline Wilson said:


> One manager I had always sited the list numbered 1-11 as the reasons she never had children. I'm kind of inclined to agree with her...



I have come across a few pepole who have said they would not have Kids. Each to there own, but I have heard of pepole who did not want kids then found they were having one. when the child was born they could not love it enough.


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## Einstein (Sep 27, 2009)

First class Donald. A copy has been printed for Bruce to read when he returns.

That said, he now is forbidden to sit on the sofa, sleep on my bed or bed/convince me I didn't feed him 30 seconds before I sat down for my meal.

In addition we agreed the swapping meals (his for mine) once a week wasn't to ever happen, no matter how hard he tried to negotiate 

Oh, to all interested in the latest news on Bruce, he's doing well, due to a minor set back with a cut paw and a couple of things they wanted to do some more work on, my pre-placement week has been pushed back by a couple of weeks to the 2nd November 2009. I can't wait!


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## Caroline (Sep 28, 2009)

Donald said:


> I have come across a few pepole who have said they would not have Kids. Each to there own, but I have heard of pepole who did not want kids then found they were having one. when the child was born they could not love it enough.



I know someone who said she never wanted children, not ever, and then had several. When my big boy was born I had decided I didn't realy want children and was making plans to have a pet of some kind. Becuse my periods have always been eratic, it was several months (about 5) before anyone even knew I was pregnant!


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## Donald (Sep 28, 2009)

Einstein said:


> First class Donald. A copy has been printed for Bruce to read when he returns.
> 
> That said, he now is forbidden to sit on the sofa, sleep on my bed or bed/convince me I didn't feed him 30 seconds before I sat down for my meal.
> 
> ...



Sorry about Bruce I'Am sure He will bounce back
A friend of had a golden retriver (spelling could be off) any time it had a sore paw it would put on it's saddest face and lift it paw looking for someone to fuss.


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## Copepod (Sep 28, 2009)

Einstein, what did Bruce make of the rules you printed out for him? Our cat and ducks haven't taken any notice, as they still can't read, although do take an interest in paper - cat charges underneath any newspaper being read or map being studied, which makes plotting grid references particularly challenging; ducks just have shredded paper for bedding, which is then composted - better environmentally than going to landfill after shredding at work, I reckon.
If anyone else has to care for a duck, as long as it has a bowl of water large enough so it get its head under water and to drink, something to eat (breakfast cereal or cooked rice or dry cat food will all do, and something to protect the floor it will s##t on, it'll be fine for a few days.


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## Einstein (Sep 28, 2009)

Well, to be honest, after considerable training he isn't allowed on the furniture, doesn't beg for food and sleeps on his own bed.

Stairs, well at doors he is trained to wait for me to go through first and to be called - too much to expect on the stairs, he's usually not eager to get upstairs ahead of me..

So I am hoping he just shrugs his shoulders and carries on working - sure he will like the letter to non-dog owning visitors though, especially the lady from the sight and vision support team from the council, she wears rather strong perfume and I don't think is too keen on dogs. Of course someone senses this and becomes her 'special friend', just because he can be! 

I try to avoid kisses if possible, but always wash afterwards if possible!

As for cats and newspapers/maps, perhaps that's another reason I'm not so keen on them.

Anyway, a copy of the letters have been sent to hearing dogs for their comment 

As for shreding paper, you'd have thought there would be a means where they could take sacks of recycles paper and use it in the recycling process, as you say, NO, it goes to landfill.

I also witnessed a few years ago the glass recycling lorry emptying the containers - ALL into the SAME lorry and NO compartments for clear, green and brown. Seemingly in the UK most recycled glass goes to make fibre glass roof insulation, do the colour purity isn't critical.


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## Einstein (Sep 28, 2009)

Donald said:


> Sorry about Bruce I'Am sure He will bounce back
> A friend of had a golden retriver (spelling could be off) any time it had a sore paw it would put on it's saddest face and lift it paw looking for someone to fuss.


 
Hi Donald,

Thanks that was six wees ago, full recovery, he was only out of training for four or five days, actually the little break did him good as when he got back into it everything just dropped into place and he's come on leaps and bounds 

Pointers (which he and his family are) are renowned for being touch and not noticing injuries, however, as soon as you mention it, well his mother and big sister will almost faint on queue!

Who said they don't understand what's being said?


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## Copepod (Sep 28, 2009)

Shredded paper only goes to landfill in my workplace if someone puts it in the normal bin before a pet owner takes it for ducks / rabbits / guinea pigs / hamsters etc. 
Shredded paper has such short fibres that it can't be used to make newspaper, toilet paper etc, so needs to be composted to prevent it going to landfill, where it will rot down very slowly, while emitting methane which is a far more damaging "greenhouse" gas than carbon dioxide.
Where glass is mixed colours, it can still be used for glass fibre insulation or road / path surfacing. If it is properly separated, clear glass in particular is valuble, but if it's contaminated with more than a set amount of brown / blue / green glass, it's no more valuable than mixed glass - clear glass for whisky bottles / jam jars needs to be clear!
So, please don't give up on separating your waste - perhaps Bruce will "help", like many dogs I've meet?!? Anyway, hope his paw is better soon and he's back to full life.


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## Donald (Sep 28, 2009)

Einstein said:


> Hi Donald,
> 
> Thanks that was six wees ago, full recovery, he was only out of training for four or five days, actually the little break did him good as when he got back into it everything just dropped into place and he's come on leaps and bounds
> 
> ...



I could not agree more, dogs or cats of any breed seem to sense things before us and are deff not daft they allways seem to know when something is up.


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## AlisonM (Sep 28, 2009)

Attitude? That would be our Jack Russel, she's a mouthy little baggage. Thinks she's human so she does.

Great joke Donald, I laughed like a drain.


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## am64 (Sep 28, 2009)

thought youd all like this a friend emailed me in the summer

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary... 



8:00 am - Dog food!  My favourite thing! 
9:30 am - A car ride!  My favourite thing! 
9:40 am - A walk in the park!  My favourite thing! 
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted!  My favourite thing! 
12:00 pm - Lunch!  My favourite thing! 
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing! 
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail!  My favourite thing! 
5:00 pm - Milk bones!  My favourite thing! 
7:00 pm - Got to play ball!  My favourite thing! 
8:00 pm - Wow!  Watched TV with the people!  My favourite thing! 
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed!  My favourite thing! 


Excerpts from a Cat's Diary? 



Day 983 of my captivity. 
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. 

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. 

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. 

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.  However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.  Bastards. 

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.  I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.  However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.  I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.'  I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage. 

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.  I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. 

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return.  He is obviously retarded. 

The bird has got to be an informant.  I observe him communicating with the guards regularly.  I am certain that he reports my every move.  My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.........


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## insulinaddict09 (Sep 28, 2009)

Hahaha excellent !!


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## Caroline (Sep 29, 2009)

Love the excerpts from the diaries. We had a cat (I prefer cats to dogs) and it thought it owned us!


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## Donald (Sep 29, 2009)

sharpwaa said:


> I love this thread!  Well done Donald,  you've just started a family arguement here........which of the pet's has the most *attitude  One of the cats does the stair trick every morning,  always lucky to survive that  one unscathed.  The other lies about doing nothing all day looking like Barbara Cartland dictating her latest bodice ripper and demanding kitty treats,  only getting up now and then to vomit on the antique coffee table,  but that's ok because the dog licks it up!!  The actual winner is the rabbit,  who is a real bad ass,  always picking up his bowl and 'frisbeeing' it at passers by whilst holding a nightly card school with some of the local field mice.  I don't mind this but the cigar butts are dangerous.  Oh yes, when indoors he also hogs the TV remote.*


*

oh Dear did mean to start an arguement, That sounds like one bad Rabbit*


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## Donald (Sep 29, 2009)

Caroline said:


> Love the excerpts from the diaries. We had a cat (I prefer cats to dogs) and it thought it owned us!



love the excerpts from the diaries I almost got a door mat that said The Cat and it's Butler and Maid live here, Cats deff have a mind of there own.


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## Einstein (Sep 29, 2009)

Donald said:


> love the excerpts from the diaries I almost got a door mat that said The Cat and it's Butler and Maid live here, Cats deff have a mind of there own.


 
Pointers are the aristocracy of the gun dogs and don't they know it!

At the Richmond championship show last year it was raining a tad and the 4x4 was certainly needed - mud beyond the ankles - Tango, Bruces big half sister put one paw off the bench onto very soggy ground, lifted it, shook it and refused to move - muggins had to carry a not-so-small gun dog all the way across the showground to the best in show ring for her to enter the national semi-finals for junior handling - she was the only one with clean paws - and she and her handler (who I had to carry into the showground due to no wellies, and with her over my shoulder was photographed and made front page of Our Dogs!) got second place out of all 6-11 year olds in the UK 

I like to think it was my firemans lifts that helped. Tango I am sure will think otherwise.

But I am Bruces personal cook, chaufter and entertainment provider, so I should be honored!


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