# 2 quick ones



## Cat1964 (Apr 28, 2013)

Q..What do you call a deer with no eyes?
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A..No idea!! 

Q..what do you call a dead deer with no eyes?
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A..Still no idea!!


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## Cat1964 (Apr 28, 2013)

I know....I'll get my coat...lol


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## Lauras87 (Apr 28, 2013)

Cat1964 said:


> I know....I'll get my coat...lol



Oh cat!!! *passes you my huge joke book*


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## Cat1964 (Apr 28, 2013)

Lauras87 said:


> Oh cat!!! *passes you my huge joke book*



I'll make you laugh one day Laura x


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## Lauras87 (Apr 28, 2013)

Cat1964 said:


> I'll make you laugh one day Laura x



You do but the joke made me cringe!


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## Cat1964 (Apr 28, 2013)

Lauras87 said:


> You do but the joke made me cringe!



Ha, you don't like the cheesy ones then....oh dear!!!


Deer get it....lol


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## Cat1964 (Apr 28, 2013)

* starts flicking through Laura's joke book*


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## Lauras87 (Apr 28, 2013)

Cat1964 said:


> Ha, you don't like the cheesy ones then....oh dear!!!
> 
> 
> Deer get it....lol



*cringe* oh cat you do make me smile


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## Cat1964 (Apr 28, 2013)

Nice to know I put a smile on someone's face today.


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## David H (Apr 28, 2013)

Cat you're not related to Caroline by any chance


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## Cat1964 (Apr 28, 2013)

Not that I know of.....does she like cheesy jokes too?


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## David H (Apr 28, 2013)

Cat1964 said:


> Not that I know of.....does she like cheesy jokes too?



No, her jokes are very droll!


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## HOBIE (Apr 28, 2013)

Keep them coming !!  Heard it before but still smiled


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## David H (Apr 28, 2013)

I'll have to start posting decent jokes again, the standard is slipping


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## Cat1964 (Apr 28, 2013)

David H said:


> I'll have to start posting decent jokes again, the standard is slipping



Hey!!!!!


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## Lauras87 (Apr 28, 2013)

David H said:


> I'll have to start posting decent jokes again, the standard is slipping



Oi! I have some decent jokes but my sense of humour is odd


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## David H (Apr 28, 2013)

Ok, one I posted on here a long time ago.

Staying on the Duck Theme.

*Mind the Ducks* 

Three women die and all arrive at Heaven together. 
St Peter says, "We only have one rule here in Heaven: don't step on the ducks."

They enter Heaven, and sure enough, there are millions of ducks all over the place. 
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

St Peter comes along with ...the ugliest man she ever saw. 
St Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man."

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly man. 

He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. 

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, then one day St Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on. 

He is tall, tanned, slim and muscular.

St Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The woman, thinking that this is great, remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity."

The guy says, "I don't know about you, 
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but I stepped on a duck."*


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## Lauras87 (Apr 28, 2013)

Ouch David!!!


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## David H (Apr 28, 2013)

Sorry if that was painful but I was just keeping to the theme.


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## Cat1964 (Apr 28, 2013)

Q..What time does a duck wake up?
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A..The quack of dawn!!


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## Lauras87 (Apr 28, 2013)

Q: What do ducks get after they eat?

A: A bill!



Q: What do you call a crate full of ducks?

A: A box of quackers!



Q: Who stole the soap?

A: The robber ducky!


Q: What do you call two ducks and a cow?

A:  Quackers and Milk.



Q: What do you get if you cross a duck with fireworks?

A: A firequacker!



Q: What's another name for a clever duck?

A: A wise quacker!


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## Cat1964 (Apr 28, 2013)

Laura, you have the cheek to slate my jokes. *hands Laura's joke book back to her*


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## Lauras87 (Apr 28, 2013)

Cat1964 said:


> Laura, you have the cheek to slate my jokes. *hands Laura's joke book back to her*



But but but cat!!!

This one is the best tho


Q: What has webbed feet and fangs?

A: Count Duckula


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## David H (Apr 28, 2013)

*Time I intervened*

Last Duck Joke from me!

*Talking Duck - long but (i love the punch line)* 

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says, 
"Hang on! You're a duck."

"There's nothing wrong with your eyesight so!," replies the duck.

"And you can talk!"
... Exclaims the barman.

"You're hearings fine!, too,"
Says the duck. 
"Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

"Certainly, sorry about that," 
Says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint.

"It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub.. 
What are you doing round this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road,"
Explains the duck. 
"I'm a plasterer."

The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

The same thing happens for two weeks.

Then one day the circus comes to town. 
The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him.

"You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. 
He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"

"Sounds marvellous," 
says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. 
"Get him to give me a call."

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, 
"Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."

"I'm always looking for the next job," 
Says the duck."Where is it?"

"At the circus," Says the barman.

"The circus?" Repeats the duck.

"That's right," Replies the barman.

"The circus?" The duck asks again. with the big tent?"

"Yeah," the barman replies.

"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck.

"Of course," the barman replies.

"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.

"That's right!" says the barman.

The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says ..
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"What the f*** would they want with a plasterer??!"*


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## Cat1964 (Apr 28, 2013)

Very good


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## Lauras87 (Apr 28, 2013)

I like it david


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## David H (Apr 28, 2013)

*Donald & Daisy Duck*



Lauras87 said:


> I like it david



One final Duck Joke, I have to be up a 4.30am so I'm off to bed.

___________

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have have his way with Daisy.

The first thing Daisy asked was, 'Do you have a condom?'
Donald frowned and said, 'No.'
Daisy told Donald that if he didn't have a condom, there was no way!

'Maybe they sell them at the front desk,' she suggested.
So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms

'Yes, we do,' the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.

The clerk asked, 'Would you like me to put it on your bill?

'No!' Donald quacked,
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"I'll thuffocate"*


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## Lauras87 (Apr 28, 2013)

Hahahaha!!!!
I did wonder what the punch line would be


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## Annette (Apr 29, 2013)

Not a duck joke, but...
Two elephants fell off a cliff
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Boom Boom!

(sorry)


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