# Cant confide



## Steff (Jul 30, 2009)

I really did'nt know how to begin this thread i have been sitting 10 minutes thinking what it was i actually wanted to say ( usually i dont have a prob ).Lately i have wanted to talk to mates of mine about when i have down days but i just dont seem to be able to approach them it is not like me to hold back on them as i've known one of them since i was 3 but the subject of diabetes just dont seem right to talk to her about god knows why i talk about it in here every day of the week, but i have no mates that are diabetic and i dont want to feel i am boring them by telling them what i did for tea last night or what happened to me when i had a hyper, i suppose really i am being silly as i know if i did talk about it they would just listen anyway, but i guess it is just awkward as none of them have any dealings with diabetes, does any one have any advice for me on how to let it all out so to speak???

thank you in advance x


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## Caroline (Jul 30, 2009)

Hi Steff, I feel the same about talking to my non diabetic friends. I do know one or two people who are diabetic, but they come to me for solutions because they think I have all the answers and I find it very hard to say well actually I'd like some support too.

Although I can't offer any answers, it is less lonely to know someone else feels the same way I do.


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## Northerner (Jul 30, 2009)

It is a tricky one steff. I have some friends I don't see very often, but I always seem to be talking about my diabetes when I see them, so now I just try and throw the odd bit into the conversation and if they are interested then they ask questions. But I do think that it is important that your frineds should know how you are feeling and how the diabetes can affect your moods etc. - I'm sure thay would want to know if they could help in any way, and often listening is the best sort of help you can get. I'd just try and keep the technicalities to a minimum, as often people aren't that interested in how everything works, just how it makes you feel.


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## Vanessa (Jul 30, 2009)

Steff - sometimes we are just not ready to share our health challenges with even our closest friends and that's ok.  I find it difficult to talk about diabetes with my friends too - except for one who has her own chronic health problems and was a district nurse and we end up in fits of giggles quite frequently about the bizarre things we find ourselves doing to manage our respective diets, exercise and daily lives.  My "diet" tends to come up when the "Stitch and Witch" group meet as when they come here they get fruit and an occasional biscuit (if they are very lucky) rather than cake and so diabetes comes up in a simple way rather than as a focus of conversation or when I feed someone else.

Fortunately we can let it all out on here so I feel that I have a safety net for those bad times but still find it very difficult when I'm really down about it all as I tend to avoid thinking about diabetes then

Take care


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## Twitchy (Jul 30, 2009)

Gosh, this is difficult.  ...I've had some very mingled experiences over the years!  I think Northener's right about the technicalities though - it's a bit like the new parent thing being obsessed with the colour & texture of your baby's poo!   

I think if they are real friends, they will care about what makes you tick, and part of that (accept it or loath it!) is the diabetes.  Looking back recently I realised that an unforseen (& at times very uncomfortable) "benefit" of my diabetes is the way that it has helped seperate the wheat from the chaff friend-wise over the years.  This was really difficult when I was a new mum & it felt like a barrier to making "new mum friends" (I was horribly self conscious about hypos, injections etc & ended up feeling miserable as a result!), but in hindsight actually it did me a favour!  The NCT group I was in decided that I was not up to stratch & more or less ditched me (always having "other plans" etc!! ) It felt awful at the time, but now I just appreciate even more my select bunch of real friends who accept me, all of me, as I am.

So I guess I'm trying to say that being open about the diabetes can be scary & seem risky...but if they are real friends they will accept that part of you too!  Does that make sense?!


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## Caroline (Jul 30, 2009)

I know exactly what you mean about real friends Twitchy. When I adopted Matthew someone I had considered a good friend just stopped being in contact with me, even thoe I had left the door wide open for her and in the end I wrote and said that if she no longer wished to be my friend that was fine, but why had she stopped being in contact. That was over a year ago and I still haven't heard.

Think I am going to start asking others for help on a general level and see what happens. The best thing is I know I can come here, so Steff thanks for starting this thread.


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## Steff (Jul 30, 2009)

I think if maybe i just tryed talking to my oldest m8 then she will listen , she has already started asking why im acting diffirent it's only because i got so much i want to offload but dont know how 


thanks everyone x.


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## Caroline (Jul 30, 2009)

Thank you too Steff. Your cheeky smiley picture always cheers me up


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## Twitchy (Jul 30, 2009)

Hey Steph no worries!!  Diabetes is such an all pervasive thing, I think it can be hard to know where to start talking about it, & much harder for someone listening who's not diabetic to fully appreciate! Great to have this forum though! 

Caroline, as for the muppet who reacted when you adopted Matthew - I don't know any background but how on earth could anyone object to a friend adopting?!  What were they on?!! I'm begining to conclude as I age that some people are just weird..!   I was never told "outright" that I was being "dropped" by the NCT harpies (I'm not bitter!), but it was embarressingly obvious... maybe they thought diabetes was contagious lol!  Their loss! 

Grr!  Thats better.  Anyway, great chatting to both of you!


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## sasha1 (Jul 30, 2009)

Caroline said:


> I know exactly what you mean about real friends Twitchy. When I adopted Matthew someone I had considered a good friend just stopped being in contact with me, even thoe I had left the door wide open for her and in the end I wrote and said that if she no longer wished to be my friend that was fine, but why had she stopped being in contact. That was over a year ago and I still haven't heard.
> 
> Think I am going to start asking others for help on a general level and see what happens. The best thing is I know I can come here, so Steff thanks for starting this thread.




Hi Caroline...

I've just come into this thread....I'm speechless at the reaction of your so called friend..she is not blessed in any way...pure ignorant and I really cannot think of any justifiable reason that she would react in this way.

When I noticed that you had adopted your little boy....I had to pm you to..as you recall...to say what truly wonderful, compassionate parents you are...As you know I had my reason for telling you this...Matthew is blessed to have parents as loving, caring etc as you and your husband....

Heidi
xx


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## sasha1 (Jul 30, 2009)

Hi Steff...

I understand how difficult we all find it now and again to open up and confide in family and friends about certain aspects of how we feel...But sometimes we all need to confide in people...If your friend is true she will be 110% be behind you and honored that you were able to confide in her..If you feel you cannot tell her in words, why not write it down in a letter to her.

Heidi
xx


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## Caroline (Jul 30, 2009)

Thanks for your support everyone. I know I am among friends here. One door closes and another one opens.

People are in our lives for a season, a reason or a lifetime. I adore matthew and hate having to work while he is home with his dad who took early retirement.


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## Mand (Jul 30, 2009)

Hi Steff

I am sorry you are feeling as you do. I second what all the others have said generally.

The only thing i would add is that perhaps you need to give your friends a chance to help you by opening up to them. Unless you tell them what gets you down, they cannot even begin to help or support you. I am just worried that you might end up shutting them out and there being a breakdown in the friendship when perhaps they would be a fantastic support to you if only they knew!

Friends come in all shapes, sizes and varieties! I have friends who are talkers, friends who are listeners, friends who i could trust 100% to keep a secret, friends that always cheer me up, friends who like to moan alot  etc etc.  All my friends have their strengths in different areas. Perhaps you can think of one of yours that might be the best one to approach. 

Sending you a big hug. Mand


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## Steff (Jul 30, 2009)

thank you Mand , and thanks Heidi thats a very good idea about the letter x


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## Mand (Jul 30, 2009)

Never feel alone, Steff. I (and the rest of the forum, I am sure) are there for you. x  x


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## bev (Jul 30, 2009)

Hi Steph,
I am sorry your feeling a bit low - i am sure your friend would be horrified if she thought you couldnt talk to her about your diabetes. Perhaps she thinks you dont want to go into detail about it? Sometimes friends mis-interpret things and it is up to us to 'put them in the picture' so to speak!

Like Heidi said - perhaps you could write her a letter? Failing that - we are all here for you - although we're not the same as a 'real life' friend - i think we all care enough about you to help if we can. You always brighten up my day because you always say something nice to someone and that makes me smile.
But, perhaps you need some tlc - which is perfectly normal and you deserve to have some - so we are here if you need us!

Caroline, i am lost for words about your 'friends' departure after adopting a little boy!? What possible reason could she have for not accepting your new found family? For what its worth, i think your a wonderful, giving, loving and all time good person for offering to give your mothering skills to a little one in need. I can tell by your posts that you are very maternal and both you and the little one must give each other such love and happiness - you cant put a price on that - not even 'friendship'! Your doing the best job in the world and dont you forget that!Bev


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## Caroline (Jul 31, 2009)

bev said:


> Caroline, i am lost for words about your 'friends' departure after adopting a little boy!? What possible reason could she have for not accepting your new found family? For what its worth, i think your a wonderful, giving, loving and all time good person for offering to give your mothering skills to a little one in need. I can tell by your posts that you are very maternal and both you and the little one must give each other such love and happiness - you cant put a price on that - not even 'friendship'! Your doing the best job in the world and dont you forget that!Bev



Bev, thanks for your kind words. This friends departure was soon after Matthew arrived. Since I enjoy my relationship with him, then the departure of one silly friend is no loss. I have other friends and I am learning to be more open with them too. It is brilliant being loved and being allowed to love someone.


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## Steff (Jul 31, 2009)

i'm going out with freind 2moro night for a meal , i am going to proach the subject , i know im kinda making it bigger deal then it is but it's what i feel comfy with


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## Caroline (Jul 31, 2009)

steff09 said:


> i'm going out with freind 2moro night for a meal , i am going to proach the subject , i know im kinda making it bigger deal then it is but it's what i feel comfy with



I think that is the heart of it, our own comfort zones. Enjoy the meal.


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## Steff (Jul 31, 2009)

thanks caroline and i promised myself i wont moan if my m8 gets all the foods i aint having at the mo haha x


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## Mand (Jul 31, 2009)

Good luck, enjoy your evening and let us know how it goes.

Mand x


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## Steff (Jul 31, 2009)

thank you  x


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## Twitchy (Aug 1, 2009)

Hi Steph,

How'd it go?!  Hope you had a really good evening! 

Twitchy


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## Steff (Aug 2, 2009)

hey it was really good thanks we chatted through the taglietelli lol and my m8 was just upset that i could not talk to her sooner we have sorted it now and i told her all i needed


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## vince13 (Aug 2, 2009)

I can't help on this one, Stef, as - when I'd just been diagnosed and was talking to a group of friends (all much older than me) who SEEMED concerned about my spell in hospital etc - was told "well, we all have our cross to bear" and this from someone who is not religious in any way.  

I think I was being told to shut up and put up with it and I've rather held off saying too much to "friends" since and have been reading this Forum for support instead.  I must admit it hurt though !

Faith


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## Steff (Aug 2, 2009)

hi Faith sorry to hear you seem to have just unkind freinds, this place is a real tonic and although we dont know each other personally if you ever need a chat pm me i will be happy to be there for you x


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## vince13 (Aug 2, 2009)

Yes, Stef, I really do appreciate how much the gang on here gives support and advice.  We all come to this Big D from different angles and with different needs and it amazes me how often someone says just the right thing at the right time.  Long may it continue !

As to the other sort , well with friends like (as the old joke says)  that who needs "enemas" ! ?

Cheers, Faith


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## Mand (Aug 2, 2009)

Hi Steph

So glad to hear that things went well with your friend when you talked to her.
Great news! 

Sorry to hear about your experience, Faith.


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## Twitchy (Aug 3, 2009)

Hi Steph, glad you had such a good chat with your mate - she's obviously one of the good 'uns!


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## Steff (Aug 3, 2009)

yes twitchy why i ever doubted her i will never know


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