# Teenage Rebellion?



## Tina63 (Aug 7, 2011)

I am at a bit of a loss as to what to do. My 16 year old son was diagnosed at Christmas.  His starting HbA1c was 15.8, at last clinic in June it was down to 6.1.  We were over the moon.  During June though he started running a bit high to avoid hypos during GCSEs, but has since then got very lax with it all.  We saw the consultant at the last check up and she looked at his diary and commented that he obviously was able to gain good control afterwards, so she wasn't unduly concerned about it.

Well whether that gave him the green light to do as he likes, or whether it is all out silent rebellion, he has just become incredibly lax with it all.  He used to test religiously before every meal and before bed every night, if he now tests once a day it's a miracle. When he was at school I used to sneak up and 'borrow' his monitor to update the diary when he was in the shower (he is aware I do it - he just doesn't like me talking about his diabetes in any form at all, so even asking to look at his monitor causes friction) but of course having been home since June his shower times are erratic and I rarely get a look now.  I was shocked to find he had gone a whole week without testing a little while back.  He admitted last weekend he woke in the 13s or 14s, having 'forgotten' his Novorapid with his meal the previous evening.  Mealtimes too, I used to weigh everything and be very specific with it, telling him how many units etc, but he, and the rest of the family told me to 'back off' and let him take control, and now this is where we are at.  

Oh, and even his prescriptions, well we used to need more testing strips and needles every 18-20 days, but this week I put the first prescription in for 2 months, and even then he went mad at me asking why I ordered stuff as he doesn't need it.  He keeps telling me he doesn't need anything, well of course he won't if he isn't testing or is 'forgetting' to inject on a fairly regular basis.  The fact he hasn't had a hypo in ages perhaps tells it's own story.

He has clinic again mid September, I suppose my only hope is that when (and not if) his HbA1c starts to rise again he will get a good talking to.  I do try to talk to him, and try to mention long term implications, but he just doesn't want to listen.  At clinic they seem all 'nicey nicey' with him too so I am not sure it will have any impact.  Oh well........  The joys of being a parent!


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## Pumper_Sue (Aug 7, 2011)

Hi Tina,
sorry to hear you have all the worry about your son now.
I'm sorry to have to say most teenagers go through this stage and it's very hard on his/her loved ones having to stand back and watch what is going on.
Blame it on hormones and their thinking they are invincible 
The best aproach even though very hard as you are so concerned is to not comment on any results at all nor pester him to do his testing.
Have a look in the links section for some books that will help and also just in passing when it's mentioned he wants a driving licence, that he wont be able to drive due to his non existant control. This isn't your rule it's DVLA's.

Have a word with his DSN as well in private explain it all to her/him they have heard it all before so don't worry. Ask if there are any other youngsters your son can meet. Also perhaps show him a pump as well. Pumps take a lot of commitment and hard work so he will have to prove he is worth having that money spent on him and also he can and will use it properly.
Best wishes
Sue


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## Robster65 (Aug 7, 2011)

Hi Tina.

It's a huge emotional and physical burden he's carrying and if he's not the sort to talk about (male, teenager ) then he can only lash out at the diabetes and you, sadly.

I can only agree with Sue that a direct approach is unlikely to help anything but don' give up on him. At some point soon he'll need good control and will have to make that decision himself. The Driving licence being the perfect example from Sue. They're getting tougher each year about T1s.

I know from experience that T1s are especially good at lying to consultants and nurses about forgetting results and everything's ok really but they will get to know him before he does damage and hopefully be able to read the riot act. There's a few members on here who could probably scare him enough but he'd have to show an interest first.

Maybe he'll find a girlfriend who can turn him into the model diabetic. I hope so. Meantime, keep posting for your own sake.

Rob


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## Gillsb (Aug 7, 2011)

Hi Tina,

I really feel for you having read your post.  You are both only months into "the diabetes life" and you really are going through it.  Its so easy for people to say just to let them get on with it but like you my "motherly instincts kick in and we try and take some of the burden from them."  If you are anything like me you will actually be feeling a bit guilty yourself that you cant do more to "make it all go away."  

I dont think there is an overnight cure for your situation, I think that as he matures he will take more responsibility.  Has he ever spoken to anybody about how his life has changed as he must be feeling very angry with what life has thrown him.  His HBA1C at his next appointment will highlight to his team that there are problems, be honest with them and I am sure they will help you both.  

My daughter is also 16 having just finished year 11 (4 years type 1) and has had a tough year although things are much better.  I know she would be happy to talk to your son on MSN, facebook etc as a friend if you think it would help.   If you think it would help just let me know and we can swap details etc.  

Take care.


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## Robster65 (Aug 7, 2011)

Just to add that Gill's mention of anger is spot on. I can remember feeling very resentful of everything and everyone but not havign anything to lash out at. 

Some counselling or just someone who can get those feelings out would do him the world of good. But I do think that, at this moment, any attempt to over-protect him will not be a good thing.

My father was (and still is, bless him ) very protective and I found it very oppressive and it delayed my full acceptance of diabetes. He has to go through the whole range of emotions before he will take it on board as his own responsibility. I suspect that will happen sooner than you think.

But it's awful for you too and as Gill said, you need to talk it all out as well.

Rob


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## Pumper_Sue (Aug 7, 2011)

Hi Gill,
       I do realise how hard it is for a parent to watch a child go through all of this. I was speaking from the person with diabetes view point though.
It was in the hope that the acceptance for Tina's son would be easier and a bit more stress free for both of them.
I know my lovely Mum still worries about me now even though I am in my 50's and Mum is 75. I was diagnosed as a 4 year old child but can still remember the teenage years and the nagging as I called it  It caused a lot of resentment and rebellion.
So as I stated even though it's very hard for the parents not to keep on it's the best option to deal with things. Confide in the DSN and ask what help is available for both parents and child and work on it from there.
46 years down the line I am complication free so hope this proves that diabetes isn't all doom and gloom 
Best wishes
Sue


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## teapot8910 (Aug 7, 2011)

Hi Tina

Does your son know you participate in the forum? Would he want to join so he can ask questions when/if he needs to? xx


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## Tina63 (Aug 7, 2011)

Thank you for all your replies.  I will try and answer all I can remember.

Driving - well yes he always intended to learn - that is until April when on top of his T1 diagnosis he had an eye test and learned he needed glasses for distance including driving.  On top of everything else it was just the icing on the cake for him and he stormed out of the opticians refusing to get any glasses.  So, at the moment, until he is prepared to address that, he won't be able to learn to drive anyway.  I did point that out to him and his response of course was "Well I won't learn to drive then".  Who knows, as his 17th birthday draws nearer, he may have a change of heart, I certainly hope so.

He knows I look on this forum, but I think if he found out I write about him he would go absolutely mad at me.   He never ever wants to talk about his diabetes, let alone read anything about it, and the idea of talking to others about it, or reading (I did buy the Ragnar Hanas book after recommendations on here and think it's brilliant) about it to him is a complete no-no.  When I bought the book his attitude was "What on earth have you bought that for, it's my problem, not yours."  I did tell him he is welcome to look at it at any time but he just gave me a derisory laugh.  He hates anyone asking about him or diabetes, so I try and head that off before it begins.  I can understand that from his point of view, but of course I do understand too people being genuinely concerned about him.

We do know another local boy a bit younger than him, but his control is dreadful at the moment, to the point he is back on monthly appointments and even being told he will go back to twice daily injections if he doesn't buck his ideas up, and my lad was seemingly genuinely horrified at his behaviour only a couple of months ago, but here we are being very lax about it himself.

I guess I am only at this stage assuming his HbA1c will rise at the next appointment.  Just because he doesn't test very often doesn't necessarily mean the figures will be bad, but I know we don't have the tight control we did a few months ago.

I did discuss pumps with him a while back when I first learned about them.  They are not funded in our area, but he isn't interested in one anyway.  He doesn't like the idea of being attached to something permanently, and to be fair has very good control with MDI when he follows the rules.  He says the injections are no big deal - it's the finger pricking he hates.

I will try and contact his DSN if I can, but with him around all the time at the moment and her having an answerphone message on, it could be hard getting a time to talk privately (I am also a childminder so have a houseful of little children being the summer holidays).  Maybe I wait until they return to school and ring her just ahead of his next appointment (mid September) so she is in the picture.  At least then if the levels rise she knows why.  Again though, he will go mad if he finds out I have spoken to her behind his back.  I can't really win can I?

This does all make him sound a bad lad, but he really isn't.  He's a lovely boy and has handled all of this fantastically really at a very difficult stage of his life, exams and all, but I guess being Mum I just want everything to be as perfect as it can be for him.


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## Tina63 (Aug 7, 2011)

I forgot to add he did see a psychologist at school a few months ago as he was having big issues with anxiety away from home, and that seemed to sort a few things out.  He was offered the chance to see her again at his last clinic appointment in June but he declined and couldn't get out of the hospital quick enough.  He hates going, it is a big deal to him.  He hardly ever even saw our GP before diagnosis, so now having all this association with the medical profession is horrible for him.  He does go out all the time now and stays over at friends' overnight too, has been away with a friend's family for a long weekend and my husband and I are going away in a weeks' time leaving him home with his elder sister for the week.  I have myself got over a lot of the anxiety of what could happen to him if I wasn't there, so it will do us all good to have this break from each other.  His sister is a very good level headed girl and was in fact the one who persuaded him he had a problem at Christmas and helped getting him diagnosed, so I know she will take it all seriously if any incident arises.  They are very close so that's all good.  She has even asked if she can go with him to the hospital next time.  I am all for that, in fact she will probably tell the truth if things aren't good and will not get the sharp edge of his tongue like I would!  She could prove very useful!  Maybe again whilst we are away he may open up to her a bit more.  She will be able to get through to him where I fail.


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## lucy123 (Aug 7, 2011)

HI Tina,

I am not sure if this helps re getting your concerns to his GP/Nurse but I had a similar problem with my mum recently. I couldn't ask questions with her about/was worried sick she found out I had been talking to her gp/ wasn't sure if I actually was allowed to speak to her GP without her say so.

In the end, I wrote a very long letter, pouring out my concerns and also about how the letter had to stay totally confidential from my mum. I also added at the end of the letter if I was doing anything I shouldn't in contacting them I understood if they could not help.

I was so surprised when the very next day, I received a call from the GP telling me everything I had said and done was okay and she promised me complete confidentiality.

She has worked with me since in getting my mum an assessment which has shown she is in the early stages of dementia. I never thought I would get mum to agree to an assessment of this time - but its all thanks to the GP and the support team she now sees (again agreed to because of gp help).

I would therefore suggest you write everything down and post it - asking for complete confidentiality. My GP has since told me its the best method - she read my letter 3 times before contacting me - with a phone call she wouldn't have had the time to do this.

By writing the letter you will also receive some support which I think you deserve too.

Sorry I can't help with how to help a teenage diabetic specificially, but thought this might help you?


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## Pumper_Sue (Aug 7, 2011)

Hi Tina,
your lad sounds just like a normal teenager so no worries no one thinks he is a bad lad.
It has prob just dawned on him diabetes is for life.
The DSN will have an email addy you can write to, so drop her a line 
Your area has to by law fund pumps or make provision for pumps to be had from the nearest hospital.
Everyone is doubtful about being attached to a pump 24/7 but after a few hours you just don't notice it.
Has it been drummed into his head that he can eat the same as everyone else does as long as he injects for it?

Glasses! Can he have contact lenses? Men/boys


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## Tina63 (Aug 7, 2011)

I would therefore suggest you write everything down and post it - asking for complete confidentiality. My GP has since told me its the best method - she read my letter 3 times before contacting me - with a phone call she wouldn't have had the time to do this.

By writing the letter you will also receive some support which I think you deserve too.

Sorry I can't help with how to help a teenage diabetic specificially, but thought this might help you?[/QUOTE]

Thanks very much for this Lucy, I will certainly bear it in mind, and maybe just sit tight until our next appointment and see exactly what his results are, then take it from there.  A very good idea though.  I am not very good at talking directly to the medical profession anyway, I am always a bit tongue tied and nervous myself, but I can write for England!  Our GP will be very stern with him if things aren't good, and that may be enough to get him thinking and behaving a bit more over it, but I don't want them thinking I am not taking it seriously on his behalf.  As I said earlier, I used to weigh and calculate all his carbs for meals, and it worked, the figures spoke for themselves, but he just got to the point he was sick of me telling him "7 units tonight, plus 2 more if you want pudding" etc.  To be fair, he knows the values of most of the regular stuff we have, knows to read labels on processed food, but there is a good amount of guesswork going in by him at the moment too I fear.


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## Tina63 (Aug 7, 2011)

Pumper_Sue said:


> Hi Tina,
> your lad sounds just like a normal teenager so no worries no one thinks he is a bad lad.
> Has it been drummed into his head that he can eat the same as everyone else does as long as he injects for it?
> 
> Food - well there's another issue.  My lad was seriously overweight before diagnosis, lost a shocking amount of weight, which is why I knew what was wrong with him before he did.  The problem is he now eats for England again and is piling the weight back on at an alarming rate.  Initially we were really anti him eating anything too sweet, being told he should only have cereals where the sugar content is less than a third of the total carbs, but over time he has started eating ANYTHING, including putting sugar in tea, honey on toast etc, saying to me "They told me in hospital I can eat anything."  I even caught him a couple of weeks ago with a large (family sized) bar of galaxy chocolate in his room, and by morning he had eaten the whole bar.  I don't have a clue if/how much he injected for it.  The thing is, from what I can see nothing seems to do him any real harm - not yet that is.


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## Tina63 (Aug 7, 2011)

We did catch him at diagnosis before he went into Ketoacidosis - ketones were 'only' 2.4, so he hasn't had a foretaste of what that's like, but I sometimes think it will take a serious illness to show him how seriously he needs to take it.  I really do hope I am just overreacting.


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## Pumper_Sue (Aug 7, 2011)

> Food - well there's another issue. My lad was seriously overweight before diagnosis, lost a shocking amount of weight, which is why I knew what was wrong with him before he did. The problem is he now eats for England again and is piling the weight back on at an alarming rate. Initially we were really anti him eating anything too sweet, being told he should only have cereals where the sugar content is less than a third of the total carbs, but over time he has started eating ANYTHING, including putting sugar in tea, honey on toast etc, saying to me "They told me in hospital I can eat anything." I even caught him a couple of weeks ago with a large (family sized) bar of galaxy chocolate in his room, and by morning he had eaten the whole bar. I don't have a clue if/how much he injected for it. The thing is, from what I can see nothing seems to do him any real harm - not yet that is.



Your team gave him some good advice. I should have said anything in moderation, except full fat coke etc and sweets.
It sounds to me as if he is going through the honeymoon period so can cope with things a bit better than he would if not honeymooning.

Sweets etc are best eaten after the main meal so less of an inpact on blood sugars.
It does sound to me as if he is in full blown rebellion, Cereals are a no no to most diabetics as so much sugar in them.
Perhaps not have them in the house? A bit hard on other family members but then they are not that healthy anyway. (cereals not family)

All you can do is guide him as best you can and see that he has plenty of healthy options available.
Hopefully with your love and concern he will come out of the rebellion sooner rather than later. Just hang in there, it must be so hard not showing the concern outwardly for him.


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## CatO (Aug 7, 2011)

Hi Tina

I have just joined the forum today, my son was diagnosed 3 years ago but we are just hittting the teenage years, he will be 14 at the end of this month.  My son will only test voluntarily if he is feeling weird and suspects a hypo.  I don't think he understands how serious the long term implications could be, they scare the hell out of me!  

My other two children are only 9 and 5 so this is my first experience of the teenage years so not sure how much is normal and how much is the resentment and anger about the diabetes?!

Even though it is sad that we are in this situation it is nice to be able to chat to people in the same boat.

Take care

Cat


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## sasha1 (Aug 7, 2011)

Hi Tina ...

Im Heidi, mam to Nathan, aged 16 and type 1 for the past 4 and a half years.

I can only draw on my own experience with Nathan to try and help you with your son.

Firstly, because your son is newly diagnosed could it be possible he is still in some form of denial over his diagnosis? .. that is a natural reaction ... for a teenager, life as they knew it has changed ... but not over ... teenagers strive to fit in be accepted, and anything they seem to have to do that other peers dont .. is not classed as normal ... I had these conversations with Nathan .. and it has taken him time to accept, come to terms with, that he is as normal as the next person ... my mantra ... " Whats normal ??? ... normals only a cycle on a washing machine."

Boys do tend to be laid back ... and unfortunately do take risks .... Nathan has ... and still rebels and tries to do his uptmost not to conform ... but then he realises he doesnt feel to well .... and that taking his insulin is the only thing that is needed.

This doesnt however help us mam's ... when all we want to do is protect, help, love and assure them ... hence my grey hairs ... 

I have had insulin pens thrown at me, as well as, its my fault he is diabetic .. ultimately Nathan, as with any teenager is lashing out .. and as us as fab mams are right in the firing line ... also diabetes is a perfect weapon for a teenager ... and god do they us it ... they will manipulate it to there advantage.. and will become ruthless in there words and actions ....

The main lesson I have learned with Nathan .. as hard as it is.... avoid getting into a battle over it, and confrontation... teenagers thrive off getting a reaction ... ultimatelt we cannot physically hold them down and force them to take there insulin.

The approach I have adopted with Nathan is ... keep all lines of communication open, get them to talk openly, honestly about how they feel about it ... try to keep things postive ... there is nothing a diabetic cannot achieve in life .... it will not stop them from reaching goals etc ... Yeah, Nathan has missed injections, wont test blood etc ... but he has told me ... and thats the most important thing ... at least if things go wrong I am aware ... I dont agree with this... but Im not diabetic, I have no idea what its like to inject insulin to keep me alive ... But there isnt a day goes by that I dont wish it was me instead of Nathan ... He has to learn, and yes, may be the hard way, but its is there diabetes, there body, and have to understand all areas and variables of the impact it has on there life. But that said is life not a learning curve ... Im sure we all have rebelled over something when we were teenagers...

I have taken a hard approach with Nathan over the past couple of years ... He knows the bottom line.. Diabetes cant be dressed up ... its a crap condition ... but managable, controlable.

Eventually your son will emerge from the inital shock of diagnosis, and may be he will start posting here ... if he does want to chat, in his own time .. Nathan is on facebook and a keen xboxer, and would be only to happy to offer an ear for your son ... You also need support, so keep posting, and please pm me at anytime if I can help.

Heidi
xx


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## Tina63 (Aug 7, 2011)

Thanks very much Heidi and Cat, it's great talking to someone in the same position who truly knows where I am coming from and the issues I face.  My lad though not behaving perfectly does actually come and tell me if things have gone way off radar, like for instance the admittance the other week that he had woken at either 13 or 14 point something (can't remember which but 5 - 6 is normal waking range for him) then admitting he had forgotten his Novorapid.  He was quite panicked about forgetting his Lantus too once and came to me with his tail between his legs asking for advice.  

He keeps quoting "They told me there's nothing I can't eat" though when I find him coming back from the shop with something I consider 'bad' and I just get told in a typical teenage fashion to get off his case.

We do have a really good relationship on the whole, and a good family unit as a whole, he and his sister are really close, so at times he opens up to her a bit more, so we will just keep plodding on for now.  Thank you for all your support. Boys eh?  And Teenage boys at that!


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## Nyadach (Aug 7, 2011)

Have to admit back in my teens I got very sloppy also. Avoiding blood tests (still hate the things but well who doesn't), and even skipping injections as "what's the worst that can happen". 

Think my big wake up wasn't my long term bloods, which didn't really get higher than 8 through it, but on a visit to the clinic and sitting there in the waiting room and chatting to this lady there who had lost her leg due to bad control she explained "how us whipper snappers should look after ourselves" and then showing off of a very disgustingly mangled leg was pretty much enough shock treatment to drum into my teeny mind that ok, maybe I'm not invincible. 

Mother wise all she did was really irritate me and get my back up which fed the whole rebellion thing. Actually saying which, she still does and I'm 35 now but still doesn't stop her "you can't eat that!" lectures off her


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## Tina63 (Aug 8, 2011)

We are still under the children's service at the moment, so no chance of meeting anyone with amputations yet - saying that, he did have his retinopathy screening at our local GPs and a man there was in a wheelchair with a leg missing.  Not sure that early on after diagnosis (it was only weeks in) if he made the connection - I did.  I don't know when he will be passed over to adult services, but maybe then it will hit home.  That is true though, shock tactics may be the thing.


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## KateXXXXXX (Aug 13, 2011)

Oh, how I feel for you!  All this on top of normal teen angst, exams and hormones!  Heady mix, isn't it...

I have no advice other than hang in there: do the natural mum stuff.  MOST teens go through some form of rebellion.  As a teacher in remission, I've seen that loads of times.  Parents and kids usually survive it.  Mine gets grumpy and rude occasionally, but having lived with his dad being Typre 1 all his life, he knew what he was in for when his own diagnosis came in right in the middle of his GCSE exams this year.  So far he's coping admirably and doing everything as he should, including talking through reducing his long term overnight insulin while he's away on anual camp with the cadets, as he'll be getting more exercise than has been usual recently.

Some kids seem to take it in their stride, some go into denial, some just rebel.  If their actions are out of character, get some professional advice on what to look out for and what to do.  If they are consistent with the kid's normal behaviour and character, keep a sharp eye out, and a softly softly approach.  It's usually easier for them to take the scary bits in from professional stangers than from those closest to them, rather like sex education and drugs warnings.  And if you CAN get them involved in forums or groups with their peers, that may well help a lot: kids will often take advice from their own age group that they'd reject out of hand from the adults around them.  And some of that advice will be excellent.


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## Tina63 (Sep 8, 2011)

I took the plunge yesterday and phoned my son's DSN as he had gone back to school so I was able to talk.  We are due at clinic next Monday so I thought if I called now I could put her in the picture of what has been going on and warn her that I expect the HbA1c to go up next week, and to see if she could have some tactics ready to try on him.  Though it was her 'office hours' day she was not there but the answerphone was on.  Unfortunately I found myself gabbling into this machine saying how bad his control currently is - I have now found at best he is testing ONCE A WEEK - and even worse than that, he is not bothering, or rather claiming to 'forget' his Novorapid - something I suspected from the lack of any missing from the fridge - and he is eating for England - carbs especially.

She has not phoned back, and now my big fear is that I probably forgot to say that I want this discussion to be 'off the record' so I now fear that next Monday at his appointment she will start by saying 'Your mum phoned last week......'  Beginning to panic now!  I guess the sensible thing to do is ring again tomorrow and say that I want it treated in the strictest confidence, but of course if she is on holiday, she may not get the message in time.  I'm thinking out loud now.  Of course if she is off and no-one has listened to her messages, then I having nothing to fear anyway!  Oh what a dilemma!


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## Robster65 (Sep 8, 2011)

Hi Tina.

Firstly. Don't Panic !

I would ring again tomorrow and leave a 2nd message making it as clear as possible that your communication is strictly confidential and that you need their help in helping your son.

If he's still honeymooning he can get away with it for so long, but eventually it will catch up with him and make him feel ill. Hopefully, the clinic can turn him around before it comes to that.

If they're aware of the issues, they will have methods they can use. It sounds like he's in complete denial. Not somewhere I've been but plenty on here have and survived.

The DSN won't do anything without listening to all of her messages first, so both your's will be heard.

I hope she comes back this week and gets back to you. You sound like you could do with some reassurances. Hang on in there.

Rob


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## Tina63 (Sep 8, 2011)

Thanks for that Rob.  I did mention a few days ago that he needs to at least check in the mornings for the next little while as we still get guidance from them re his Lantus levels and they haven't changed for months.  I worry that if his HbA1c goes up then they will tell him to up his Lantus, which could prove disasterous.  I put that to him, and I think it actually went in, as he has tested a couple of times since the end of last week, and to be fair his results seem pretty ok, but having got such good figures a few months ago I fear we are on the slide.  He hasn't had a hypo for a good while, which is another sign he isn't having much/any novorapid, and the cokes still sit in their rightful place untouched.  At times we seem to rattle through them but not for the past few weeks.  Fingers crossed!  I will report back early next week.  His HbA1c was 6.1 - I am really intruigued to see what it comes back at next week.  Probably nothing to worry about, but I half hope it is up a fair bit in the hope that he gets a lecture/scare from it all.  Aren't I wicked!


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## Robster65 (Sep 8, 2011)

The good/bad news is that his HbA1c will be seen as excellent, obviously due to his honeymoon, and it will only go one way. The scale of it probably won't reflect his lack of care or control.

He's freewheeling at the moment but would be better to get into some decent habits now rather than taking it for granted. 

He does need the professional, proverbial 'slap round the back of the head' (no violence inferred!) to show him that it's his condition and his responsibility to manage it or other people will have to sort it out for him later in life. All very hard at such a young age but we survive.

It would prob do him good to meet some of our more rebellious members who've been there and got the t-shirt and come through to realisation that life is only lived once and you need to save some body parts for later.

I saw your other post about sharps bins. Is he putting a lot of needles in despite not injecting ? ie. is he being secretive and trying to appear compliant ? If so, it may need mentioning to the DSN so she can consider psychological advice.

Rob


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## Tina63 (Sep 9, 2011)

No Rob, don't worry about the amount of sharps bins we have.  We have them stored since early January, and back in the early days he had individual lancets too which were quite bulky in themselves, plus he up until prob June injected 5 times a day, so one litre bins filled pretty quickly.  Now his current one has been sitting around for ages.  He is being very open with his usage as he is a messy little so-and-so and leaves needles all over his desk.  Now he is back at school I go in each day and tidy up a bit, so put them in the bin, but there are only one or two.  I was very sneaky this morning (and I don't like that it has made me become a right sneak) and whilst he was in the shower I peaked at his novorapid pen.  Consider that he put a new cartridge in before the August bank holiday as he went away with friends then, and his normal usager would be 4 doses a day x anything up to 12 units a time, there are still 180 units left.  That is proof he isn't using any/much on a daily basis.  Oh well, we will see what happens Monday.


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## Robster65 (Sep 9, 2011)

I'm relieved to hear he isn't being secretive. That would add another dimension. Starightforward pig-headedness and kicking out against the thing that stops him from being 'normal'.

I can understand you feeling sneaky, which I would normally not condone, but it seems that you needed to know for sure.

If he's not using his insulin, he'll still need to change the cartridge before a month is out, due to the shelf life of the insulin. I think 28 days is the usual maximum.

I would imagine his biggest issue, if the DSN can get him back on track, will be to change his eatign habits back to some sort of structure. For my first few years, i needed snacks mid morning and afternoon but this was due to the insulin regime I (everyone) was on. With MDI, snacks can be an option, but I've never found they work unless you're exercising hard or are a bit clever with the meal doses and can figure one in shortly after a meal. Extra fat will also cause insulin resistance to a degree, which ay mean extra insulin is required and may even speed the demise of his own beta cells, which are clearly still hanging on in there. Maybe he could be persuaded to backtrack a bit in the hope that his control would be easier in the long run, rather than batter his pancreas into submission and have to battle for control like many of us do after decades. Just a thought.

Keep posting. He clearly isn't going to come to much harm at the moment, so that's one less worry.

Rob


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## Tina63 (Sep 9, 2011)

Robster65 said:


> If he's not using his insulin, he'll still need to change the cartridge before a month is out, due to the shelf life of the insulin. I think 28 days is the usual maximum.
> 
> 
> Rob



Gosh, hadn't thought of that - good point.  Will have to keep an eye on that.  I know exactly when he changed it (though would have to look on the calendar for the exact date) it was the Thursday before the bank holiday, so if he hasn't taken a new cartridge within 4 weeks of that I must remember to jog his memory.  Note to self on mobile phone I think!!!

He has seen the dietician at clinic a few months in as his weight is shooting up at a violent rate again, but she only suggested drinking diet coke before a meal.  My boy can still drink a 2 litre bottle of diet coke in the evening and pack away a vast amount of food, it certainly doens't curb his appetite like she suggested it would.  He admits food is the most important thing in his life - I would challenge that statement - his computer is - but at least now he is back at school there is a limit to what he can get his hands on for 7 hours a day!

We keep plenty of fruit and stuff in (I realise fruit is a bit iffy for diabetics) but he will eat anything he can get his hands on.  If I don't have anything in he fancies he just goes over the shop with his own money and buys whatever he fancies.

I know I must sound awful, but I keep thinking the only way things are going to change is if he has a real scare of some kind.  It's great to have my happy and generally well balanced teenage son back again, but I am just seen as one enormous nag if I try to discuss ANYTHING to do with his diabetes and eating habits.  Oh the joys of parenthood!


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## Robster65 (Sep 9, 2011)

I must pass the credit for the insulin date thing to Sarah. I wouldn't have thought of it either 

All you can do is keep an eye on things and avoid the confrontation issues for now. If he thinks you're backing off, he may even open up after his DSN visit.

The drinking could be a sign of high BGs but if he's returning to normal levels, he's getting away with it for now. 

He sounds like me as a teenager and presumably has difficulties socialising. I didn't have a computer but had a hi-fi and books. I had a couple of close friends and didn't feel the urge to seek out large groups. But I was basically shy and craved social contact without the ability to go get it. I wonder if he's using food and the computer as a distraction.

Im guessing he wouldn't want to join the circle-D facebook group or one of the other diabetic youth type forums ?

Even a personal blog where he can rant may help get it all out.

Gotta go now but keep doing what you're doing.

Rob


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## Tina63 (Sep 9, 2011)

Thanks for all your input Rob.  He is a pretty sociable lad, he does have a group of friends, one close one but a group of about 4 others too, and they do go out and about a bit in the evenings, when they can be bothered, but of course these days they all play computer games online together, so don't need to be actually physically together to be socialising.  Bit of a change from my day!

I did get to speak to the DSN today after again leaving a message.  She said she is not at all surprised this is happening at this stage (9 months) and does understand my concern, and assures me the team at the hospital are used to dealing with this type of thing.  As she said though, some admit to what they are doing, others lie through their teeth.  She did ask if he is likely to fill in the gaps in his diary (do others keep diaries of BG levels?) with made up figures because if they don't tally with the HbA1c they will ask to see his meter and then the truth will be out.  I really don't think he will, and I think he may even admit when they look at his diary that he hasn't been doing all he should be.  I have asked her to keep this conversation as confidential between the two of us.  She is quite happy with that, and said as we all have that he is obviously still in the honeymoon period to be getting away with it at the moment. 

I await Monday's appointment with interest.


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## Robster65 (Sep 9, 2011)

She sounds like a very grounded and experienced DSN ! 

Your son also sounds very grounded, despite wanting to remove diabetes from his life (which is probably quite reasonable I suppose!). I'm sure he will be persuaded that it's a pointless task and it will bite him sooner or later.

You can only sit and wait for the outcome next week. Meantime, post as much as you can. ANd it's a new series of Strictly starting. 

Rob


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## Robster65 (Sep 9, 2011)

ps. Just about everyone diagnosed as a teenager must have presented made up figures at the clinic. Especially before the days of meters.

I have (or rather Sarah has) kept a strict diary for the last 18 months btu prior to that I didn't bother. So if he does it properly, he's actually doing quite well.

But good habits are best started early on, so don't tell him or the DSN that.

Rob


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## Tina63 (Sep 10, 2011)

Our DSN has let slip on a couple of occasions at home visits that her son (same age as mine I believe) is also type 1, though I have never liked to probe and ask how long he has lived with it.  I guess that gives her great insight, though she is softly spoken and appears kind of 'perfect' if you know what I mean so I often wonder whether her son would dare break the rules.  I am sure he's just a normal teenage lad though.

As for Strictly, well I have a husband who loathes that type of programme, and of course you would know being a man, your lot rule the remote   You never know though, it's on at teatime tonight, so I may accidentally turn it over on my way to the dinner table with the meal!


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## Tina63 (Sep 12, 2011)

Clinic appointment today, and as suspected his HbA1c has risen significantly - from 6.1 3 months ago to 9.1 today.  I didn't go in on the consultation with him, they give him the choice and I think today he knew what was coming and wanted to fact it alone - I had no problems with that.  He didn't take his diary in, but again not surprised at that, after all, there was very little in it.

The upshot is that he came out looking rather sheepish, and though I wasn't going to bombard him with questions, I just casually asked what his HbA1c was, then asked if he was surprised with that result.  He said he told them that since finishing his GCSEs mid June there has been no real structure to his day and that is why it has all gone so wrong.  They have told him to really tighten up his control, and the DSN is phoning me for a chat next week apparently and then coming to do a home visit in 4-6 weeks. I can't ask for more than that can I?  He was suitably remorseful, so hopefully he really does knuckle down with it all now.


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## Robster65 (Sep 12, 2011)

Sounds like it may help him to see the realiy of it all.

Maybe ask him what he thinks he can do to turn it round and leave it to him to gradually make the changes.

If it's on his terms he may go that bit further. Maybe. 

Hope you're not too worried about it. The odd blip can be a stark reminder of how unforgiving it can be if left to its own devices over the long term. 


Rob


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## teapot8910 (Sep 12, 2011)

Tina63 said:


> Clinic appointment today, and as suspected his HbA1c has risen significantly - from 6.1 3 months ago to 9.1 today.  I didn't go in on the consultation with him, they give him the choice and I think today he knew what was coming and wanted to fact it alone - I had no problems with that.  He didn't take his diary in, but again not surprised at that, after all, there was very little in it.
> 
> The upshot is that he came out looking rather sheepish, and though I wasn't going to bombard him with questions, I just casually asked what his HbA1c was, then asked if he was surprised with that result.  He said he told them that since finishing his GCSEs mid June there has been no real structure to his day and that is why it has all gone so wrong.  They have told him to really tighten up his control, and the DSN is phoning me for a chat next week apparently and then coming to do a home visit in 4-6 weeks. I can't ask for more than that can I?  He was suitably remorseful, so hopefully he really does knuckle down with it all now.



Hopefully the DSN will be able to help you next week and the HbA1c rise has given him the incentive to get things back on track x


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## Tina63 (Sep 12, 2011)

Yes I do truly think it was a bit of a wake up call for him.  He saw the softer of the two consultants today, but then I think that enabled him to open up a bit and be a bit more honest than he might have been.  The fact he has been so nice and friendly since we got home tells me he is kind of sorry in his own way!

I think I will start the odd gentle reminder to test each morning and I will also tell him carb content of dinner each night like I used to.  It has been hard to get the balance right.  I do sometimes think if he were younger I really could be the one to be properly 'in control' of it all for him, but of course I can't be like that now.  I did carefully weigh and measure everything for the first few months and calculate his units, but the whole family thought I was over the top doing that.  I think I was proved right though getting the HbA1c down from 15.8 to 6.1 in 6 months, and though it's unkind, would like to remind the whole family that since I have backed off this is what has happened.  I guess I am just a bit cross with my family for telling me to leave him alone to get on with it then see things going quite badly the wrong way.

I am not really worried, I do see this just as a blip and hopefully a proper wake-up call to him, and he and I both know our GP will call him in now because months ago he wasn't happy with a 7.8 so he will have a field day with this.  I might actually write to our GP explaining what has gone on recently and that we are on top of it and hopefully will start to turn things around from today.  That may head off a letter from him to us!  At least with the DSN coming to see us in a few weeks my son knows he has to start regaining good control.

Thank you for listening!


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## RSVP (Sep 12, 2011)

Hi Tina 

Just a thought but is it worth sitting him down now whilst the visit is still fresh and ask him if there is anything you can do to help/support OR that he would like you to do to help/support him whilst he regains control.

This may seem a more "adult" approach for him, also the fact that most/some/many men like things to appear to be their idea, so if maybe worded right ie "I could weigh your food again if that would help" he may be happier to accept some support? 

I think in many ways it's great that you have backed off, although I can see your point of view and I know I would be the same  Sometimes guided mistakes are better than the non guided and its still early days he has been through so much just recently.


Hope the call goes ok from the dsn.

Take Care 

Sarah x


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## Tina63 (Sep 14, 2011)

I really can't be sure what's going on at the moment, but my son certainly is carrying his stuff around with him now he is back at school, and I just casually popped my head in his room last night and said 'Dinner will be 7 (units)' and walked out.  He came down a few minutes later to see how long dinner would be, then just as I served up he disappeared to his room for a couple of minutes, which used to be his routine, to have his Novorapid.  Hopefully that's what he did, only time will tell.  I am just keeping a close eye on the amount of insulin in the fridge.  Fingers crossed!


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## Robster65 (Sep 14, 2011)

That sounds very promising Tina. Let's hope so !

Rob


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## Gillsb (Sep 14, 2011)

Really does sound like the appointment may have been a bit of a wake up call.  My daughter is the same age and school year and when he mentioned lack of structure to his days after the GCSE's I would actually agree with him.  Meg found her control was harder during the long break as no two days were the same and her eating habits were irregular.  Being back at school will probably help although the earlier starts to each day do affect things.

I have never really considered to what extent other mums get involved in the care of their teenagers and yes I do shoulder some of it for her.  I dont think there is a anything wrong with calculating things for them as long as they are able to do it for themselves.  If you are carb counting I would recommend the book called Carbs & Cals which is also available as an I Touch/Iphone download.  Meg went on holiday without us recently and found the book really easy to use and easy without the dreaded scales which she finds annoying at times.  To me it sounds like you are doing all you can and I am sure things will start to come together.

Take Care


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