# teens



## patta999 (Apr 19, 2016)

Help!    I am really struggling with my 16 year old daughter.   Her attitude to everything (me, her dad, life in general!) is awful atm.   We argue constantly about  her not looking after her blood sugar levels.( She also has coeliac disease and polycystic ovary syndrome so she has a lot to put up with bless her)
She has over the past 2 years done a lot of rebellion, telling lies, drinking ( ending up with me picking her up and sleeping with her checking her sugar levels all night) on several occasions.   She has ended up in hospital on one occcassion.   She smokes (she tells me only occasionally).  She thinks we are too stricked as the parties are all the go now but we don't let her stay all night as we just want her home to make sure that she is safe and well ( and not so drunk that she can't look after herself!)  She tells me that I am overbearing and her friends parents are much more leinient.  (we do let her sleep at her friends and vece versa).   We shout argue then cry and make up promise that we will not argue anymore but then a couple of days later back to square one.  It kills me inside as I feel like I have lost my beautiful kind loving girl.  Please advise !!!  Am I being too stricked


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## Northerner (Apr 19, 2016)

Hi patta, welcome to the forum  Sorry to hear about the problems with your daughter  A lot of them sound like typical teenager problems, but I understand you being extra concerned due to her diabetes. Has she been diagnosed long? What insulin regime is she on, and is she taking it when she should? I'm not a parent, so can't offer any parenting advice, but I do know that diabetes can be something 'private', and it can be difficult if people take TOO much of an interest in it - especially hard, I would imagine, at 16 - so it may be that your efforts to care for her are seen as nagging when (she may feel) you can't really know how it feels to have it. My personal advice would be to try and have a calm talk about it all, asking her how she feels and see if you can establish some ground rules and responsibilities. You might find that a call to the Diabetes UK Careline can be helpful - details can be found here: 

https://www.diabetes.org.uk/How_we_help/Careline/

It's very common for teenagers to rebel like this. Hopefully, some parents or people who have been through the teen years themselves will be along to share their experiences with you.


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## patta999 (Apr 19, 2016)

Hi and thanks for your quick response!   Shes been diagnosed for 4 years and on pump regime. I do agree most of this is teenage issues anyway but just so worrying for me and her dad.   Just want her to have a normal life like her friends but be sensible where her health is concerned.   And yes I think talking to careline be useful too.


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## Northerner (Apr 19, 2016)

Good news that she is on the pump, at least she should be getting her basal insulin and no fear of missing injections, which some teens can do. Such a difficult age to have to deal with diabetes as well - bear in mind that if her blood sugar levels aren't very good this will have an effect on her moods as well. Is she OK with attending her appointments etc.? How has she been generally with her diabetes, has she been reasonably well-controlled?


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## patta999 (Apr 19, 2016)

She is really good at checking levels and never misses appointments.  I think I may be being too over protective as looking at the bigger picture she is doing the right things!!   When you said about taking too much interest its hit a nerve and made me think.   Going to have a chat ( calmly!)with her tonight.    Many thanks


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## Northerner (Apr 19, 2016)

You might find the following helpful 

https://www.accu-chek.com/documents/resource-center/etiquetteonepage.pdf


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## Redkite (Apr 19, 2016)

The phrase "nobody else's parents are as strict as you" has probably been uttered by every single teenager on the planet!  Apparently my 15yo is the only one in his entire school who is forced to do his homework before being allowed on his Xbox 

Try not to make it all about diabetes (not saying you are, but your daughter might see it that way, and come to resent her condition).  At 16, I don't think it's reasonable to be out all night at parties, irrespective of diabetes.


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## HOBIE (Apr 19, 2016)

Try a Libre,  Last two weeks & you/her can test 24hrs a day.  Good luck  Kids whoed av em


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## patta999 (Apr 19, 2016)

Totally agree with you and sometimes I think I do make it all about hercondition
I am trying to get her to take control but iit so hard as you can see the mistakes and automatically boul in and take over!!   Or should I say that I did.   The party thing she sees her friends being allowed (I wonder sometimes do the parents know) to stay out and she just sees us as the uncool parents.  Plenty time for all that when shes older!!


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## patta999 (Apr 19, 2016)

TE="Northerner, post: 594158, member: 62"]You might find the following helpful 

https://www.accu-chek.com/documents/resource-center/etiquetteonepage.pdf[/QUOTE]
Than


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## patta999 (Apr 19, 2016)

Thanks so much for the link above.    Made me think more about how she's feeling and not so much about how i think things shoild be.


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## trophywench (Apr 19, 2016)

Redkite said:


> The phrase "nobody else's parents are as strict as you" has probably been uttered by every single teenager on the planet!  Apparently my 15yo is the only one in his entire school who is forced to do his homework before being allowed on his Xbox
> 
> Try not to make it all about diabetes (not saying you are, but your daughter might see it that way, and come to resent her condition).  At 16, I don't think it's reasonable to be out all night at parties, irrespective of diabetes.



Good God - you must be MY mother then!  How did that happen!  I wasn't diabetic and they hadn't even invented Egg Boxes etc then - but she was EXACTLY the same as you!  However - a clip round the ear'ole was still permissible in the 1960s - and a great deterrent it always was though it rarely had to be dispensed - there was still the THREAT available to parents then - whereas now you'd be in Court before the handprint had disappeared.

Do any of you parents actually talk to any of the peers' parents?  That was an absolute pig when two of em got their heads together and it turned out the other daughter or son's mom/dad was exactly the ruddy same as yours - and hadn't the parents used to be SMUG about it?  Well I saw so and so's mum in the library and so I asked her what she thought about whatever.  And she said that they'd told (Susan/Jennifer/Rosemary etc) that they can't go either - so put that in your pipe and smoke it madam!  You're NOT going, and that's THAT.

And so it was ...... I didn't!  LOL

Each generation of kids think their folk are far too old, boring and thick to do anything so 'devious' !  And - we never have been and still aren't!  LOL


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## Sally71 (Apr 20, 2016)

LOL - my daughter is not quite 10 and is starting to pester me about letting her out in her own.  Not far, just to the park which is just round the back of the house.  I'm not comfortable yet though - I'm OK with her being away from me if she's at school/Brownies/dance school/someone else's house etc, it's the "wandering the streets" element I'm not comfortable with.
Driving back from a shopping trip recently she saw two of her school friends out on their own, and since then has been a nightmare - "all my friends are allowed" etc.  I was starting to think that maybe I'm a bit overprotective, I know I've got to let her go eventually! However having spoken to a couple of other mums I'm now feeling a whole lot better and daughter has not mentioned it for a few days!  One mum I know is only just starting to let her 12 and 13-year-olds out alone; the mum of the one we saw has a younger daughter too, so lets the older one out and then immediately takes the younger one for a walk or bike ride and keeps an eye on the older one from a distance.  Sounds like I'm not being too strict yet then


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## Redkite (Apr 20, 2016)

Oh yes I do sometimes compare notes with other Mums.  My son got in trouble with a friend of his after I'd had a casual conversation with friend's Mum when dropping him off for a tennis lesson.  I'd said now he was in Y10 doing GCSE courses and loads of homework, there'd be no Xbox Mon-Thurs, but Fri was his guaranteed Xbox night, and certain times at the weekend depending what else we were doing.  This friend's Mum apparently thought this was a good idea and decided to do the same .

Some parents really are very laid back though - unfortunately some of my son's classmates were allowed 18+ shooter games (Call of Duty and Grand Theft Auto) in Y3 (age 8).  My son was mocked/bullied for not being allowed these games, and in fact not having an Xbox.  He used to play mariokarts on his Wii at the time, ie age appropriate!  People's reasoning for allowing these games were that all their friends were playing them and they didn't want them to be left out....


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## Sally71 (Apr 20, 2016)

@Redkite I'm shocked!  Not by you of course lol, by anyone who would let 8 year olds play 18-rated video games "just so they don't miss out".  Some people really have no sense of responsibility whatsoever, do they!


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## patta999 (Apr 20, 2016)

Well had a very long chat with her last night and we both listened to each other...instead of talking at each other.   Come to agree on lots of areas and it was what we both eeded. Hopefully we have turned a corner: ) and I have my  happy fun loving daughter back.  Thank you for your comments. Xx


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## Northerner (Apr 20, 2016)

patta999 said:


> Well had a very long chat with her last night and we both listened to each other...instead of talking at each other.   Come to agree on lots of areas and it was what we both eeded. Hopefully we have turned a corner: ) and I have my  happy fun loving daughter back.  Thank you for your comments. Xx


Brilliant news!  Glad you have been able to sort things out


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## trophywench (Apr 20, 2016)

Great!  It's so much better to be your offspring's friend - as well as their parent.


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## robert@fm (Apr 20, 2016)

Redkite said:


> Some parents really are very laid back though - unfortunately some of my son's classmates were allowed 18+ shooter games (Call of Duty and Grand Theft Auto) in Y3 (age 8).  My son was mocked/bullied for not being allowed these games, and in fact not having an Xbox.  He used to play mariokarts on his Wii at the time, ie age appropriate!  People's reasoning for allowing these games were that all their friends were playing them and they didn't want them to be left out....



I think the classic book _Straight and Crooked Thinking_ by Robert Thouless should be required reading.  Those other parents were using the logical fallacy/dishonest arguing trick Appeal To Popularity; the truth is that "everyone else does it" does not automatically make it right, any number of people you care to name can very easily be wrong, as shown by the rise of Hitler. 

My reply to "everyone else does it" has always been "I'm not everyone else".


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## robert@fm (Apr 20, 2016)

Sally71 said:


> Some people really have no sense of responsibility whatsoever, do they!


In the case of those parents in particular, surely the part of the above after "sense" is redundant.


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## SB2015 (Apr 20, 2016)

patta999 said:


> TE="Northerner, post: 594158, member: 62"]You might find the following helpful
> 
> https://www.accu-chek.com/documents/resource-center/etiquetteonepage.pdf


Than[/QUOTE]

Thanks for this Northerner, I had not seen this Accu Chek document.  A good summary of how people can help people with Diabetes.


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## SB2015 (Apr 20, 2016)

Hi Patta99

Welcome to the forum (a bit late I know).  I am not a parent but taught teenagers.  The battles that you are having, especially with ' everyone else's parent let them' is so familiar.  In fact so many of the parents actually don't let them run wild and are surprised when they find out what their children are apparently doing in the eyes of other youngsters.  A lot of it is the youngsters boasting about things.
Having said that there are as you have found some parents who are very laid back.  That does not mean it is the right thing to do. 

The Accu  Chek document from Nrtherner is good advice on helping people with Diabetes, but that is not always going to make sense in the midst of teenage arguments.

Sorry not have found my magic wand anywhere, and I hope that things get easier.


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## trophywench (Apr 20, 2016)

One of our grandchildren recently told her mates that her mother regularly beat her and threatened to knife her, in fact you should see her back where she had cut her!  This frightened the mates so much they went and reported this to a teacher and Mama was called in to a Safeguarding Meeting!

And this followed her mother taking her phone off her as punishment for not only using it in the middle of the night - but also for posting total bollards on her FaceSpace.  She's 12 by the way.

Must heal well and bloody quickly ........ the truth was told and she's been a tad better behaved for a few weeks.

WTF puts ideas like THAT in their heads?  Got to be other kids cos it most certainly is NOT in the home.


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## Milsey moo (Apr 24, 2016)

Hi, and welcome. I'm the same age as your daughter and on a pump since 2011. When I go out I make a promise to my mum who worries about me that at e.g. ten o'clock ill text her saying what my bloods where so she knows I'm fine. It gives her a piece of mind I'm safe too. Most people my age do smoke and drink(i don't ) but u can't really change that. Hope this helped a little


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## Alan.tnh (Apr 24, 2016)

Ah Kids,
I set some rules for mine they had to answer my questions before I would agree.
1) Where are you going?
2) Who With?
3) Will you be drinking?
4) What time should I expect you home?
5) How are you getting home?
My eldest a T1 thought this was over the top and had to be quizzed every time to get answers. My youngest daughter 6 years her junior picked up on this and when it was her turn a few years later she would text me the 5 answers then say "take it that's ok then" she still done this until she moved into her own house at 25.
Never Two the same.......


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## patta999 (Apr 28, 2016)

Thanks for your advice.    We have got rules in place.  Things getting better...no arguments for over a week now!    Long may it last!   So pleased I joined the forum as good to know our problems are similar to other families .


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## Northerner (Apr 28, 2016)

patta999 said:


> Thanks for your advice.    We have got rules in place.  Things getting better...no arguments for over a week now!    Long may it last!   So pleased I joined the forum as good to know our problems are similar to other families .


Really good to hear patta!


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