# Time for another 5 word epic!



## Northerner (Nov 4, 2013)

These have produced some quite bizarre and amusing storylines in the past, so I thought it was time we had another one  Add your five words to the last post in the thread to develop the story. I'll start things off with:

Only seven weeks to Christmas...


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## AlisonM (Nov 4, 2013)

And I haven't even started


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## Dizzydi (Nov 4, 2013)

To think about what to


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## Northerner (Nov 4, 2013)

spend this year's pound on


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## AlisonM (Nov 4, 2013)

Gobstoppers, I thought, would be


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## Northerner (Nov 4, 2013)

good value, as they would


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## AlisonM (Nov 4, 2013)

Keep the neighbours quiet and


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## Northerner (Nov 4, 2013)

save on turkey dinners, if


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## AlisonM (Nov 4, 2013)

only the sweet shop had


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## am64 (Nov 4, 2013)

not blown away in the


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## Northerner (Nov 4, 2013)

Great Metformin Storm of 1987


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## Dizzydi (Nov 4, 2013)

It was time to search


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## Annette (Nov 4, 2013)

for an alternative place to


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## Northerner (Nov 4, 2013)

forage for festive fare. But


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## AlisonM (Nov 4, 2013)

Fat Freddie's had closed when


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## Northerner (Nov 4, 2013)

the Diabetes Police discovered that


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## Andy HB (Nov 4, 2013)

Northerner said:


> the Diabetes Police discovered that



he had been hoarding vast


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## Northerner (Nov 4, 2013)

Andy HB said:


> he had been hoarding vast



quantities of embarrassingly large and


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## AlisonM (Nov 4, 2013)

Purple plush puffed pouty pillow


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## runner (Nov 4, 2013)

Toffee. Father Christmas' Robins were


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## Northerner (Nov 4, 2013)

the worst three wheeled cars


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## AlisonM (Nov 4, 2013)

and rusting away in the


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## Northerner (Nov 4, 2013)

elven sheds, never to be


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## Mark T (Nov 4, 2013)

seen by a mortal again


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## Northerner (Nov 4, 2013)

Instead, Santa had invested in


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## Steff (Nov 4, 2013)

Northerner said:


> Instead, Santa had invested in



Seven see through green


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## Mark T (Nov 4, 2013)

Steff said:


> Seven see through green


dresses, but Mrs Claus was


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## LeeLee (Nov 4, 2013)

Mark T said:


> dresses, but Mrs Claus was


after red, to match her...


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## Andy HB (Nov 4, 2013)

LeeLee said:


> after red, to match her...



not insubstantial, but quite remarkably


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## AlisonM (Nov 4, 2013)

Hirsute husband, whose nose shone


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## Mark T (Nov 4, 2013)

with the brightness of ninety


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## Northerner (Nov 4, 2013)

Mark T said:


> with the brightness of ninety



reindeer on the Rudolph Scale


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## AlisonM (Nov 4, 2013)

With every passing year it


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## Northerner (Nov 5, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> With every passing year it



grew in luminosity, provoking fears


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## Andy HB (Nov 5, 2013)

Northerner said:


> grew in luminosity, provoking fears



that a major nasal incident


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## Mark T (Nov 5, 2013)

Would disrupt network conmunications and


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## Northerner (Nov 5, 2013)

Mark T said:


> Would disrupt network conmunications and



scupper internet Christmas shopping for


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## Andy HB (Nov 5, 2013)

Northerner said:


> scupper internet Christmas shopping for



the foreseeable future. So, to


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## Dizzydi (Nov 5, 2013)

Andy HB said:


> the foreseeable future. So, to



Combat the problem the diabetic


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## Northerner (Nov 5, 2013)

Dizzydi said:


> Combat the problem the diabetic



community clubbed together to buy


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## AlisonM (Nov 5, 2013)

The world's largest ever nasal


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## Dizzydi (Nov 5, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> The world's largest ever nasal



Spray gun, which sprays everything


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## AlisonM (Nov 5, 2013)

in sight with a gloopy


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## Northerner (Nov 5, 2013)

nostril sealant, guaranteed to make


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## Andy HB (Nov 6, 2013)

Northerner said:


> nostril sealant, guaranteed to make



the use of handkerchiefs practically


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## Northerner (Nov 6, 2013)

Andy HB said:


> the use of handkerchiefs practically



redundant, much to the distress


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## Andy HB (Nov 6, 2013)

Northerner said:


> redundant, much to the distress



of Mrs Maureen McGirdle of


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## AlisonM (Nov 6, 2013)

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch who had been the


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## Northerner (Nov 6, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch who had been the



franchise holder for souvenir snotcloths


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## Dizzydi (Nov 6, 2013)

Northerner said:


> franchise holder for souvenir snotcloths



Since the 1920 and it's


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## AlisonM (Nov 6, 2013)

Dizzydi said:


> Since the 1920 and it's



Not unreasonable to believe that


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## Andy HB (Nov 6, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> Not unreasonable to believe that



Frank McGirdle, once luminary in


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## AlisonM (Nov 6, 2013)

Andy HB said:


> Frank McGirdle, once luminary in


The Diabetes Food Police was


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## Northerner (Nov 6, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> The Diabetes Food Police was



likely to be drafted in


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## AlisonM (Nov 6, 2013)

To ensure no-one had the


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## Northerner (Nov 6, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> To ensure no-one had the



chocolate orange that went missing


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## Mark T (Nov 6, 2013)

for which the Vorlons had


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## Andy HB (Nov 6, 2013)

Mark T said:


> for which the Vorlons had



written some extremely convoluted and

(oh, hang on! I'm getting confused with Vogons!)


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## AlisonM (Nov 6, 2013)

incomprehensible petunia poetry that the


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## Northerner (Nov 7, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> incomprehensible petunia poetry that the



Gardener's World team had claimed


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## AlisonM (Nov 7, 2013)

Could help the Welsh Whales

(Welsh Whales? Where on earth did I get those from?)


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## Mark T (Nov 7, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> Could help the Welsh Whales
> 
> (Welsh Whales? Where on earth did I get those from?)


That were living in exile


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## Northerner (Nov 7, 2013)

Mark T said:


> That were living in exile



banished because of their voracious


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## Mark T (Nov 7, 2013)

Northerner said:


> banished because of their voracious


appetite for obfuscated elements of


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## Dizzydi (Nov 8, 2013)

Dirty dish water filled with


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## Andy HB (Nov 8, 2013)

Dizzydi said:


> Dirty dish water filled with



sugar encrusted sugary bits. Well,


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## Dizzydi (Nov 8, 2013)

Andy HB said:


> sugar encrusted sugary bits. Well,



blow me over with a


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## AlisonM (Nov 8, 2013)

Loud belly laugh and turn


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## Mark T (Nov 8, 2013)

the music to the max


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## Dizzydi (Nov 8, 2013)

Mark T said:


> the music to the max



And boggie on down to


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## AlisonM (Nov 9, 2013)

The 70s disco wearing our

(Hey Di, I hope you meant 'Boogie').


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## Catwoman76 (Nov 9, 2013)

Rainbow coloured platform shoes and


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## AlisonM (Nov 9, 2013)

Catwoman76 said:


> Rainbow coloured platform shoes and



strings of lovebeads with a


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## Lauren (Nov 9, 2013)

rather confusing array of neon


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## Mark T (Nov 9, 2013)

Lauren said:


> rather confusing array of neon


spinners in boy racer style


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## AlisonM (Nov 10, 2013)

That made everyone dizzy to


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## Catwoman76 (Nov 10, 2013)

The  sounds of The  Osmonds


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## runner (Nov 11, 2013)

Mind my handbag!


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## AlisonM (Nov 11, 2013)

Cried the very small yellow


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## Dizzydi (Nov 12, 2013)

Cuckoo doing the monster mash

PS I did mean boogie Alison lol


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## Northerner (Nov 13, 2013)

Dizzydi said:


> Cuckoo doing the monster mash



(it was a graveyard smash)


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## Dizzydi (Nov 13, 2013)

Northerner said:


> (it was a graveyard smash)



With skeletons, ghost and very


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## Northerner (Nov 13, 2013)

Dizzydi said:


> With skeletons, ghost and very



psychedelic hypo induced swirling purple


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## AlisonM (Nov 13, 2013)

people eaters who insisted on


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## Northerner (Nov 13, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> people eaters who insisted on



using the correct cutlery for


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## runner (Nov 13, 2013)

The Mad Hatter's Tea Party


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## Northerner (Nov 14, 2013)

runner said:


> The Mad Hatter's Tea Party



There were strange cakes on


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## runner (Nov 14, 2013)

Saturday afternoon.  However, blue


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## Dizzydi (Nov 14, 2013)

Giant smarties seemed to be


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## Mark T (Nov 14, 2013)

Dizzydi said:


> Giant smarties seemed to be


in fashion this year as


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## AlisonM (Nov 14, 2013)

diabetics gathered for the Blue


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## muddlethru (Nov 14, 2013)

shirts of Scottish rugby team


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## Northerner (Nov 14, 2013)

to celebrate World Diabetes Day!


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## Mark T (Nov 14, 2013)

George, the well appointed giraffe


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## Dizzydi (Nov 14, 2013)

Mark T said:


> George, the well appointed giraffe



Who happened to be blue,


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## Northerner (Nov 14, 2013)

Dizzydi said:


> Who happened to be blue,



because of an unfortunate incident


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## AlisonM (Nov 14, 2013)

involving a hairdresser and a


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## Mark T (Nov 14, 2013)

group of well meaning smurfs


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## AlisonM (Nov 14, 2013)

They had misunderstood the instructions


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## Dizzydi (Nov 14, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> They had misunderstood the instructions



That clearly stated do not


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## Mark T (Nov 15, 2013)

apply paint after preparing the


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## Dizzydi (Nov 17, 2013)

Mark T said:


> apply paint after preparing the



fluffy buffy bunny bits with


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## Northerner (Nov 21, 2013)

Dizzydi said:


> fluffy buffy bunny bits with



bitumen, because it's so difficult


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## Dizzydi (Nov 21, 2013)

Northerner said:


> bitumen, because it's so difficult



for the fairy dust to


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## Northerner (Nov 21, 2013)

Dizzydi said:


> for the fairy dust to



stick to, unlike most other


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## AlisonM (Nov 21, 2013)

things such as sugar, which


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## Northerner (Nov 21, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> things such as sugar, which



forms an instant, sweet coating


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## AlisonM (Nov 21, 2013)

almost impossible to remove without


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## Northerner (Nov 21, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> almost impossible to remove without



first applying liberal amounts of


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## Dizzydi (Nov 21, 2013)

Salad cream and then using


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## Northerner (Nov 21, 2013)

Dizzydi said:


> Salad cream and then using



extra coarse sandpaper that will


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## AlisonM (Nov 21, 2013)

take the surface off anything


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## Dizzydi (Nov 21, 2013)

Meanwhile, down in the deep


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## AlisonM (Nov 21, 2013)

Dark, dank, dingy, dripping dungeon


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## Dizzydi (Nov 21, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> Dark, dank, dingy, dripping dungeon



Mr toad is getting ready


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## Catwoman76 (Nov 21, 2013)

For the countdown to chrissymas


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## am64 (Nov 21, 2013)

when all of a sudden ....


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## AlisonM (Nov 21, 2013)

The Grinch stormed in with


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## Northerner (Nov 21, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> The Grinch stormed in with



sprouts in each hand, which


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## AlisonM (Nov 21, 2013)

The Story so far:

Only seven weeks to Christmas and I haven't even started to think about what to spend this year's pound on. Gobstoppers, I thought, would be good value, as they would save on turkey dinners, if only the sweet shop had not blown away in the Great Metformin Storm of 1987. It was time to search for an alternative place to forage for festive fare. But Fat Freddie's had closed when the Diabetes Police discovered that he had been hoarding vast quantities of embarrassingly large and Purple plush puffed pouty pillow toffee. 

Father Christmas' Robins were the worst three wheeled cars and rusting away in the elven sheds, never to be seen by a mortal again. Instead, Santa had invested in Seven see through green dresses, but Mrs Claus was after red, to match her not insubstantial, but quite remarkably hirsute husband, whose nose shone with the brightness of ninety reindeer on the Rudolph Scale. With every passing year it grew in luminosity, provoking fears that a major nasal incident would disrupt network communications and scupper internet Christmas shopping for the foreseeable future. So to combat the problem the diabetic community clubbed together to buy the world's largest ever nasal spray gun, which sprays everything in sight with a gloopy nostril sealant, guaranteed to make the use of handkerchiefs practically redundant, much to the distress of Mrs Maureen McGirdle of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch who had been the franchise holder for souvenir snotcloths since the 1920s. 

And, it's not unreasonable to believe that Frank McGirdle, once luminary in the Diabetes Food Police was likely to be drafted in to ensure no-one had the chocolate orange that went missing. For which the Vorlons had (oh, hang on! I'm getting confused with Vogons!) written some extremely convoluted and incomprehensible petunia poetry that the Gardener's World team had claimed could help the Welsh Whales (Welsh Whales? Where on earth did I get those from?) that were living in exile. Banished because of their voracious appetite for obfuscated elements of dirty dish water filled with sugar encrusted sugary bits. 

Well, blow me over with a loud belly laugh and turn the music to the max and boggie on down to the 70s disco wearing our (Hey Di, I hope you meant 'Boogie') rainbow coloured platform shoes and strings of lovebeads with a rather confusing array of neon spinners in boy racer style that made everyone dizzy to the sounds of The Osmonds. Mind my handbag! Cried the very small yellow Cuckoo doing the monster mash (PS I did mean boogie Alison lol) (it was a graveyard smash). With skeletons, ghosts and very psychedelic hypo induced swirling purple people eaters who insisted on using the correct cutlery for the Mad Hatter's Tea Party. There were strange cakes on Saturday afternoon. However, blue giant Smarties seemed to be in fashion this year as diabetics gathered for the Blue shirts of Scottish rugby team to celebrate World Diabetes Day! George, the well appointed giraffe who happened to be blue, because of an unfortunate incident involving a hairdresser and a group of well meaning smurfs. They had misunderstood the instructions that clearly stated “do not apply paint” after preparing the fluffy buffy bunny bits with bitumen, because it's so difficult for the fairy dust to stick to, unlike most other things such as sugar, which forms an instant, sweet coating almost impossible to remove without first applying liberal amounts of Salad cream and then using extra coarse sandpaper that will take the surface off anything.

Meanwhile, down in the deep, dark, dank, dingy, dripping dungeon Mr toad is getting ready for the countdown to chrissymas. When all of a sudden, the Grinch stormed in with sprouts in each hand, which...


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## AlisonM (Nov 21, 2013)

Northerner said:


> sprouts in each hand, which



greatly annoyed Toad, who loathed


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## Dizzydi (Nov 22, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> greatly annoyed Toad, who loathed



the little green smelly thing's

(PS Alison the story so far is hilarious x)


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## AlisonM (Nov 23, 2013)

so passionately that he had


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## Northerner (Nov 23, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> so passionately that he had



put out a contract on


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## AlisonM (Nov 23, 2013)

The farmer, Titus McGirdle, who


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## Northerner (Nov 23, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> The farmer, Titus McGirdle, who



was now cowering in fear


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## AlisonM (Nov 23, 2013)

as the raging Toad careered


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## Northerner (Nov 23, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> as the raging Toad careered



headlong towards him in his


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## AlisonM (Nov 23, 2013)

Parp, parp, wind driven vehicle


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## Northerner (Nov 23, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> Parp, parp, wind driven vehicle



- that metformin had its uses!


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## Mark T (Nov 23, 2013)

Northerner said:


> - that metformin had its uses!


Approaching in the other direction


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## Catwoman76 (Nov 23, 2013)

Strong. Winds from the South


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## Dizzydi (Nov 24, 2013)

Catwoman76 said:


> Strong. Winds from the South



Carrying evil snearing swans who


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## AlisonM (Nov 24, 2013)

who swooped down on Toad


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## Northerner (Nov 24, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> who swooped down on Toad



and lifted him majestically from


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## Mark T (Nov 24, 2013)

Northerner said:


> and lifted him majestically from


his vehicle, which careered down


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## Northerner (Nov 24, 2013)

Mark T said:


> his vehicle, which careered down



the road and over the


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## AlisonM (Nov 24, 2013)

wibbly wobbly bridge into the


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## Mark T (Nov 24, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> wibbly wobbly bridge into the


front room of the vicars


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## AlisonM (Nov 24, 2013)

tea party where all the


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## Mark T (Nov 24, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> tea party where all the


local busybodies started a letter


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## AlisonM (Nov 25, 2013)

complaining about the dangers of


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## am64 (Nov 25, 2013)

the lack of suitable


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## AlisonM (Nov 26, 2013)

receptacles for the large, varied


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## Northerner (Nov 26, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> receptacles for the large, varied



voluminous, volatile and venemous vestiges


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## Dizzydi (Nov 26, 2013)

Northerner said:


> voluminous, volatile and venemous vestiges



Varied vastly in the size


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## AlisonM (Nov 27, 2013)

of their hairy legs, spiders!


----------



## Northerner (Nov 27, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> of their hairy legs, spiders!



Spiders the size of goats!


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## Dizzydi (Nov 29, 2013)

Northerner said:


> Spiders the size of goats!



With much more then the


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## AlisonM (Nov 29, 2013)

usual number of legs, they


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## Dizzydi (Nov 29, 2013)

also had too many eyes


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## Mark T (Nov 29, 2013)

Dizzydi said:


> also had too many eyes


and tongues that are purple


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## AlisonM (Nov 29, 2013)

and razor sharp teeth. They


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## Dizzydi (Nov 29, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> and razor sharp teeth. They



are searching for tasty treats


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## Northerner (Nov 29, 2013)

Dizzydi said:


> are searching for tasty treats



looking in the Harrod's food


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## AlisonM (Nov 29, 2013)

hall for a few crumbs of


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## Mark T (Nov 29, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> hall for a few crumbs of


peanut butter sandwiches with jelly


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## pippaandben (Nov 30, 2013)

Mark T said:


> peanut butter sandwiches with jelly


and a big bucket of


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## gail1 (Nov 30, 2013)

carrots and peas with toffee


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## AlisonM (Nov 30, 2013)

sauce. Then they started another


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## Dizzydi (Dec 1, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> sauce. Then they started another



quest to find the golden


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## Annette (Dec 2, 2013)

Dizzydi said:


> quest to find the golden



hairbrush, so as to avoid


----------



## Mark T (Dec 2, 2013)

Annette Anderson said:


> hairbrush, so as to avoid


meeting the knights that say


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## AlisonM (Dec 2, 2013)

nee and having them rolling


----------



## Dizzydi (Dec 4, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> nee and having them rolling



down the giant slope towards


----------



## AlisonM (Dec 4, 2013)

The huge burning pit of


----------



## Mark T (Dec 4, 2013)

Diabetes UK healthy eating pamphlet's


----------



## Andy HB (Dec 5, 2013)

Mark T said:


> Diabetes UK healthy eating pamphlet's



easy-pull out section on contemporary


----------



## AlisonM (Dec 5, 2013)

diets. The flames roared up


----------



## Dizzydi (Dec 10, 2013)

around the coals ready for


----------



## AlisonM (Dec 10, 2013)

toasting the knight's toes if


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## Old Holborn (Dec 10, 2013)

the butter and sugar melted


----------



## Northerner (Dec 10, 2013)

Old Holborn said:


> the butter and sugar melted



and coalesced to form a


----------



## AlisonM (Dec 10, 2013)

big shortbread lump with added


----------



## Northerner (Dec 10, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> big shortbread lump with added



molasses, treacle, syrup, caramel and


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## Dizzydi (Dec 10, 2013)

Crunchy peanuts to give extra


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## Northerner (Dec 10, 2013)

Dizzydi said:


> Crunchy peanuts to give extra



texture and taste. If only


----------



## Maryanne29 (Dec 10, 2013)

I could, I would because


----------



## Northerner (Dec 10, 2013)

Maryanne29 said:


> I could, I would because



it would only seem fair


----------



## AlisonM (Dec 10, 2013)

And better than chewing off


----------



## Dizzydi (Dec 10, 2013)

jelly babies heads because they


----------



## AlisonM (Dec 10, 2013)

scream if you bite their


----------



## Northerner (Dec 10, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> scream if you bite their



legs off first, especially green


----------



## AlisonM (Dec 10, 2013)

ones, who have very loud


----------



## Northerner (Dec 11, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> ones, who have very loud



Hawaiian shirts in the deluxe


----------



## Northerner (Dec 15, 2013)

Northerner said:


> Hawaiian shirts in the deluxe



version. Bumpitybump went the thread


----------



## AlisonM (Dec 15, 2013)

As the crazy writers worked


----------



## Northerner (Dec 15, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> As the crazy writers worked



like fevered minions to get


----------



## Mark T (Dec 15, 2013)

Northerner said:


> like fevered minions to get


This weeks edition out in


----------



## Northerner (Dec 15, 2013)

Mark T said:


> This weeks edition out in



time for the biggest ever


----------



## Mark T (Dec 15, 2013)

Northerner said:


> time for the biggest ever


World jamboree for the original


----------



## Northerner (Dec 15, 2013)

Mark T said:


> World jamboree for the original



sized Wagon Wheels, before they


----------



## AlisonM (Dec 15, 2013)

settled in to write more


----------



## Mark T (Dec 15, 2013)

AlisonM said:


> settled in to write more


obtuse linguistic compositions regarding the


----------



## AlisonM (Dec 15, 2013)

virtues and vicissitudes of vital


----------

