# Confused



## Natalie123 (Aug 11, 2011)

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I thought you would be good to give me some advice. I am not pregnant, but I am thinking about having children in the next few years (I plan things early!) and I am worried. I really want children and so does my boyfriend (we have been together for 5 years now) but I am scared that, because my diabetes is not well controlled (my GP said I definitely can't with levels like mine at the moment) it will harm the baby and I will have a traumatic experience. I know it is silly to worry about giving birth etc, but with all my phobias of hospitals and medical stuff in general along with the complications of diabetes I don't know if I could cope. I was thinking about adopting, but it is not the same as having your own, and although I am still keen on the idea, my boyfriend really wants to have his own. I don't like discussing it with him as conversations always end in tears. Sorry about this, it is really stupid but has been playing on my mind for ages so I thought I'd ask anyway


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## margie (Aug 11, 2011)

Hi Natalie - there are a couple of things I can suggest. One is that some diabetic clinics have pre-conception clinics - where the DSNs can talk to you and take you through your concerns re your diabetes and also help you to get your blood sugars in range.

As you have general fears of hospitals have you spoken to your GP about getting some counselling to help you deal with these fears.

Good Luck


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## Mark T (Aug 11, 2011)

It's not an easy thing to discuss.  I've been there.

Maybe it might help to consider a few scenarios different to your current one and discuss through what you would do in those scenarios.  Maybe what would you do in the case that his sperm could not fertilize your eggs (it's not uncommon) or would would you do in the case that you couldn't have children not due to diabetes (I've met two people who for various reasons had to have their womb removed before they had children).

Maybe it might be easier to discuss scenarios which are not the one you are in, but are equally valid.

I can quite understand why someone would have the desire to have their own children, but I promise that the felling of love towards that child is the same regardless or whether it has been adopted or not.


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## Monkey (Aug 11, 2011)

Not a silly question. I'd definitely speak to your DSN about a pre-conception clinic appointment, because at least then you'll know what you need to aim for before getting pregnant. I think removing some of the unknown can really help.


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## MrsCLH (Aug 11, 2011)

Hi Natalie

I completely agree with what everyone else has said about pre-conception. Really helped me with knowing exactly what 'good control' meant and what I needed to do to get there.

I have not always had great control, I reckon a few years ago they would have told me no way as well. Maybe you could focus on getting your diabetes under control for a year or so and put the pregnancy thing to one side for now? Just focusing on one thing might make you feel less overwhelmed.

If you'd told me a few years ago that I'd be able to do this I wouldn't have believed you, but I'm 33 weeks pregnant now and if I can do it then anyone can 

Mrs H x


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## Natalie123 (Aug 11, 2011)

Thanks everyone, this has made me feel a lot better. I picked up a bit of info when I went to the hospital this afternoon too. I will put it on my list of things to discuss with my DSN on my next visit.
Margie - I think the counselling might help, I am seeing a psychologist at the moment and we have discussed needle phobias etc, perhaps it would be worth mentioning my general fear of medical stuff too rather than just concentrating on one thing.
Mark - Thanks, your reply was very touching and has given me something to think about 
Mrs H - thanks for the positive story, well done on improving your levels and congrats and good luck for the rest of your pregnancy x Its definitely a big motivation to sort things out


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## rachelha (Aug 11, 2011)

Natalie I understand a bit how you feel.  I was starting to consider adopting as it took me a while to get my control good enough before getting the go ahead to ttc.  It is really emotive subject, I am not surprised you get upset.  I talked it through a lot with a cpn I was seeing at one point and that helped, I would definitely talk to your psychiatrist about it.  Is there a pre pregnancy clinic you could go long to, or a DSN you could talk to.  Mine reassured me a lt about the chances of babies getting the D etc.


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## Natalie123 (Aug 12, 2011)

Thanks Rachel, there is so much to discuss! Thankfully I have plenty of time  That was the other thing that bothered me at first; what were the chances of my baby having diabetes? I think I heard somewhere that is is only 10% which was surprisingly low - not sure if that is right though


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## Lizzzie (Aug 14, 2011)

Hi Natalie

There's my baby girl sitting next to me on a bouncy chair, gurgling away as I type....

1) Yes pregnancy is harder if you're a diabetic, mostly because your blood sugars jump about all over the place and you've got to keep your control so good. SO i agree with everyone else when they say talk to a DSN and start practicing good control early, so that you'll be much better at keeping your levels low and as when it happens.
This is DIFFICULT. If you didn't find it difficult, you probably wouldn't be human. But you WILL be able to do it, the DSNs give you a lot of help and if you look at old posts on the forum, you'll see just how many people worry about it and everything so often works out ok with hard work.

2) As for the bit about giving birth, everyone worries about that!  Pain is a scary idea (I didn't feel any pain, I ended up having an elective C-section and the pain relief they gave me was fantastic).  It shouldn't be any worse for a diabetic than a non-diabetic, except that a c-section is more likely if you are diabetic, also sometimes you have to get induced. Again, it's good to talk.

3) It's all worth it in the end. Trust me ("gargle gargle" says Elspeth next to me)


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