# Make responses meaningful, polite and kind



## SB2015

*Make responses meaningful, polite and kind*
This was a message reiterated by Partha Kar at intervals during the recent T1 Tech conference
It stuck with me and I felt it was worth repeating here.  
I would add that we should remember whose thread we are replying to, and avoid hijacking these.
Some new members have left after this happened to them

I still remember putting my first post on this forum, and the wealth of support and advice I was given.
There were different views but they were linked to my OP.
*The* *responses were meaningful, polite and kind*


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## everydayupsanddowns

Thanks @SB2015 - that’s a very good benchmark.

Yes I’m proud of this community for having lots of different opinions, and allowing people to find their own path. Naturally people tend to be enthusiastic for the approaches which worked for them (especially if they tried or were advised to try others which were less successful for them) - but it is vital to allow people to find their own path among the myriad of options.

And most of all it is vital to conduct ourselves with kindness, especially where we follow a different approach to someone else.


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## Vonny

The lovely thing about this forum is the lack of judgement. I feel quite happy posting about when I've gone off track because I know I will receive understanding and kind answers. Without that support I'd find it much harder, so thanks to all the lovely people who have helped me yet again. NB, not hijacking, just consolidating the message about being meaningful, polite and kind! People have been unfailingly all those things to me here xx


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## AJLang

I would also add don’t criticise the efforts that you feel others do or don’t make or assume that their control is worse than it is. People come on this forum, including long-timers, wanting support and to sometimes just to let off steam. Not to be made to feel that they are not strong enough or don’t have enough willpower. It May be there only outlet to say these things and inappropriate comments can badly affect their mental health however strong they may appear.


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## chaoticcar

Just like to add my 2 penny worth with 2 quotes from a typical old Northern friend 
If in doubt say nowt .And if you can't build up shut up !
He is long dead now but I always keep his wisdom in mind 
Carol


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## AnnSebastian

AJLang said:


> I would also add don’t criticise the efforts that you feel others do or don’t make or assume that their control is worse than it is. People come on this forum, including long-timers, wanting support and to sometimes just to let off steam. Not to be made to feel that they are not strong enough or don’t have enough willpower. It May be there only outlet to say these things and inappropriate comments can badly affect their mental health however strong they may appear.



Absolutely.


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## Gwynn

Hmmm, this is my only outlet for anything. I am completely isolated because of my wifes illness. The lack of judgement attitudes and wealth of help and support I have found here is very very helpful.

The odd occasion someone has said something 'off' or been upset by something someone said has perhaps been down to misunderstandings and someone struggling with things beyond their capacity to cope.

I think it is right to be reminded that some people are very fragile, scared, frightened, stressed, worried, upset so being as understanding as possible from their point of view is important for us all. As is often said what works for one person may not work for another, so patience and understanding of anothers struggle becomes ever more important.

This web site and forum are a life line to many people. I hope it will stay one for a long long time.


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## ColinUK

@Gwynn  you’re not alone on using this forum for purposes way beyond that suggested by the name.
I viewed this as a diabetes forum initially but now fully appreciate that it’s firm full of compassionate, complicated, confused, confident people who just happen to have a common diagnosis.
I know I certainly use this places way beyond the confines of diabetes and I’m grateful that I can. It’s been a vital support for me as I start to deal with trauma acts it’s a place I truly appreciate with a value way beyond rubies. 
That we can come together to laugh, to cry, to support, encourage, yes chastise from time to time too, is part of the strength of this place. Long may it continue.


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## AnnSebastian

SB2015 said:


> *Make responses meaningful, polite and kind*
> This was a message reiterated by Partha Kar at intervals during the recent T1 Tech conference
> It stuck with me and I felt it was worth repeating here.
> I would add that we should remember whose thread we are replying to, and avoid hijacking these.
> Some new members have left after this happened to them
> 
> I still remember putting my first post on this forum, and the wealth of support and advice I was given.
> There were different views but they were linked to my OP.
> *The* *responses were meaningful, polite and kind*



I have learned a few new things from my short time on this  forum that I didn’t know already.

I’d never heard of Partha Kar until I logged on here. I googled him - he does seem like someone worth paying attention to. I’ll watch out for anything interesting in the future.


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## AnnSebastian

everydayupsanddowns said:


> Thanks @SB2015 - that’s a very good benchmark.
> 
> Yes I’m proud of this community for having lots of different opinions, and allowing people to find their own path. Naturally people tend to be enthusiastic for the approaches which worked for them (especially if they tried or were advised to try others which were less successful for them) - but it is vital to allow people to find their own path among the myriad of options.
> 
> And most of all it is vital to conduct ourselves with kindness, especially where we follow a different approach to someone else.



@everydayupsanddowns 

Mike 

Thank you. 

Did you understand the point I was trying to make? 

I can rephrase it if that would help. 

Kind regards 

Ann


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## Docsue

Sorry if I sound thick but fairly new to this and was helped a few weeks ago with a problem I had. Are you saying that when a person first posts the responses should be about the concern the original post. I know people can go off in other directions it’s human nature at times but I’ll try in future to only answer a thread with comments to that thread and not go off into things about ME unless relevant to the original thread.
Is that correct…have I understood you?
Anyway good morning to everyone x


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## ColinUK

Docsue said:


> Sorry if I sound thick but fairly new to this and was helped a few weeks ago with a problem I had. Are you saying that when a person first posts the responses should be about the concern the original post. I know people can go off in other directions it’s human nature at times but I’ll try in future to only answer a thread with comments to that thread and not go off into things about ME unless relevant to the original thread.
> Is that correct…have I understood you?
> Anyway good morning to everyone x


Conversations wander and that's OK I think.


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## Robin

Docsue said:


> Sorry if I sound thick but fairly new to this and was helped a few weeks ago with a problem I had. Are you saying that when a person first posts the responses should be about the concern the original post. I know people can go off in other directions it’s human nature at times but I’ll try in future to only answer a thread with comments to that thread and not go off into things about ME unless relevant to the original thread.
> Is that correct…have I understood you?
> Anyway good morning to everyone x


Sometimes when a thread goes way off topic, the mods will move the off-topic stuff to its own thread, as a housekeeping act, simply to attract new responses to the new topic, and make it easier for people to find stuff they’re interested in.
 Eg, if someone suddenly puts, 'oh and by the way my nose has turned orange', but the thread topic at the top of the page is 'blue toes' people who know about orange noses may not read down a thread about blue toes, so never discover that they could add something useful. It also helps when people are searching through threads to find information, if the topic heading actually reflects what is in the thread.


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## SB2015

Hi @Docsue threads do amble as with any conversation, and we keep a watch for the situation @Robin has described so aptly (I shall be watching for an orange nose thread now)

On rare occasions a thread will go completely off topic and leave the original poster with nor responses to their original query.  If that happens to one of yours just report it and the mods can separate it off.


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## Docsue

Ok thank you


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## everydayupsanddowns

Thanks for the chuckle @Robin. 

The mods will always always keep blue toe and orange nose threads scrupulously separate. Anything else would be *unthinkable*. 

But yes a bit of thread drift is only natural, so don’t take any thread splitting as a telling off or anything - it’s just trying to help keep things tidy


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## ColinUK

What about those of us with blue noses and orange toes eh?!


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