# Advice needed with teenager HBA1C rising



## Mumtoteenager (Aug 2, 2022)

Hi, 9 months ago my teenager’s HBA1C was 68.  They were fed up of me parenting their diabetes (diagnosed at 11, currently 16).  So I agreed to back off and let them do it.  HBA1C is now 103.  In last two weeks only two finger prick tests done. Had paediatric diabetic clinic yesterday, in theory they have agreed to test once every morning and to consider doing a three day/4 tests per day one off to see where levels actually are… that first morning test didn’t happen today.   Teenager is taking a dose of insulin at lunch, one in evening and then Levemir as night time.  Carb counting has gone out of the window. 

As the parent, I’m seriously struggling - nagging doesn’t work. My only option seems to be to wait it out till they want to actually take proper control of it themselves.  But they’re also due to go away with another family for a week in autumn, I’m scared they’ll end up in DKA that week.  To be honest it’s my fear anyway, any week as they seem to be only just doing enough to stay out of problems.  

Help please - what approaches have worked for you?  Do I really just have to sit and watch?  Thx


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## Pumper_Sue (Aug 2, 2022)

Mumtoteenager said:


> As the parent, I’m seriously struggling - nagging doesn’t work. My only option seems to be to wait it out till they want to actually take proper control of it themselves. But they’re also due to go away with another family for a week in autumn, I’m scared they’ll end up in DKA that week. To be honest it’s my fear anyway, any week as they seem to be only just doing enough to stay out of problems.


Do as my mother did to me it sure does work 
I asked to go on a school trip and she looked at me in astonishment and said no for the very simple reason you will not participate in the management of your diabetes I do everything for you.

Funny enough I soon learnt enough to be allowed to go. This was early 1970's but have never forgotten that lesson. Also point out to him he won't be able to hold a driving licence due to his lack of control.
Sending you a ((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))) as it must be very hard having a teenager with diabetes.


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## Inka (Aug 2, 2022)

Do you think a Libre would help @Mumtoteenager ? Easier to scan and quicker too. It would also give clues as to just how good - or not - their management is. 

Do you count the carbs in their evening meal? If so, I’d actively tell them and tell them their bolus amount too. I know that’s not letting them manage it themselves, but they might just do what you say because you’ve saved them some brainpower.

You say nagging doesn’t work - have you tried a ‘casual shrug’ approach? Appear not to be bothered and make some throwaway comment. I’ve found that often spurs my children to prove me wrong by doing what I ‘thought they couldn’t do’.


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## Mumtoteenager (Aug 2, 2022)

Pumper_Sue said:


> Do as my mother did to me it sure does work
> I asked to go on a school trip and she looked at me in astonishment and said no for the very simple reason you will not participate in the management of your diabetes I do everything for you.
> 
> Funny enough I soon learnt enough to be allowed to go. This was early 1970's but have never forgotten that lesson. Also point out to him he won't be able to hold a driving licence due to his lack of control.
> Sending you a ((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))) as it must be very hard having a teenager with diabetes.


Thank you, i will! X


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## Mumtoteenager (Aug 2, 2022)

Inka said:


> Do you think a Libre would help @Mumtoteenager ? Easier to scan and quicker too. It would also give clues as to just how good - or not - their management is.
> 
> Do you count the carbs in their evening meal? If so, I’d actively tell them and tell them their bolus amount too. I know that’s not letting them manage it themselves, but they might just do what you say because you’ve saved them some brainpower.
> 
> You say nagging doesn’t work - have you tried a ‘casual shrug’ approach? Appear not to be bothered and make some throwaway comment. I’ve found that often spurs my children to prove me wrong by doing what I ‘thought they couldn’t do’.


I was telling, currently shrugging… but it’s really hard.  They refuse point blank to try a monitor At all ‍♂️ It’s all so frustrating and upsetting.  I’m really concerned nothing will change until it’s a hospital stay x


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## Sally71 (Aug 2, 2022)

My daughter is also 16 and I’m in the process of trying to step back and just let her get on with it herself, which is quite hard!  I’ve been lucky and she’s pretty compliant and hasn’t had a major rebellion against her diabetes, she does sometimes do things not quite as thoroughly as I would like but she’s got to learn to make her own mistakes.  She does carb count and do her insulin at each meal though!
Nagging definitely doesn’t work, that will just make them more likely to not do what you want, although I know it’s hard and sometimes I can’t help myself from making a barbed comment which isn’t really fair.  She takes it all in her stride though.  Must be a hundred times harder when you can see them really not looking after themselves!

The only thing I can suggest is similar to @Pumper_Sue .  My daughter has been pretty good with her diabetes but there are some things she is will just let me carry on doing even though she’s quite capable of doing it herself.  She wanted to go on a school trip to France in year 8 and I had to say well that’s not possible unless you learn to do your pump refills yourself.  You can’t expect a teacher to do them, you definitely don’t want me coming with you (nor did I want to go!), you could go back to injections for the duration of the trip but we’re so used to doing things the pump way that going on to injections would probably cause a whole load of new difficulties. She pretty soon learned how to do her pump refills (under protest at first although she understood that she didn’t have any choice), and then when she switched to a new pump two years ago she took that on all by herself and wouldn’t let me touch the new one.  Sometimes they just need a push to make them realise that they can do things.

Good luck, I can imagine how much you must be worrying, I hope you can find a solution that doesn’t involve them learning the hard way and ending up in hospital x


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## Inka (Aug 2, 2022)

Mumtoteenager said:


> I was telling, currently shrugging… but it’s really hard.  They refuse point blank to try a monitor At all ‍♂️ It’s all so frustrating and upsetting.  I’m really concerned nothing will change until it’s a hospital stay x



I wonder if their clinic has a buddy system? Another teen enthusing about how cool the Libre is might help. I suspect though that some of the not wanting a monitor is because they know their results will be bad. So, maybe explaining their results won’t be judged or criticised but they’ll be supported to improve them will work?

Also, teens are also very sensitive to the opinions of their peers. What if their lack of control means they can’t drive but all their friends are? Etc Stress that the best way to be ‘just like everyone else’ is to keep the diabetes controlled.


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## Thebearcametoo (Aug 2, 2022)

With day to day stuff do they use their phone and would they set up reminders on there so that it’s a non parent reminding them? Likewise for carb counting if it’s meals you’re involved in then texting the carbs or them so they decide what to do with it. 

My 12 year old has been a teenager in manner for quite some time (since he was about 3 really ) and we’ve gone through lots of phases of refusal or difficulty in doing diabetes stuff. He’s currently chosen to go back on his dexcom and pump but has had phases where he’s wanted to drop one or the other. He’s trans and we’ve had a lot of issue with puberty and periods and that caused massive problems with his management and mental health until he went on the pill to stop them. Since coming out as a boy and having his hormones more under control things have been easier but not plain sailing. 

Are there any friends who will help them to do more management? 

As for going away with another family, that would be a no for me unless they had better management. But if the parents were fully happy with the responsibility and understand what the issues are then they may be happy to still take them. We’ve had talks with my kid about how being responsible for someone else’s child is harder than for your own child so when he’s been at friend’s houses etc I’ve helped him manage stuff via text. 

We’re here to support you through it. The worry is debilitating sometimes.


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