# Am i being selfish?



## D_G (Jul 15, 2010)

This probably sounds really selfish but i just cant help getting angry at peoples facebook statuses recently!

When i see a status along the lines of "iv had the worse day ever....first im late for work then i broke a nail..could my life get any worse" or things like "i hate my life (because of some rediculous reason) " it just makes me angry and i just want to slap them and say at least you dont have this awful disease to contend with every day of your life, think yourself lucky! 

It takes all my strength not to comment on statuses like these.....is this selfish of me?

I just feel like these people have no reason to hate thier lives and they should be so thankful that they have thier health. i know everyone has thier problems dont get me wrong about that but sometimes i just think...oh your nail broke...try walking in my shoes for a day!

Anyone else feel this way or just me........?


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## Steff (Jul 15, 2010)

No DG sounds quite resonable to me and not at all selfish , i dont have facebook for these kind of reasons so i stay well clear of statuses lol...she should count herself very lucky a broken nail is her biggest problem of the day.


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## Corrine (Jul 15, 2010)

I often feel the same as you!  Given my health situation lately (and everything else that has happened over the last year) I get particularly incensed when people say 'oh I am so tired', or 'oh, I really don't like my job'....and have pretty much the same reaction as you.  Walk a mile in my shoes and then tell me how bad you feel.  I'm trying to hold my tongue tho as I don't want anyone to start feeling sorry for me!


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## Ellowyne (Jul 15, 2010)

Nope...Not being selfish hun, just some people don't realise how lucky they are! The most status' that infuriate me, is that posted by MY own family members!!...I see all their holiday pictures, 2/3 holidays in one year and yet they still will write things like...'I need a break' or say what a difficult day that have had rushing about and trying to get organised for the next night out!!...I think 'What's a holiday' and 'what's a night out' 

My only night out is when I am layed up in hospital with severe Gall bladder or Pancreatus pain....Sometimes staying in for 4 nights...and NO visitors but my Partner! 

The last time I was taken in my son wrote on his Facebook wall that I was ill again...He said how no one had come to visit me...The only reply was from  my cousin who explined how 'we are all busy with own own problems!'

Whilst I can understand this, I think, too busy for a half hour hospital visit?...When your 10 minuste away in a car???....Well, you can't choose your family can you!....No, they are the selfish one's...If they ever become ill they will know how it feels...When I told some of my family about my Diabtes, a couple of remarks I had was 'Oh, lots of people have Diabetes'

There's caring for ya!


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## rachelha (Jul 15, 2010)

I feel like this sometimes too.  

It is really mean, but the posts from the ladies who have just been diagnosed with gestational diabetes on my baby forum, get me quite annoyed.  I know rationally being diagnosed with GD part way through your pregnancy must be a real shock and very scary, but part of me just wants to tell them to shut up and that they dont know how lucky they are to only be having to deal with it for a few weeks.

I dont say this though, I bite my tongue and help them with their diet, blood testing queries as much as I can


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## Copepod (Jul 15, 2010)

Agreed, it's frustrating.
At least with Facebook, you can choose to reduce the number of updates from people who irritate you. Status updates reach everyone, regardless of long term health conditions, so they're not aiming at you specifically. It's just a feature of social networking sites that some people want to post lots, and have such minor news that breaking a nail makes news. Guess it's a case of glass half full / half empty, but agreed, I'd be annoyed if no-one visted me in hospital, especially if they lived close.  But a willing friend is better than someone acting only out of duty - the pressed man / volunteer principle in armed forces. Actually, when I was knocked off my bike and spent 2 nights in hospital, my partner was away and out of phone contact, so I had to phone our lodger and ask him to bring in a change of clothes, glasses and extra insulin; phoned my mum, but over 100 miles away, couldn't come over for 2 days. Not nice, but completely understandable. Poor partner - first he knew of my injury was feeling a bandage on my arm when he got into bed late at night.


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## hotchop (Jul 15, 2010)

mmmmm im gonna put the cat amongst the pidgeons now....

we all deal with stress and troubles differently.. some like to shout it from the rooftops and other plod on minding their own business dealing with their issues.

Facebook has created more of an awareness of blooming moaners and jelousy and envy and all those feelings that we all either love or hate.

Maybe the person who has no other worries apart from breaking a nail has no real worries... now im jealous, I really am...

 yet the person who had gestational diabetes is frantically worried about her unborn child.. I feel really bad for her and cant imagine how she feels, even if it is only for a few weeks/months.

There are ppl on every site, this one included, who I just suspect to not having a life apart from the internet and do nothing but moan to anyone who will read and provoke a response because they may be lacking some sort of attention.. it goes further than needing support and advice>> and I really feel sorry for them!

people keep responding.... creating the feeling that they are important and fuelling the fire that creates such strong feelings.

im sure we can all think of maybe one or 2 people who you think.. god what are they moaning about now! lol

off my box


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## Caroline Wilson (Jul 15, 2010)

It is frustrating when people have a bad day over trivial things. We all have bad days for one reason or another.

For me personally because I have problems with crowds and confnied spaces, if I am late for work it is more stressfull as there are more crowds. We are all different so view things differently


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## Steff (Jul 15, 2010)

hotchop said:


> mmmmm im gonna put the cat amongst the pidgeons now....
> 
> we all deal with stress and troubles differently.. some like to shout it from the rooftops and other plod on minding their own business dealing with their issues.
> 
> ...



Well said reason number 2 why i dont do facebook/twitter etc.


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## Vicsetter (Jul 15, 2010)

There has been quite a lot said about the psychology of Facebook and I find it very strange that people actually seem to use it as if it were Twitter, one liners.  I only post when I have something exciting to say or I think my friends would be interested.
I found this interesting (it is american though): http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/shut-and-listen/201004/facebook-caused-the-recession


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## SilentAssassin1642 (Jul 15, 2010)

really bugs me too...seriously. If they actually had something to moan about then I would feel a little more sympathy towards them  but alas, I am a bit of a b****  so sympathy doesn't come often from me XD


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## Jules001 (Jul 16, 2010)

D_G just put on your status Dilligaf!!! lol if you dont know what this means I will pm you with the answer lol....


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## Steff (Jul 16, 2010)

Jules001 said:


> D_G just put on your status Dilligaf!!! lol if you dont know what this means I will pm you with the answer lol....



PM it to me as well lol


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## Jules001 (Jul 16, 2010)

Steffie check ya inbox lol


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## Steff (Jul 16, 2010)

Jules001 said:


> Steffie check ya inbox lol



Love it hun  thx.


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## stewardsons (Jul 16, 2010)

its for this reason i deleted my facebook account, seems to be all unemployed or single mothers at home updating their status 10 times a day.

some of them go like this,

shaun - is hungry
shaun - is eating
shaun - is full
shaun - needs the toilet
shaun - is weeing.


its basically for attention seekers.


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## novorapidboi26 (Jul 16, 2010)

I dont think you can be selfish for thinking that, 

but honestly do you think your life is so bad, I just joined today and there seems to be a lot of grown men and woman struggling to come to terms with this CONDITION (prefer not to call it disease).

If you test your blood every day (ever meal time) your in the best position to get a good control, and that means HbA1c result, trying to get on target every time you test is a good goal but unrealistic.

Lighten up.............


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## Steff (Jul 16, 2010)

stewardsons said:


> its for this reason i deleted my facebook account, seems to be all unemployed or single mothers at home updating their status 10 times a day.
> 
> some of them go like this,
> 
> ...



I'm sure some single fathers do it to.


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## MargB (Jul 16, 2010)

It doesn't make you selfish but you are obviously much more mature than the others.  You have had to mature quicker than them because of the health issue and some people will never, ever be as mature as you.

As someone else has said, if one of your Facebook friends is doing a one liner every time they move, stop showing their posts.


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## Jules001 (Jul 16, 2010)

Rapidboi

For someone who is new to this forum I feel you should keep your opions to yourself, There are a lot of ppl who have joined this forum for help to come to terms with this Illness, wether they are type1 or type 2....... ppl like myself have had this for nearly 10yrs or more and I joined because my diabetes was out of controll, and before you say its my fault it wasn't, I didnt have a good Diabetic nurse or good doctors but I have now and they advised me of this forum where everybody who has diabetes can seek information and make friends. So word of advise dont judge ppl on here there are new ppl on here that need help and friendship to help them cope.....


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## Copepod (Jul 16, 2010)

All users, new or established, are welcome to express opinions - disagreement and recognising difference is fine!


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## MargB (Jul 16, 2010)

Maybe the "lighten up" exit line could have been left unsaid.

However, as Copepod says, all are welcome unless they become offensive.


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## novorapidboi26 (Jul 16, 2010)

Maybe the "lighten up" could of been left out.........I apologise if I offended (any newly diagnosed members).

But this is a forum and if one was seasoned to online communities you would know all opinions are welcome......

I am not here to kick up any trouble, I was purely expressing my opinon that diabetes is not the end of the world, especially in this day and age....there is much worse I can assure you.

Unfortunatley when you are diagnosed with it, no one is there to educate you on how everything works, why its happened, what you need to do now......

That should be everyones goal here...........


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## stewardsons (Jul 16, 2010)

novorapidboi26 said:


> Maybe the "lighten up" could of been left out.........I apologise if I offended (any newly diagnosed members).
> 
> But this is a forum and if one was seasoned to online communities you would know all opinions are welcome......
> 
> ...



i agree with you


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## Northerner (Jul 16, 2010)

novorapidboi26 said:


> Maybe the "lighten up" could of been left out.........I apologise if I offended (any newly diagnosed members).
> 
> But this is a forum and if one was seasoned to online communities you would know all opinions are welcome......
> 
> ...



Thanks for the apology. Whilst it is true that some forums may contain 'blunt' and 'forthright' contributions, not everyone is seasoned to this, indeed this may be the first and only forum some people have joined, so we ask our members to be courteous and respectful to other members and not to include potentially inflammatory phrases. Whilst it's true that there are worst things in life than diabetes, it is all relative - for people new or struggling with their diabetes management it can be most debilitating and upsetting.


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## hotchop (Jul 16, 2010)

i think this whole thread has been taken out of context now and is on a slippery slide for some arguing.

If i remember, there was no mention of diabetes in the first post....it was about how some people react and deal with life in different ways and how other people are annoyed that views and thoughts are not similar.

I suspect if novorapidboi had been a seasoned contributor already, there would have been no reaction by anyone and it wouldnt have required an apology.

Most sites are "clicky".. this one is no different

I dont feel that anyone has been nasty.... just taken out of context....


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## rossi_mac (Jul 16, 2010)

I don't think you or anyone D_G is being selfish getting angry with those thoughts, just try, and not take them to heart. We all use these different sites differently and generally no one means any harm.

Also I wouldn't want you to spend a day in my shoes, although big a spacious not very clean/fresh!
Rossi


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## MargB (Jul 16, 2010)

I am with you on your final line Hotchop - think it is a case of something you say not being the same when written on a forum.  Misunderstanding.

Surprised about the clicky comment though as I don't feel it on here.  I am relatively new and have not felt excluded.  I don't understand all the threads on Type 1 things but then there is no reason why I should.

We don't know how the original poster was feeling when they read the Facebook entries - perhaps normally they would hardly have noticed but something must have touched a nerve.

Anyway, welcome rapidboi - like your avatar.


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## Vicsetter (Jul 16, 2010)

stewardsons said:


> its for this reason i deleted my facebook account, seems to be all unemployed or single mothers at home updating their status 10 times a day.
> 
> some of them go like this,
> 
> ...



Strange, I only see posts from 'Friends' on facebook, do you have a lot of unemployed or single mothers as friends.  If not how did you see them?


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## Catwoman76 (Jul 16, 2010)

novorapidboi26 said:


> Maybe the "lighten up" could of been left out.........I apologise if I offended (any newly diagnosed members).
> 
> But this is a forum and if one was seasoned to online communities you would know all opinions are welcome......
> 
> ...



Hi I totally agree with you, there are alot worse things in life than Diabetes,eg Cancer, Parkinsons disease, Debilitating lung conditions, Child abuse, Alzheimers,people waiting for transplants. At least we can have good to reasonable control and hopefully live a long and healthy life, which i'm afraid there are thousands or millions of people out there who do not have much to look forward to. No, diabetes is not the end of the world, it's a right pain in the backside at times, and causes problems, but hey, thats the hand we were dealt with and I'm afraid we just have to deal with it the best way we can.Sheena


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## novorapidboi26 (Jul 16, 2010)

Lets finish with this topic..............respect to all..............


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## bev (Jul 16, 2010)

Hi all,

I just wanted to put my two penneth in!

We are all individuals and so we all deal with stress and illness in an individual way. What may be very traumatic for one person may not be a bother for others.

Stress, and the effects of stress, are not a 'measureable' entity. So saying that having diabetes for one person is ok and they just get on with it is wonderful. However, I find it rather arrogant to want to apply this perception across the board. Some people would get highly agitated over breaking a nail and others wouldnt care. Some people get highly agitated over being diagnosed with diabetes and others dont. There is no 'right' or 'wrong' about how we all deal with bad news - but I think we should all be tolerant of each others feelings. Being judgemental about how somebody deals with stress and bad news is never healthy as it appears that one has to 'prove' that the news we have had has to be scored on a rating of 1 to 10 and if it isnt a 10 then we are not allowed to be upset or traumatised by it - but who says that there is a rating about how we all deal with life events? If some people find that a diagnosis is acceptable and can just be blase about it then I envy you - because I cant accept this diagnosis for Alex and I will never be 'comfortable' about it under any circumstances. Luckily I think he accepts it more than I do and that makes me happy - but it doesnt negate my unhappiness about it all and I would prefer not to be judged for my outrage at my child being diagnosed with a life long chronic illness.Bev


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## Pigeon (Jul 16, 2010)

No you're not being selfish D_G, I know how you feel sometimes. Having said that, I think it is all relative and depends what is going on in your life at the time. For example, a friend died of cancer only 3 days after the symptoms appeared, leaving his wife and 2 young daughters. Obviously that was absolutely horrific, and makes me think about how I should appreciate life more, and I can't imagine how hard life must be for his family. But then there are still every day thing that get me down or are frustrating, e.g. the morning I found a slug in my kitchen I was quite upset and posted on here about it, even though I know that it's really not that terrible in the grand scheme of things!

When I got diabetes I kept telling myself that I shouldn't be upset that I had to control my diet when there are people in the world without food and medicine, but in the end my boyfriend made me see that it was natural to be upset about it because it's a big change in my life. 

So I think it's normal for anyone to feel down about things sometimes, and those things may seem trivial to us, but then our problems are small compared to someone else too....


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## Vicsetter (Jul 16, 2010)

D_G said:


> This probably sounds really selfish but i just cant help getting angry at peoples facebook statuses recently!
> 
> Anyone else feel this way or just me........?



You have got to realise that people use Facebook/Twitter and even this board for their own reasons.  The written word does not always convey the meaning that was intended by the writer.  I am sure we have all got angry at something that has been written on this board, but here we must remember that people here react differently to their diabetes (and I don't mean their BG readings).  This is a good blog about Facebook: http://blog.thoughtpick.com/2009/10/the-addicitve-psychology-behind-facebooks-use-popularity.html

So No you are not selfish, but I don't think you should be angry either, just take them off your Xmas card list or on Facebook Hide them.


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## Andy HB (Jul 16, 2010)

novorapidboi26 said:


> Unfortunatley when you are diagnosed with it, no one is there to educate you on how everything works, why its happened, what you need to do now......



That's not strictly correct. There are courses run by the NHS (certainly darn sarf). Diabetes X-pert being one.

However, I do think that whether anyone newly diagnosed is actually told about them is another matter! That seems to be a little patchy and I think that I got lucky when I was admitted to St Mary's hospital in London when diagnosed. They were simply excellent there.

Andy


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## MargB (Jul 17, 2010)

More or less everything I know about diabetes I have learned on here.


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## Steff (Jul 17, 2010)

MargB said:


> More or less everything I know about diabetes I have learned on here.



Yoour one of about 100 that willl say the same hun im the same, got all i needed to know mainly off here x


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## Ruth Goode (Jul 17, 2010)

I understand all of your feelings toward it, sadly sometimes its take someone's illnesses or disablialties to realised how lucky they are and become less selfish themselves.  I agreed they can be so annoying but I guess diabetes made us a better people, just keep smiling


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## D_G (Jul 18, 2010)

Jules001 said:


> D_G just put on your status Dilligaf!!! lol if you dont know what this means I will pm you with the answer lol....



Lol yep i love this saying...and the song! will use this in future hehe thanks! 

wow i just logged back on since the weekend and have so many new posts on this thread lol well i guess that answers my question about me not being the only one feelin like this! 



EDIT: Just read the posts and maybe went slightly off topic...i hope i havent started anything though i wasnt too happy with the "lighten up" comment! but i shall say nothing about it as i hate arguing...


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## Andy HB (Jul 18, 2010)

D_G said:


> Just read the posts and maybe went slightly off topic...i hope i havent started anything though i wasnt too happy with the "lighten up" comment! but i shall say nothing about it as i hate arguing...



I get the impression that it was all dealt with amicably in the end (well I darned well hope so!!). 

Andy


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