# How old is too old?



## Julia (Jul 10, 2013)

Thoughts please: just wondering how old is too old? 

My OH and I both want a family "one day". We're the same age (31 this year). All of my friends are popping babies out and my younger sister (training to be a GP) keeps telling me to not "leave it too late". My HbA1c hovers around the 8% mark (last one 63mmol/mol) despite a lot of effort (and intermittent self funded CGM use). I'm guessing it will take a while (a year or more?) to get this down (if that is actually possible, because it certainly doesn't feel possible!). My consultant gave me a funny look when he asked about the possibility of a family and I said "one day" and he said "ummm...1982...." and then moved on.

Definitely not ready to consider a family yet (too much to do/achieve!), but equally don't want to look back and realise we left it too late, especially as I guess it will take absolutely ages (a couple of years?) from first pre-conception clinic to end result. Is this something other people are worried about?

Anyway, less worrying, got to get mountain bike ready for two weeks downhill mountain biking in the Canadian Rockies!!! We're flying in exactly 60 hours (yes, I'm counting!!!)


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## Northerner (Jul 10, 2013)

Can't answer your question Julia, but I hope you have a wonderful time in Canada!


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## trophywench (Jul 10, 2013)

Well two things I always think about with 'older' parents are 

a) risk of complications generally with an older mother *

b) will the parents have enough energy/patience to deal with the kid(s) when they are 6ft teenagers and are 'avin' a strop?

and nowadays !

c) be in a position at the age of 60 to still be supporting their child(ren) financially, as most of them don't seem to want to leave home till they are nearly your age now !

*  circa 1973 I idly picked up a copy of a recent copy of The Lancet in the boot of a doctor's car my husband was mending.  What attracted me to it was the headline of the article about 'Senile Primagravidas'

Primagravida = first pregnancy - so how could the word 'Senile' be attached to THAT?

It was all about the increasing risk of complications for women over the age of 25 .......


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## Redkite (Jul 10, 2013)

Hi Julia,

You're almost answering your own question I think!  You're not quite ready, but you know you'll have to think about it before too long!  I had my son when I was 33, and would have loved another baby.  I was worried that 35 was a "cut off" for women's fertility to start dropping off, but I was told 38 is a more realistic age.  But it varies from woman to woman of course.  The later you leave it, the longer it could take to conceive and the higher the chance of problems, including risk of Down's syndrome.  I did conceive a second baby when I was 39, but miscarried and sadly my son has no siblings.

Another consideration that I didn't appreciate before I became a Mum is the lengthening age gap between generations.  My parents had us when they were in their mid 20's, and the same for their own parents, meaning that I had many happy years knowing my grandparents, who were only in their 50's when I was born.  My Mum was 60 when my son was born, and if he waits as long as I did to have kids, I will be nearer 70 before I become a Grandma, so even less time for that very special relationship.  Just something worth thinking about!


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## Mark T (Jul 10, 2013)

Give your consultant a slap!

It's quite feasible to have a child right up until the menopause it's just a case of the risk  of various abnormalities and miscarriage as you get older not to mention the likelihood of not meeting your grandchildren (or even great grandchildren).

You are certainly younger that we were when we had our little boy - but the issue is: What if you have problems conceiving?

In that scenario, it can take a few years for the NHS to bother helping (postcode lottery) and once you start getting help, it can take a few years for the treatment to work (and for some if never does).

Personally I'd say that if you intend to have a family, you should start planning and working on it sooner rather then later.

Enjoy Canada   We did Vancouver this year!


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## KateR (Jul 10, 2013)

I had my twins at the ripe old age of 34, admittedly before DX but everyone fussed over me because I was "old". I had no problems though.

edited to say and that was 32 years ago, things are probably different now.


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## Copepod (Jul 11, 2013)

Can thoroughly recommend being aunt to a younger sister's children 

Borrowed my brother in law (sister's husband) SLMM a few years ago - and spent night after with sister, brother in law and nieces - great end to a great weekend. 

Enjoy your Rockies MTB - not jealous, really  

Just back from a few days at Sheffield Cliffhanger and recceing West Yorkshire.
I'll have a few days in Sweden (cycling, hiking & wedding) this summer. Outdoor opportunities will be much better after I move to fells of Yorkshire from fens 

If you do have child(ren), no doubt will see you all at races - and I'll be happy to play with other people's children - will be doing short orienteering on Sat with 2 little girls, while their parents run longer course.


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## LeeLee (Jul 11, 2013)

The advantage of having them young is being a young Nana.  I was 21, my daughter was 25.  Now that I'm thinner, I can run around after my 3-year-old granddaughter without collapsing in a quivering heap!


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## Cleo (Jul 11, 2013)

Hi Julia
What an interesting thread you've started 

I don't think there is any 'right or wrong' answer unfortunately.  I am 36, and about 2 years ago when I was at clinic the consultant asked me the same sort of thing you were asked.  I felt he was prying into my personal life (ok, maybe I was a bit defensive) but when I told him I wasnt READY he kept quiet.

Obviously your sister has a valid point, but the bottom line is, just because your friends are having babies right now doesnt mean that you have to.  Do what ever you and your OH feel is right for YOUR relationship as it currently stands.  

In terms of your comments re pre conception : I started this in November 2012 - I was 7.2%.  By May of 2013 I had brought it down to 6.5% and then I was put on folic acid and agreed with the consultant that I would be on this for 2 months before going off the pill.  If you;re hovering around 8% I wouldnt think that it would take you a year to bring it down, so dont let that put you off!.  

The arguments for and against waiting are endless but I think the most important thing is choose to start a family for the right reasons ! 

Cleo x


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## novorapidboi26 (Jul 11, 2013)

The diabetic control is obviously very important, but my opinion is you shouldn't let the diabetes dictate your decision, especially at 31, which is young, same age as me.....but I believe now is the time to start thinking about it.....


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## Julia (Jul 11, 2013)

Thank you for all your comments - some very valid points and interesting to hear what others think. I know it's all very personal - what is right for one couple is not right for another. I do think it is interesting however how the definition of older mothers has increased over the years. 

I think yesterday I had a panic I was getting old (turning 31 so much worse than turning 30!), yet I only feel like I'm in my mid 20s!  

Good luck Cleo! Great to hear you got down to 6.5% relatively quickly! Somehow I think it will take me a great deal longer...

Thanks again for all the comments.


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## rachelha (Jul 12, 2013)

I had my first child at 35 and am now pregnant with the second at 39.  Personally I woukd have preferred to have them a bit earlier but our situation just didn't work out like that.  My parents had me quite late too, so their grandparents are quite old and frail.  It upsets me that they won't have the experience of going to stay with granny and grandad and being spoilt rotten.


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