# Tescos self service checkouts



## Northerner (Oct 6, 2015)

Further to yesterday morning's shock discovery that the machine in Tescos now talks to me in a man's voice, thus depriving me of the bulk of my few pleasures in life, I wrote to them asking if the situation could be resolved by providing a voice selection button. 




> "Dear Tesco, I was both alarmed and upset this morning when, instead of the lovely lady who normally guides me through my shopping experience at your self service checkouts - who is probably the closest thing to a girlfriend I have - has been summarily dismissed and replaced by an officious and overbearing man! As the process progressed, with each harsh utterance, I was driven deeper and deeper into despair and left your store, not with my usual spring in my step at a happy encounter, but under a heavy cloud and numbness in my soul. I am sure I am not alone in this (although I am reluctant to share her dulcet tones), so would it perhaps be possible to install a button that will allow selection of either the lovely lady or the odious man?"



They have replied, but I think they missed the point a bit:


> "Dear Alan
> 
> Thank you for your email.
> 
> ...



Now they probably think I'm some kind of stalker!


----------



## AJLang (Oct 6, 2015)

Ha ha first of all I didn't really believe that you'd sent the original message - but I laughed so loudly when I saw there response  It doesn't look like you are going to get her back.


----------



## robert@fm (Oct 6, 2015)

Still, at least you don't get "Unexpected item in the bagging area. Exterminate. Exterminate."


----------



## Pumper_Sue (Oct 6, 2015)

Lol not to bright in customer relations then are they?

I suspect the reason the voice has changed is because most of the staff and customers had a strong dislike for the female voice.


----------



## Worcester_Matt (Oct 6, 2015)

I used the Sainsbury's self-service checkouts earlier. I was totally flummoxed by the 5p bag question, and I'm about to finish a PhD! The premise of the question was "We now charge 5p for a reusable bag. Please click yes if you have scanned your bag" with a yes or no answer. I didn't need a bag, having 1 item. I really couldn't work out whether I needed to click yes or no (no turning out to be the correct answer).


----------



## Northerner (Oct 6, 2015)

Worcester_Matt said:


> I used the Sainsbury's self-service checkouts earlier. I was totally flummoxed by the 5p bag question, and I'm about to finish a PhD! The premise of the question was "We now charge 5p for a reusable bag. Please click yes if you have scanned your bag" with a yes or no answer. I didn't need a bag, having 1 item. I really couldn't work out whether I needed to click yes or no (no turning out to be the correct answer).



Tescos ask you to input how many bags you have used - it took me a while to work out that you entered '0' if you hadn't used any!


----------



## KookyCat (Oct 6, 2015)

Northerner said:


> Further to yesterday morning's shock discovery that the machine in Tescos now talks to me in a man's voice, thus depriving me of the bulk of my few pleasures in life, I wrote to them asking if the situation could be resolved by providing a voice selection button.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I have just choked coughing that made me laugh so much and I'm currently not in possession of the lung capacity to manage such a task.  I expect theyll be warning all female staff at that store to be on the look out for a stalker type lurking amongst the self service checkouts...tee hee (cough splutter)


----------



## AlisonM (Oct 6, 2015)

You know, normally me and technology get on like stink, but them things? Nope, nuhuh, no way, no how! They just don't like me and that bleedin' condescending female in the machine always laughs at my confusion till I'm all but in tears of defeat and frustration and have to be rescued by a real live shop person - once they finish laughing their heads off. 

Knowing that, from now on, I'll be hectored and bullied by a tin can bloke only makes me the more determined to avoid the demonic contraptions, at least until I can send my robot butler out to the shopping for me since presumably two machines will be able to communicate more successfully.


----------



## Andy HB (Oct 6, 2015)

Classic! 

I too was underwhelmed by the new male voice, rather strangely telling me that "Your clubcard points add up and up" (or something like that) rather than the more helpful and to the point "clubcard has been accepted" (or something like that).

I was happier when I returned home to Wales and used the self-service checkout there (rather than London) .... the lady with the dulcet tones is still there. Definitely felt happier leaving the store as a result, so worry not, Alan, there is a second 'stalker' in the country.

Andy


----------



## Barb (Oct 7, 2015)

Northerner said:


> Further to yesterday morning's shock discovery that the machine in Tescos now talks to me in a man's voice, thus depriving me of the bulk of my few pleasures in life, I wrote to them asking if the situation could be resolved by providing a voice selection button.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Perhaps now is the time to shop in Asda.


----------



## Caroline (Oct 8, 2015)

I do my shopping on line and get a very nice driver who seeing my foot bandage helps bring It in so I wont complain


----------



## Northerner (Oct 8, 2015)

I got another reply  I don't think they are allowed to display a sense of humour, just in case you are being serious! 



> Dear Alan
> 
> Thank you for responding to my previous email.
> 
> ...


----------



## Ted Hayman (Oct 8, 2015)

Self service tills? I hate the damn things and refuse to use them. As for the voice, as far as I'm concerned, I think Darth Vader would be more fitting!


----------



## Northerner (Oct 8, 2015)

Ted Hayman said:


> Self service tills? I hate the damn things and refuse to use them. As for the voice, as far as I'm concerned, I think Darth Vader would be more fitting!



Ted! You're talking about the woman I love!   Well, her and Kate Bush, of course


----------



## AJLang (Oct 8, 2015)

But Alan you were going to marry me!! Susie saw all of the FB posts and was sooooooooo disappointed when she wasn't bridesmaid


----------



## Northerner (Oct 8, 2015)

AJLang said:


> But Alan you were going to marry me!! Susie saw all of the FB posts and was sooooooooo disappointed when she wasn't bridesmaid



I'm fickle, what can I say?  Susie would have been a beautiful bridesmaid though


----------



## AJLang (Oct 8, 2015)

You're so right. Susie would have been the most beautifulest bridesmaid ever


----------



## Ralph-YK (Oct 9, 2015)

Andy HB said:


> I was happier when I returned home to Wales and used the self-service checkout there (rather than London) .... the lady with the dulcet tones is still there. Definitely felt happier leaving the store as a result, so worry not, Alan, there is a second 'stalker' in the country.
> 
> Andy



She must prefer the Welsh, and moved there.  Just when I thought she was warming to me.  Maybe it was the yogurts I bought.  She never seemed to like them.


----------



## Sally71 (Oct 9, 2015)

I am curious now as to whether my local Tesco has switched to the man's voice!  I went in Asda the other day, their self service tills are obviously made by the same company and they have got the man's voice now.  But when I'm in Tesco I've usually got a whole trolley full so it's easier to go to the manned tills.

I do like the self service tills, but as they are all crammed so closely together and don't have conveyor belts there is no room to have a trolley next to you and it's all a bit cumbersome if you've got more than about 10 items!


----------



## Northerner (Oct 9, 2015)

I went to Sainsbury's yesterday (rare event, as a bit out of my way, but had other business in the area) and they have a woman's voice. She was a bit strict though - she called for assistance about 5 times! Must have heard the rumours about me!


----------



## Ralph-YK (Oct 9, 2015)

Actually, for most of this year, I've been ordering on line and having it delivered by Tesco.  It only cost £1 to have it delivered.  So I haven't seen the self service checkout lady for some time.  I think there was a minimum order value for Asda.


----------



## Donald (Oct 9, 2015)

Ralph-YK said:


> Actually, for most of this year, I've been ordering on line and having it delivered by Tesco.  It only cost £1 to have it delivered.  So I haven't seen the self service checkout lady for some time.  I think there was a minimum order value for Asda.



Yes £25 minimum order value for Asda and £40 for Tesco


----------



## Ralph-YK (Oct 9, 2015)

There isn't a minimum value for Tesco that I know of.  You can certainly order well under £40.  However, they've recently started charging you £4 if you order is under £40.


----------



## robert@fm (Oct 9, 2015)

Donald said:


> Yes £25 minimum order value for Asda and £40 for Tesco



Actually, the Asda minimum order is £25 or £40, depending on where you live and hence which Asda delivers your order; in my case it's £40.  Hence I have stuck with Tesco, who unlike Asda are honest and upfront about it; I have instead got myself a much bigger fridge/freezer, so I can make my grocery order fortnightly instead of weekly as I used to.


----------



## Donald (Oct 9, 2015)

robert@fm said:


> Actually, the Asda minimum order is £25 or £40, depending on where you live and hence which Asda delivers your order; in my case it's £40.  Hence I have stuck with Tesco, who unlike Asda are honest and upfront about it; I have instead got myself a much bigger fridge/freezer, so I can make my grocery order fortnightly instead of weekly as I used to.



ah right I'm in Scotland  you would think it would be better if charge  was uniform around the country


----------



## Ralph-YK (Oct 9, 2015)

I've heard that supermarket prices vary around the UK.  Store managers have the power to set prices in there own store I believe.  I guess this makes sense for them.  They can adjust things locally for what other stores there are and what they are doing.  My local Tesco has Morrisons, Asda, Aldi (2 of each) and a Lydle I beliece close by.  Plenty of competition.


----------



## Sally71 (Oct 22, 2015)

Yup, my Tesco's has got the man's voice now.  He sounds a bit like the narrator from Peppa Pig!

I too got confused by the bag question because it's changed.  It now says "bags must be charged for, 5p each. Please state how many bags you have used." Er, well, I used two but I brought them with me...
So I thought I'd better say 0 in case it charged me 10p for nothing at all.  
I wonder how many people will cheat and just put 0 anyway?!


----------



## Northerner (Oct 22, 2015)

Can't remember if it was Tescos or Sainsbury's, but there is a question at the start 'are you using your own bag?' I said yes, then it insisted I put my bag in the bagging area (it was my backpack) - it then got very confused and demanded I get assistance every time I tried to scan a new item! Fail! Now I just ignore it!


----------



## Robin (Oct 22, 2015)

I had that problem recently, it insisted I put my bag down, which already had the usual things like, umbrella, glucose meter, hypo treatment etc, and it had a hissy fit and demanded a supervisor.


----------



## Lindarose (Oct 22, 2015)

I always lie and ignore the own bag question Just press start and scan. However it does hold things up at the end when I have to pack everything into my own bags!


----------



## Northerner (Oct 22, 2015)

Lindarose said:


> I always lie and ignore the own bag question Just press start and scan. However it does hold things up at the end when I have to pack everything into my own bags!


...with the 'Voice' imploring you 'Please take your items!'


----------



## HOBIE (Oct 22, 2015)

Ted Hayman said:


> Self service tills? I hate the damn things and refuse to use them. As for the voice, as far as I'm concerned, I think Darth Vader would be more fitting!


I would much prefer to get served by someone.  I have not got the patience to use self serve.  I use B&Q a lot & a branch near me was pushing me to use. I was going to leave the shop & go to Whicks across the road


----------



## AlisonM (Oct 22, 2015)

I'm with you Hobie. And besides, I reckon the beastly things are laughing at us.


----------



## Ted Hayman (Oct 22, 2015)

Self serve checkouts are like computers, they form part of the black arts, sent to confuse mankind! Just for the record; I consider computers to be female, as I understand neither!


----------



## Northerner (Oct 23, 2015)

Ted Hayman said:


> Self serve checkouts are like computers, they form part of the black arts, sent to confuse mankind! Just for the record; I consider computers to be female, as I understand neither!


That goes back to my original complaint - they have changed the Tesco computer from a lady to a man!


----------



## Caroline (Oct 23, 2015)

Ted Hayman said:


> Self service tills? I hate the damn things and refuse to use them. As for the voice, as far as I'm concerned, I think Darth Vader would be more fitting!


I am with you, I like seeing a person. I wont use the ATMs in the bank either if I can avoid it


----------



## Annette (Oct 23, 2015)

Caroline said:


> I am with you, I like seeing a person. I wont use the ATMs in the bank either if I can avoid it


Whereas I prefer not to have to talk to anyone unless I have to and will use all self service opportunities I can. Just proves we're all different.


----------



## HOBIE (Oct 23, 2015)

I Would much prefer to get served by someone who you can actually talk to.    Is it not a nice day ?  etc etc


----------



## TheClockworkDodo (Oct 23, 2015)

Annette Anderson said:


> Whereas I prefer not to have to talk to anyone unless I have to and will use all self service opportunities I can. Just proves we're all different.


Me too, Annette - I love the self-service checkouts (though not quite in the way Alan does, apparently  ), and I love answerphones too - I can only make phonecalls if I know I'm going to get an answerphone, real people ask too many unexpected questions.


----------



## Northerner (Oct 24, 2015)

TheClockworkDodo said:


> Me too, Annette - I love the self-service checkouts (though not quite in the way Alan does, apparently  ), and I love answerphones too - I can only make phonecalls if I know I'm going to get an answerphone, real people ask too many unexpected questions.


It's a sign of being an introvert - we don't like to have to make unnecessary smalltalk and prefer to have time to make considered responses rather than on the spot ones you are forced to make on the 'phone. I'm very much an introvert and it's only recently that I've come to learn that it is a very powerful thing to be, not the 'shy, introspective, anti-social, diffident loner' that we have been portrayed as, certainly in modern times. From childhood I have been fed the line that I needed to 'come out of my shell', be more dynamic and 'go-getting' - nonsense! I am what I am and the world would be a terrible place if it was populated solely by loud, brash attention-seeking extroverts!  Introverts are awesome!


----------



## Worcester_Matt (Oct 24, 2015)

Northerner said:


> It's a sign of being an introvert - we don't like to have to make unnecessary smalltalk and prefer to have time to make considered responses rather than on the spot ones you are forced to make on the 'phone. I'm very much an introvert and it's only recently that I've come to learn that it is a very powerful thing to be, not the 'shy, introspective, anti-social, diffident loner' that we have been portrayed as, certainly in modern times. From childhood I have been fed the line that I needed to 'come out of my shell', be more dynamic and 'go-getting' - nonsense! I am what I am and the world would be a terrible place if it was populated solely by loud, brash attention-seeking extroverts!  Introverts are awesome!



I totally agree! Humans are also woefully inefficient, and in my experience of people who work in supermarket checkouts, not particularly nice either. There's a lady who works at my local Sainsburys who would probably throw the things I buy at my head if she could.


----------



## Flower (Oct 24, 2015)

This made me laugh out loud! I love your e mail to Tesco Northerner and their missing the point reply 

I tend to have longer conversations with the self service checkouts than with checkout staff as they just don't give me time with crutches, my rucksack and poor sight to fulfill any of their orders in time and I take it upon myself to point this out to 'the voice'. I usually end up being led away by whoever I'm with so I don't get too irate when I'm being asked for my loyalty card whilst trying to feed notes in and buying carrier bags I don't need just to finish the transaction and get out of the shop.


----------



## robert@fm (Oct 24, 2015)

"Avoid loud and aggressive people, they are vexations to the spirit" — Max Ehrmann, _Desiderata_


----------

