# Nursery Rhymes



## David H

NURSERY RHYMES UPDATED FOR THE 21st CENTURY

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won ten grand with Claims Direct.

It's Raining, It's Pouring
Of course...it's Global Warming.

Jack and Jill went into town
To fetch some chips and sweeties.
Now, he can't keep his heart rate down
And she's got diabetes.

Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its A***
And turned its wool to nylon.

Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry..
When the boys came out to play
He kissed them too, cause he was gay.

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
And grabbed her ass
Now his two front teeth are missing.

Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth
And now it's black and crispy.


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## robert@fm

Mary had a little lamb,
The obstetrician had a fit.


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## Andy HB

Mary didn't give a damn
The obstetrician was a twit.


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## khskel

I'm saying nowt. An obscene version springs to mind.


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## Northerner

Mary had a little lamb,
She also had a bear,
I've often seen her little lamb,
But I've never seen her....erm....


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## AlisonM

Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and every time that Mary walked
the boys could see her Thighs
Mary had another skirt
'twas split right up the front
...but she didn't wear that one very often


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## AlisonM

Jack and Jill went up the hill
For just an itty bitty.
Jill's now two months overdue,
And Jack has left the city


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## robert@fm

Little Boy Blue come blow up your horn,
The sheep's in the meadow, the cow's in the corn.
Where is the boy who looks after the sheep?
He's under the haystack with Little Bo Peep.


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## BobbieH

Mary had a little sheep
She took it to bed with her to sleep
The sheep turned out to be a ram
So Mary had a little lamb.


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## ukjohn

*Mary had a little cow
She milked it with a spanner
Out came shilling tins of milk
The smaller ones a tanner.*


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