# New - not sure where to post!



## cath29 (Sep 29, 2011)

Hi am new to this site, and relatively new to diabetes....well my daughter is, diagnosed 2 and half months ago. First month or so went well....thought we'd cracked it! What's all the fuss? Then suddenly it was like we'd both woke up and it was all real....this is for always, you can't get off when you get fed-up, no-ones gonna come and tell you they'd got it wrong and you can hand back ya Novopen, you don't have to think about all the health implications etc etc etc. probably sounds familiar and I look back now and feel foolish for thinking it was all so simple,my daughter, who's nearly 13 has suddenly 'crashed'......doesn't want to do it anymore, hitting out at anyone who's in the vicinity(mainly me!)Sorry for the rant but it feels like when you first tell people they go through shock/sympathy/get on with it in about 3 seconds! Then you feel like you can't say anything else about it. Healthcare team have been fab but just wondered if anyone had any thoughts about how to get her through this bit? 'She' is Evelyn by the way  sorry to just dive in with such a depressing post(just read it back and even I want to tell myself to pull my socks up!) Sorry, any ideas welcome, and a big Hello to everyone xx


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## cath29 (Sep 29, 2011)

Whoops looks like on my profile it's me who has diabetes.......not sure how to change it so i'm the mum of Ev with diabetes......am really rubbish at all this!  sorry x


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## Northerner (Sep 29, 2011)

Hi Cath, welcome to the forum  Don't worry about where to post, we can alsways sort that out for you. Sorry ot hear about your daughter's diagnosis and the problems she is now having accepting things. It's a HUGE thing, so it's perfectly understandable to feel like this. We've got lots of people here, both parents who have been through exactly the same thing, and also people who have grown up with diabetes, so I am sure they will be able to give you lots of help, support and reassurance. 

The key thing is to understand as much as you can so that diabetes does not become something limiting or resented. Has your daughter learned about carb counting and does she test and inject as she should? I would highly recommend looking at the  'Useful Links' thread, particularly at the Children with Diabetes and the bookType 1 Diabetes in Children, Adolescents and Young Adults by Ragnar Hanas. Hopefully, some of the parents and people who have been through the teenage years will be able to offer you some good support and share their experiences. Please ask anything that may be confusing or worrying you - nothing is considered 'silly', and don't worry about posting in the wrong place, as I said befre. ?)


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## Northerner (Sep 29, 2011)

cath29 said:


> Whoops looks like on my profile it's me who has diabetes.......not sure how to change it so i'm the mum of Ev with diabetes......am really rubbish at all this!  sorry x



No worries, I can change it for you


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## cath29 (Sep 29, 2011)

Thankyou Northener(not sure if thats how to reply!)...thanks for your reassurance(and for changing my parent thingy!).....it has been hard(crying even now..pftt!)....she's very good at the testing/injecting thing overall, I'd be a nervous wreck. But sometimes she just kicks off and flat out refuses to do it, and it can take an awful lot of time to 'cajole' her or bring her round to do it. I know it's important but struggle about when to push it or leave her to it....have always worked on the basis of 'pick your battles'....which works when it's whether they can have an extra choc bar or not, but not sure when it comes to the diabetes. Really worry that cos she's battling me and her sis n bro that they'll be affected by her anger(which i absolutely get), or they'll get left behind in all the effort needed to come to terms with this. even now this sounds like i'm being selfish....grrrrrr! think my head is well n truly fried! thanks again so much x


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## cath29 (Sep 29, 2011)

Sorry meant to say, we are carb counting and keeping a diary at the mo for our next clinic appt.....(think with a view to getting a pump sometime in the future) x (bizarrely this seems to focus her a little......and mean a Little!  )


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## Northerner (Sep 29, 2011)

Cath, it is very much early days yet, and 13 is a very difficult age for anything like this (if I can recall the distant past!). What is her main objection? Is it that she simply doesn't want to have to deal with it, or does she get angry at people 'nagging' her and wanting to know (for example) what her meter readings are, has she injected etc.?


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## Northerner (Sep 29, 2011)

cath29 said:


> Sorry meant to say, we are carb counting and keeping a diary at the mo for our next clinic appt.....(think with a view to getting a pump sometime in the future) x (bizarrely this seems to focus her a little......and mean a Little!  )



A pump can make a huge difference to both control and flexibility of lifestyle, so it would be great if she is interested in that. We've got lots of very happy pumpers here that can help you all with any questions you may have  Are her siblings older or younger?


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## Blythespirit (Sep 29, 2011)

Hi Cath and welcome to the forums, although I'm sorry you have to be here. I have no experience of having a child myself with Type 1 but I have raised 3 teenagers, so I do know what challenges they bring without factoring in diabetes. At that age they often think the whole world is against them, and of course Mum is an easy target. Diabetes must be he ideal weapon from her point of view. Plus the fact that it's early days and it's common for any of us to go through a period of denial/grief/anger after diagnosis.

As Alan (Northener) says we have lots of parents and young people on here as well as people who pump, so I'm sure you'll soon get lots of advice from some of them soon. You are not alone with this any more! And the books and links Alan has given you are excellent. Take care and keep in touch. XXXXX


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## cath29 (Sep 30, 2011)

Thankyou Northerner and Blythespirit(love that film btw).....already feel bit better, never been any good at opening up, but feel like someone knows what i'm on about! Don't think in principle she objects to the testing/injecting......think it's the relentlessness of it.....can't have a 'day off'...but also as you say the 'nagging'...'have you tested'...'have you injected?' Her sister is 15 and seems to have taken it to heart to make sure she does all this. I know, and Lil knows it's concern but think Ev sees it as interfering. her brother is 10 so pretty much doesn't get involved unless he's the object of her anger. I know this makes her sound like a nightmare, but she can be the most creative, fun, caring person but she is as. stubborn. as. a mule! and when she goes she goes!I must sound so whiney, but thankyou again so much for listening/advice xx


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## cath29 (Sep 30, 2011)

I will check out those links/book btw....thankyou x


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## Andy HB (Sep 30, 2011)

Welcome to the forum Cath. 

Not being a parent I can only imagine how difficult things can be. Also, being a teenager is something I've forgotten about (too long ago now!!). 

But I'm sure you'll get some useful advice from the parents and teenagers here as well as the many knowledgeable people who live with the condition day in and day out.

Andy


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## Steff (Sep 30, 2011)

Hi Cath and a warm welcome to the forum x


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## Bluebaldybob (Sep 30, 2011)

Hi Cath, and welcome. You came to the right place when you found this forum.
Its one of the first things I check on each day. The help and info you will receive you couldn't put a price on. 
Hope you find the help you need.
Take care


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## Mark T (Sep 30, 2011)

Welcome to the forums Cath


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## cath29 (Sep 30, 2011)

Thankyou so much for all the welcomes......it's nice to know you all out there  Had a better time with the breakfast injection today(could be something to do with making a cake at school!) It does tend to be the injections later in the day that cause the most stress for Ev, and when she gets back from school just wants to eat n eat, which disrupts the injection/mealtime co-ordination. Do high blood sugars make you cranky, cos it seems to with Ev? Also think that she's nervous of having a hypo, and so feels like she has a 'cushion' if she's higher rather than lower. She has had 4/5 hypos and did all the right things, but think it freaked her out a bit. Her consultant has stressed the importance of getting her levels down....think that's gonna be the next target, but need Ev to accept the 'whole' thing first (pretty hard when you've enough to deal with just being a teenager! so feel for her) Thanks again for everyones help and welcomes xx


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## shiv (Sep 30, 2011)

Hi Cath

I would def get in touch with the Children With Diabetes UK group, they are a group of parents (some of them post on here) who keep in touch by email and provide each other with practical support (ie asking/answering questions, sharing experiences & advice) and emotional support. Their website is www.childrenwithdiabetesuk.org - you can sign up to the email list there


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## everydayupsanddowns (Sep 30, 2011)

Hi Cath

Another welcome 

Sorry to hear about Ev's diagnosis. Hardly surprising that she struggles with it, it's a big ask for anyone.

Lots here though who went through their teens with D (either diagnosed at that time or much earlier). I didn't 'join the club' till I was 21, and Ive come to the point now where I've lived D more than I lived without it.

M


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## teapot8910 (Sep 30, 2011)

Welcome to the forum Cath and Ev  xx


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## novorapidboi26 (Sep 30, 2011)

Just to say welcome and that all the things your daughter, and the rest of the family, are going through are all normal in the life of a diabetic.........

There will be good days and bad days, but she will get there in the end.........


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## Northerner (Sep 30, 2011)

cath29 said:


> Thankyou so much for all the welcomes......it's nice to know you all out there  Had a better time with the breakfast injection today(could be something to do with making a cake at school!) It does tend to be the injections later in the day that cause the most stress for Ev, and when she gets back from school just wants to eat n eat, which disrupts the injection/mealtime co-ordination. Do high blood sugars make you cranky, cos it seems to with Ev? Also think that she's nervous of having a hypo, and so feels like she has a 'cushion' if she's higher rather than lower. She has had 4/5 hypos and did all the right things, but think it freaked her out a bit. Her consultant has stressed the importance of getting her levels down....think that's gonna be the next target, but need Ev to accept the 'whole' thing first (pretty hard when you've enough to deal with just being a teenager! so feel for her) Thanks again for everyones help and welcomes xx



Yes, higher than normal levels can have an adverse effect on mood. I've always been the opposite of Ev I think - I tend to be more scared of higher levels than lows, which has probably led to me having lots of hypos since diagnosis. I usually recognise and treat them quite easily though.


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## Hanmillmum (Sep 30, 2011)

Hi Cath and welcome from me too!

Sorry to hear you are all having a rough time. Must be difficult and a completely different ball game with a teenager. Keep posting, you will get lots of support here and can have a good vent.


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## slipper (Sep 30, 2011)

Hi Cath, sounds as though you are having a hard time, just wish you lots of luck and time will surely settle things down for you.


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## cath29 (Oct 3, 2011)

Thanks again for all the welcomes, had a relatively good weekend in terms of her injection compliance, but not brilliant in trying to make right food choices! I suppose it'll take time to get everything on track. It's tricky to say no to everything, and all the time. And weekends tend to be a bit more chaotic as opposed to school days which are more structured, and I can pretty much keep a check on what she eats. I know she's still feeling quite angry about it all, just trying to keep talking and stressing how important it is to gain control, without making it all about the diabetes Hope everyone is keeping well x


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## Northerner (Oct 3, 2011)

Thanks for the update Cath, glad to hear the weekend has gone well. It does take a long time for all this to sink in, and also for it to become habit and instinct. If you can make it to the habit stage, I think it is far less stressful and overwhelming, it's more like brushing your teeth (although admittedly a somewhat more comples operation!)


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## Robster65 (Oct 3, 2011)

Hi cath. A belated welcome from me 

I can't really add to what's been said. It is very much a grieving process and maybe a bit of a relaxed family conference where you can all chip in and talk 'feelings' and fears, etc might make her realise her impact on everyone else and give her a chance to show how it's affecting her on the inside. Difficult at those sorts of ages. I bottled it all up and decided it didn't affect me. It did, but many years later. So it's good if she can deal with it now.

Hypo fear is a biggy and something I still get on and off (age 46 1/2 ) and needs to be watched.

I would guess the snacking is a desparate need to feel normal and again, hit out at the diabetes. Don't know the answer to that one.

Keep posting. 

Rob


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## imtrying (Oct 3, 2011)

Hi Cath, welcome to the forum. The advice you've been given already is invaluable so not much to add (these guys are the experts!! I'm still learning). 

The only thing I would say is please just be careful with her eating and being high etc - there is a strong link between eating disorders and those diagnosed with T1 diabetes at quite a young age...hardly surprising when your life starts revolving around food! BUT please don't panic! there are plenty of diabetics that don't suffer with any problems, I just wanted to put this on your radar. 

There are groups out there that could help you know what to look out for (precautionary only) and even just to change ways to approach things. (one is http://www.dwed.org.uk/) 

Just a little idea to put in there...and welcome to the forum


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## Shopaholic (Oct 3, 2011)

Hi Cath. I help out at a dancing school and one of our dancers (Lauren) was diagnosed type 1 earlier in the year at age 12 (she's now 13) and is coping brilliantly now - took a while though. She now has a level head about it generally speaking and tolerates her younger brother and sister having different diets and more treats than she does. Her mum also helps out at the dancing school and she is sure it won't all be plain sailing and the battles have been "interesting" leading up to where they are today. One of the things that kept Lauren focused was her love of dancing and how she needed to be in control of her diabetes so that she could come back to lessons with confidence of coping with potential lows with the level of exercise involved. 
Does Ev have a hobby that she can focus on so that it feels less like it's all about the big D? I know it helped in Lauren's case.
Also this wise young girl sent me a personal message when I was diagnosed in the summer with type 2 saying "You control your diabetes - it doesn't control you" and it's become our little mantra when we see each other!
So there's hope, Cath and also Lauren has recently been up to Pineapple Studios with other young diabetics organised by our hospital unit as a treat for being in control - that really did give her something to look forward to and boosted her significantly. She has also enjoyed having time without parents to talk to other young diabetics about what it's like in their shoes and compare notes. If ever Ev wants to talk to someone of her own age who's recently been through it, I'm sure she and her mum would be willing to help out!
It's a journey and let's hope it's not too bumpy for too long!
Mandy
x


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## Northerner (Oct 3, 2011)

Just thought I would mention, as Shopoholic mentioned dancing, the amazing story of Zappora Karz, dancer with the New York Ballet:

http://www.diabetessupport.co.uk/boards/showthread.php?t=7318

As you probably know, ballet is one of the most demanding forms of dance, so to get to the top  shows that diabetes really does not have to hold you back


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