# Feeling Alone & Lost



## Jayney72 (Feb 9, 2010)

I have a 6yr old who has been recently diagnosed 3 weeks ago.
I feel very alone and lost right now, not knowing what im doing.
I know everyone is in the same situation when newly diagnosed for adults, and carers of children so im know im no different. I just feel like my world has ended, so much has changed and there is so much to remember. I know its not about me its about my daughter but im not coping with this at all. I havent eaten for weeks ive lost so much weight and im not sleeping as checking her all the time. I also have a 12 yr old boy that feels very left out right now! Family say go to the doctors but im affriad he will put me on something and ill not feel right looking after my daughter!
I really dont know what to do or where to turn!!


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## am64 (Feb 9, 2010)

hey janey its is very hard for you mums so much to think about etc big hugss comming your way , dont worry the Parents will be on soon and they will help you out I am sure xxxx


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## am64 (Feb 9, 2010)

could someone move this to parents or copy it as i think janey will be seen quicker in there Thanks xxxx


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## Adrienne (Feb 9, 2010)

Hiya Jayne

Totally relate to this but in a different way as my daughter was ill from day one.  

It is for this reason (your message) why I really really urge you to join that email group (www.childrenwithdiabetesuk.org).   Bev and Becca will agree with me there.   There are so many mums who will totally and utterly get you and be with you etc etc.  There are some mums who just make you laugh however you are feeling.    Please go and join it but then please post exactly the same message you have just written, you will be amazed at the support and replies you get and don't hold back either, blurt it all out.


Don't get me wrong this forum is fab and I have (well I hope I do) lots of friends here but when the chips are down for us mums, it is the mums who understand the best.   It is different being a parent with a child with diabetes than having diabetes.    I'm not taking anything away from anyone here, it is all upsetting and hard but the feelings are so very far removed from someone who had diabetes, 1 or 2, makes no odds.

Please join it and don't be shy.   You will get so much support from mums (and a couple of dads as well) who totally and utterly understand.

Bev, Becca where are youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu you agree don't you.


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## am64 (Feb 9, 2010)

Adrienne said:


> Hiya Jayne
> 
> Totally relate to this but in a different way as my daughter was ill from day one.
> 
> ...



Thanks adrienne you star i was hoping someone like you would come along as i was concerned as although Im a mum but cannot emphaise in same wayxx
Jayney please contact the (www.childrenwithdiabetesuk.org). I am sure they will give you the sort of support you need , but come here aswell anytime and there usually someone around who will listen if nothing else xx good luck


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## Caroline (Feb 9, 2010)

Hi Janey, you are not alone here. There is a lot for you all to learn, and maybe even involve your 12 year old too? Do see the doctor aor DSN as they maybe able to offer advice.

I'm going to move you to the parents forum, there are many parents in the same position as you, so try not to feel alone.


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## Adrienne (Feb 9, 2010)

Great Stuff Jayne, just seen your email and will reply.  I hope it helps.  Don't be frightened of them all, they are all really friendly people.   

You may find you are suddenly inundated with emails, only read the ones that are applicable, just delete the rest.   I do. 

x


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## Patricia (Feb 9, 2010)

Oh Janey, we do know how very hard all this is. And how isolating. 

It's SUCH early days. I know that thought maybe doesn't help with TODAY, but things will settle. 

I wish that there was some way that we could be with you in person. I'm so glad you got up the nerve and just WROTE it here. 

You are going through a very real grief for the loss of your healthy child. And what's worse, you are having to remember so much and take so much on board, that you can't even stop and grieve and try to recover. 

Everything feels so crucial, so important, and the urge to do everything in your power to 'do right' by your child takes priority over everything...but then you and the rest of the family suffer...

You will eventually need some space with all this, but as I say, it's so early. 

People react differently, and parents/carers do too, to diagnosis. All I can say is that I was shaken down to my bones, and hardly able to cope, when I was at your stage, only just over a year ago. Every time I stopped moving, I cried. I didn't know how I was going to go on.

I would urge you to get some support around you, some physical support as well. Try and get some friends or family to help with every day things for a while. Make sure you are talking to your close friends about all this. Explain it. Some will understand and be there for you, and some won't -- but the ones who are there for you will be invaluable.

Diabetes takes up so much head space, and so much time. Eventually it integrates a bit into your life, but at first it just absolutely takes over. It feels impossible to make space for it on top of everything else, and let's face it, having children is a 24/7 undertaking already!

So you need to try to get some help with things that people can do for you, maybe even just house jobs and some shopping.

Also, and I don't know how others feel about this -- I talked a lot to my immediate family, and they to me. My son was less interested in talking about his diabetes at first -- he just wanted to 'get on' -- but my daughter, 8 at the time, was completely devastated by his diagnosis. I was afraid of her seeing me upset, but in time we realised that we could both be upset sometimes, but that it would pass, and be okay. Talking about feelings made them less overwhelming, and helped me feel less useless.

I would urge you too to join the CWD email group -- they are really, really tuned in, and good folks. And every one of them will understand and support you.

There's so much to say. And none of it, I know, makes it go away or even makes it much better. You just have to blindly trust that 1) your best is really truly good enough and 2) you will feel better, as will your family, over time. 

Life is forever changed. You never go back to where you used to be. But where you end up is not nearly as bad as how you feel now.

Keep in touch.


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## Tezzz (Feb 9, 2010)

Jayney72 said:


> I have a 6yr old who has been recently diagnosed 3 weeks ago.
> I feel very alone and lost right now, not knowing what im doing.
> I know everyone is in the same situation when newly diagnosed for adults, and carers of children so im know im no different. I just feel like my world has ended, so much has changed and there is so much to remember. I know its not about me its about my daughter but im not coping with this at all. I havent eaten for weeks ive lost so much weight and im not sleeping as checking her all the time. I also have a 12 yr old boy that feels very left out right now! Family say go to the doctors but im affriad he will put me on something and ill not feel right looking after my daughter!
> I really dont know what to do or where to turn!!



Hi Jayney,

Sorry to hear your daughter has *D*.

Just a thought, my friend at work's son is type 1 and his older brother felt left out until they involved the older brother helping with testing and knowing what to do with a hypo etc.

The parents on here are fantastic so I'm sure they will be able to help.


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## Carynb (Feb 9, 2010)

Hi Jayne
I remember posting something similar a few days after J was diagnosed, could hardly see the keyboard for tears. I couldn't imagine life ever containing any happy times ever again but you will be pleased to know that the sun did shine again and we do still have fun and laugh and enjoy ourselves, we just do all these things with Diabetes in our lives too.
I still have days when I just wish it would all go away, when I really can't be bothered with it anymore, when I'm sick of chasing prescriptions at the pharmacy, checking stocks of lancets, strips etc, getting up in the night blah blah but then I look at my boy and he is so brave, he inspires me to carry on. My older boy feels left out at times too, he wants to take control all the time of his younger brother, I think it will get easier as we all continue to adjust.
I hope this doesn't sound too corny, it's just how it is.
By the way I emailed you earlier too.
Big hug
C x


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## grahams mum (Feb 9, 2010)

hi i felt exatly like you  at first i had 4 weeks off work beacause i could not eat  i could not cope did not feel   real i was in a state of shock then i joined a group with a few mums and i start feeling more positive and now i am really good friend with one mum  and graham and the other boy 2 years older are really good friend i never felt alone again ask at the hospital if you can get in contact with other mums have they got anykind of support group or contact numbers in the hospital  pack  when you left?


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## Adrienne (Feb 9, 2010)

Just to let you all know, as I know some of you were worried about Jayne.  Jayne has joined the email list and so far had 21 brilliant, supportive replies.

Jayne, I hope they are helping and not making you cry too much, I know some people find they become blubbering wrecks when they finally find people who 'get it'.     Take care


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## Becca (Feb 9, 2010)

Hi Jayne

I think i posted to you on CWD?  You are not alone and we are all here to help


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## am64 (Feb 9, 2010)

Adrienne said:


> Just to let you all know, as I know some of you were worried about Jayne.  Jayne has joined the email list and so far had 21 brilliant, supportive replies.
> 
> Jayne, I hope they are helping and not making you cry too much, I know some people find they become blubbering wrecks when they finally find people who 'get it'.     Take care



brilliant you supermums xxxx thanks for updating us


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## Mand (Feb 10, 2010)

Hi Jayne

Sorry I am coming in to this so late but I just wanted to say that, like the other mums, I know how you feel and what you are going through. I am happy to hear that your have joined the other group (recommended by Adrienne) as well as being here.

I can only second what all the other mums have said. You are not alone and we are all in this together. I don't post so often these days but I regularly look in. 

You are welcome to PM me anytime.

I promise you that it will get easier, even though it won't feel like that at the moment. Hang on in there, Jayne. Get all the support you can and I promise you will get through.

Sending hugs.

Mand


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