# Elephant jokes



## Caroline (Aug 10, 2010)

what's grey, lives in the jungle and wobbles?

a jellyphant

how do you greet an elephant

you say hello elephant

what do you say to an elephant in disguise?

hello stranger

how do you know an elephant has been hiding in your custard?

it has yellow feet


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## Annimay (Aug 10, 2010)

Why does the elephant paint its toenails red?



So it can hide in cherry trees

---

Why do all the animals leave the jungle at 6:00pm?



That's when the elephants get down from the cherry trees


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## scootdevon (Aug 10, 2010)

*Why has an elephant got 4 feet??

cos it would look silly with 6 inches lol *


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## falcon123 (Aug 10, 2010)

Is it difficult to bury an elephant?

Yes, it's a huge undertaking.


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## Caroline (Aug 10, 2010)

But elephants always cary their own trunks.

What did the elephant say when he saw a naked man in the jungle?
How do youbreath through that little thing


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## lucy123 (Aug 10, 2010)

What do you call a donkey with 3 legs 


A wonky.....





What do you call a one eyed donkey with 3 legs..




...a winky wonky....





What do  you call a really small one eyed donkey with 3 legs....



a dinky winky wonky....


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## Catwoman76 (Aug 10, 2010)

Caroline said:


> what's grey, lives in the jungle and wobbles?
> 
> a jellyphant
> 
> ...


Good jokes

How do you know when an elephan'st been in your fridge?
Footprints in the butter
Sheena


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## am64 (Aug 10, 2010)

Annimay said:


> Why does the elephant paint its toenails red?
> 
> 
> 
> ...




why to elephants have flat feet ?


from jumping out of cherry trees ?


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## am64 (Aug 10, 2010)

why do elephants where pink tennis shoes?


white ones get dirty too quickly!


why do elephants have wrinkled ankles?


from wearing their tennis shoes too tight


why do elephants float down the rivers on their backs?

they dont want to get their pink tennis shoes wet .....


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## Caroline (Aug 11, 2010)

I hadn't realised there were so many elephant jokes, but I am glad everyone has posted their favourites, they made me laugh.


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## Andy HB (Aug 11, 2010)

*How to Catch a Pink Elephant (1)*

This joke will be in installments so be sure to revisit the thread!

Pink Elephants are extremely shy individuals and are not easy to catch. Black Elephants, however are the easiest things in the World to catch, but we're not interested in those.

Equipment needed to catch a Pink Elephant is ...
1 Canoe with paddle
1 Tent
1 Fishing Rod with Line and Reel
1 V. Large Mallet
1 Moderately large piece of low-sugar fruit cake (Pink Elephants lurrrrrve fruit cake)

p.s. The cake has been modified to avoid causing problems for diabetic Pink Elephants (diabetic Pink Elephants lurrrrrve low-sugar fruit cake).

We'll begin the journey to catch the Pink Elephant tomorrow.


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## Andy HB (Aug 12, 2010)

*How to Catch a Pink Elephant (2)*

Making sure that we have packed everything that we need, including the fruit cake (pink elephants lurrrrve fruit cake), we charter a ship to take us to the mouth of the River Congo.

Arriving there, we find a huge herd of Black Elephants grazing the large areas of grasses that can be found there. But we're not interested in them, because they are the easiest things in the World to catch.

Instead, we unpack the canoe and load it up with all the other supplies that we have brought along, including the fruit cake. Because, as we should all know by now, Pink Elephants lurrrrrve fruit cake.

We then start the long canoe journey up the river.

The next installment will be tomorrow. The suspense must be killing you?

Andy


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## lucy123 (Aug 12, 2010)

AAAAArgh - more...more


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## KayC (Aug 12, 2010)

I can't wait until tomorrow!


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## Caroline (Aug 13, 2010)

You forogt to mention the diabetic friendly fruit cake that diabetic pink elephants lurrve


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## Andy HB (Aug 13, 2010)

Caroline said:


> You forogt to mention the diabetic friendly fruit cake that diabetic pink elephants lurrve



Now that you mention it, the non-diabetic Pink Elephants lurrrrve low-sugar fruit cake too. So, I don't need to distinguish between the fruit cake varieties and to save space, only the low-sugar fruit cake is packed. 

Andy


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## Caroline (Aug 13, 2010)

Andy HB said:


> Now that you mention it, the non-diabetic Pink Elephants lurrrrve low-sugar fruit cake too. So, I don't need to distinguish between the fruit cake varieties and to save space, only the low-sugar fruit cake is packed.
> 
> Andy



I'm glad that is sorted. 

While on the topic of pink elephants does anyone know the book Elmer and Rose? It is about a patchwork elephant and a pink elephant.


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## Andy HB (Aug 13, 2010)

*How to Catch a Pink Elephant (3)*

Did I mention that Pink Elephants lurrrve fruit cake? 

Yes? 

Then, I will continue.

We paddle our canoe up the wide river, avoiding the various submerged obstacles, such as grey aquatic rhinocerous and bluey red pigmy flamingoes (who only very rarely stick their heads above water).

Eventually, we arrive at a great confluence of two branches of the river Congo. We take the left branch and soon arrive at a clearing in the surrounding jungle that we have been travelling through.

Here, we find the first evidence of Pink Elephants (who lurrrve fruit cake, by the way) amongst the much large number of Black Elephants who inhabit the clearing. But we're not interested in the Black Elephants, because they're the easiest things in the World to catch. The Pink Elephants had fled the area when they were made aware of our presence by the gregarious Black Elephants who wildly trumpeted a welcome to us and who ran to the edge of the river in an attempt to pursuade us to catch them. 

We will, of course, decline their offer and pitch our tent for the night instead (taking care to secure our belongings, including the fruit cake, which the Pink Elephants lurrrrve).

The next exciting installment will continue tomorrow.

Andy


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## Andy HB (Aug 14, 2010)

*How to Catch a Pink Elephant (4)*

We break camp in the morning and step over the Black Elephants who have been waiting patiently all night, but who have now fallen fast asleep. We return to our canoe which we had carefully pulled up out of the river the night before.

Of course, we don't want to bother the Black Elephants because they are the easiest things in the World to catch.

We continue our journey up the river (not forgetting to repack all our remaining belongings, including the fruit cake that the Pink Elephants lurrrve so much, into the canoe). 

We pass many wondrous sights, including the fantastic hanging stones of mwonga with their attendant flocks of brilliantly coloured Peewit Herring Parrots.

Eventually, we arrive at another clearing. This time there is evidence of many more Pink Elephants (who lurrrve Fruit Cake), but again, whilst there are fewer Black Elephants, there are enough of them to scare the Pink Elephants  off with their antics. We are therefore forced to continue our journey up the river.

We are nearing our final destination. More to follow tomorrow! 

Andy


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## KayC (Aug 14, 2010)

Suspence is killing me


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## Copepod (Aug 15, 2010)

Just wanted to add a comment about how to encourage triathletes to swim, when the canoeists providing safety cover want to get off the water for a pee, bacon butty etc, after paddling round a lake for nearly 2 hours after 4 different waves of swimmers - the last swimmer had 3 kayaks with him, one trying to guide him the shortest way to the next buoy (he kept going off course) and 2 others behind him on either side. The remaining 7 kayakers mustered around the haul out point, where we chatted with 2 first aiders, speculating about how cold the swimmer would be (no wetsuit, water temp 18oC) and what treatment, if any, he'd need. Anyway, swimmer completed his swim and kayakers went off to get hot coffee, bacon butties, plus water bottles, energy bars and fruit juice cartons given by the grateful organisers. 

Looking forward to next installment of pink elephants / river / cake story - cake is very important on long canoe journeys, believe me, even if not trying to catch pink elephants!


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## Andy HB (Aug 15, 2010)

*How to Catch a Pink Elephant (5)*

The river is not so wide now and the jungle presses in on both sides. The heat and humidity becomes oppressive and there is a clap of thunder in the distance. Strange sounds emanate from a multitude of unmentionable varieties of creature in the undergrowth.

But now is not the time to turn tail and run, we are here with a single purpose! To catch a Pink Elephant! We row on with increased vigour.

Finally, we arrive at our destination, a small clearing in the jungle containing just a small puff of Pink Elephants (A "puff" is the collective noun for a group of Pink Elephants as stated in the 1st Edition of Sir Charles Chuzzlewhitt's Compendious Compilation of Collective Nouns published in 1889). We land our canoe and as quietly as possible erect our tent.

Inevitably, the Pink Elephants will disappear in a puff of dust, but fear not, the smell of fruit cake will no doubt entice them back in due course (Pink Elephants lurrrrve fruit cake).

We attach a piece of fruit cake to the end of the fishing rod and line and whilst sitting in the tent we cast the line out as far as possible to the edge of the clearing. Now we wait, keeping a careful eye on the fruit cake at the end of the line.

Eventually, a Pink Elephant will overcome its natural timidity and approach the fruit cake (Pink Elephants lurrrrve fruit cake). But as it does so, we slowly reel it in towards the tent. If done properly the Pink Elephant will eventually be drawn to the door of the tent.

We now ready the last piece of equipment (which I'm sure that you haven't forgotten about?). The V Large Mallett is raised slowly and quietly.

The Pink Elephant gets closer and closer.

The tension rises.

It starts to rain, lightning flashes across the sky, thunder crashes. But the Pink Elephant has been mesmerised by the fruit cake (it lurrrrves fruit cake) and continues to follow it towards the tent door.

Closer, closer, carefully, carefully, and ..........

THWACK!! We hit the Pink Elephant as hard as possible with the V Large Mallett!!

It trumpets in pain and as we hit it again it turns black with anger!

And of course, as everyone knows by now, Black Elephants are the easiest things in the World to Catch!

I thank you!

Andy


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## KayC (Aug 15, 2010)

Worth waiting for !!
I don't normally eat fruit cakes, but now I luuuurrrrrrve to have one...


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## lucy123 (Aug 15, 2010)

Ha Ha  Luuurvely.


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## Caroline (Aug 16, 2010)

Think I'll have a pink gin while I am waiting for the pink elephants!


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## matjk (Aug 23, 2010)

Annimay said:


> Why does the elephant paint its toenails red?
> 
> 
> 
> ...





Whats the loudest sound in the jungle?

A giraffe eating cherries.


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## leaver01 (Aug 23, 2010)

i must be really thick - i dont get it lol


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