# Overwhelmed Mum!



## Loubylou321 (Jun 2, 2018)

Hello all. 3 days ago my 11 year old daughter was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. My world feels like it’s gone crazy. I am so pleased I found this forum as I just don’t know anything. I am currently clueless and overwhelmed. Looking forward to getting to know some of you and getting advice. As a starting point... Any reassurance that I will not feel overwhelmed forever would be great!!


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## trophywench (Jun 3, 2018)

Hiya! - you will not feel overwhelmed for ever.  It is actually true - but I don't suppose you feel better knowing that.

It IS overwhelming to begin with - and no way Pedro are you anything other than perfectly normal - which hopefully will reassure you slightly.

It's such a lot to take in all of a sudden, but knowing you HAVE to just makes it worse.  We have a saying - This is a marathon, not a sprint! - and it's true.  But - nobody can just run a marathon overnight can they?

Hence - all the medics know ruddy well you can't suddenly know anywhere nearly enough and WILL expect panicky phone calls - so don't feel you need to hold back too much when you need to make em!

There's an excellent book you can get hold of, because it was written for you - Type ! diabetes in babies, children and adolescents (if that's the current title, as it's frequently revised so make sure you get the latest edition) by Ragnar Hanas.  It's useful at any age, people have found.


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## Ljc (Jun 3, 2018)

Hi @Loubylou321. What a horrible shock for you. How is your daughter doing now. 
I have T2 so I’m afraid I’m not going to be of much help to you, others  who can, will be along later today, I’m rather a night owl in here .
We have quite a few parents who’s children have T1.
Feel free to ask all the questions you need to, people here will do their best to help.


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## Spireite72 (Jun 3, 2018)

Hi @Loubylou321 welcome to the forum I was diagnosed type2 6 weeks ago today. Finding this forum was the best thing I did lots of knowledge and support. It was the most scary things I have gone through but it does get easier the more we learn. I really hope you and your daughter find the same help and support that I did.


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## Loubylou321 (Jun 3, 2018)

trophywench said:


> Hiya! - you will not feel overwhelmed for ever.  It is actually true - but I don't suppose you feel better knowing that.
> 
> It IS overwhelming to begin with - and no way Pedro are you anything other than perfectly normal - which hopefully will reassure you slightly.
> 
> ...


Oh Jenny! Thank you for that reply! Aren’t people wonderful?! I don’t know you, but you’ve made me feel 100% better!! You just think ‘crap, I need to know everything because I am Esme’s Mum and if I don’t know everything I will have failed her’. The responsibility is huge!!! Will get that book for sure.


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## Loubylou321 (Jun 3, 2018)

Th


Ljc said:


> Hi @Loubylou321. What a horrible shock for you. How is your daughter doing now.
> I have T2 so I’m afraid I’m not going to be of much help to you, others  who can, will be along later today, I’m rather a night owl in here .
> We have quite a few parents who’s children have T1.
> Feel free to ask all the questions you need to, people here will do their best to help.


Thank you Lin. My daughter is being remarkable. So proud of her. Long journey ahead though I think!


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## Loubylou321 (Jun 3, 2018)

Spireite72 said:


> Hi @Loubylou321 welcome to the forum I was diagnosed type2 6 weeks ago today. Finding this forum was the best thing I did lots of knowledge and support. It was the most scary things I have gone through but it does get easier the more we learn. I really hope you and your daughter find the same help and support that I did.


Thank you! Yes I think this forum is going to be incredibly helpful!


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## trophywench (Jun 3, 2018)

@Loubylou321 - (she was a rag doll in Andy Pandy when I was little LOL) - I forgot to say - No question is regarded as 'stupid' either on here or by trained diabetes medical professionals* - this forum exists for the purpose and the professionals only earn their living by advising people like you, your daughter and the members here hence if we stopped asking them questions, their jobs wouldn't exist.

Our quest is therefore - to keep them employed.

* However, there's no guarantee that some of the answers might not be!


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## Flower (Jun 3, 2018)

Hello and welcome @Loubylou321  I'm glad you found us but sorry you needed to!

I'm sorry to hear about your daughter's diagnosis. It is a huge shock for all concerned with no tine to get used to the new situation. Your daughter sounds like a star already getting used to things and she will be feeling so much better with an insulin supply re-established.The technology around today for managing diabetes well is great and ever improving with different blood glucose meters, pumps etc.

The book Trophywench mentions is a fantastic reference book for  living with Type 1 whatever your age and is thoroughly recommended. A book or app such as carbs and cals is also very useful for finding out carb values of foods. These pages from the Diabetes UK site offer a lot of information about school etc. https://www.diabetes.org.uk/guide-to-diabetes/your-child-and-diabetes

The diabetes team will be there to help you as much as possible and in time things will start to fall into place and become the new routine. None of us know everything about diabetes but we get to know how our own diabetes works and the best way of dealing with situations. You won't fail your little girl. Together with her and the help of her diabetes team and places like this you'll start to feel more relaxed about things and slowly but surely the overwhelming shock of diagnosis will start to recede.

I wish you all well and please let us know if there's any questions you have or if you just need a rant about the situation.


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## Lilian (Jun 3, 2018)

I guess there are going to have to be adjustments for both of you.    I hope your daughter is feeling more herself now.    It is bound to feel overwhelming at first.    Ask your GP if there is a DAPHNE course near you as you might find it helpful to attend.     Make use of every bit of support you can get.     Be wary of advice from people who have no real experience of diabetes.


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## Sally71 (Jun 3, 2018)

Yes it's tough at first - I thought I knew all about type 1 because my mum has it too, but when my daughter was diagnosed I discovered that I didn't know very much at all!  It's a very steep learning curve and you can't possibly remember everything at once, so take all the help you can get in the first few months.  If you have a good medical team they shouldn't mind you phoning them up regularly with all sorts of questions.  We don't mind here either, we've all been there!

It's a massive shock and you do have to go through a sort of grieving process, for your old life which is now gone.  I think my hubby got that out of the way fairly quickly, it took me at least a year before I could really let it out - but after that I felt a lot stronger and actually began to feel like I knew what I was doing without having to check everything with the nurse!  You'll get through it at your own pace, but yes it does get easier in the end.  We rarely need to see our nurse at all now, although it is useful to still touch base with her at the 3-month check ups just to make sure we are still on track.

You'll also always get days when you just hate it all and want to scream and shout about why us, can't we just have one day where we can sit down and eat without all the faff of blood testing, injecting/bolusing, carb counting etc etc - and of course that isn't an option any more so you get on with it because you have to, we all get fed up with it from time to time though, it's just so relentless.  You've got to be strong for your child too and try and hide your stresses and fears from them because they have their own - yes it's tough sometimes, it doesn't last forever though.

I've been asked by a counsellor whether I've accepted my daughter's condition.  "Acceptance" to me means that you are happy with something, or at least not unhappy with it.  Ummm, how am I ever supposed to accept the fact that my daughter's life depends entirely on those little bottles in my fridge?  However, 100 years ago her diagnosis would have meant certain death, so I'm eternally grateful that we live in a time and place where her condition can be managed and we can get everything we need to do so, and unless we do something extremely stupid there's no reason why she shouldn't live a long life and be able to do almost anything that anyone else can do, albeit with a little extra planning.  I am finally reaching a place now where my daughter's diabetes is not the first thing I think about all the time, and testing, bolusing, collecting up everything she needs every time we leave the house and remembering to order in new supplies in plenty of time is all starting to become automatic and just blend in with everything else we have to do every day.  The days when I get upset or angry about it are getting further and further apart.  So I guess I'm sort of accepting it now. My daughter has just turned 12 and is slowly learning to do more for herself too, I was dreading the transfer to secondary school, but she seems to be getting on great, and diabetes-wise the school so far seem to be handling it better than primary school did, so that's a great relief!

Oh dear I seem to have rambled on a bit, and I hope it doesn't sound too depressing, it's just my experience being a mum in the same situation but a bit further down the line than you are.  You are in a tough place at the moment but please just keep asking questions and don't be afraid to ask for help and you and your young one will get there, don't let it stop you from doing anything


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## everydayupsanddowns (Jun 3, 2018)

Welcome to the forum @Loubylou321, sorry to hear about your daughter’s diagnosis, but glad you found the forum so early. 

There are literally centuries of successful diabetes experience in the forum from people of all ages and types. 

Take one day at a time, and keep asking questions.


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## Loubylou321 (Jun 3, 2018)

trophywench said:


> @Loubylou321 - (she was a rag doll in Andy Pandy when I was little LOL) - I forgot to say - No question is regarded as 'stupid' either on here or by trained diabetes medical professionals* - this forum exists for the purpose and the professionals only earn their living by advising people like you, your daughter and the members here hence if we stopped asking them questions, their jobs wouldn't exist.
> 
> Our quest is therefore - to keep them employed.
> 
> * However, there's no guarantee that some of the answers might not be!


I remember loubylou too!!! 
Right I am going to write down my questions and be assertive enough to ask them!! Thank you Jenny.


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## Loubylou321 (Jun 3, 2018)

Flower said:


> Hello and welcome @Loubylou321  I'm glad you found us but sorry you needed to!
> 
> I'm sorry to hear about your daughter's diagnosis. It is a huge shock for all concerned with no tine to get used to the new situation. Your daughter sounds like a star already getting used to things and she will be feeling so much better with an insulin supply re-established.The technology around today for managing diabetes well is great and ever improving with different blood glucose meters, pumps etc.
> 
> ...


Thank you flower. A really reassuring reply. I have ordered the book. I’m the kind of person who will read everything in order to understand this better in order to best help my daughter. So specific recommendations are great because it looks like there’s a lot of stuff out there!


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## Loubylou321 (Jun 3, 2018)

T


Lilian said:


> I guess there are going to have to be adjustments for both of you.    I hope your daughter is feeling more herself now.    It is bound to feel overwhelming at first.    Ask your GP if there is a DAPHNE course near you as you might find it helpful to attend.     Make use of every bit of support you can get.     Be wary of advice from people who have no real experience of diabetes.


Thank you! I will check about courses.


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## Loubylou321 (Jun 3, 2018)

Sally71 said:


> Yes it's tough at first - I thought I knew all about type 1 because my mum has it too, but when my daughter was diagnosed I discovered that I didn't know very much at all!  It's a very steep learning curve and you can't possibly remember everything at once, so take all the help you can get in the first few months.  If you have a good medical team they shouldn't mind you phoning them up regularly with all sorts of questions.  We don't mind here either, we've all been there!
> 
> It's a massive shock and you do have to go through a sort of grieving process, for your old life which is now gone.  I think my hubby got that out of the way fairly quickly, it took me at least a year before I could really let it out - but after that I felt a lot stronger and actually began to feel like I knew what I was doing without having to check everything with the nurse!  You'll get through it at your own pace, but yes it does get easier in the end.  We rarely need to see our nurse at all now, although it is useful to still touch base with her at the 3-month check ups just to make sure we are still on track.
> 
> ...


Thank you for taking the time to reply. Especially at such length. I really appreciate it as you are in a similar boat. I know acceptance will be an important step in the future. For now I just need to survive each day.


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## Loubylou321 (Jun 3, 2018)

everydayupsanddowns said:


> Welcome to the forum @Loubylou321, sorry to hear about your daughter’s diagnosis, but glad you found the forum so early.
> 
> There are literally centuries of successful diabetes experience in the forum from people of all ages and types.
> 
> Take one day at a time, and keep asking questions.


Thank you. One day at a time is definitely a good bit of advice!


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## Matt Cycle (Jun 3, 2018)

Hi Lou and welcome to the forum.   Sorry to hear about your daughter's diagnosis.  It's very early days for you but it will definitely become easier in time.  Can't really sugarcoat it (probably wrong choice of word there  ) too much as getting T1 to put it bluntly is crap.  But and it's a massive but - your daughter can live a perfectly normal life with it and do anything she wants to do just by managing it.  There are lots of sportswomen and men, politicians, music stars etc all living with T1.  To me T1 is just something there and I manage it as part of my life but it's not the main focus of my life - that's my children and there's work etc - just normal everyday things.


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## Loubylou321 (Jun 3, 2018)

Matt Cycle said:


> Hi Lou and welcome to the forum.   Sorry to hear about your daughter's diagnosis.  It's very early days for you but it will definitely become easier in time.  Can't really sugarcoat it (probably wrong choice of word there  ) too much as getting T1 to put it bluntly is crap.  But and it's a massive but - your daughter can live a perfectly normal life with it and do anything she wants to do just by managing it.  There are lots of sportswomen and men, politicians, music stars etc all living with T1.  To me T1 is just something there and I manage it as part of my life but it's not the main focus of my life - that's my children and there's work etc - just normal everyday things.


Hi. I’m glad you’re not sugar coating. I think I know it’s crap already!! Can’t believe this is for life. But I look forward to it being our normal without it taking up every second of our lives!!!


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## trophywench (Jun 3, 2018)

LOL Louby - just look up the definition of the word 'chronic' - 

(of an illness) persisting for a long time or constantly recurring.

_‘chronic bronchitis’_
Often contrasted with acute

ie 'for life' in this case - cos despite telling every one of us 'in 10 years there will be a cure' - don't waste energy on looking forward to that day !

I don't believe they do that sort of formal version of 'classroom' carb counting training for children or their parents - bearing in mind we aren't even allowed to do those courses soon after diagnosis, children can't wait that long cos everything is changing so very quickly - so each clinic has to train the individual parents pdq in every case.  Carb ratios will be hugely less predictable for growing children than adults with at least their growth hormones ebbing and surging, let alone their puberty ones.


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## TheClockworkDodo (Jun 3, 2018)

Hello @Loubylou321 and welcome 

You've already been given lots of good advice, so the only thing I'll add is - ask the diabetes specialist nurse if you can have his or her email address, as sometimes it can be difficult to get through to someone at a hospital on the phone, and if you have a list of questions which you need answers for but you don't need them immediately, it's really useful to be able to email them!


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## Loubylou321 (Jun 4, 2018)

trophywench said:


> LOL Louby - just look up the definition of the word 'chronic' -
> 
> (of an illness) persisting for a long time or constantly recurring.
> 
> ...


Yes I did wonder how long it would be before we start doing the carb thing. We have an appointment at the hospital today. This all happened whist we were on holiday in Cornwall last week. So now we are home this is our first meeting with the local diabetic team. I’m hoping for loads more information!!! Knowledge is power!!!!


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## Ruby/London (Jun 4, 2018)

What a big shock for you both, Loubylou.

When my son was born he had heart complications, which they attributed to undiagnosed gestational diabetes.  We were both very  poorly for a while.  He had surgery at 4 weeks and a valve replacement last year - tough for a young man in his 20s.  Secretly, I was devastated for him but we rise to the challenge because we are mums and dads but that doesn't mean that we don't need support.  I certainly had dark moments thinking "why him" and I am sure he did, too but disappointment and being scared is part of the process and I don't beat myself up about it.  His condition has made me a bit over protective and I need to manage this.  He is a year post surgery, this month and doing really well.  He rails against the restrictions sometimes - no tattoos, no piercings, no physical training but overall he handles it.  In his group of friends, most of whom he has known from primary school, two have type 1 diabetics and one has sickle cell, all diagnosed in their early teens and they all pretty much just get on with it.  I think peer support is key in this and I think health professionals and schools are better at recognising this.

Being a parent is the hardest job in the world, especially at times like this.  You and your daughter will find your feet, I'm sure.  I hope all goes well for you, today.

(Big hugs)
Ruby x


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## everydayupsanddowns (Jun 4, 2018)

Just thought - if you’ve not come across it yet, you might find www.t1resources.uk a useful source of links to more information. All checked and reviewed both by healthcare professionals and people with diabetes. You can search for info for parents/ kids or by all sorts of other categories.


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## trophywench (Jun 4, 2018)

@Ruby/London - tell your son to watch out post op!

My brother in law's younger bro was born with a heart defect too, and eventually had it operated on and mended when he was almost 30.  By this time he'd been married for nearly 10 years, but though they'd tried all sorts of things, the family they both desperately wanted didn't happen.  So anyway - whilst he was recovering post-op - you'll never guess what happened !  Jade is now in her 20s …….

It clearly invigorates bits of young chaps they never imagined LOL


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## SB2015 (Jun 4, 2018)

Hi Loubylou 

Welcome to the forum.  YES it does get easier.  Sally summed it up very well, and the gaps between feeling very fed up with it all get longer.  Sometimes a totally unrelated incident causes an overflow in my ‘coping cup’, but in general we find a way of getting on with it, because that is no way the new normal.

I am glad you have ordered the book by Ragnar Hanas.  It is excellent and I still dip into it when an issue arises, and find it very clear and comprehensive.

Is your daughter stil in primary school and transferring next year?
You have already mentioned that she is coping very well, and she will gradually take on more and more responsibility.  It may be useful to arrange a meeting with the school(s) and in some cases your DSN will arrange to meet with them if that will help.

If you have any questions at all, feel free to ask (absolutely nothing is a stupid question). I have found that there are plenty of people on here with so much experience that I have always found the information that I have needed.

Keep in touch and let us know how you both get on.


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## stephknits (Jun 4, 2018)

just wanted to add my hellos.  I think we once did a thread about what was positive about having diabetes (not clutching at straws, honest ).  Things included were being in better health generally - both by taking better active care of diet etc and by having regular check ups.  Free perscriptions for life.. Umm - this wonderful forum - I have met some amazing people through having diabetes.   
Anyway, welcome, we are here, we have your back


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## Ruby/London (Jun 4, 2018)

trophywench said:


> @Ruby/London - tell your son to watch out post op!
> 
> My brother in law's younger bro was born with a heart defect too, and eventually had it operated on and mended when he was almost 30.  By this time he'd been married for nearly 10 years, but though they'd tried all sorts of things, the family they both desperately wanted didn't happen.  So anyway - whilst he was recovering post-op - you'll never guess what happened !  Jade is now in her 20s …….
> 
> It clearly invigorates bits of young chaps they never imagined LOL



I did post on another thread that I would love to be a granny


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## Lucy Honeychurch (Jun 4, 2018)

Hello and welcome 
Sorry to hear about your daughters diagnosis, just take one day at a time x


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## New-journey (Jun 5, 2018)

Loubylou321 said:


> Yes I did wonder how long it would be before we start doing the carb thing. We have an appointment at the hospital today. This all happened whist we were on holiday in Cornwall last week. So now we are home this is our first meeting with the local diabetic team. I’m hoping for loads more information!!! Knowledge is power!!!!


What a huge shock for you and sure it must be a emotional roller coaster  for you. I hope you had a good appointment yesterday and you are got the support you need. 
Sending loads of support. Jo


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## Grannylorraine (Jun 8, 2018)

Welcome to the forum.  Sorry to hear about your daughter's diagnosis.


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