# e-mails!



## bev (Mar 13, 2009)

Dear All 

My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this 
past year........ 

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one 
about rat shit in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet 
towel with every envelope that needs sealing. 

Also,I now have to scrub the top of every can I open 
for the same reason. 

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a 
sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 
1,387,258th time. 

I no longer have any money at all, but that will 
change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are 
sending me for participating in their special e-mail program ..... 

Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants 
to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of 
a customer who died intestate. 

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 
363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my 
every wish. 

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though 
I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. 

Thanks to you, 

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I 
forward e-mails to seven of my friends and make a wish within five 
minutes. 

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola 
because it can remove toilet stains. 

I no longer buy petrol without taking a friend along 
to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm 
filling up. 

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will 
drug me with a aftershave sample and rob me. 

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask 
me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to 
Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan. 

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown 
African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it 
bites my bum. 

And thanks to your great advice, 

I can't even pick up the ?5.00 I found dropped in the 
car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting 
underneath my car to grab my leg. 

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 
minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this 
afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you 
to grow a hairy hump. 

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next 
door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician. 

By the way....a South American scientist after a 
lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who have 
infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the 
mouse. 

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late! * 





Bev


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## Einstein (Mar 13, 2009)

Reminds me of the time I overheard two ladies talking at a clients a few years ago...

Once walked over to the others desk and asked how much it cost to send an email to India....

Yes, true, how times have changed in such a brief period of time.


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