# Murder at ASDA



## David H (Jun 14, 2011)

Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.



A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' 
Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was ?5,000.



The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. 



Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single ?1 coin that rested inside. 


Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the ?1 as down payment for the dirty deed.



A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Asda Supermarket store. 
There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. 



As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. 
Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.



However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. 



Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the store.
Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested. 



The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared...



*(You're going to hate me for this...)*
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'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for ?1.00 @ Asda*


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## Northerner (Jun 14, 2011)

Grooooooooaaaaaaaannnn!!!!!


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## AnnW (Jun 14, 2011)

Thanks !! You made me laugh at the end of a pretty miserable day! 
Thanks


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## Catwoman76 (Jun 15, 2011)

David H said:


> Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Oh David, that's terrible.  Yellow card, yellow card  Sheena


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## SusieGriff (Jun 15, 2011)

Hahahahaha.....  made me smile, although I think i'd heard it years ago! but still v. funny!!!


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## novorapidboi26 (Jun 15, 2011)

That hit the spot though.....................


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## Caroline (Jun 15, 2011)

David, there ASDA be another way and yes I deliberately daved this till last or almost last


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## Andy HB (Jun 15, 2011)

Caroline said:


> David, there ASDA be another way and yes I deliberately daved this till last or almost last



If I could still give yellow cards you'd be up for one as well as David.

Andy


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## Caroline (Jun 16, 2011)

Are the yellow cards custard flavour? ASDA has custard on special offer too...


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