# When did you tell?



## MrsCLH (Jan 19, 2011)

I expect this will be my first of many questions to come!

I was just wondering about when you all told your families you were pregnant. I always thought I would want to wait until the 12 week point, because its a high risk pregnancy. My sister already has a little boy (and she's 11 weeks pregnant now!) and she's always maintained I won't be able to keep it a secret because of how I'll feel and how much support I'll need. And now I'm here, I'm starting to think she might be right. Will I need support? Will I need to explain why I'm suddenly so strict with testing and with what I'm eating? What if my mother-in-law makes bread and butter pudding and I have to say no thank you which I never do haha!

And what about work? Is it safe if no one at work knows what's going on?

Just wondering what everyone else's experience is?


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## beckyp (Jan 19, 2011)

We were going to wait until after our first scan but my mother in law caught shingles when I was 6 weeks and as nobody could remember if I'd had chicken pox as a child we didn't want to risk seeing her!  Because we needed to explain to his family why we wouldn't be seeing them (by skype because I wouldn't let him see them either!) it meant that I wanted to tell my family so we only told really close family so early.  If they know it helps them understand what's going to be happening for the next 9 months.  It took a lot of 'training' with my husband's family and I'm still not sure they get it - we got a box of chocolates for Christmas and I was offered marshmallows to toast on the fire! 

I waited for the scan at 13 weeks before telling friends and anybody else - everyone else was sworn to secrecy.  

I found it REALLY hard to keep it a secret.  I only knew for a couple of weeks before having to tell family and it was really difficult not telling my Mum just for 2 weeks!  Seriously though, I wish I'd been able to wait until after the scan.  The first trimester is really stressful and with the added stress of knowing that other people know is quite hard...especially if you know someone that's told someone at 8 weeks and then miscarried.  Apologies...not a great way of thinking of things. 

As for the bread and butter pudding....eat it but give yourself some extra insulin to cover it!!!


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## rachelha (Jan 19, 2011)

I told a few close friends and family after my 6 week scan.  I also told my immediatevwork colleguescas I was having a lot of hypos and feeling rough.  They knew we were trying and had already worked it out.  

I actually told my boss about 3 days after finding out.  I had my annual review and she was suggesting I applied to have my job degraded and took on extra work, when I keptbsaying it was bad timing she guessed too.

My theory was I needed all the support I could get, and the people I told were people I would have gone to for suppot if the worst had happened, so why not tell them?


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## Catwoman76 (Jan 19, 2011)

MrsCLH said:


> I expect this will be my first of many questions to come!
> 
> I was just wondering about when you all told your families you were pregnant. I always thought I would want to wait until the 12 week point, because its a high risk pregnancy. My sister already has a little boy (and she's 11 weeks pregnant now!) and she's always maintained I won't be able to keep it a secret because of how I'll feel and how much support I'll need. And now I'm here, I'm starting to think she might be right. Will I need support? Will I need to explain why I'm suddenly so strict with testing and with what I'm eating? What if my mother-in-law makes bread and butter pudding and I have to say no thank you which I never do haha!
> 
> ...



Congratulations I didn't tell work until I was 12 weeks, because of my age and I had a miscarraige the year before.  I would have the Bread and butter pud , but maybe just a smaller piece Sheena


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## chrismbee (Jan 19, 2011)

Hi MrsCLH,
When my ex was expecting our first, we told parents only, after about 6 weeks.  Don't forget that it can be as exciting for them as it is for you.
We held off telling anybody else (friends, extended family etc.) until 3 months.  We also asked that those in the know honoured our wishes and kept it to themselves until we were ready to spread the word.
With regard to work, that is dependent on what your employer is like and what sort of relationship you have with them, as well as your intentions in respect of returning.  I suggest that it would be unfair to leave it beyond 6 months, so that they have adequate notice to arrange things like maternity pay, replacement cover (temporary or permanent).  Your employer should definitely adhere to employer/employee confidentiality.
Whatever I, or anybody else says, you must make a decision that suits you and your own circumstances.
Finally, congratulations and best wishes for a trouble free term


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## sugarfreerach (Jan 19, 2011)

i had to tell my boss straightaway as i use hoists and theres a lot of lifting in my job so she needed to know. i told my parents as they knew we were trying and asked.  I also told my best mate as she knew we were trying as well. Thats it i think, everyone else will be 12 weeks.


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## MrsCLH (Jan 19, 2011)

Thanks everyone! I think I'll tell parents after that first scan in 2 weeks and then everyone else after 3 months. I think I knew that's what I'd do really but just wondered what others had done / were doing.

Oh and thanks for the advice re the bread and butter pudding - that was the most important bit really


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## newbs (Jan 21, 2011)

MrsCLH said:


> Thanks everyone! I think I'll tell parents after that first scan in 2 weeks and then everyone else after 3 months. I think I knew that's what I'd do really but just wondered what others had done / were doing.
> 
> Oh and thanks for the advice re the bread and butter pudding - that was the most important bit really



In both my pregnancies I was obviously 'showing' at 10 weeks and already in maternity clothes so didn't have a choice but to tell early.  I told my parents straight away and my boss too as I needed to explain why I had so many appointments - and hypos! I work for a small company who are kind of family like anyway so would've been supportive if anything bad had happened.

Congratulations, try to enjoy every minute, it goes so fast.


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