# Funny diabetes stuff



## sofaraway (Jun 11, 2009)

Here are some funny diabetes things I have found

*Diabetes*

Dont you know diabetics are constantly having toes and fingers and noses and legs fall off for minor reasons such as walking around their own houses barefoot? To think they would want to freeze off warts in the privacy and comfort of their own home, like any other human being is just an outrage. In fact, while we are on the subject, lets not forget to mention that we should also avoid filing calluses, trimming toenails, waxing legs and wearing socks with seams. Dont even get me started on the subject of contact lenses...

Ohh yes, we are sick, SICK I tell you, and we should live in fear that the everyday thing we do may result in heinous consequences, loss of life or indeed, limb. So next time you pick up a kitchen knife to chop some salad, consider the possible consequences. You could cut yourself, a minor injury, which you may well not even feel (due to lack of sensation, neuropathy), let alone see (cos you are blind, retinopathy), which then becomes hideously infected due to the inherent poor healing of all diabetics. Dont you think it would be wiser to buy pre-shredded lettuce leaves and save yourself the possible suffering? In fact, I'm quite suprised kitchen utensils do not yet come with a warning about the possible dangers to people with diabetes.

* treating a low*
Treating a low looks so easy when its all written down neatly on paper.. 6 jelly beans, wait 15 minutes, re test.

But in reality its more like "omigawd, heart is pounding, wtf is happening? and why am I sweating like this? must be low.. ok, step one, test to confirm the low... But where is my handbag?" (low gremlin opens test strip cannister, spills strips far and wide)... "holy sherbet. Ok, apply blood to strip -wobble wobble, shake, why cant I coordinate my finger and my test strip?" 5, 4,3 ,2 , 1 beep-2.9 -shit. (low gremlin scrambles through bag looking for convenient 6 jelly beans... finds entire bag of generic brand jelly beans.) "Ok, right, 6 jelly beans.. munch munch, wait 5 seconds, nope, still feeling crap. Maybe a couple more just to be sure.. (munch, munch) Hmm, ok, well I guess this is as good a reason for a snack as any... (low gremlin totters to fridge/pantry/both and makes then consumes several high carb snacks).. Ok, better test to see if I am better yet, cos I sure as fark dont feel better.. (5,4,3,2,1- beep- 16.4) Crap. And who ate all the jelly beans?"

I think I need some kind of lock on my fridge that requires higher brain power to open than I can summon during a low. That'd fix the problem.

*
Food Nazis.*

For those of you who don't know what a Food Nazi is, let me have the dubious pleasure of explaining.
A Food Nazi is a person, be they family member, spouse, friend, workmate, stranger or casual aquaintance, who feels that they have the right to tell you what you can and can't eat, simply because you are Diabetic. These people must be dealt with, and dealt with firmly to stop the spread of Food Nazi-ism further throughout our planet.

Here is a guide to doing so.

At some stage during your diabetic life, you will, if you have not already, experience a Food Nazi. In fact, you will probably experience many episodes of Food Nazi attacks. These attacks can come from the most unlikely sources. Your grandma. Your sister. Your spouse. Even your seven year old son. You will be minding your own business, about to tuck into a nice big, rich, moist piece of chocolate cake, complete with frosting, and you will hear those dreaded words "Should you be eating that???".

Of course, you could meekly shake your head, place the cake on the plate and look at it folornly while the non-diabetic Food Nazi enjoys it in front of you... or you could deal with the problem using one of the following techniques...

1. Look for a label saying "Do Not Consume In Front Of Morons or Busy-bodies"... make sure you are vocal about exactly WHAT you are looking for while you do this... then declare that no such label exists, so you are fine to eat the cake in front of said Food Nazi.

2. Say "no, I shouldn't"... then shove the whole piece of cake into your mouth at once, being sure to spray crumbs all over the offending FN.

3. For the larger Food Nazi, simply look them up and down, scoff, and ask "Should You??". This is likely to get you a response of shock and disgust, that you would DARE say such a thing.

4. Tell the FN "yes... ever since they discovered this little miracle called insulin I can eat what I darn well like"... and eat away...

5. Resort to violence. This should only be used in extreme cases, where other actions and interventions have simply fallen to the wayside. Oh, and you should never punch your granny.

6."well check on me in a hour to see if i'm still alive" then smile and eat away

There are other ways to deal with Food Nazis, of course, but these are the ones I find most fun...

Enjoy life as a D, and don't let Food Nazi's stand in the way of that nice big cake... I won't.

 (from diabetesforums.com and by members diana and 2high)


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## insulinaddict09 (Jun 11, 2009)

Haha ha thanks for that nikki that is so true and very funny x


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## MCH (Jun 12, 2009)

Brilliant!


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## Steff (Jun 12, 2009)

yes thanks nikki like addict says ohh so very true lol x


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## mikep1979 (Jun 12, 2009)

lol i got a good laugh off this hehehehehehe


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## jkb (Jul 9, 2009)

Very good! But my favourite is "Why do you have hypos?" Someone care to develop some appropriate responses to that cr*p??


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## Sucr`e (Jul 19, 2009)

*Lowpos*



jkb said:


> Very good! But my favourite is "Why do you have hypos?" Someone care to develop some appropriate responses to that cr*p??



Because you dont like lowpos.


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## Gasman1975 (Jul 19, 2009)

Very good lol I especially like the treating a low. My o/h refers to it as hamstering as I seem to shovel food in


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## sasha1 (Jul 19, 2009)

Superb......lol

Heidi


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