# My dad isn't well



## Flutterby (Oct 11, 2013)

I don't know what's been going on with my dad as my mum hasn't had chance to tell us all of it but I know she's been worried about him not drinking much as he doesn't want to "leak" during the night and she thinks hes been unsteady on his feet which is true - I've noticed - and he's quite shakey - but then so would I be if I lived with my mum 

Anyway, she's finally got him to the docs and last week they did bloods and saw him again today for results and an examination.

His prostate is enlarged, his kidney function isn't great and he is anaemic - all of those things might be age related and the doc isn't too concerned by any of them in isolation but the doc has now found a lump in his abdomen which of course may be worrying.  Dad has to have a barium enema which he is dreading and then of course we find out what it is.

In the meantime, subject to when the hospital get in touch, he has to go and see the doc for a chat next Tuesday and has been told to take mum with him.  I can't help but be concerned but don't want to say about it on facebook as it doesn't feel right.  So I'm sharing it with you my good friends.  thanks for listening, I am ok at the moment but a bit fearful as to what the future may hold.


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## Northerner (Oct 11, 2013)

Karen, I hope that things work out OK for your dad and that he is able to get some good treatment.


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## Cat1964 (Oct 11, 2013)

((((((Hugs))))))Flutterby, I hope things go okay for your dad x


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## Cleo (Oct 11, 2013)

Sorry to hear about your dad Flutterby - I know it's easy for me to say, but TRY not to worry about the "what if scenarios" until you have a clear picture of whats going on.  It sounds like your dad has a strong support network from you and your mum - don't estimate the power of that !!! 
Sending you lots of hugs and positive vibes xxx


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## Casper (Oct 11, 2013)

Best wishes for your dad, and for you. (((hugs)))


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## Flutterby (Oct 11, 2013)

thank you all.  I am coping ok right now, I think, because I have important plans this weekend which is distracting me anyway.  It's a good thing as I have to concentrate on what I'm doing and that stops me dwelling.  I have decided that if possible I'm going to go and sit in the docs with them on Tues - not go in with them - but be there for when they come out, in case they need me.  I was strong today when my sister wanted me to go with her to visit (we are all very local) I told her no, I can be around when she's at work - so I'd save my energy for that.


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## Redkite (Oct 11, 2013)

Sorry to hear this   The waiting for results is such a tense time, I'm sure your Dad and Mum will appreciate you being there.  I do hope it turns out to be less serious than you fear.  {{{{hugs}}}}


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## KateR (Oct 11, 2013)

Thinking of you all. (((hugs)))


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## Pumper_Sue (Oct 12, 2013)

Sorry to hear about your Dad and worries Karen. You and your family have my best wishes and thoughts winging their way to you.
((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))


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## AJLang (Oct 12, 2013)

Karen I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I hope that everything turns out well.  You know where I am if you need me.  Big hugs xxx


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## Flutterby (Oct 12, 2013)

Once again , thank you all.  I will let you know when we have any more info.  xx


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## Caroline (Oct 15, 2013)

I hope your dad is OK and things are being treated.


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## Flutterby (Oct 15, 2013)

Update on my Dad. I had been told by dad that he thought he was just having a blood test today but decided to go down to the docs anyway just in case. It's a good thing I did because he and mum were actually seeing the doctor but didn't really know why. It seems that the doctor is breaking things to them a bit at a time and today the news is that last weeks tests showed that he has kidney disease. I do not know any more than that really but his levels seemed very low to what they should be and the doctor wants him to see a specialist asap, he rang the hospital whilst mum and dad were there. He is now on loads of meds - statin, ace inhibitor and iron tablets and has to see the doc again Friday. This is difficult to handle, and all so sudden. I came home and couldn't remember any of my online passwords which is a clear indication that I am struggling. Dad is frightened, mum is angry that he's left it so long before going, angry and hurt that it took the neighbours advice before he went, sentimental - nearly had me in tears with stuff she got out to show me and she fears for the future. I stayed with them till mid afternoon then walked round town as I didn't want to come home to an empty house, still burst into tears when I did get home to an empty house! Paul will be here soon and will be as supportive as he can be. Thank you lovely friends for your care and support.xxx


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## Casper (Oct 15, 2013)

Ooof, so many conflicting emotions, I have been in a similar position with my Dad, albeit I think the doc should have referred him far earlier than he actually did.  Have been in with them to see specialist, very glad I did as I now exactly whats up. Only can suggest to keep supporting them, and don't forget about yourself. (((((hugs)))


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## Flutterby (Oct 15, 2013)

Thank you Casper.  I sympathise over your Dad, how is he?  I want to go in with them to see specialist as they are struggling to recall all the facts.  I will take a notebook or ask the doc to write it down for me but they don't think of doing it or don't want to do it.  Big worry today as no Patient info leaflet in one lot of tablets, I just ring the pharmacy and sort it - one is delivered to their door - but they wouldn't want to be a bother.  Ah well, one day at a time.  thank you again especially for the hugs.x


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## Redkite (Oct 16, 2013)

Sorry to hear this, but at least now he is getting treatment.  Hopefully the specialist can give you more information.  Must be so stressful for you all.  {{{hugs}}}


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## AJLang (Oct 16, 2013)

Karen I'm so sorry to hear this. Big hugs to all of you xxx


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## Caroline (Oct 16, 2013)

in general men are not good at seeking help. When my dad was in hospital last year loads of stuff came out that my mum new nothing about. I am still not sure what she is most upset about.


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## Flutterby (Oct 16, 2013)

Thank you all.xxx


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## Flutterby (Oct 18, 2013)

My mum and dad saw the same GP today and he was in a much more positive mood! Said that the kidney disease is due to age and now that he's on the meds he could live 20 years - that would make him 96 so pretty good!  I don't know - i don't think we will really know until the specialist sees him and of course there is still the lump to be investigated.  At least mum and dad felt more cheerful today though so that's nice.  I'm glad it's the weekend and so no appts to go to, am tired out, have been to the docs/hospital practically every day this week either for myself or with mum and dad.  Cardmaking tomorrow for me - will let you know when there is any more news.


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## Twitchy (Oct 18, 2013)

((((hugs)))) Sorry, I'm rubbish with words, but I'm thinking of you, your mum & dad. Xxxxxx


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## Northerner (Oct 18, 2013)

Good to hear some positive news Karen, hope you can have a relaxing weekend


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## trophywench (Oct 19, 2013)

Oh Karen, I am sorry to read this thread, which I've only just seen.

Without being 'funny' we all know from quite an early age that we'll outlive our parents, it's a fact of life.  But when summat serious DOES happen, that could end up in THAT - it's so so hard to get your head round it. 

FWIW my husband quite recently discovered he has raised PSA and an enlarged prostate, but he's had a needle biopsy and nothing found.  Has to have a repeat test 'in 6 months'.Of course there are caveats like well there could be a baddy there and our needles didn't hit that spot etc.  But there's also the assurances that a) prostates continue to grow, never stop - so logically the older you become, the bigger it will get and b) a lot of men they do autopsies on (or post mortems, whatever) on, are found to have prostate cancer that nobody knew about, didn't affect them in any way and most certainly would never have killed them.  Doc must have a pretty good idea, I should think, of where the lump is, for it to be a barium enema, if they weren't sure I would have thought they would scan his abdomen?

And if there is something that needs to go, and it is in his bowel, maybe it can be done via a colonoscopy, rather than major surgery?  The enema bit only takes about 15 minutes to actually do it all, including all the X-rays, I believe.


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## AJLang (Oct 19, 2013)

Hi Karen I'm glad that the GP is more positive bit it must still be a very worrying and tiring time for you.  I'm thinking of all of you.  Take care and big hugs xxx


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## Flutterby (Oct 19, 2013)

Thank you, yes it's still worrying but it was so nice to see mum and dad pick up a bit, shows what a strain they've been under too.

TrophyWench - I know, you hope for the best, worry about the unknown, convince yourself it will be ok - and are still none the wiser.  Hope all goes well for your hubby.

Going back to my cardmaking now, had a little walk down to the craft shop so got some new ink to play with..........keeps my mind occupied. xx


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## Flutterby (Oct 19, 2013)

Thank you Twitchy for the hugs.x


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## trophywench (Oct 19, 2013)

Pictures Karen juggling with bottles of ink ......


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## Flutterby (Oct 19, 2013)

Lol, I got down to the docs the other day only to find my fingers stained with red ink - I could imagine the question "You do change your lancet each time you test don't you?" and the answer "er no, only on St Swithuns day!"


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## Flutterby (Oct 21, 2013)

Dad had a phone call today and he will be having the barium enema next Wednesday morning.  They are sending him more info in the post as he has to keep to a special diet for 3 days beforehand.


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## AJLang (Oct 21, 2013)

Karen it's good that they're doing the tests and I so hope that they either don't find anything or something that is easily treatable. Big hugs xxx


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## Flutterby (Oct 30, 2013)

Well Dad's had the test done this morning.  I went back home with them (their neighbour picked us all up from the hospital and also brought me home later - bless) and Dad seemed ok apart from being full of wind as they'd pumped him full of air to get better pictures - such a yucky procedure (barium enema).  He said they looked after him really well so it went as well as it could.

Yesterday was very trying for them as he couldn't eat much at all after 1.30pm and the laxatives took ages to work meaning that it was the early hours of this morning before they got to bed.  All we know so far is that he has a lot of colon!  The girl said she had to use two lots of the barium instead of one!  I asked about results and she said next week sometime, but mum and dad reckon they are going to wait for their next routine appt in 3 weeks..........we will see.  At least we are one step nearer getting answers but it's hard all the waiting.


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## Dizzydi (Oct 30, 2013)

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for your dad  and keeping you in my thoughts x


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## AJLang (Oct 30, 2013)

Big hugs Karen xxx


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## AlisonM (Oct 30, 2013)

Fingers crossed.


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## Flutterby (Oct 31, 2013)

Thank you all.  Dad's had a call from the doc today to say he wants to see him tomorrow morning.  He says it's nothing sinister but we will wait and see............


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## AlisonM (Oct 31, 2013)

Flutterby said:


> Thank you all.  Dad's had a call from the doc today to say he wants to see him tomorrow morning.  He says it's nothing sinister but we will wait and see............



I don't think it could be that awful then, surely or he wouldn't have said that? Hopefully it will be something relatively easy to treat.


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## Flutterby (Oct 31, 2013)

I know Alison, we keep thinking that and then we get all doubtful and worried!  I will let you know when we find out.x


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## Flutterby (Nov 1, 2013)

Right - here's the update.  After an agonising half an hour wait mum and dad went in and were told that the test showed a mass of some sort.  It could be polyps, scar tissue or cancer.  Dad now awaits an urgent (within 2 weeks) colonoscopy to determine what we are dealing with.  I don't think I have ever been so afraid as the time in the waiting room this morning.  They were in there 20 minutes so 50 minutes of stomach churning helplessness and fear.  My poor stomach is not friends with me anymore and I was shaking like a leaf.  It sounds over dramatic but I was simply terrified and of course it hasn't been alleviated yet but I am calmer and watching my blood sugars which are strangely complacent at the moment!  At least that's something.

All we can do is wait and pray and occupy our minds.........I think I shall be making lots of cards!  Some of the time I want to just be on my own.  I had a docs appt yesterday morning for myself and her verdict was that I "am struggling"  - I just felt I couldn't be bothered talking or listening to anyone and went to our local Wetherspoons (where I'm well known!) and had several cups of tea.  Somehow it helped just listening in on other conversations, chatting with the bar staff and laughing at their costumes for Halloween.  It's odd how we react isn't it?  Please send donations for me to spend at the pub in my hour of need!  I am trying to maintain my humour - somehow it still bubbles beneath the surface.  And they say laughter is the best medicine.xx


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## Northerner (Nov 1, 2013)

I'm hoping for the best possible outcome Karen, you're not being over dramatic at all it must be a very difficult time for all of you {{{{Hugs}}}}

Sending you a virtual fiver to spend at table 51


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## Flutterby (Nov 1, 2013)

Aww you're a good-un Northy!!  I will stash that fiver away for the next time I hide out at Pennies/table 51.  and thank you for the hugs.xxx


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## spiritfree (Nov 1, 2013)

Karen, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family for a good result from your dad's test. Here is another virtual ?5 to spend in wetherspoons. Sending you lots of hugs [[[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]] Carolyn. xxx


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## trophywench (Nov 2, 2013)

Oh Lor' Karen - more jollop for your poor dad to take!  That WAS the worst bit.

The good thing about a colonoscopy, esp when they know there is summat and about where it is, they'll whip some or all of it out while they are in there.  And the sooner they do that, the sooner you will all know exactly what's what.

Virtual {{{Hugs}}} not only for you but for your mum, and especially your dad too.


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## Pumper_Sue (Nov 2, 2013)

Sending my best wishes to you and your parents Karen. Fingers crossed all will be well for your dad.


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## Flutterby (Nov 3, 2013)

Thank you all, lets see what this week brings.  Poor Dad, horrid tests but yes they will take a biopsy, even better if they could whip it all out.........

I've had a nice day today, was a bit of a lost soul as my sis and her b/f couldn't make "table 51" today but then my friend wanted to come to church with me and afterwards we went and collected her mum and her daughter and all went to "Pennies" together.  Sarah's daughter is 12 but somehow entertaining in small doses haha.  It took my mind off things a bit anyway.  I will keep you all up to date.xx


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## AJLang (Nov 3, 2013)

Hi Karen I'm really pleased that you had a nice day today, you really deserve it xxx


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## Flutterby (Nov 5, 2013)

Thanks Amanda, I'm so tired and feel really wound up.  Dad had a phone call today and has to go and see someone at the hospital tomorrow to discuss the test and "if the consultant feels it's appropriate" the test will be done next week.  I thought it had already been decided, flippin heck!!  my sister will go with them as Paul and I have the dentist tomorrow!


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## spiritfree (Nov 5, 2013)

I hope all goes well tomorrow. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.


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## Flutterby (Nov 6, 2013)

Well more prodding and poking for Dad and the verdict is that they will do a CT scan as well as she doesn't think the colonoscopy will show what the problem actually is.  This doesn't make sense to me and I wish I'd been there to ask the question because surely the only way they will know definitely what the mass is, is by taking a biopsy?  I've looked on the Cancer Research site and it kind of confirms that whilst CT is useful a tissue sample is the only real way of knowing.  The GP said they'd be taking a biopsy, but now I don't know.  They say there is definitely a small polyp which they will investigate with the colonoscopy.  

Paul and I got the all clear at the dentist so that's one thing off my mind.  We then did the charity shops and went and had lunch in "Pennies" so we've had a day off from appointments other than our own!  Will try and rest this evening.  Thanks everyone.


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## Casper (Nov 6, 2013)

Hi, first of all best health and wishes to your dad and you - get as much info as possible, you will feel better if youhave facts. As I've mentioned,  Dad has bladder cancer,
Mum has alzheimers, its a stress and a struggle, I live 2 mins from them, and take them to various appointments. Dad has had lots of 'invasive' procedures, I have had to explain it all to Mum several tjmes, (((hugs)))


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## Flutterby (Nov 7, 2013)

Thank you Casper.  Having to explain the same things over and over is very draining especially when it is a subject that is hard in any case.  One explanation is more than enough.  I feel for you in your situation.  Thank you for the hugs, please accept one in return.  My Dad is having his CT scan on Monday so at least it's happening quickly.


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## Flutterby (Nov 15, 2013)

Finally I have an update for you.  It's been a real roller coaster since I last  posted but I will cut to the recent news to avoid stressing us all out!

Dad had a colonoscopy today and they actually told him what they have found.  The "mass" is in fact his bladder which is enlarged to the extent that they really thought it was something that shouldn't be there.  Bearing in mind that he's also been told he has kidney disease and enlarged prostate - all these things may be linked.  He is seeing the urologist on Monday so we have to wait and hear what he has to say.

During the roller coaster ride, Dad got totally p**d off and cancelled his appt with the kidney consultant!!  I could understand why because he already had 2 appts in the same week BUT he actually cancelled the whole referral not just the appt!  I'm cross with him but he is seeing his GP on Thursday and both my sister and I have impressed on him AND my mum that he MUST get the doc to re-refer him.  Honestly, parents!!

I'm cautiously optimistic, it's weird because we sort of feel we should be throwing a party that it isn't a tumour but somehow we are only part way through the journey so I won't send out the invites yet.  Thanks again to you all, will keep you updated.xx


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## AlisonM (Nov 15, 2013)

Have they done a PSA test to rule out prostate cancer? A friend's dad had similar troubles about three years ago and is doing well now after surgery.


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## Northerner (Nov 15, 2013)

Thanks for the update Karen. I'm sorry he is feeling so over-medicalised, it is difficult to cope with at times, especially with all the uncertainty. I hope he can get re-referred quickly and that you can all see some light at the end of the tunnel soon


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