# can anyone help me?



## lealea (Nov 21, 2008)

Hello people, i was just wondering if any one can give me some advice. my boyfriend has diabetes, but recently has been having hypos at least once a week. He always have hupos at the same time of day, early hours or between 8 and 11pm. He wont go to the doctors because they do not support him. he had a sore on his hand which his doctor told him to put a plaster on it. one month later he had to have an emergency op on it! I am worried that he is not managing. Dose any one know of an alternative to visiting a not so helpful gp? He wont attend any clinics to do with diaetes, i think he is either in deial or some how mourning if that possible. He has a balanced diet too. ahhhhhh!

could someone please give me some advice?


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## Daisy (Nov 21, 2008)

*We are here!*

That's horrible news - is he a Type 1 Lealea? I tend to think of Doctors of technicians - and at the end of the day we are all responsible for our own health and well being. I take full responsiblity for my good results and the bad! It sounds as though your boyfriend is slightly over doing his insulin dose in the evening (if he is on insulin?) I suggest he reduce this slightly or increase his carbs slightly - or that he has a small snack, such as a cereal bar before he goes to bed. Tell him to come and have a look at this site!! He will find it is not such a bad thing after all - I have had an amazing life - I have done fun runs, white water rafting, jumped out of planes and travelled independently for a year with type 1! And he certainly is not on his own. By dealing with it he can have a great life with one or two small adjustments!


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## Lizzie (Nov 21, 2008)

Hi lealea

It must be hard being a parent or relative of a diabetic. I know I am very obstinate and if someone tells me to do something I am likely to do the opposite. You need to be careful with this since even though you care about your boyfriend and mean well, he may perceive your good intentions as nagging. One thing is if blood sugars are uncontrolled, we are likely to be more irritable and feel lousy so can easily take things the wrong way. At the end of the day, even though you care and want your boyfriend to look after himself, I think we need to be ready to deal with our diabetes and in the end the choice is his about what to do. That does not mean you can't do your best but if he is not ready he might not take heed of your advice. It took me 15 years to even start dealing with my diabetes.

Most GPs are rubbish. I try and avoid mine as much as I can. The nurses, dietitians and doctors at the hospital are diabetes specialists unlike the GP. Your boyfriend could go on a course such as DAFNE which is for anyone even if they have been diabetic for years. He could go online as you have and ask for help here or in some other forums like dlife, dailystrength or a yahoo group. I would strongly reccommend DAFNE, it teaches you that you that you are not alone, and you get to meet other diabetics which is so important and so overlooked by doctors. 

I think the problem for me was to do with blaming myself for my uncontrolled sugars, and being so scared of highs and complications that I could not even confront it. If a doctor sees a high HBA1C or high results their immediate reaction is to blame you, so you end up blaming yourself as well. If your sugars are high, you stop taking them and feel worse and worse physically and mentally. It starts a downward spiral and it is sad that doctors cannot see the harm they do by blaming us and using terror tactics about amputation and blindness. I am now trying to think of them as just numbers, which need to be acted on but not invested with emotion.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck and keep us updated, and feel free to ask for support.


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## aymes (Nov 22, 2008)

lealea said:


> Hello people, i was just wondering if any one can give me some advice. my boyfriend has diabetes, but recently has been having hypos at least once a week. He always have hupos at the same time of day, early hours or between 8 and 11pm. He wont go to the doctors because they do not support him. he had a sore on his hand which his doctor told him to put a plaster on it. one month later he had to have an emergency op on it! I am worried that he is not managing. Dose any one know of an alternative to visiting a not so helpful gp? He wont attend any clinics to do with diaetes, i think he is either in deial or some how mourning if that possible. He has a balanced diet too. ahhhhhh!
> 
> could someone please give me some advice?



It does sound like he may need to adjust his background insulin if that's when he's going low in the early hours. It may be that solves the evening problem too, if not he may need to change his evening ratio.

I was in denial about being diabetic for a good few years after being diagnosed, age 21, and I avoided going to see the doctors because it somehow made it more real. I convinced myself that I couldn't get good control so though there was no point bothering trying. My turning point was getting my worst hba1c result and having a list of scare tactics read out by the consultant, it wasn't so much the scare tactics that worked but my being obstinate and determined to prove him wrong!
I know you said he's reluctant to go but there really is a lot of support available at the diabetes clinics so he really should exploit it, ask to see the nurses, dietician etc and get all the support he can, gps are not always that sympathetic which is why contact with the specialists is so important. Another thing I found useful was setting myself a challenge, in my case a 10k race, which meant I had to start listening to doctors advice to get through!


Of course he needs to decide for himself how he wants to control this thing but he's very lucky to have your support so I'm sure he'll get there. Joining a site like this could be useful for him to speak to other diabetics or feel free to message me if I can be if help.


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## Alistair (Nov 24, 2008)

TRy changing GP's. I'm not sure how easy it is to do but all the press tells us about choice in ht eNHS so that's where i would start. The relationship with his GP is going to be a long on so being  comfortable is important. Perhaps just another one in  he same practice would work?


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## Diabolical (Nov 24, 2008)

I quite agree, GP's are not the most informed when it comes to diabetes, especially type 1.  They don't see many, it's mostly type 2's.  If your BF has unhealing soars it sounds like his diabetes is way out of control.  Is he testing before each meal and bedtime?  He needs to get a picture of his diabetes before he can adjust doses.  A well controlled diabetic can expect 2 -3 hypos per week, absence of these would indicate a problem.  Find a local diabetes support nurse (attached to the hospital diabetic clinic), mine is also type 1 diabetic, so she knows exactly where I'm coming from.  diabetic clinics are awful - full of fat old type 2's in the waiting room.  Get to see the consultant and have everything written down (test results, questions)- once I've got through the depressing waiting room seeing the consultant is very informative and motivating.  There's no escaping diabetes i'm afraid and you're in a dodgy position too as if you nag you're in danger of turning into the diabetes police - good luck


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## lealea (Feb 14, 2009)

Thank you so much for your advice, Its been really helpful. my boyfriend is still reluctant to attend the gps but he has changed doctors which is for the better. Yes you are right to presume he is type 1. I mentioned as a passing comment about maybe overdoing the insulin and he seems to have caught on to that and is having alot less hypos now. His levels still fluctuate between low and in the 16s and can swing within an hour from one to the other but atleast he is becoming more proactive with his diabetes. 

thank you everyone.


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## vince13 (Feb 14, 2009)

Hello Lealea,  I'm only recently diagnosed Type 1 so I am not as expert as the other answers you have received on here, but I'm learning so much from this Forum and you seem to have made a good start.

It's great that you want to help your BF but, as has been said on here, we diabetics do get irritable when we think someone is trying to tell us how to run our lives even if deep down we know they are right !  A good team of medics who he can trust is a must and he's already made the effort, on your suggestion I'm sure, to change Drs so that's a start.

Good luck - it must be hard watching someone you care for and feeling unable to help but keep in touch with this site - they are a great lot on here and you (and he if he wanted to join in) would learn a lot from people who have the same problem and are fighting the same demons.

Good luck and thank you for being so caring.


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## mikep1979 (Mar 3, 2009)

Hi lealea,

it is a good idea to try and get your boyfriend to sit down and talk to you about what is stopping him attending these diabetic clinics. i know when i got diagnosed i went through a stage where i was great with managing my diabetes, but all to soon after i went through a very self destructive phase. it could be that he is mourning his past life. it could be he is resenting the fact he now has to inject. there are lots of different things it could be. i would probably suggest sitting down with him and just trying to talk about it, if he doesnt want to just let him know you care and are there for him. it is the best thing anyone can do for you. knowing you have someone close who is trying to support you is key. also dont try and be judgmental with him.

mike


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## Caroline (Mar 3, 2009)

Alistair said:


> TRy changing GP's. I'm not sure how easy it is to do but all the press tells us about choice in ht eNHS so that's where i would start. The relationship with his GP is going to be a long on so being  comfortable is important. Perhaps just another one in  he same practice would work?



If anyone can change their GP good luck, but in our area it is not that easy. Look on the NHS website and start by asking advice abaout changing there. My GP is not brilliant, but he is also not the worst and in weighing up the pros and cons, he is within walking distance of my home. All the others I'd need to get a bus for and many GPs now have a catchment area.


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## grahams mum (Mar 4, 2009)

did you never try to see if there is any diabete uk group in your area maybe is a good idea to have an informal chat with other  diabetic like on this forum but in person it will have more effect


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